Holy Shit!

"Uuuuunnnnngh!!!"

What was she doing in there? I thought she went to take a crap, but it sounded like she was either having an orgasm or delivering a baby.

"Holy shit!"

"Are you alright in there?"

"Come here, you've got to see this!"

"What," I said, walking into the bathroom.

"Look," she said, pointing into the toilet while wiping her cute little ass, "Isn't that the biggest piece of shit you've ever seen?"

I thought of saying, "You mean besides your mother?", but instead I said, "You must be so proud."

"It's longer than your dick, and at least as big around."

"Your point being..."

"It felt really good coming out, and I figure if I could handle that, I bet your cock would fit up there and really feel good sliding in and out!"

Interesting she should mention buttfucking, because it had been on my mind. A week or so earlier I had burnt my butthole with some Mexican food, and when I couldn't locate the ointment, I found a little tube of nipple cream from when she was nursing. I put a little on my finger and wiped it across the affected area. To my surprise, my finger slid right up my butt! I thought, this is the slipperiest stuff I've ever run across, and I know just what to do with it! And now I had the opportunity.

"You get some towels, and I'll get the baby oil," I said. I love to slather baby oil on her buns and slide around in her buttcrack. I often do that, and sometimes I poke around her anus a little. She loves it when I lick or finger her asshole, but I'd never had much success getting my cock in. I'd always wanted to ram it all the way up her ass.

Stripping as I went, I brought the baby oil and nipple cream into the bedroom. She was laying face down on the bed, naked, with a towel under her crotch and one leg drawn up, making her ass poke up in the air and her buns spread slightly. I drizzled a generous amount of oil into her buttcrack, like a chef preparing a tasty Greek dish. I rubbed it in, squeezing her buns as she moaned with delight. I slid the heel of my hand up and down her crack, spreading the oil from her clit at one end of her slit, down into her pussy-hole, then across her anus to the other end of her buttcrack. I squeezed her buns, spreading them with my thumbs, and began to probe her rear-most orifice with my tongue.

"Ohhhhh..."

After a few minutes, my thumb found easy entry to a very wet pussy. I explored the inner reaches of her twat, rubbing my thumb against her cervix while using my other fingers on her clit. As I continued my oral ministrations, I probed her cunt, searching for her G-spot. After a while, I realized she wasn't going to last long if I spent any more time on her G-spot, and besides, at this point I was more interested in her A-spot. So I quickly oiled up my erection and started sliding around in her buttcrack. Adding to the excitement was the fact that from this position I could reach around and play with her tits. And she has very nice tits. When she was nursing, she was up to 48DDD, but at this point she was "only" 46DD. But the best thing about her boobs is the way her nipples stand up. They are always prominent, but when she gets excited, they swell up and get kind of crinkly. I love to suck them, but that would have to wait for now. I squeezed and fondled and pulled and pinched and twisted her nipples while sliding around in her slippery crack. Every time my cock pushed against her anus, she let out a "Ohhhh..."

Finally it was time to try out the nipple cream. I put a glob on my finger and rubbed it across her asshole. Sure enough, my finger slid right in. She was very close to cumming, so I had to be very careful. I tried various things, at one point I rubbed her clit between my thumb and index finger while my middle and ring fingers were in her cunt and my little finger reamed out her butthole.

"I need to be as hard as possible for this," I said, rolling her over. I was plenty hard, I just wanted her to suck me. I put my dick in her mouth as I toyed with her breasts. Her boobs are big enough (and my cock is long enough) that I can suck her nipples while she sucks my prick. Her nipples were stiff and crinkly in my mouth. They sort of looked like Mt. McKinley. I looked down at my cock sliding in and out, and I noticed some brown flecks collecting at the corners of her mouth. Maybe she should have sucked me before I slid around in her butt. I guess that's what you'd call a Fucking Piece Of Shit. She's the mother of my children, so perhaps that's a Mother Fucking Piece Of Shit.

I kissed my way down to her crotch, rubbing my nose in her pubic hair. As she detected I was getting close, her sucking gave way to gentler kisses, nibbles and licks, first of the head, then the shaft, and then my balls. She took my balls in her mouth as I moved lower, dipping my tongue into her moist cunt. I reached back and pressed her breasts around my slippery peter, sliding it up and down between her mounds. Her clitoris was extremely sensitive, so I worked my tongue lower, poking it as far as I could into her vagina. My balls popped out of her mouth as she moaned, then she started licking by butthole. I took the hint and rimmed her some more, my fingers still busy massaging her cunt lips.

The time had come for the buttfucking to begin, so I applied another glob of nipple cream to her butthole and another to my cock, and pushed the head against her anus. She recoiled with each thrust, and we weren't really getting anywhere.

"I won't move," I said, leaning back against the headboard, "so you can control how deep and how fast."

"Sorry, I just couldn't relax," she said, backing up to me.

"Actually, this is a better view anyway," I said as I watched her asshole approach my rock-hard prod. As she leaned back against me, my cock sank slowly into her anus. She rocked back and forth, my prick penetrating deeper each time. She was moving quite slowly, as I slid in and out, then she leaned back harder, keeping the pressure applied until I found myself all the way up her ass.

"Ohhhhhh..."

I reached under her thighs and stroked her cunt lips and clit, prompting her to begin moving again. She moved faster and faster as I rubbed, and I began thrusting to her rhythm. Now I was getting full travel, full speed, slamming my cock up her asshole. As she started to cum, she stopped again, and I adjusted my thrusts to make my climax coincide with hers. As her shudders and shakes subsided, I rammed my prick all the way up her butt and spewed my load.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, unnnngh!!!"

"How was that?" I asked, panting. "Are you okay?"

"Okay? That was brilliant! I think I've found my calling in life! I'm never leaving this bedroom again!"

"Oh, well, I guess it's good it has a bathroom, then."

"Yeah, and a shower. Care to join me?"

"Sounds good to me!"

"Then we can eat. Of course if I'm going to spend my life here, you'll have to bring me something to eat."

"How about sausage for you, and pie for me?"

Yummy!