Honey, I Have a HeadachebyElaraCollins©
Sometimes real honesty is more difficult than what we end up saying. So, if you've ever wanted to know the truth, here are the real answers behind "I'm tired." Or "Honey, I have a headache.", and YES, I am aware that some of these also apply to both sexes.
30 of the REAL reasons women don't want to have sex:
1. Because you didn't do the dishes. Daily chores are a major mood killer. It would be nice if they were already done for us. (See number 11...we would be thrilled if anything on that list was done for us.) We know you are gone at work all day. So are we. Unless you can afford for us to quit our jobs and be a "perfect" 50's housewife, get those hands soapy every once in a while! The less time we have to spend cleaning up after you, the happier we will be to spend time doing other things with you, or shall I say...to you.
2. You are too hairy, sweaty or there is a weird smell coming from down there. Take a shower first, then we may consider it. Women, in general are very cleanliness oriented. If you haven't showered, don't even think about it.
3. You flirted with the waitress and it made me upset. Really guys...unless the woman is so drop-dead-gorgeous even WE notice and comment to YOU, don't bother asking for sex an hour later. If you are still clueless as to WHY...it's because we want to know WE are the only women in your world. The only one you look at that way.
4. I feel fat and I am so not in the mood. This isn't so much about what we weigh, but how we feel about ourselves. You have the power to make us feel beautiful, no matter how high that number on the scale creeps up. So if you want to get lucky, you can make us feel lucky (and beautiful) by saying something sweet about our appearance.
5. I have B.O. so I don't want you near me. Let me take a shower first...and shave, and wash up 'down there' and brush my teeth. Hint... as a common courtesy, you should do the same. This especially applies to us (and to you) after retuning from the gym.
6. You aren't paying enough attention to foreplay. We know after ten seconds of kissing you are pretty much ready to go at it like rabbits, but women like a little more build up to really get going...but trust me...once you take the time, we can go and go and go...like the energizer bunny.
7. I really don't want to give you a blowjob. If it's not smelling funky or overly hairy (which is a total turn off...see number 2.) then it could be we just can't handle being gagged and choked when you grab our hair and start humping away. I don't know about other ladies, but if I'm going to be going down there, I want to be the one in control. So lay back and enjoy and let me do it my way. If you're, let's say more than averagely generous in that department, it can be intimidating. Like it or not, not every woman can deep throat without panicking or gagging. If we want to do it, we will...if not, don't try to force us to do it, or, chances are, you won't be getting any ever again.
8. Because I don't want to do it the minute you walk in the door like you expect. Take ten or twenty minutes to actually TALK to your woman. You'll get a lot farther if you show some interest in her as a person first.
9. Because you've been a pervert all day and it's annoying. Sometimes a woman just wants you to hold her hand, or give her a hug and show some affection without being mauled or insulted. Unless your lady gets off on dirty talk, be a gentleman. If you honestly don't know how to talk to a woman like she isn't staring in a porn film, that is a sign you have a major porn addiction and there are programs for sex addicts. Get some help.
10. I'm hungry -- and not for sex. We aren't really going to enjoy anything if we are so hungry our tummy is growling, or on the flip side, if we ate a very heavy dinner and our tummy is hurting. In that case...wait a couple of hours for the food to digest a bit.
11. Because I'm tired. Seriously...I don't know if it's partially the hormonal ups and downs (which can be exhausting by itself) or because we try to do too much in one day (get up at the crack of dawn, make food, cart the kids off to school, go to work, deal with annoying people all day, run errands, go pick up the kids, put away groceries, help the kids with homework, make more food, break up a sibling squabble, clean the kitchen, put the kids to bed. That doesn't even include PTA meetings, dentist appointments, Karate lessons, visiting with your mother, taking the dog for a walk or paying the bills, balancing the checkbook, doing laundry, chatting with the unexpected guests, getting stains out of the carpet, unclogging Jimmy's toy that he tossed in the toilet, volunteering to bake 300 cupcakes for the school bake sale or weeding the flower garden)...we barely have enough energy to shower at the end of the day, much less be all frisky with you every single night. We really ARE tired and just want to sleep. Furthermore...a constantly stressed out woman WILL have headaches, nutritional deficiencies (that cause low energy or low sex drive), or random mood swings. 9 times out of 1O, THIS STUFF why she is cranky. If you want your lady to relax, get your mom to baby sit for a weekend, or offer to take the kids to a movie or the park so she can have a few hours to herself. Or at the very least, offer to rub her feet while you're sitting there watching TV together.
12. Because you're drunk and I'm not, and groping doesn't turn me on. If the only time you show any interest in us is after you down a six pack (or two), just forget about it. You are so drunk you'd have sex with a tree stump, and that doesn't make us feel desired or sexy.
13. I don't feel sexy. Sometimes we just want a massage or a (sincere) compliment...or even just not to be nagged at about whatever stupid chore we didn't manage to get to today. If you treat your woman like a maid or your mother, instead of your lover, she isn't going to feel sexy.
14. Because I have no interest in sex at all. Most likely, (especially after a baby) it's a hormonal flux issue. It will pass. When a woman's hormones are balanced right, she has a healthy sex drive, and probably wants sex just as often as you do. There are natural, safe, herbal remedies to help women with hormone issues. They really do work.
15. Everyone's been up my ass all day, the kid, the dog, the boss, I don't want you there, too. I just want to be alone. There are a lot more demands put on a woman to be the perfect wife, mother and employee than most men realize...everything we do is for our husband, or kids, or the boss or our parents, or our Church, or the pets. We are constantly taking care of everyone...sometimes we just want to be left alone, for a few minutes of peace and quiet, away from the pressures of the day. Don't get us wrong...we really do love you and everyone but honestly...we aren't superwoman...no matter how hard we try to be. Bonus points if you take care US for a while. ;)
16. Because you're being an asshole. Treating your lady like she's a whore or ignoring her, laughing at her, or using crude language is not a turn on to a woman. You can act like that with your buddies, but when you're with a woman, at least PRETEND to have some common decency.
17. Because you're being rough in a mean way. Some women like to be bit or have their hair pulled, or rubbed really rough. Most women prefer a more gentle touch, at least to start out with. If it hurts, we aren't enjoying it. This is also another reason we don't like to have sex with you when you're drunk. Try pretending your fingers are like feathers, or use your teeth very, very gently. If we say OW, or STOP...don't ignore us. You might get smacked upside the head instead of what you really want.
18. I masturbated today. I've had enough. Sorry boys...we do it too, and sometimes we do it so well for ourselves, we don't want you fumbling around down there trying to figure it out after we have already been satisfied. However, if you pout enough, maybe next time we will let you watch. :)
19. Because I can't orgasm and I don't feel like faking it right now. Ok, here's the deal...some women can't relax enough, or have had some kind of sexual trauma and just can't get there. Sometimes it's just that we don't have the sexual maturity or experience to enjoy it enough. Sometimes, you're just not touching us just the right way long enough to reach the stars...and we don't want you to feel self conscious or BAD about it. Secretly, we feel inadequate about not being able to orgasm as easily or quickly as men can. You can help us out by being understanding and helping us to talk about it without making us feel guilty for admitting it. Also, if she really responds to some specific stimuli, don't freaking stop or change the pressure or speed unless she asks you to.
20. Because you aren't hard. For whatever reason, if you can't get it up, it's not that exciting for us either. However, we can work together to solve the problem, be it emotional, physical, mental or whatever. Whatever you do, don't shut your woman out. It will only make her feel rejected and unloved. Talk about it and come up with a solution as a couple. Please don't be ashamed or embarrassed about it. There are TONS of things that could cause ED and many different approaches to find a remedy. In most cases, it's a very temporary issue.
21. Because loafing around the house in your boxers while you scratch your balls doesn't make me hot. Try asking her instead, what about you makes her hot...what makes her want you BAD, right NOW. You may be surprised at the answer.
22. I'm on my period. I am aware that some men don't mind having sex at this time of the month...however, most women are at least a bit self conscious about it. Remember how women are generally into cleanliness? Not only is it actually painful for us (things are a bit over sensitive, in addition to cramps) for a few days, but it's kind of gross to us that you would even be interested in sex when we have our periods.
23. Because I wish the time you just spent playing your Xbox you were playing with me instead. Unless your woman is just as much into Call of Duty or WoW or whatever game it is, chances are, Mr. Gamer...you've been ignoring your woman too much. Put down the controller and go spend some time with a girl. If she goes to bed before you and you stay up until 3 am playing games, she is NOT going to be happy you woke her up for some nookie.
24. Because you don't want to do it how I want and I don't feel like explaining. Try this: Sometime BEFORE you plan on getting busy, when the two of you aren't busy doing other stuff...just ask her outright, one of her fantasies about how you would make love to her. Then next time (not right then) do it EXACTLY how she describes. Secretly, we all WANT to be able to tell you, but we don't want to be made fun of, or risk damaging your ego.
25. I fantasized about an ex today. I can't do it with you right now. Yikes...ok...so unless you have NEVER EVER thought about being with an ex again OR fantasizing about (insert super hot Hollywood star or Super Model here) ...you can understand right? Women are relational creatures, and sometimes our thoughts wander to past relationships we have had. So, if the sex was pretty good...we might end up fantasizing a little. It's not like we can TELL you that's the reason, but we don't want to be feeling guilty thinking about being intimate with an ex in the past, while you are trying to make love to us. It's just...awkward.
26. Five minutes ago you were basically ignoring me. Now you want to have sex? No. Really guys...this one should be a no brainer. No woman wants to spend the day being totally ignored by the man she is in love with, and then expected to perform sexual favors on demand.
27. Because I don't think you love me. Every woman wants to be irresistible to you...but if she doesn't think you find her irresistible, she isn't going to feel very affectionate. A woman knows when a man really, really loves her. Trust me. If she isn't feeling it, make sure she knows. Tell her, but more than that...SHOW her you love her. Compliment her, spend time with her, bring her a small gift, do something for her without being asked, touch her in a not sexual way (rub her shoulders, hug her, hold her hand, kiss her on the forehead etc.) bring her flowers...even if it's a silly flower, like a bunch of dandelions. She will most likely still smile.
28. Someone else is more important to you than I am. If you spend more time with your mother, your best friend, or your fantasy football league, or your car...think twice before expecting your woman to spend time with you sexually. We understand that you work hard, and need a break from stuff to have a little fun, but if we are consistently coming in last on your priority list, you might find yourself removed from our life altogether.
29. I don't like intercourse. Believe it or not, the actual act of intercourse isn't always as exciting for women as it is for men. Some women (most actually) can not climax from simple penetration. We need some clitoral stimulation to reach that peak, which is usually why women prefer more foreplay than men. For us it's the most enjoyable part. Also, for penetration we need to be properly aroused for things to be, shall we say, more fluid. The wetter the better, for everyone involved. Try changing up the rhythm and asking your woman what feels best to her. Don't feel bad about it. The more she tells you what REALLY pleases her, the more pleased she will be, which means she will want to have sex with you more often. So, if you do have an issue with ED, focus on the foreplay. If you can make her climax a dozen times without penetration, trust me, she won't care so much about what you can't do.
30. I'm in love with someone else. Ouch...sorry guys. This one is non negotiable. If a woman is really and truly in love with someone else (from her past or maybe she found a new guy) there isn't much you can do to change her mind...because it isn't her mind that changed, her heart did. For a woman, having sex with a man she doesn't truly love is not nearly as fulfilling to her as making love with the man she gave her whole heart to. It's got very little to do with skills you have or may not have. It's all emotional. For men, I assume if they are not really in love with the woman, they aren't going to do much more than the minimum requirement to satisfy a woman's sexual needs, before their own gratification. A man who is truly in love will do whatever it takes to make sure his woman is COMPLETELY sexually satisfied. It's the same with a woman...she will only be minimally interested in having sex with you, and not put much enthusiasm into it. If either partner is really in love with another person, I suggest, in this case, ending the relationship and finding someone you can be truly happy with, or at least sexually compatible.
There you have it men...the brutally honest truth about why your woman may be resisting your advances.
If you want, send me an email and tell me the top five or ten reason YOU wouldn’t want to have sex with your woman. In a few weeks, I will write them up and post a companion article for the ladies.