house of blue gables

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50 words
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bluerains
bluerains
15 Followers

as familiar as tequila mocking birds
the tap tap rhythmic roof tunes
play to each metropolis
every plaza, dwelling and
town
but, when lightning travels
they park their hammers
and blow taps
in our public pubs
so here’s to the roofers
as they tap
to the beat of the sun...

bluerains
bluerains
15 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
4 Comments
My Erotic TaleMy Erotic Taleover 18 years ago
excellent

I just love this poem, it felt like a song... <grin>

hammers to beating sun...masterful vision

bows humble (~_~)

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
colorful opening...

surprised a little at the end. More down to earth than

some of your recent works. I liked it. sand

twelveoonetwelveooneover 18 years ago
*

Here it is very unclear, what I am reading is "tequila mocking birds" it looks like a puncuation error, I like the idea of "tequila mocking birds"

as familiar

as tequila mocking birds

tap, tap, tapping

rhythmic roof tunes (say this line)

I would shorten this: use line breaks to advantage, word I would take out is "metropolis" doesn't seem add anything

play to each metropolis

every plaza, dwelling and

town

Great lines here:

they park their hammers

and blow taps

in our public pubs

Du LacDu Lacover 18 years ago
*

Your poem was mentioned in the Sunday Reviews

du lac~

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