I Want To Run (Version 2)

Poem Info
110 words
3.6k
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Part 2 of the 2 part series

Updated 03/18/2021
Created 12/09/2005
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I Want To Run

The monitor in the corner spouts
you and them
and I sometimes wonder why
I sit and listen
for your monotone is like
the straight green groove
of a bottling line
and always your stature
is deaf as you grab my mind, bend it
in a brutal way like the wooden boards
on an empty wine barrel
gathering sun beams
in summer. You relate needs
of others. Still
I listen, wishing I could taste
your thoughts like that first caress
of red wine on the tongue
as steel bands bind my mind
and I can not move from the monitor
though I want to run.


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5 Comments
WickedEveWickedEveover 18 years ago
~

I love these lines:

like the wooden boards

on an empty wine barrel

I'm adding wine barrel to my must-use list. :)

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
beep

I like the way it runs like a green line across the monitor! Well done, Sweetie!

Fly

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
~

Oh, this is good, WSO. Love those ending lines. The poem flowed wonderfully!

My Erotic TaleMy Erotic Taleover 18 years ago
mentioned

your poem was mentioned on the thread, New Poems Reviews

TheRainManTheRainManover 18 years ago
TheRainMan

An improvement. I still think there is not total clarity of meaning (except to the "you" that you write to. That person would understand it quite well, I think) for the reader. But it is tighter than it was, and the phrasing is crisp for the most part.