I'm So Proud Of My Children


He was slumped over when I got back, apparently cried out. I shook him roughly.

"What's it to be, Barry? I have a couple of favorites, myself. I hope you refuse to pick one, so I can have a little fun."

He begged, he pleaded. I yawned.

"Times up, Barry. I'm gonna enjoy this, you, probably not so much."

I held up the ball bander.

"This won't hurt for long, I think. Let me know, will you? Wanna watch? Well, might be for the best."

I pulled a leather mask out of the bag and bound it to his head, leaving just his nose exposed. I replaced the castrating band with a regular heavy duty rubber band. I heard him scream when it snapped home. It would be uncomfortable, but it wouldn't do any long term damage if it was removed within twenty four hours.

I got out the bottle of pills. They were estrogen pills, left over from a hormone replacement treatment my soon to be exwife just had to have, to make her skin look younger. The worst it would do was make his nipples sore for a day or two, and maybe elevate mood swings.

I got a bottle of water out and put five pills in my hand. I unzipped the front of the mask and held his nose shut. He opened his mouth to scream and I shoved the pills in and jammed the water bottle down his throat. He gagged, he spit, but eventually he swallowed.

I was humming to myself when I heard a voice come out of the darkness.

"That's enough, dad. I think you made your point. We'll handle it from here."

All four of my children came into the light, along with one son in law and one daughter in law.

"How did you know?" I asked in surprise.

Mel laughed. "You're so predictable. I had two people on you since it started. I wanted to stop you sooner but got outvoted. They wanted to let you have a little fun. You're a scary man, do you know that? Go on home, you've got other problems to deal with. We got his."

I bowed to their wisdom and left.



I had called Sandi just after I zapped Barry, telling her I couldn't wait any longer and had to leave. I actually did have an appointment, but ran late and called to cancel. She didn't know where he could be.

He came home four hours later, Brought home by the police. He claimed he had been forced into a car, mugged, beaten, and left on the side of the road. As things played out, the police firmly believed it was a disgruntled husband, or group of husbands.

I had a half assed alibi, easily believed by the police. My wife had been passed out, and couldn't say for sure when I came home. I'll never forget her scream the next morning when she went to take a shower.

Her pubic hair had been shaved off, and an intricate tattoo was in place, proudly saying BARRY'S SLUT across her hairless mound. It wasn't a real tattoo, but one drawn on with an ink tattoo artists were experimenting with. It was guaranteed to last three months. It was used for people who weren't sure they wanted a real one. If they chickened out, the ink would wear off and no harm was done.

My daughter in law was above suspicion, she and the rest of the family were seem by many witnesses dining out at a local eatery. It hypothetically may have been done by a fellow artist who was moving out of town, and could use a little extra money. Just a wild supposition.

I was on the way out the door for a short vacation when she screamed, after leaving the photos and a no fault divorce decree on the dining room table, with a note saying sign and I would help her get set up in an apartment and pay her expenses for three months while she lined up a job, or not sign and I would leave her out in the cold after a very public divorce. She signed.

She lived across town for awhile, then met and married a man four years her junior, I guess the older man thing didn't work as well for her. They moved directly after the ceremony to Alaska. I laughed when I heard, she hates cold weather with a passion. I never asked why she decided to cheat, in fact I never actually spoke to her again. The lawyers handled everything.

Photos showed up in various mailboxes in the neighborhood. Sandi kicked Barry out, and he took off for parts unknown, just ahead of Mr. Jeffries and Mr. Grant. After the dust settled, I had Mel track him down so divorce papers could be served and child support established. I heard it's a strain for him to pay the mandated amount of support and live a decent life, but as long as he pays nobody really cares.

I unofficially adopted Sandi as another child, indeed giving her a shoulder to cry on. I talked to Mr. Oliver, and got her mortgage renegotiated. He was very sympathetic. So sympathetic that eleven months later, I kept the boys with me while they honeymooned. His wedding gift to her was the paid note on her house. The boys got a little sister two years later.

Mr. Jeffries divorced his wife, as did Mr. Grant.

Mrs. Jeffries moved across town and spent the next three years trying to reconcile. He finally started talking to her, and she moved back into the neighborhood. They have yet to remarry.

Mrs. Grant had nowhere to go, being from out of state. I saw her walking down the road with a single suitcase, crying. I felt responsible, so I took her home and put her into a spare bedroom. She took over my household, keeping it spotless. It turns out she had a good head for business, so now she runs the home office as well. I bought us a gym membership, and while I toned up she lost over a hundred pounds.

She became very attractive, men swarmed around her until she made it clear she wasn't in the market for another partner, the one she had would do just fine.

After she lost the first fifty pounds she surprised me , waking me in the middle of the night by bouncing on my bed.

"I think it passes" she said.

"Passes? What in the world are you talking about?

It took me a second to realize she was naked.

"The weight test. I've been wanting to do this forever, but was afraid the bed wouldn't support both of us. Now, move over. I always sleep on the right."

She still does.

My kids thought it was a riot when she announced at Thanksgiving dinner we were going to start a family. I tried to talk her out of it, but she said I was about six weeks too late.

I did the right thing, and married her. All four of my kids had a long talk with her about my views on fidelity. I think it may have scared her. Come to find out, her husband was cheating on her, and she was doing Barry strictly for revenge. Unfortunately, thanks to me, he had evidence and she didn't. Our daughter was born about three days before my fifth grandchild. I was ten days shy of my fifty eighth birthday. I figured it out, I'll be eighty when she graduates form college.

The kids recently had a Halloween party, and insisted we come. It was a horror themed affair. I had a fake hatchet and a hockey mask, my lovely wife dressed as Elvira, and she had the body for it. The only thing frightening about it was how sexy she was.

My daughter in law, the tattoo artist, had on a three piece suit and carried a briefcase. The other kids wanted to know who she was.

"I'm my father in law. He's the scariest man I've ever met."

She won first prize for costume.


The bull bander really does exist, but not exactly the way I described it. The neuter pills I talked about was based on an article I read about the research to develop such a drug. I don't know if it ever came to market.

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by Anonymous

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by Grimmer06/10/18


Love seeing good humor in this section.

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by jharp05/22/18

Good fun. Loved the story.

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by Anonymous03/30/18


You obviously had fun writing this - and I had fun reading it! Five ***** 's.

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by Anonymous02/13/18


His wife got a smart attorney who had a good PI. A moron sends Daddy dearest to prison for 10 to 12. Barry testified against him. His wife testified against him. The alibis disappeared in the face ofmore...

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by etchiboy01/07/18


Except why all the “temporary” things? OK, maybe not the castration, but tattoos for both cheaters? Fuck ‘em!

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