- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Impermeable
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
The sky is wide open as is my mouth
while her unrequited love falls
and splits the ground.
Thunderstruck in the snow in the
only place in the world where it can.
This salty land, blowing wind
and ice that stings my eyes. Laughing,
or crying, I don't really know,
don't care, she confessed.
Sunrise sweet coffee and cake sits bitter,
like words that should've been said
long ago. It's too bad. I already moved on,
coattails waving at the shins, snapping
in step, one step at time until gone.
- COMMENTS
Ashesh9over 11 years agoEmotionsl turbulence hath juxtaposed tge taste @ sunrise In a masterly rendered poem !! Bravo !
Angelineover 11 years agoThis to me is a complex and powerful poem because it conveys so much: change and ending and loss that feels too cold to experience regret. There's such a feel of shift and change to it that it almost feels like a rhythm, as if waves are rocking it which is a good thing. :D
Here's what I don't like:
line five: What is the "it" standing in for? In general the shifting pronouns work for the poem, but not this one. I picture this poem happening around the ocean, so for me "it" conjured a sea image. But a reword to get a noun in there would help a lot, imo.
line twelve: "It's too bad" is too good to be lost in the middle of that line because it so underscores the ennui of the narrator. I'd set it apart somehow.
Your writing has become more and more sophisticated, as I suppose have you. It's like watching a flower bloom. xo
tazz317over 11 years agocan not stop the beat from going on, TK U MLJ LV NV
