tagHumor & SatireImpotent Bri-Guy

Impotent Bri-Guy


The Bri-Guy wiggled his flaccid dick... dammit, this didn't usually happen. What was going on? He looked back at the computer screen where multiple buxom beauties danced around, their DD tits jiggling lusciously. After a few minutes he checked his dick again... dammit! What on earth was going on?

Extremely nervous now he pondered who he could call in these dark and dire times... certainly none of his male friends, they'd all just make fun of him for his insufficiencies... Ah but of course! Angel! Who else? After the golden-haired beauty had helped fuck him back into hell a few stories ago there was no way she'd be able to deny the awesome masculinity of his usual extremely dangerous weapon (it had been known to make girls faint with lust upon sight), even in light of his depressing circumstances at the moment.

Leaving the room with its computer screen of fascinating proportions, he went straight to the telephone:


Immediately a sweet voice answered, "Tonya Teaser here, helping all your spiritual needs."

"Tonya?!" the Bri-guy leered at the ceiling, causing it to warp slightly, "Aren't you better suited to helping physical needs?"

The dulcet voice became much less charming, "Oh. It's you. What do you want? And don't you dare say a blow-job."

"While that would make my day if it was possible, I can't accept the offer right now," the Bri-Guy only managed a half-hearted laugh as she huffed, after all, his dire straights weren't exactly something that she wouldn't be able to tease, "Just put me on the phone with Angel. Please."

"Fine. Have a wonderful day," she said, back to the sweet and dulcet voice. He bet her boss was standing over her - hell if he was her boss he'd be standing over her too, that woman had some of the most impressive cleavage...

"Angel speaking," the familiar and heavenly voice rang in his ears, interrupting his reverie. Just as well anyway, his pants had started to smoke - although the thought still failed to get a rise out of him.

"Angel I'm in trouble." he began...

"AGAIN? NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! I AM NOT WHORING MYSELF OUT TO SATAN AGAIN JUST BECAUSE YOU SLEPT WITH LILITH!" It was amazing how such a sweet and small angel could make such a loud and angry roar.

"NO NO NO!" he protested frantically, liked he'd make THAT mistake again (Angel hadn't even blown him for WEEKS after that, much less flown to his bed - the one time he'd got up the courage to ask for a blow job she'd waggled her wings at him, it made a satisfying breeze but not much of a blow.), "I can't get it up."

Angel paused. "Get what up?"

"You know... IT..." he squirmed uncomfortably.


"Are you just trying to trick me into sleeping with you again?" she demanded.

"Oh yeah, like I need to trick you anymore." Huffy silence. He sighed, "And no... not even the thought of your heavenly body in my hotbed does it for me right now... I get the excited feeling, but the colonel ain't saluting."

"Huh..." she sounded slightly puzzled, "Well I guess I'd better come over and investigate... but are you sure this isn't a trick?"

"No, no, no trick," he assured her, "Come on Angel... what guy at my youthful Eighteen centuries would admit to having a... well this kind of problem."

"Good point." she said and hung up.


Coughing slightly at the smoke, the Bri-Guy squinted his eyes as two curvy shapes appeared before him. "What's she doing here?" he demanded as he recognized the bodacious shape of Tonya Teaser, "I didn't want anyone but you to know!"

"Well I figured that if I couldn't get you up in person then we'd want to try with two of us here anyway." Angel said. And looking at her, the Bri-Guy almost felt like he could get it up - he didn't now that the robes in heaven came completely transparent... not one inch of her luscious body was hidden from his questing eye. She frowned, staring intently at his crotch as if silently ordering it to stand at attention. He fervently wished it would.

Tonya was frowning at him too, but in a different kind of way. He sighed in exasperation, not even the sight of her jumbo tits threatening to pop out of a tube top and her skin tight daisy dukes got him going. The fact that these two sexually charged babes could stand in front of him and not get a rise was definitely worrisome. It had made him anxious when the computer girls weren't doing it for him, now he was just downright scared.

Suddenly Tonya snapped her fingers, her tits jiggling precariously inside the tube top, "I know what's wrong!"

"What?!" Angel and the Bri-Guy both looked at her.

"His horns are gone!"

"His horns?!" Angel's head whipped around to stare at the top of his head, "Oh My God they are!"

His horns! The Bri-Guy ran for the mirror. Indeed the trio of horns that had carried him throughout his past story appearances were missing.

"Oh no..." he moaned, "No wonder... I'm just not horny anymore!"

Angel made a face, "If this story gets anymore punny I'm going to have to take an early leave of absence."

"Don't you dare!" he glared at her, "I need to get my horns back!"

Looking sorrowfully at his insistently limp dick she sighed, "I suppose you're right. Well, I guess the best thing to do now is ask where they might be." Looking upwards she stamped her foot, "HEY! Where's the Bri-Guy's horns?"

"I don't know," the slightly irate booming voice made them all wince a little, Tonya's boobs jiggled again, "He was on vacation for so long... he probably left them in one of the stories that he was visiting."

"Good point," said Angel briskly, waving an impatient hand to dismiss the Big Woman Upstairs, "So, let's see, what stories did you visit on vacation?" She stared at him with a hard look in her eyes, he'd refused to tell her his itinerary before the trip and she had been most displeased.

"Well..." he squirmed a little, "First I went to 'Notes of the Heart', but I didn't spend too long there cuz it was way too cheesy, and then I visited Allison and Todd - they say hi by the way, and I stopped by 'Friends Revenge' to say hi to Tom..." he squirmed a little more, "And then I visited 'Secretary' and 'Danielle's Decline'."


The Bri-Guy quivered with fright under the awful glare that she gave him, he knew that it wasn't that she was upset about the possibility of a mussed story line. She was upset because in Danielle's story line she didn't have a partner yet... as open-minded as Angel was, she didn't want to share him with someone unless she could get in on the action with the other woman's man.

It was many hours of begging and pleading (and lots of rampant pussy eating - for once the woman was on the better end of the deal when it comes to impotency) for forgiveness before they managed to start on their way. Tonya went back up to her job, she was going to be on call for any emergencies, and in the meantime she'd be keeping busy with some of the other male angels. Gabriel in particular had taken a liking to playing... uh... chess with her. Check"mate" and all you know.

The first place they checked was Danielle's of course, a rush job just to get through it. Danielle was just a little too happy to see the Bri-Guy, she'd answered the door with a very large sausage in hand and Angel had been glowering almost from the moment they'd met. Since Danielle's decline hadn't gone on nearly long enough for her to consider lesbian contact they left rather quickly.

The visits to Tom, Allison and Todd were just as quick and enjoyable as ever. They got out of 'Notes of the Heart' as quickly as possible, the cheesy-ness there was sticking to everything. As they stepped out of the scene the Bri-Guy pulled a particularly moldy piece of blue cheese from his foot.

"I know I won a contest with that one," he said, "But I'm still not quite sure why! I mean, yeah it's a pretty good story, but do you remember how much fun we made of all the cheesy-ness while I was writing it."

Angel laughed, "Yeah, but at least you've won a contest... I've been reduced to just writing as many stories as possible to try and win something, rather than hoping for a quality count!"

The Bri-Guy nodded at her wisdom and sneaked a quick feel of her ass as they headed towards their last destination.

"My horns HAVE to be in 'Secretary'," he said, "That's the only other place that I visited."

When they got there, it was quite obvious what had happened to his trio of horns. They were placed like party hats on three particularly grotesque guys who were pumping away at the three holes of Brenda the Secretary while her former boss Victor (formerly known as Vivian) watched on the sidelines. On Victor's lap, Tonya Teaser was bouncing up and down his formidable pole. It was hard to imagine that the thing had grown out of what was once a clitoris, but that was just one of those weird things that could happen in fictional writing.

"Tonya!" exclaimed Angel.

"Oh hi guys!" Tonya panted, busily grinding away as her breasts jiggled and bounced, the Bri-Guy's eyes were glued to her pink nipples. In fact, he was starting to wonder if he needed the horns at all, "I just got here a little earlier than you did and decided I might as well enjoy myself while I wait."

"Hi Bri," said Victor, squeezing one of Tonya's luscious tits, "Do you have to take the horns back right away? I mean, I know you didn't mean to leave them here, but they're the only things that are keeping those middle-aged wind-bags going. And Brenda definitely deserves the punishment."

"Yes, yes she does," Angel fixed a steely eye on the secretary who had transformed her boss from one gender to another without so much as a 'beg your pardon'. It was quite right that Brenda was now being worked over by three of the worst guys from the office downstairs where she'd been before coming up to work with Vivian. Even Angels can get a little vindictive sometimes. Sighing, Angel turned to Victor, "But do you suppose we could have at least one of them back for a little bit? The Bri-Guy can't even get it up right now."

Victor frowned, "Oh, well I can see where that would be a problem... Let me sees if I can help." Turning to the trio who were panting and humping at the pretty secretary, "Hey Harold?! I need that party hat back!"

"It's not a party hat," growled the Bri-Guy. Angel patted his hand consolingly.

Harold came over and took off the horn, handing it over to the Bri-Guy; immediately afterwards he dropped to the floor in a deep sleep, completely exhausted from all the sexual activities he'd been involved in since putting it on. Victor looked at his unconscious body in surprise.

"Oh, I guess they're more tired than I thought... hey Edward, Ronnie, come take the party hats off, you guys need a break." Victor grunted and heaved as Tonya started ululating on his lap while they both came. Edward and Ronnie handed over their horns to the Bri-Guy before collapsing on the floor themselves.

Brenda was a royal mess, absolutely covered in cum.

As soon as Bri-Guy put the horns back onto his head, he realized what a mistake that had been... none of those guys had cum during that round. The sudden blast of sexual energy caused his dick to spring straight up to its full 12 inches and blast a jet stream of cum in the air. Citizens in Orange County CA were grateful (and slightly disgusted) when the gallons of cum saved their homes from a raging forest fire. Immediately after this impressive display of manliness, he fainted.

"Dammit!" said Angel, "Now what am I supposed to do?!"

"Come hop on," said Victor with a lascivious grin, "I've got the dick of a man, but the staying power of a woman!"

"Oooo... yippee!" she squealed and bounced over... that would almost be as good as the power of three horns. And it had been awhile since she'd had a mortal man... woman... man... whatever. Dick.

"Hey Brenda," Victor called as Angel started bouncing gleefully, "Get over here and clean Tonya up."

The messy secretary raised her head and tiredly crawled over to Tonya, getting between her legs. Between her own legs, the secretary started playing with herself again.

"You know," commented Victor as he watched Angel's substantial tits bouncing wildly, "I never appreciated these stories properly before I was a man."

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