Inhumanity

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108 words
4.27
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Zanzibar
Zanzibar
3 Followers

Blue
It was his favorite color
Open skies
Oceans
His mother’s eyes
Faded jeans
Sapphire ring
He wore it always, in one form or another

Road Trip
It was his dream to see new places
Cross country
Explore
His earliest desire
West coast
California girls
Dip his foot in the pacific

Wrong Turn
It was his mistake to misread the directions
Downtown exit
Misdirection
His mid-west naivety
South central
Blood territory
Stopping at a corner store for directions

Blue
He wore it always, in one form or another
Wrong place
Confrontation
His final moments
Gang violence
Knives slashing
His life’s essence spreading in a pool around him

Red

Zanzibar
Zanzibar
3 Followers
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10 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
Inhumanity

The poem has an excellent feel, a meaning. Somehow it falls a bit short in passion, it seems to me. However, I'm not certain how that passion might have been added, so view this simply as one person's view.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Good use ......

....of words. The thread of colour that has as many meanings as the reader chooses to see is wonderful. Thank you Zan.

I do not use the thermometer.

CharleyHCharleyHover 19 years ago
Colour

was a powerful tool that I felt could have been more emphatically used. While well written and tragic, you did not draw me to feel that the situation was an example of inhumanity, but rather you painted a picture observed visually, but not quite emotionally enough. Nonetheless, a good entry.

ferociouskittycatferociouskittycatover 19 years ago
Strong.

Well structured and you did a fantastic job!!

Good job. ;-)

BooMerengueBooMerengueover 19 years ago
!

Again- I am amazed at the diversity of responses! Thanks, Zan, so much for this small vignette!

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