tagHumor & SatireInventor of the Jackhammer

Inventor of the Jackhammer


A Tribute To The Inventor Of "The Jackhammer" James Logston

For many, the sexual act is a means of sharing intimacy with a loved one. Many use sex to get to know strangers from bars, and many use sex as a cheap form of entertainment. However there are a small number of people who understand the sexual universe and the fantastic powers available to the true believers: Mr. James Logston is such a practitioner and believer.

Logston read "The Joy Of Sex" at a very young age and went on to later become a student and ultimately a master of "The Kamasutra." He spent time in South America learning "Animal Sex Rites" from indigenous tribes, and it is said that he was once paid by Madam Cumalotto, the premier prostitute of Bangkok, to "show her some new tricks." His scholarly approach to understanding and commanding the sexual universe ultimately led to the account which is the basis of this tribute.

Logston had returned to his Soulard apartment with a Polish blonde (her hair was actually dyed) who had been serving as his research assistant in the early 2000s. He had known for sometime that he was on the verge of a sexual breakthrough and the amorous mood of his assistant was pushing an amazing discovery into reality. Upon entering the apartment, his assistant had dropped all of her clothes at the door and was standing naked before him as he sat on the couch. (It should be noted that his assistant, who will remain anonymous, was a slender trim woman in her early twenties whose body measurements were 34", 27", 35". She was 5'4" and weighed 115lbs.).

The assistant chose "the banshee strategy" which involves the woman working herself into a sexual frenzy and attacking her mate from the high ground. She ran at Logston and let out a primal scream as she leapt into the air and landed crotch spread on his now erect and exposed penis. She began to ride Logston exuberantly working his vertical length to the nearest eighth inch with perfect precision. Emphatically, the assistant was spinning from "cowgirl" to "reverse cowgirl" while sometimes coming off of him to service his hardened cock with her mouth. At one point, Logston saw an opening as the assistant spun face forward, so he grasped her knee and did a swivel move between her open legs until he was positioned behind her doing the "standing dog," but his penis never left her soaking pussy.

Logston obviously realized that he had gone from a defensive sexual position to a position of offensive advantage, and he began to powerfuck his assistant in a circle of his living room, down a short hallway and into his bedroom. The assistant was enjoying the act, but the power behind the strokes was both pleasurable and painful so she was consistently backing off him as he maintained his steady attack. Logston fucked the assistant into the corner of the headboard, and she writhed around on her back to the other side of the bed, but the strokes were too powerful, and ultimately she fell off the side of the bed head first with the back of her shoulders landing on the floor leaving her positioned vertically with her ass and pussy in the air. Intuitively Logston began to powerfuck the assistant from the bed in a horizontal position. This is how "the jackhammer" was invented (the woman in a vertical position being fucked by a man in a horizontal position his body forming the handle to her jacked shaft). It was one of the most remarkable moments in sexual history, but this was only the beginning of what would soon become a fantastic occurrence.

The sheer energy of the moment and this amazing discovery enveloped Logston and he began to experience "super sexual powers." At first the bed was providing him leverage to execute "the jackhammer," but so powerful was the sexual energy that he actually began to levitate, and the bed was no longer providing physical support to his thrusting. Logston was floating in thin air above his assistant.

What happens next would seem incredible, but it was observed by a homeless man who was viewing the occurrence from the street through Logston's unobstructed window. However, the man became blind after he saw this remarkable event.

Logston was already levitated, but now the assistant also began to rise up into the air until the two were floating and fucking two feet above the bed! They began to spin head over heels while still sexually engaged. Rolling and spinning, this continued for a few minutes when suddenly Logston twice duplicated the assistant, and now she was three, and he now had three penises upon which the assistants could ride while flying through the air. The assistants cried out "How is this possible?" To which Logston replied "You have to realize there is no penis." The room now glowed in light green, and Logston pushed the assistants off of his three dicks. Now he began to ejaculate into the air like a fountain. The semen rose up into the air and crystallized and began to fall upon the floor of the bedroom like snow. Logston and the assistants began to spin in the blizzard of cum, until the two duplicates disappeared and at last Logston and his assistant collapsed onto the bed. They heard the homeless man screaming from the street "I can't see!" They looked out the window and saw him stumbling around, but did not have the energy to beckon his call. They fell into a deep sleep that lasted for three days.

So men, the next time that you position yourself horizontally over your vertically positioned mate, remember that this incredibly satisfying sexual position was invented by James Logston and give him a shout out for this amazing discovery and the fantastic night that occurred upon its conception.

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