================ XML ==================== <?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?> <page><head><title>Jennifer Aniston On 'The View' - Celebrities &amp; Fan Fiction - Literotica.com</title><description>Jennifer Aniston proves once and for all she's not Rachel.</description><keywords>Jennifer Aniston On 'The View', peeder_exposed, jennifer aniston, madonna, britney spears, barbara walters, courtney cox, demi moore, ashton kutcher</keywords></head><body><pageurl escaped="http%3A%2F%2Fwww.literotica.com%2Fstories%2Fshowstory.php%3Furl%3Djennifer-aniston-on-the-view">http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?url=jennifer-aniston-on-the-view</pageurl><languages><language name="en" current="1" flag="images/flags/gb.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/gb.png" status="1" link="//www.literotica.com/stories/">English</language><language name="es" current="0" flag="images/flags/es.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/es.png" status="1" link="//spanish.literotica.com/stories/">Spanish</language><language name="de" current="0" flag="images/flags/de.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/de.png" status="1" link="//german.literotica.com/stories/">German</language><language name="fr" current="0" flag="images/flags/fr.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/fr.png" status="1" link="//french.literotica.com/stories/">French</language><language name="nl" current="0" flag="images/flags/nl.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/nl.png" status="1" link="//dutch.literotica.com/stories/">Dutch</language><language name="it" current="0" flag="images/flags/it.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/it.png" status="1" link="//italian.literotica.com/stories/">Italian</language><language name="ro" current="0" flag="images/flags/ro.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/ro.png" status="1" link="//romanian.literotica.com/stories/">Romanian</language><language name="pt" current="0" flag="images/flags/pt.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/pt.png" status="1" link="//portuguese.literotica.com/stories/">Portuguese</language><language name="ot" current="0" flag="images/flags/ot.png" flagNew="/imagesv2/lang/gb.png" status="1" link="//other.literotica.com/stories/">Other</language></languages><current-category id="27" sdesc="CE" type="story" cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/celebrity-stories" cat-index-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/celebrity-stories/1-page" cat-top-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/celebrity-stories/top" cat-tags-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/celebrity-stories/tags" cat-comms-url="https://www.literotica.com/c/celebrity-stories/comments" top-cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/top/Celebrities-Fan-Fiction-27" series-cat-url="https://www.literotica.com/series/Celebrities-Fan-Fiction-27"><name>Celebrities &amp; Fan Fiction</name><description>Parodies &amp; erotic fan fiction about famous people.</description></current-category><banners><banner position="top">&lt;div class=&quot;block_id-c3RvcnlwYWdlMjctdG9wfDE4fHRvcA==&quot;&gt;&lt;div style=&quot;width: 480px; padding: 9px 0 20px; background: #fff; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 80%; border: 2px solid #000; margin: 20px 0; &quot;&gt; &lt;p style=&quot;text-align: center;&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;DISCLAIMER:&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt; &lt;p style=&quot;margin: 0 9px;&quot;&gt;The stories in the &amp;quot;Celebrity&amp;quot; section of Literotica are all fictional parodies - none are true, nor are they approved of by the celebrities named in the stories. Authors write these fictitious stories about famous people for the same reason that Larry Flynt made fun of Jerry Falwell, because they can. The Supreme Court of the United States, the country where this site is located, has ruled that parodies involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United States Constitution. The specific case law on this was decided in the case of &amp;quot;&lt;a href=&quot;http://www.bc.edu/bc_org/avp/cas/comm/free_speech/hustler.html&quot; target=&quot;_blank&quot;&gt;Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell&lt;/a&gt;&amp;quot; in 1988. No harm is intended toward the celebrities featured in these stories, but they are public figures and in being so, they must accept that they are fair target for parodies by the public. 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When the final day arrived, production assistants scurried all over the studio from before five AM, making sure everything was in readiness for her: the usual bottled water, idiosyncratic snacks and sundries, but strange requests too, like lavender-scented mineral oil, expensive organic natural fiber towels heated in a towel warmer to precisely 98.6 degrees, and an imposing python head sculpted from wax. One production assistant stated with apparent authority that Jennifer needed the snakehead to display on the show because she was passionate about animals. More preparations were made than for visiting royalty. In fact, Jennifer Aniston was America's answer to visiting royalty, a true Hollywood star deigning to do a daytime television appearance. Barbara Walters would have been willing to sell her left tit to manage this coup; fortunately, she didn't have to.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; The staff in the makeup room were surprised when Jennifer appeared that morning at 5AM, having already changed into a robe. She looked much smaller in real life, and had a girl-next-door quality about her that belied her stardom. She had to introduce herself to be noticed. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Hi, I'm Jen,&quot; she said, offering her hand to the head makeup artist.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Of—of course you are,&quot; the startled woman stammered. &quot;H-how do you do, I'm so meesed to pleat you—I mean, pleased to meet you, I'm sure. See how I am?&quot; she added, flustered. &quot;I'm Vera, incidentally.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Hi, Vera. And relax; I get that all the time from fans. I'm flattered. Ready to work your magic?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Oh, no magic required. You're so beautiful Ms. Aniston, this job'll be the easiest I've ever done.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Now I'm really flattered. Especially because this morning I need all the help I can get. Courtney and I practically closed Il Sole last night trying to wait out the fucking paparazzi, but the cocksuckers ambushed us anyway.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Even though in her business she'd heard it all before, Vera tried not to react. It was so discordant: the voice and face were Jennifer Aniston's from Friends, but the argot was Al Pacino in Scarface. Shocked by Jennifer's plain language, Vera beckoned her to a chair and went to work. Jen's skin was nearly perfect, her hair was already washed and pulled up in a headband; Vera could clearly see the natural wave. She started with foundation, matching the tone and shade and requesting Jen's approval.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Have you ever eaten a woman's pussy in the back seat of a Hummer?&quot; Jen asked a propos of nothing.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;C-can't say as I have, Ms. Aniston.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Jen. Here's a piece of advice: get a room. Courtney and I thought we'd given those paparazzi pricks the slip last night, so she parks the Hummer on the upper deck on the NBC lot—we have lifetime privileges there, and everybody usually leaves us alone to do our thing. Wouldn't you know it, no sooner do we slip our panties off when along comes this one little shitsucker in a chartered helicopter clicking away with his Nikon and a telephoto lens. I told Courtney, we should have popped for a suite at someplace quiet like the Chateau Marmont. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have my bare cunt splashed all over the tabloids like Britney Spears's.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Before Vera could answer, Joy Behar's voice rang out. &quot;Jen, Dear! How's my favorite friend from Friends?&quot; Joy rushed to Jen and the two women embraced. Joy's hair was wrapped tightly under a silk turban; her pre-makeup face looked drawn and haggard, her eyes and mouth somehow smaller. Vera thought she glanced Joy's fingertips slip under Jen's robe and explore her breast, but she couldn't be sure. Joy brayed, &quot;I hear you can still take a licking and keep on ticking, as the saying goes.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I proved it again last night,&quot; Jen said, then burst into giggles.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You little minx, you! Who was the lucky gal? No, don't tell me, let me guess. Madonna?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Didn't even know she was in town. Good guess, though: she and I nearly wore each other out after the MTV Movie awards last season.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Demi?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;We've taken to calling her The Bionic Woman after all the surgery. Wrong again. I haven't been with Demi since the Bruce Willis days when we shared a three-way in Idaho, in bed with half her damn doll collection for witnesses. You should hear her when she cums. She has that dainty face, but what comes out of her mouth sounds like a moose cow in rutting season.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Joy whooped with laughter. &quot;You're telling me? She almost got the two of us thrown out of the powder room at last year's Donna Karan.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You two? Sounds fantastic.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;You should have joined us.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Next time call me.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;It's a date. I hear that new boy toy of hers, what's his name, Kutcher? They say he has a schwantz on him that'd split you in two.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;He'd have to have to cum after Bruce.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; 'Honey, Bruce is still one of the most well hung studs in Hollywood and I've had them all. Speaking of which, have you met Barbara and Whoopie?&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Not yet,&quot; Jen said. &quot;They promised to pop into the green room before the show.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Pop in: interesting use of the term,&quot; Joy mused. &quot;After Vera gets you all pretty and you're done in hair, buzz me from the green room.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Interesting use of the term,&quot; Jen said playfully. &quot;Buzz me.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; Jen was alone in the green room by seven-fifteen. She poured herself a bottled water over crushed ice and watched the monitor. Suddenly the door burst open and in walked Barbara Walters and Elizabeth Hasselbeck. Elizabeth blurted out, &quot;Jennifer Aniston! I loved you in GIRL, INTERRUPTED.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Elizabeth, be quiet,&quot; Barbara broke in. &quot;Jennifer, we are so very pleased that you could be on our show today.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Thanks, Barbara. I've always been a big fan of the show, and, truthfully, it's been a dream of mine to meet all you ladies.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;The pleasure is all ours,&quot; Barbara responded graciously. &quot;Now if you'll excuse me I'm needed in makeup. At age eighty-seven everything takes a tad longer.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Even the sex?&quot; Jennifer asked with an impish expression.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Especially the sex,&quot; Barbara said. &quot;Take my latest book, for example. Had I been even more truthful and honest, I would have admitted my affair with Art Linkletter during the HOUSE PARTY days in the early television era. That man's shlong was like an all-day sucker. Made my jaws ache so that I could hardly talk to Dave Garroway. That was when people first started thinking I had a speech impediment.&quot;&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;I can understand you perfectly,&quot; Jen said.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;Thank you dear. Now Elizabeth will keep you company. Try not to let her annoy you.&quot; Barbara quickly exited. &lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;What's Brad Pitt really like?&quot; Elizabeth ventured.&lt;br /&gt; &lt;br /&gt; &quot;He really likes filthy skanks who steal other women's' husbands,&quot; Jen said, looking her right in the eye. &quot;He never forgave me for giving Billy Bob Thornton a rim job at that Vanity Fair Oscars party.&quot;</text><pager paramname="page" current-page="1" action="https://www.literotica.com/s/jennifer-aniston-on-the-view"><text>1 Pages</text><page page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/jennifer-aniston-on-the-view</link><text>1</text><title>Jennifer Aniston On 'The View' - Celebrities &amp; Fan Fiction</title></page><options><option page="1" current="1"><link>https://www.literotica.com/s/jennifer-aniston-on-the-view</link><text>1</text></option></options></pager></story><author id="986652" allowfeedback="1"><name>peeder_exposed</name></author><story-stats comments="2" views="78924" 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match="/page/head/title"><title><xsl:if test="$page &gt; 1"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="$page"/><xsl:text> - </xsl:text></xsl:if><xsl:value-of select="."/></title></xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/head/description"> <meta name="description"><xsl:attribute name="content"><xsl:if test="$page &gt; 1"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="$page"/><xsl:text> - </xsl:text></xsl:if><xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:attribute></meta> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/head/keywords"> <meta name="keywords"><xsl:attribute name="content"><xsl:value-of select="."/> <xsl:if test="$page &gt; 1"><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="$page"/></xsl:if></xsl:attribute></meta> </xsl:template> <!-- edit "page-version" variable in include/headers.xsl --> <xsl:template name="additional-headers"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$sys-combiner = &quot;short&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-isubmission-pages/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> <style type="text/css"> div#b-bottom{ background: white; width: 547px; margin: 0 0 0 0; } div#b-top{ background: white; width: 547px; } @media only screen and (max-device-width: 640px) { .btoprel div#w.top-b{position: static;padding-top: 286px;} .btoprel div#b-top{position: static;} div.newbr{position: absolute;width: 100%;box-sizing: border-box;top:0;} } </style> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-isubmission/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/page-submission/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/common_story_webtv/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/addtofavs_ie6_v15/voting_ie6/relatedstories_ie6/series_ie6/reccomments_ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie6/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/addtofavs_ie7_v15/voting_ie7/series_ie7/reccomments_ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie7/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]> &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-ie8/<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>.css" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; <![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-isubmission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> </xsl:if> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission-pages/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <script type="text/javascript" src="/sc/js/page-submission/{$page-version}.js"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/sc/css/base-print/{$page-version}.css" type="text/css" media="print"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <!-- please, update short version above --> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/cmn.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-pager.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/common_story_webtv.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="tv"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_v15.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/b-s-story-list.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="all"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if lte IE 6]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie6_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/relatedstories_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 7]>]]><xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages">&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/addtofavs_ie7_v15.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/voting_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/series_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<!-- &lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/sharethis_ie6.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version" />" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt; -->&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/reccomments_ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;</xsl:if>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie7.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <xsl:comment><![CDATA[[if IE 8]>]]>&lt;link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-ie8.css?<xsl:value-of select="$page-version"/>" type="text/css" media="all" /&gt;<![CDATA[<![endif]]]></xsl:comment> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery-1.4.2.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/cmn.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.tools.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.scrollTo-min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/jquery.cookie.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/autoresize.jquery.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/user.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/classes/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/rltr/invoc/footer.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="$page = /page/body/story/@nr_pages"> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/addtofavs-jq_v15.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/votes-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/reccomments-jq.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/b-pager.js?{$page-version}"/> <script type="text/javascript" src="/jsv2/report.js?{$page-version}"/> <xsl:if test="/page/body/story/@category = 27"> <link media="only screen and (max-device-width: 480px)" href="/cssv2/i-phone.css" type="text/css" rel="stylesheet"/> </xsl:if> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/base-print.css?{$page-version}" type="text/css" media="print"/> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <link media="screen" rel="stylesheet" href="/cssv2/colorbox.css?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/jquery.colorbox.min.js?{$page-version}"/> <script src="/jsv2/story-colorbox.js?{$page-version}"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="/page/body"> <body class="t-storypage font-set-1 c{current-category/@id} btoprel"> <xsl:call-template name="emergency-underbody"/> <div id="fb-root"/> <div id="w" class="top-b"> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-top" style="width:100% !important;"> <ins data-revive-zoneid="40" data-revive-id="8ae265101a05bd53e45d50e5004a0297"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Top Ad - End ****************** --> <div id="root" class="ss2 story-{story/@id}"> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- <xsl:call-template name="rltr-common-sidebar" /> --> <xsl:if test="1 = 0"> <!-- disabled --> <div class="b-box b-user"> <div class="b-box-header"> <div class="b-user-avatar"> <a href="#"><img height="35" width="35" src="/imagesv2/avatar-mini-2.png"><xsl:attribute name="alt"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute></img></a> </div> <!-- <b></b> is IE7 hack element --> <div class="b-user-name"><a href="#"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Anonymous user</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a><b/></div> </div><!-- b-box-header --> <div class="b-box-body"> <p class="b-message-anonimous"> <small>Submit Your Story Now For <span style="color: red;">Free</span>:</small><br/> <a class="loginlink" href="/members/main.php">Login</a><span style="color: gray;"> or </span><a class="signuplink" href="/stories/signup.php">Sign Up</a> </p> <br/> <p> <a href="#">Edit Profile</a><xsl:text> </xsl:text><a class="logout-link" href="#">Logout</a> </p> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-user --> </xsl:if> </div> <xsl:call-template name="header-logo"/> <div id="main" class="story"> <div id="content"> <div class="b-breadcrumbs"> <span class="ico"><a href="{$site-root}/index.php"><img src="/imagesv2/icons/i-home.gif" alt="tag"/></a></span> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="splited-index-special-h1"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <a href="/s/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <a href="/p/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <a href="/i/"><xsl:value-of select="splited-index-special-h1"/></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <a href="{current-category/@cat-url}"><xsl:value-of select="current-category/name"/></a> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$page &gt; 1"> <a href="{story/@url}"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></a> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Page</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:value-of select="$page"/> </xsl:when> <xsl:otherwise> <xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/> </xsl:otherwise> </xsl:choose> </div> <div class="b-story-header"> <h1><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/name"/></h1> <!-- "-y", "x-r15" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r22"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span> </div> <!-- "-x", "x-r15" and div added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-story-body-x x-r15"><div> <p><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="story/text"/></p> </div></div> <!-- **************** pager ***************** --> <div class="b-story-stats-block"> <!--<xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages">--> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <p class="b-report-problem"><a class="b-report-problem-story" href="{$site-root}/report_story.php?id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow">Report Story</a></p> </xsl:if> <!--</xsl:if>--> <!-- "-y", "x-r50" and span with comment added to kill Android App --> by<span class="b-story-user-y x-r50"><span><xsl:comment> ! </xsl:comment></span><a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={story/@author}&amp;page=submissions"><xsl:value-of disable-output-escaping="yes" select="author/name"/></a></span><span class="b-story-copy">©</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text> <xsl:apply-templates select="story-stats"/> </div> <div class="b-sidebar"> <!-- ******************* share ******************** --> <xsl:call-template name="share-love"/> <!-- ******************* related stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <!--<xsl:call-template name="format1"/>--> <xsl:apply-templates select="relatedstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* series stories ******************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* tags ******************** --> <xsl:if test="tags"> <xsl:apply-templates select="tags"/> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* bug report ******************** --> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Report a Bug</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <a href="/stories/quest/bugs.php?id=3&amp;url={story/@url4url}"><strong>Submit bug report</strong></a> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </div><!-- b-sidebar --> <div id="sbar-l-wrp"> <xsl:if test="story/pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="story/pager"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$preview = &quot;preview&quot;"> <div id="preview-back"> <p>If you want to make changes or to publish story click "<strong>Go Back to Edit or Publish</strong>" button.</p> <form method="post"> <input type="hidden" name="return" value="{$preview-backurl}"/> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="dummy"/> <input type="submit" class="i-button" name="edit" value="Go Back to Edit or Publish"/> </form> </div> </xsl:if> <!-- ******************* vote ******************** --> <xsl:if test="story[@allow_vote = 1] and $page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:call-template name="vote"/> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** Add to favs buttons ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <div class="b-favorites c"> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Story <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this story!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}" rel="nofollow"> Favorite Poem <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this poem!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button author" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type=member&amp;id={story/@author}"> Favorite Author <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add author to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <span class="b-fav-button"> <a class="fav-add-button story" href="/stories/addtofavs.php?type={$type}&amp;id={story/@id}"> Favorite Illustrations <!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Add story to favorites</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>--> </a><b class="olay"/> </span> <p class="b-favorites-users"> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &lt; 1"> <img width="25" height="25" alt="heart" src="/imagesv2/addtofav/icon-heart-grey.gif" class="heart"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 0"><a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[1]"/></a></xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 1">, <a class="user-name"><xsl:attribute name="href"><xsl:value-of select="$site-root"/>/memberpage.php?uid=<xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]/@id"/></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[2]"/></a> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="favoritedusers/@count &gt; 2"> and <span class="b-favorites-others"><xsl:attribute name="title"><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/user[3]"/><xsl:for-each select="favoritedusers/user"><xsl:if test="position() &gt; 3">, <xsl:value-of select="."/></xsl:if></xsl:for-each></xsl:attribute><xsl:value-of select="favoritedusers/@morecount"/> other people</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="count(favoritedusers) &gt; 0">favorited this illustration!</xsl:if>  </p> </xsl:if> </div> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> <!-- ***************** comments ****************** --> <xsl:if test="$page = story/@nr_pages"> <xsl:if test="not($preview)"> <xsl:if test="(author/@allowfeedback = 1) or (story/@enable_comments = 1)"> <div id="tabs" class="b-tabs"> <dl> <xsl:if test="story/@enable_comments = 1"> <dt class="selected"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Recent Comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></dt> <dd class="selected"> <div class="dd"><div class="b-tabs-content"> <xsl:apply-templates select="recent-comments/comments"/> </div></div> </dd> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-comment-form"/> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="author/@allowfeedback = 1"> <xsl:call-template name="tabs-feedback-form"/> </xsl:if> </dl> </div><!-- b-tabs --> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </xsl:if> </div><!-- #sbar-l-wrp --> </div><!-- #content --> </div><!-- #main --> </div><!-- #root --> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - Start ****************** --> <div class="big_link" id="b-bottom"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone18" data-zone-id="18"/> </div> <!-- ***************** Bottom Ad - End ****************** --> </div><!-- #w --> <div id="b-footer"> <div class="r1banner" data-zone-name="zone42" data-zone-id="42"/> <xsl:call-template name="tags-footer"> <xsl:with-param name="mode"><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;story&quot;">stories</xsl:if><xsl:if test="$type = &quot;poems&quot;">poem</xsl:if></xsl:with-param> </xsl:call-template> </div><!-- #b-footer --> <xsl:call-template name="iphone-message"/> <xsl:call-template name="rltr-login-in-div"/> <script async="async" src="//poetry.literotica.com/www/delivery/asyncjs.php"/> <xsl:call-template name="r1-banner-init"/> </body> </xsl:template> <!-- **************** vote template ****************** --> <xsl:template name="vote"> <xsl:comment> // VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> <div id="voting"> <form action="{$site-root-dynamic}/vote.php" method="post" id="voteform"> <div> <input type="hidden" name="storyid" value="{story/@id}"/> <input type="hidden" name="page" value="{$page}"/> <input type="hidden" name="pagehint" value="{$page}"/> <p id="votemsg"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">showstory-please-rate</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template>:</p> <fieldset id="votefset"> <label for="v1">1</label> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="1" id="v1"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="2" id="v2"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="3" id="v3"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="4" id="v4"/> <input type="radio" name="vote" value="5" id="v5"/> <label for="v5">5 <span>(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">best</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">best mark</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</span></label> </fieldset> <input type="submit" name="Submit" id="submitbut"> <xsl:attribute name="value"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Submit Vote</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></xsl:attribute> </input> </div> </form> <div id="votingform"><p id="v_caption">Please Rate This Submission:</p><ul id="v_list"><li><strong id="lv1" title="I Hated It!">1</strong></li><li><strong id="lv2" title="I Didn't Like It Much.">2</strong></li><li><strong id="lv3" title="Liked It - Keep On Writing.">3</strong></li><li><strong id="lv4" title="Really Liked It - Good Read!">4</strong></li><li><strong id="lv5" title="Loved It - One Of The Best!!">5</strong></li></ul><div id="loading"><img src="/imagesv2/voting/animation.gif" width="13" height="13" alt="Please wait"/></div></div> </div> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> loadForm(<xsl:value-of select="story/@id"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>,<xsl:value-of select="$page"/>); //</xsl:comment> </script> <xsl:comment> // END OF VOTING MODULE </xsl:comment> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** tags template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="tags"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"> <h3>Tags For This Story<!--<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Story Tags For This Submission:</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint">story-page-bottom</xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>--></h3> </div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-story-tag-list"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="tag"> <li><a href="{$site-root-tagsportal}/{name-encoded}"><xsl:value-of select="name"/></a><xsl:if test="position() &lt; last()"> – </xsl:if></li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </div> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** related template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="relatedstories"> <xsl:if test="story"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Similar stories</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "rt-65" added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list rt-65"> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="b-s-story-list-link"><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> by <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={@author}&amp;page=submissions" class="b-s-story-list-user"><xsl:value-of select="@author-username"/></a> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;">  <span class="b-s-story-rating"> <xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0">  <span class="b-s-story-comment"> <xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:if> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** series template ******************* --> <xsl:template match="seriesstories"> <script type="text/javascript"> <xsl:comment> var series_page_count = <xsl:value-of select="@pages"/>; // </xsl:comment> </script> <div id="b-series" class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Also in this series</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <!-- "t-4ut" and div with comment added to kill Android App --> <div class="b-s-story-list t-4ut"><div><xsl:comment> // </xsl:comment></div> <xsl:apply-templates select="seriesstories-page"/> <!--<div class="b-pager">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-prev"></span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-next"></span>--> <!-- <div class="b-pager-pages">--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-page">1</span>--> <!-- <span class="b-pager-active">2</span>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</div>--> </div><!-- b-s-story-list --> <!--<xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 1">--> <!-- <div class="pager">--> <!-- Page:--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="prev"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('left');</xsl:attribute>&lt;&lt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:for-each select="seriesstories-page">--> <!-- <span>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesChangePage('<xsl:value-of select="@page" />');</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="id">series_pager_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page = 1">--> <!-- <xsl:attribute name="class">current visible</xsl:attribute>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 1 and @page &lt; 6"><xsl:attribute name="class">visible</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@page &gt; 5"><xsl:attribute name="class">hidden</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!-- <xsl:value-of select="@page" />--> <!-- </span>--> <!-- </xsl:for-each>--> <!-- <xsl:if test="@pages &gt; 5">--> <!-- <span class="next"><xsl:attribute name="onclick">seriesScrollPaging('right');</xsl:attribute>&gt;&gt;</span>--> <!-- </xsl:if>--> <!-- </div>--> <!--</xsl:if>--> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="seriesstories-page"> <div class="frame"> <!--<xsl:attribute name="id">series_page_<xsl:value-of select="@page" /></xsl:attribute>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page = 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">show</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <!--<xsl:if test="@page != 1"><xsl:attribute name="class">hide</xsl:attribute></xsl:if>--> <ul> <xsl:for-each select="story"> <li> <!-- "i-18k" and comment added to kill Android App --> <h4><a href="{@url}" class="ser_link i-18k"><xsl:comment> t </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="name" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a></h4> <xsl:text> </xsl:text> <span class="b-s-story-stats-block"> <xsl:if test="@rate != &quot;x.xx&quot;"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-rating"><xsl:value-of select="@rate"/></span> </xsl:if> <xsl:if test="@comment-cnt &gt; 0"> <xsl:text> </xsl:text><span class="b-s-story-comment"><xsl:value-of select="@comment-cnt"/></span> </xsl:if> </span> </li> </xsl:for-each> </ul> </div> </xsl:template> <!-- ************** 1format1 template ******************* --> <xsl:template name="format1"> <div class="b-1f1 slow-animation active-on-visible sen-05 template-5"> <p class="a-right small ad-name">advertisment</p> <div class="b-1f1-top"/> <div class="b-1f1-body"> <div class="b-1f1-ba"> <div class="b-1f1-ba-t"><em class="b-1f1-ba-tl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-tr"/></div> <strong>related to this story:</strong><br/> <div class="big banner-text"> <a href="#">Pipedream Products Nipple</a><br/> <a href="#">Chain Clips Sex Toy Kit</a> </div> <div class="b-1f1-ba-b"><em class="b-1f1-ba-bl"/><em class="b-1f1-ba-br"/></div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-v-bar"> <p class="indent message"/> <div class="b-1f1-v"> <a href="#" class="button b-no"><span>No</span></a> <ul class="voting-bar"> <li class="vb-1"><a href="#"><span>1</span></a></li> <li class="vb-2"><a href="#"><span>2</span></a></li> <li class="vb-3"><a href="#"><span>3</span></a></li> <li class="vb-4"><a href="#"><span>4</span></a></li> <li class="vb-5"><a href="#"><span>5</span></a></li> </ul> <a href="#" class="button b-yes"><span>Yes</span></a> <p class="small tcenter voting-bar-rating">4.5</p> </div> </div> </div> <div class="b-1f1-bottom"/> </div> <div id="format1-banners"> <div id="format1-banner-1"><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a><br/><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-2"><a href="#">Sex Toy Kit</a><br/><a href="#">Pipedream Products</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-3"><a href="#">Dave moved his hands...</a></div> <div id="format1-banner-4"><a href="#">Very big ti...</a></div> </div> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="membername"> <xsl:param name="uid"/> <a href="{$site-root}/memberpage.php?uid={$uid}"><xsl:value-of select="//member[@id = $uid]" disable-output-escaping="yes"/></a> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="no-comments"> <p class="morereccomments"> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;story&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;poem&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$type = &quot;illustra&quot;"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">There are no recent comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0">(<xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">n older comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/><xsl:with-param name="param1"><xsl:value-of select="@total"/></xsl:with-param></xsl:call-template>)</xsl:if> - <a id="new-comment-link" href="{$site-root-dynamic}/make_comment.php?id={@story}" rel="nofollow"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Click here to add a comment to this illustra</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></a> </xsl:when> </xsl:choose> <xsl:if test="@total &gt; 0"> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <span class="loadmorecomments"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">Show more comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template></span> <xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">or-conjunction</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> <a href="{$site-root}/storyfeedbackboard.php?id={@story}&amp;pagehint=6"><xsl:call-template name="i18n"><xsl:with-param name="key">comments-read-all-comments</xsl:with-param><xsl:with-param name="hint"/></xsl:call-template> (<xsl:value-of select="@total"/>)</a></xsl:if> </p> </xsl:template> <!-- special pager-new.xsl override method to always show pager --> <xsl:template match="pager"> <div class="b-pager"> <xsl:apply-templates select="previous"/> <xsl:apply-templates select="next"/> <div class="b-pager-pages"> <xsl:if test="text"> <!-- "-t", "r-d45" and comment added to kill Android App --> <span class="b-pager-caption-t r-d45"><xsl:comment> x </xsl:comment><xsl:value-of select="text"/>:</span> </xsl:if> <xsl:apply-templates select="page"/> <xsl:if test="//pager/next"> <xsl:apply-templates select="options"/> </xsl:if> <!-- <xsl:if test="not (//pager/next)"> <span class="fblike"><fb:like layout="button_count" show_faces="false" colorscheme="light"></fb:like></span> </xsl:if> --> </div> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_hcount" displayText="Tweet"></span>--> <!-- <span class="st_email_button" displayText="Email"></span>--> </div><!-- b-pager --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template match="story-stats"> <span class="b-story-stats"><xsl:value-of select="@comments"/> comments<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@views"/> views<span class="sep">/</span><xsl:text> </xsl:text><xsl:value-of select="@favs"/> favorites</span> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="share-love"> <div class="b-box"> <div class="b-box-header"><h3>Share the love</h3></div> <div class="b-box-body"> <div class="b-s-share-love"> <!-- <span class="st_twitter_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_sharethis_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> <span class="st_facebook_vcount" st_url="{story/@url}" displayText="Share"></span> --> <!-- Place this tag in your head or just before your close body tag --> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"/> <div id="gplus"><div class="g-plusone" data-size="medium"/></div> <div id="tw-share"><a href="https://twitter.com/share" class="twitter-share-button" data-count="none" data-text="{story/name}" data-url="{story/@url}">Tweet</a><script type="text/javascript" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"/></div> <div class="secline"> <div id="add-this"><a href="https://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/share.gif" width="16" height="16" alt="Share"/></a></div> <div id="add-email"><a href="https://api.addthis.com/oexchange/0.8/forward/email/offer?url=https%3a{story/@url4url}&amp;title=Send%20a%20story%20via%20email&amp;username=literotica" target="_blank"><img src="/imagesv2/email.gif" width="56" height="18" alt="Email"/></a></div> </div> </div><!-- b-share-love --> </div><!-- b-box-body --> </div><!-- b-box --> </xsl:template> <xsl:template name="i18n"> <xsl:param name="key"/> <xsl:param name="hint"/> <xsl:param name="param1"/> <xsl:param name="param2"/> <xsl:param name="param3"/> <xsl:param name="param4"/> <xsl:choose> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Page&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Page</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Anonymous user&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Anonymous user</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Recent Comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Recent<br/> Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;showstory-please-rate&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Please Rate This Submission</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;best&quot; and $hint=&quot;best mark&quot;">best</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Submit Vote&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Submit Vote</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;There are no recent comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">There are no recent comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;n older comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;"><xsl:value-of select="$param1" disable-output-escaping="yes"/> older comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this story&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this story</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this poem&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this poem</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Click here to add a comment to this illustra&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Click here to add a comment to this illustration</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;or-conjunction&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">or</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;Show more comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Show more comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;comments-read-all-comments&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">Read All User Comments</xsl:when> <xsl:when test="$key=&quot;literotica-copyright&quot; and $hint=&quot;&quot;">All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. 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