Julian Falls in Love Ch. 04

Lawrence came back from his business trip the day before we were due to set off for Scotland, Aviemore to be precise, in the north east of the country. It was much too far for him to drive -- more than 400 miles -- so we decided to take the train. The thought of spending more than six hours dressed as a girl among other passengers made me a little nervous, but Lawrence told me to relax and that I would be just fine. The coaching given to me by Lucy did me make feel a lot more confident about appearing in public as Emma, but it would still be a bit of a trial.

We packed our suitcases the night before. Mine was chock full of panties, bras, tops, stockings, skirts and a mass of beauty products. I was not allowed to take a single masculine item of clothing, since Lawrence demanded that I have a 'total immersion experience' as a girl for a week. Even the razor I used to shave my body hair was designed for ladies. Lawrence criticised me jokingly for the amount of things I was taking, which in a way reassured me that my thinking was becoming increasingly feminine!

Lawrence had booked us into a hotel as man and wife, into a double room. Just the thought of being alone with him for a week was a real turn-on, and I couldn't wait to get my hands on him after his ten days of absence. After we finished our packing we began to kiss and cuddle, but unfortunately we couldn't spend the night together since I had a few things to attend to at home. Lawrence seemed really disappointed but I promised I made would make it up to him.

In the morning I went to Lawrence's house, where I fussed over my choice of clothing for the trip but eventually opted for a long, flowery summer dress with a slip underneath as it was quite sheer and you could see the outline of my bra and panties through it. I also wore a pair of candy pink hold-up stockings and gold-coloured sandals. We took the taxi to the station, boarded the train, and then we were off. It was a beautiful day, the sun streaming through the windows. I closed my eyes, rested my head against Lawrence's shoulder, and relaxed. I felt good and at ease with myself. No-one had looked at me in any untoward manner. In fact, the deference shown me by the male passengers, such as letting me down the aisle first, was a real pleasure. I realised being female, especially a good-looking one, could have its advantages.

Another thing I should mention is that I had bought an artificial vagina by mail order from a firm specialising in transvestite clothes and aids. It was really ingenious, if a little expensive. Not only did it enable me to tuck my penis away discreetly so that I was nicely flat and feminine in the crotch but it enabled me to sit down and pee without needing to remove it. Also, from what I had read about it, there was no need to take it off when my boyfriend made love to me. In any event, it was far more comfortable than the cache-sex I had previously worn and made me feel more girlish and erotic.

Thankfully the journey passed uneventfully. We got off at Aviemore at around seven o' clock in the evening and walked the short distance to the hotel. With some alacrity, I might add, since it seemed ages since we had shared a bed and I felt a aching longing for Lawrence, to be held in his strong arms, to be kissed, caressed and feel his body against mine. I fully intended the night to be one he would remember.

The hotel was quite luxurious, at least as far as my past experience was concerned. To be addressed as 'madam' by the handsome male receptionist was thrilling. I smiled warmly back at him, only to be given a warning look by Lawrence. The room was really nice with a breathtaking view of the nearby hills. However, we were more taken with each other than with the scenery. As soon as we had shut the door Lawrence put his arms around my waist, pulled me to him and kissed me passionately. I felt his hand sliding up underneath my dress. "I was going to take you out for something to eat but we are a little tired, so how about an early night, angel?"

"That suits me!" I replied, knowing exactly what he had in mind. But I gently pushed him away, explaining I needed a bath after my long journey and a change of clothes.

I had a nice scented bath and an anal douche, ensuring I was nice and clean 'down there' for the passion to come. I had discovered that a bath relaxed me and made it easier to have sex. I renewed my make-up, sprayed myself on my neck, wrists and thighs with a lovely floral perfume, and put on my new outfit. Unknown to Lawrence, I had purchased a complete schoolgirl uniform, consisting of a light blue shirt, striped tie, grey box-pleated mini-skirt, white cotton knee socks and black, block-heeled shoes. I tied my long hair back into a pony tail and looked at myself in the full-length bathroom mirror; even if I say so myself, I looked pretty good. I knew Lawrence thought girls looked really sexy in school uniform so I wanted to give him a pleasant surprise.

I stepped out of the bathroom. Lawrence, who was sat in a chair watching TV, gave a look of astonishment as if he could hardly believe his eyes. "Well, what do you think?" I asked, sitting on his knee and bouncing up and down on him playfully.

"Emma darling, you look absolutely gorgeous!" He put his arm around me, hugged me tightly and kissed me on the cheek. I was so pleased he approved! Lawrence tried to watch the sports results but I scolded him for being more interested in them than in me.

Here I will reproduce the account of what happened next I wrote the following day. In it, I attempted to describe faithfully my feelings as Lawrence made love to me. It is written in the present tense to give a sense of immediacy.

Lawrence gives up his attempts to watch TV and turns the set off, instead putting on some soft music on the radio. We stand up and he smiles at me, a smile I return readily, knowing the delights to come. He puts his arms around my waist and pulls me tightly to him, kissing me deeply and fondling my bottom through my skirt. I am almost trembling with desire and I can scarcely breathe normally. I adore his manly frame against my fragile body; submissively I allow myself to go limp in his arms so as to let him know he can do as he wants with me. I want him so much!

His kiss is delightful and our mouths and tongues mingle for many minutes before he pulls away. I want this kiss to go on forever. But my disappointment is short-lived. He kisses me again with increased ardour, his hand venturing above my socks to stroke my thighs. I begin to sigh softly, erotic sparks of electricity coursing through my body. One of the things I like about Lawrence is that he always takes his time when making love, treating me considerately like a real girl in a strong yet gentle way.

We carry on like this for possible twenty minutes, becoming ever more excited. Finally, I decide I want to give him a more substantial pleasure. I break free of Lawrence and ask him to lie down on the bed. I unbutton his shirt and kiss every delicious inch of his finely muscled torso. Next, I unbuckle his trousers and slide them down his legs. He is clearly very aroused as evidenced by the prominent bulge in his boxer shorts. For several instants I caress his hardness through the cotton of his underwear, whilst kissing his firm thighs.

I pull his shorts down with some difficulty, his penis springing up as if to salute me. Immediately I begin to suck him whilst rubbing his foreskin lightly, my tongue flicking at his sensitive fraenulum. He begins to moan; I have done this several times now and I am becoming quite adept at oral sex. I don't drive his member crudely into my mouth aggressively as you see so often in porno films. I take my time, running my tongue up his entire length and licking his lovely exposed prepuce. His penis reacts to the warmth and wetness of my mouth by becoming even harder. I want so much to give pleasure to this man and am gratified by the sight of his fine erection. I don't care if some people would find this repellent; fellatio is so beautiful if done rightly and with someone you love.

I know he is ready for me and I whisper for him to undress me. He first removes my tie and I offer my throat to him. He is intoxicated by my perfume and covers my neck with the most ardent kisses, now and then giving me little love bites. He then undoes my shirt and unhooks my bra, tweaking and licking my nipples. At the same time I stroke his penis, so that it maintains its rigidity. Again bolts of excitement shoot through my body. He unzips my skirt and slides it off my legs. My shoes are next but he allows me to keep my knee-socks and panties on. He falls on me for more kissing. I drink in his tongue and pull him against me. My need is now desperate. Lawrence, I want you inside me now!

He reaches for the lubricant and asks me to turn over. I get on my hands and knees after which he slides my white cotton panties down my legs and probes my opening very gently with his finger, taking care not to hurt me. I cannot help but moan. His finger makes contact with my prostate, giving me the most exquisite sensations. He knows me well enough me now to realise how I like to be pleasured. He spreads my buttocks, covering them all over with kisses.

He asks me to sit on top of him. He is so tender and considerate he needs to know I am comfortable with me inside him before he does anything else. He lies on his back and I grasp his hard penis. My back is turned to him so he can take me 'reverse cowgirl' style. I place his member against my opening. I draw my breath in as my sphincter gradually adapts to the girth of his penis, but happily the discomfort only lasts for about a minute. I rest my hands against his thighs and begin to move slowly up and down, occasionally wriggling my bottom to enhance my lover's pleasure. I close my eyes and completely shut out the world and its grossness; this is simply marvellous. All I feel are waves of pleasure rippling through me, warm colours dancing in front of my inner eye as I toss my head back and savour the sensations Lawrence is giving me. I feel kisses rain down upon my neck as Lawrence places his hands on my hips so as to assist my up-and-down movements.

As I become more confident, I begin to push down more vigorously. Lawrence tells me to take my time and go a little more easily. He stops me and turns me gently on my side. Lawrence takes the lead now and thrusts slowly in and out of me. I turn my head and we kiss open-mouthed. His right hand clasps my left, as if to give me reassurance. Several minutes later the relentless stimulation of my prostate takes its effect and I feel the wonderful sensation of approaching orgasm begin to build within me. I resist the temptation to touch my penis. It is not needed. Oh you gorgeous man! You're going to make me come! Lawrence senses this and speeds up. As I climax I shudder and moan, allowing the delight to wash over me. I turn to my lover and smile. We kiss warmly, and I squeeze his hand tightly as if to thank him.

The nicest thing about a prostate orgasm is that it doesn't blunt my desire or leave me feeling sad and deflated, which are unfortunate side effects of the usual male climax. I can go on. We change positions again. This time Lawrence places me on my hands and knees and gets behind me. Again I feel the wonderful sensation of his hard organ penetrating me, Lawrence's thighs making contact my hairless, girlish bottom as he moves in and out of me.

Again I close my eyes so as to focus on the enjoyment my boyfriend is giving me. I push my bum back so as to meet his thrusts and gain maximum penetration. I know he appreciates this from his whispers of encouragement. I feel deliciously vulnerable exposing myself totally like this to my lover but I know I can trust him not to cause me pain. Again I feel the pleasure rising within me. Oh baby that feels so good! Please don't stop! Moans of ecstasy escape from me. I can't help it. He leans over me and kisses the nape of my neck, caressing my cheek softly with his right hand. Even at the height of passion, his touch is delightful.

He withdraws from me and places me on my back. I fold my legs back toward my chest to accommodate him. He enters me again, and holds my legs over his shoulders. My whole body is tingling and, several thrusts later, I once again feel the pleasure shoot through me, prostate fluid spurting over my chest. He leans forward to give me another kiss; I open my mouth greedily to receive it. Now I want him to come for me and tell him so. I place my hands on his buttocks and pull him into me. He squeezes my thighs ever more tightly whilst his thrusting becomes more urgent. I pull his penis expand and erupt deep within me and he groans uncontrollably. He withdraws and falls on me; I feel enormously fulfilled. "Emma, my sweet little angel, I love you so much!" says Lawrence, covering my body with kisses.

These words release something in me, like water gushing from a burst dam. I begin to cry, caused by a combination of the intensity and happiness of our lovemaking, his affirmation of our love, and the contrast with my former lost and lonely life with all the bullying and heartache I had to suffer. But I cannot explain all this at the time and he is mortified that he may have hurt me. "No, it isn't that!" I assure him, but it is all I can manage to utter brokenly between sobbing. He takes me gently into his arms, and rests my head on his shoulder. He strokes my hair and kisses me until my crying subsides. Again I feel safe and secure. He never stops kissing and consoling me until I have completely calmed down.

I put on my nightdress and lie on the bed with my head against Lawrence's chest and his arms around me. There is a nice film on TV, which we watch for a while together, but I am so tired I fall asleep, calm and contented, in Lawrence's arms. I wake momentarily in the middle of the night and look at Lawrence's sleeping form. I am so lucky to have a lovely man like this to snuggle up to; someone who understands the way I am. I put my head on his shoulder and go back to sleep.

We got up early the next morning to go hill walking. It was a beautiful day with just a refreshing sharpness in the air, which you often get in the north of Scotland. There was no-one else about and it was wonderful to be able to walk with my boyfriend hand-in-hand or him with his arm around me. I wouldn't have dared to display this level of public intimacy back home. We got to the top of the hill and sat down together on a strangely shaped stone bench. We were elated after our climb. Lawrence gave me the sweetest kiss. I squeezed him tightly as I looked at the village hundreds of feet below. I felt on top of the world, completely liberated to be the girl I knew I was inside.

We packed in as much as we could during that week: walking lots, sightseeing, going to the cinema or restaurants in the evenings, and then going back to the hotel to make love. The resolution grew in me that I just couldn't go back to being a man. Despite all the obstacles I could see and those I couldn't see, being male just made me feel miserable, whereas when I was dressed as Emma with my man I was a happy, bubbly young lady, at peace with herself. Furthermore, I was growing nicely into girlhood. My fears of being out of doors dressed up were gradually disappearing. I wasn't quite ready to go to the ladies department of a store to buy clothes, but this was my dream.

On the final day of our holiday Lawrence said he wanted to have a serious word with me. The years of disappointment and rejection must have caused a worried frown to cross my face. I really began to panic that our relationship was ending. But Lawrence quickly put my mind at rest. "Don't look so worried, darling. This will make you happy, I hope." We both sat down on the bed while Lawrence held my two hands in his. "Emma sweetheart, I've known you just a short time but I've grown to love you very much. I would like it very much if you would come and live with me. Also, if you want to go ahead with the hormone treatment, or go even further, have no worries on the financial score darling. Look, I've got this for you."

I opened the small box he handed me. Inside was the most exquisite diamond ring, intended to mark our 'engagement'. I put it on my finger but really couldn't find the right words to say to thank him. I was overwhelmed by emotion. I flung my arms around his neck and gave way to tears. "Can I take that as a 'yes'?" Lawrence asked jokingly.

"I love you too Lawrence. You're the kindest and sweetest man I've ever met and you make me so happy. I'll move in with you if you'll have me!" Needless to say, the sex that night was utterly unrestrained and wonderful. No more nights in a lonely bed!

It was a lovely end to a lovely holiday. But there were storm clouds gathering on the horizon that would threaten my happiness.