Looking for Love Ch. 03byendlesskiss©
Morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, bathing the bed and the bodies in it with a golden glow. Silk sheets wrapped intertwined bodies as though they were cocooned. Nicole opened her eyes then groaned when hit with too much light. She tried to turn away from it but was trapped by silk sheets and an arm around her waist.
"Kristoff," she groaned trying to wake him up. Sometimes it took a marching band to wake him up when he was tired. He didn't budge an inch; her back pressed against his front, she could feel his cock harden and his breath hitch. Now she definitely knew he was awake. Oh, well, if that's the way he wanted to play it, Nicole thought. She raised her arm, the sheet dropping to her waist exposing her breast. She rubbed against his erection enjoying the feel of him against her. His hand began to inch up to caress her breast, feeling her nipple harden he rolled the bud between his fingers, lightly pinching and pulling.
"I knew you weren't sleeping," Nicole whispered.
He smiled against her neck as his fingers made a downward slope toward her sex. A gasp escaped her lips as her clitoris was used for his personal pleasure. The sheets were pushed down their body as Kristoff maneuvered her onto her back. Eyes hooded, he watched her bite her lips as he stroked her towards an explosion. He moved down her body, his middle finger stroking deep inside. Lips placed moist kisses along her lower abdomen, before he shifted lower.
Nicole gasped as she felt his tongue lick her, then blow lightly on her clit, his middle finger slowly driving her insane.
"Are you going to come for me?" he asked.
Nicole whimpered and nodded her head yes.
Kristoff withdrew his finger and latched on with his mouth like a starving man, his tongue stroking deep within her. Her sweetness dripped onto his tongue sparking his taste buds. She was so damn soft.
Nicole tried to pull away from the intense pleasure, but he held her hips in place refusing to give her an out. He nipped her flesh with his teeth before he soothed it with his tongue. Kristoff pulled away to gaze at her pink wet flesh. His placed his thumb at her opening, teasing her. His lips lapped the wetness of her inner thigh. She begged and pleaded until finally he replaced his thumb with his mouth again. This time there was no teasing.
He had a goal and it was his jobs to finish it. His tongue stroked deep, fast and furious while his finger slid in beside it. It drove her crazy because he didn't slide his finger in and out of her; no he placed it deep and wiggled the tip back and forth as though coaxing her orgasm to come forward.
Her hands grabbed the sheets to keep from vaulting off the bed. He stayed with her as he manipulated her g-spot. Her scream echoed off the walls as her body tensed in orgasm. He loved watching her come, lips parted in pleasure as he satisfied her.
Nicole rode the wave; her body tingling in the aftermath. She stroked his hair; his tongue continuing to caress her. Struggling to sit up, her limbs felt weak. There was nothing like morning delight; Starbucks had nothing on this. Laughter spilled forth as she leaned against the headboard.
Kristoff sat up as well, happy to have put a smile on her face. "So I take it you're pleased," he said.
Nicole sighed as she closed her eyes. "I am definitely pleased." Leaning against the headboard she linked her fingers with his and stroked his arm. Time was always of the essence when they got together. They were both so busy; these stolen moments were a blessing.
Kristoff pulled her into his arms. "Well I am glad. Now when we last spoke you said you were going home. What happened?"
Nicole took a deep breath and let it out. "I was lonely, if you can believe that."
"I thought you went out with a friend."
Nicole glanced toward the window. "Yea I did.
What time is it?" she stalled.
Kristoff glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "6:17."
"Don't you have to get ready for work?"
"No," he answered. "I decided to relax today. Now we can stay in bed for hours." Nicole stared at their intertwined fingers."Maybe, or we can actually leave your apartment. I'm tired of staying in, afraid of who might see us."
Kristoff scoffed unbelievably. "Nicole, do you hear yourself? I mean seriously, do you think about what you're going to say before it actually comes out of your mouth."
Wincing at his harsh tone and words, she pulled her hand from his. "I just meant I'm tired of being cooped up inside."
Kristoff swung his legs over the side of the bed to the floor. She watched him stroll to his dresser and retrieve a pair of boxers then stroll to the walk-in closet and start pulling out clothes.
"What are you doing?" Nicole asked.
"I'm about to take a shower then we can waltz through town so everyone can see us. Isn't that what you want? The only reason I prefer to stay inside is because you are still in a relationship, or did you forget that?"
Nicole refused to answer; she looked around for her duffle which Kristoff had retrieved after round two of sex. She couldn't walk out in her trench coat in the morning. In the dark of night it was sexy, but in the light of day, a trench coat with nothing underneath was nothing short of trashy. After spotting it in the corner of the master bedroom she grabbed it and headed for the bathroom, brushing past Kristoff and closed the door in his face. The last thing she wanted to do was argue with him; she never won when they did.
Sure she had issues; she was in a complicated relationship, her boss hated her and was trying to sabotage her slowly dying relationship with Ray, and we can't forget the whole sleeping with her best friend's father. Reflection caused her to wonder how she became this woman; one who cheated, lied and faked her way to happiness. Relationships weren't built on mistrust; they were built on trust and respect.
But it wasn't just her issues with Ray that was tearing Nicole apart inside; it was her confusing relationship with Anastasia's father. There was a spark between them yet he tried to fight it, putting distance and a wall in the middle. Was she right to keep Ray hanging on a string while she continued to sneak around? No. But she couldn't help it. She did not trust herself to make the right decision. Sometimes the head and heart go to war with each other, each side refusing to trust the other. Her head told her to be realistic, trust that she and Ray could build something solid, something lasting. Then her heart joined the conversation, insisting that being happy was all that mattered.
Except Kristoff wasn't seeing it that way, he was living in the moment, not thinking about the future. Nicole tried to let it hurt, but her heart had other ideas. She tried to remain callous and distant as well to even the playing field; it didn't work. Stepping under the hot spray, Nicole felt a headache approach. She needed to get it together but it was easier said than done.
Kristoff looked at the bathroom door, knowing he'd hurt Nicole's feelings, but facts were facts. He couldn't walk in there and make things better for her, his job wasn't to hold her hand when life got too tough. He knew she wanted more from him emotionally but he wasn't ready for that. After years of dealing with his ex-wife Martine, he felt he was unable to involve himself so deeply in another relationship; especially with someone as young as Nicole. He also couldn't forget she was involved with someone else; not that it mattered much to him. A man of his stature was used to getting what and who he wanted.
Listening to the running water he took a seat on the bed. Emotions were complicating the issue; maybe it was time to end things between them. He didn't want to but he may have no choice. Having known Nicole since she was a young girl he didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he also wasn't ready to be so serious. Also if he allowed what they had to go somewhere, he had to brace for the fallout. Anastasia and his ex-wife, Martine would flip, as would Nicole's parents whom he has known for years. His associates would clap him on the back for sexing someone so young, but they'd think he was a fool if he got serious with her. Hearing the shower shut off, Kristoff braced himself for the cold shoulder Nicole would throw his way.
Nicole quickly threw her clothes on and took a deep breath before opening the door. "I'll be out of your way in a minute; I just need to find my shoes."
Kristoff sighed, "I never implied you had to leave Nicole. But you have to admit I'm right; you want to parade what we have in front of the world without thinking of the repercussions."
"You are right Kris, I apologize for overreacting," Nicole said. "But I really should go, there's a meeting tomorrow I have to prepare for."
"Are you sure? I would like it if you stayed here today. I'll even watch those sappy Lifetime movies with you."
Nicole smiled sadly, "I would really like that too, but I've been falling behind on work lately so I need to catch up."
Kristoff nodded knowingly, watching Nicole walk into the living area and retrieve her shoes. He wanted her to stay but he couldn't make her. Following Nicole into the living room, Kristoff picked up the duffel bag and handed it to her as she stepped in front of him. "I'll call you tomorrow; see if you want to head to dinner."
Kristoff entered the code for the elevator. Smiling at Kristoff, Nicole leaned up and kissed him, long and deep. Pulling back they were both out of breath. Nicole placed one last kiss on his lips then walked into the elevator. She looked into his eyes as the doors closed between them. Leaning her head against the doors, Nicole felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
Once the elevator hit the main floor, Nicole rushed to guest parking and turned in her ticket. Arguing with Kristoff left her emotionally exhausted because she wanted something he wasn't willing to give. Even when she ended things with Ray, Kristoff would make up another excuse to remain at arm's length. Nicole was realistic enough to see she put herself in this position. What man would commit to a woman who was involved with another? She was foolish to fall in love with Kristoff. Anastasia, Martine, her parents and let's not forget Ray would certainly object to this relationship; hell Kristoff was objecting to it.
The sane thing to do would be to move on with Ray but the longer she stayed in this relationship, the more suffocated she became. Driving out of the garage, Nicole headed home to get some work done; she wasn't lying about that. She also thought maybe staying away from Kristoff would knock some sense into her. He wouldn't return her feelings and she needed to get used to it, which meant no more jumping into bed with him hoping to hang onto any little piece of him she could get. Nicole never thought she'd be the starry eyed little girl trying to win some man's heart.
She was strong, accomplished, had a good head on her shoulders and was one of the top fashion editors in the industry. She shouldn't have to beg for any mans attention. Pulling into her driveway, Nicole pressed the garage opener, thankful to see the spot next to hers empty.
Guilt overwhelmed her as she thought about Ray. He didn't deserve her deceit and she had to be honest with him. She vowed to call him after she got some work done and some time to herself. Entering the kitchen through the garage, Nicole stepped out of her shoes and tossed her bag on the chair.
"I see you finally made it home."
Nicole could have sworn she jumped ten feet into the air. "Oh my God, What are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me."
Nicole put a hand to her heart trying to ease its pounding. Ray was sitting at the kitchen table eating a breakfast of pancakes and scrambled eggs. How could she not have smelled the food coming inside? Ray remained at the table, watching Nicole.
"What are you doing here? I thought you would be at your place."
Ray stared at her in silence for almost a minute, his blue eyes tight with anger, before answering. "I took Kennedy to school this morning, and then decided to swing by here to see my baby; only you weren't here." He continued to stare at her as he chewed.
"Why are you looking at me like I did something wrong," Nicole asked.
"Why do you look guilty?" Ray countered. "I've been calling your cell phone all night and it's been going straight to voicemail. Do you want to explain that?"
Nicole got a mug and poured herself a cup of coffee, stalling. "I'm an adult. I don't need to explain myself to you or anyone else."
Ray stood, plate in hand, "You do when your boyfriend couldn't reach you and you're sneaking in with a duffle bag on your shoulder."
Ray walked to the sink to wash his plate. "I'm waiting Nicole. Where were you?"
"I'm not Kennedy, Ray. Don't talk to me like I'm a child."
Ray stared at her, "you're right Nicole. I don't have any right to question you; you're a grown woman capable of taking care of yourself."
Nicole could feel the anger emanating off of him in waves. She watched as Ray walked out of the kitchen, back straight, his military training evident. She knew it was wrong and he had every right to be suspicious but Nicole wasn't ready to tell him the truth. She followed him upstairs and watched as he started removing his clothes from the closet.
"What are you doing?" Nicole panicked.
Ray continued packing without once looking in her direction. He'd had enough. It was tiring, being given the cold shoulder time and time again. What man would sit back and say nothing when his woman came home after the sun rose with a duffle bag on her shoulder? Ray was sick of the games, he was a grown man and he obviously needed a grown woman who was honest with him. He wouldn't continue being her lap dog anymore. He loved her but he refused to be a fool for her.
Nicole stood in the doorway of her bedroom watching him pack, knowing she couldn't let him leave. She didn't want to hurt him but what did she expect, she knew she had to fix this as soon as possible. Walking up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist, Nicole leaned her head against his muscular shoulder.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, her lips caressing the blonde hair at the back of his neck.
Ray stopped moving and absorbed the weight of her words.
"Please," Nicole pleaded.
"Where were you?" he asked.
Nicole closed her eyes, wishing she were anyplace except in this moment. Telling the truth at this time was not an option. She wasn't ready to let him go, not yet.
"I was with Anastasia," she lied.
Ray turned in her arms, held her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. "Say it again."
Nicole stared unwaveringly, "I went out with Anastasia. She had a little too much to drink so I drove her home and slept in her guest room." Nicole maintained eye contact with him knowing it was important. Ray was an army man who prided himself on the truth and looking anywhere but his eyes would be telling. Tear pooled in her eyes as she lied to him again. He didn't deserve this, he was a good man.
"And you just happened to have a change of clothes with you?"
"I'm a fashion editor Ray. When have you ever known me not to have another outfit in my car? I'm prepared for any clothing emergency that might come up."
Nicole was disgusted with herself. Lie after lie kept coming out of her mouth and she couldn't stop it.
"If I searched your bag, would I find condoms or wet panties, or maybe a ripped blouse, huh? Tell me."
Nicole pulled away from him. "Do you want to search my bag Ray? If that's what you want just say it. I have nothing to hide."
Ray pushed her out of his way and went downstairs to retrieve the bag. If she had nothing to hide then he had every right to look. Unzipping the bag he pulled out two pairs of shoes, a cosmetic bag and a flat iron before he got to her clothes. Nicole had followed him into the kitchen where he was going through her things. It was irrational but she felt violated all the same. He pulled out her dress, turning it inside out, inspecting it before he did the same with the rest of her clothes.
"There's no underwear in here," he stated harshly.
"I'm wearing it Ray. God, are you serious?!"
"Hell yes I'm serious Nicole. Did you think this was a joke? You mean to tell me you have on the same underwear from last night, but clean clothes?"
"I washed it for crying out loud. It's a thong; it dries in like two seconds. Do you want to call Anastasia or better yet would you like to give me an exam next?"
Nicole held her breath, terrified. She knew Kristoff had her clothes cleaned while she slept, like he always did. But she honestly didn't know what Ray would do next. Ray took a deep breath, putting his head down. His shoulders shook with frustration.
"I'm sorry," he said tightly. "I shouldn't have taken it this far, but can you blame me?"
He tossed her things into the bag and collapsed into the kitchen chair. Nicole sat across from him with tears in her eyes. She was sorry too, sorrier than he would ever know. She knew she should have come home last night but she fucked up and now had to claw her way out of it.
"No," she said softly, "I don't blame you."
They stared at each other for a long time.
"Where do we go from here?" she asked.
He put his head in his hands. "I don't know Nicole. I don't want to be the kind of boyfriend that's paranoid, checking your clothes and calling you nonstop. But we have to be real with each other. I had the right to be worried about you and it didn't help matters that you skirted around the issue when I asked you questions. Now I'm going to come straight out and ask you. Are you cheating on me?"
Ray let out the breath he was holding. "Okay." He stood up and pulled Nicole into her arms. She wrapped her arms around him tight, hating herself for the pain she would inevitably cause him.
"I love you," she whispered into his chest.
"I love you too," he said, swallowing hard.
Nicole pulled away, rushing from the room with tears in her eyes. "I'm going to finish putting your stuff away because I don't want you to leave, okay?"
Ray watched as Nicole walked towards the living room. Feeling his phone vibrate he pulled it out of his pocket.
"Hello," he answered.
"Have you spoken to her?"
"Yea," Ray said tiredly.
"Well what did she say?"
Ray looked in the direction Nicole went then at the duffel bag. "She said she was with Anastasia. Look, I have to go, I'll talk to you later." Ray hung up the phone. He was a fool, maybe the biggest fool ever, because his girlfriend just lied to his face and he let her.