tagChain StoriesLord ofthe Rings: Barliman Butterbur

Lord ofthe Rings: Barliman Butterbur



This stories is a fictional parody - Like all fictional parodies none are true, nor are they approved of by the celebrities named in the stories. Authors write these fictitious stories about famous people for the same reason that Larry Flynt made fun of Jerry Falwell, because they can. The Supreme Court of the United States, the country where this site is located, has ruled that parodies involving famous people are perfectly and totally legal under the United States Constitution. The specific case law on this was decided in the case of "Hustler Magazine, Inc. et al. v. Jerry Falwell" in 1988. No harm is intended toward the celebrities featured in these stories, but they are public figures and in being so, they must accept that they are fair target for parodies by the public. We believe in the first amendment, and more broadly, in the basic principle of free speech and this section may push the boundaries of that principle, but the United States Supreme Court has approved of this type of material. We believe that the Supreme Court was correct in their decision.


After Strider had become King and much of the land had returned to peace, Barliman Butterbur had become quite a local celebrity in the town of Bree. Many people came from miles around to find the Prancing Pony, taste some of its famous ale and perhaps sleep amid the bedding where the King and the fellows of the ring once slept. Of course the best part of the visit was that everyone got to meet the famous innkeeper.

Initially Barliman was overcome by all the attention, feeling a bit ashamed that he had forgotten to handle the simple task that Gandalf had given him until it was almost too late. He did make amends when the Hobbit's horses were stolen purchasing Bill the Pony for twelve silver pennies and then giving Merry eighteen pence. At the time it was a great deal of money for Barliman, though now that sum seems a mere pittance.

But as time passed Barliman grew accustom to fame and success and when Gandalf rewarded him with the enchantment of surprising success for seven years, he took the gift in stride, humbly accepting. It did perplex the old patrons of the Prancing Pony who always felt he was surprising successful as innkeeper and they didn't see a lot of difference in him. Ah, but it was the ladies who discovered what the true enchantment was all about.

Yes, though no virgin, prior to his fame, Barliman's sexual exploits were very bleak and being too frugal to spend his hard earned money in the brothels, the best he could do was to head to his room with a slab of butter. But now, with his great fame, Barliman had his choice of women and in fact had dallied with all the barmaids, most of the unmarried female patrons of his inn and several of the married women. Each of the women, if truthful, would tell you it was enchanting with Barliman and he had to fight off many, many proposals of marriage and several other odd arrangements from the women.

Alas, though poor Barliman used his enchantment well and did enjoy his time with the ladies, he longed for something more. Barliman had a perversion and while a willing woman could interest him for a while his true longing was for something that for many years had been unspeakable. Now, given the peaceful times Middle Earth had become more tolerant and some had emerged from the closet, Barliman had simply not been able to indulge in his greatest desire.

He did love women, redheads in particular, but what Barliman truly desired was the female Hobbit. Just the simple thought of one of those tiny women crawling all over his fat body made him tremble. If fact he had only seen one female Hobbit in his lifetime, but his desire had raged ever since.

Fortunately for Barliman, the time did come to pass when other female Hobbits came into Bree and several visited the Prancing Pony. Each time the innkeeper would serve ladies for free and soon he seemed to take a great liking to one of them and as most would attest, she took a liking to him. Though never formally introduced Barliman soon came to know her name and quite a bit about her. She was Estella Goold, a distant cousin of the Brandybucks and was actually named after Estella Brandybuck.

Estella had indeed a great liking for Barliman but she feared any sexual union with him as any female Hobbit would with a human man. Frankly, female Hobbits were both excited by and feared the enormous cock of the human man. Imagine a cock as huge as four inches long and some told tales of even larger cocks, four and a half, five, even five and a half inches long. Why a sword like that, no matter how lovingly applied could slice a female Hobbit in two.

However, when Barliman was tending to other customers, Estella expressed her fears to several of the barmaids who quickly pulled her aside. Pinifred sat her down at a table and told her not to worry, "Barliman's cock is tiny, I know it for a fact. Many of the girls here will tell you."

"Yes, you see his enchantment is not size, he is very small, his enchantment is in that fat belly of his," Rosianne whispered.

"Oh yes, his belly," Pinifred sighed, "his cock will barely get it, but his belly jiggles in such a delightful way. I mean his cock feels like a tiny tongue in the cunny and then his belly feels like three more tongues on me clit."

"But a tiny man's cock to you is still enormous to me," Estella said.

Rosianne held up her hand, her fingers but two and a half inches apart, maybe less. She then smiled as she saw the amazement in Estella's eyes.

"I measured him I did," added Pinifred, "he's two and five sixteenths inches long, that's less than six centimeters."

Well, that night as Barliman fended off the affections of two new female man patrons Estella called him over and asked, "Barliman, I may not be as pretty as those women and I am small, but... ah, would you," she paused, feeling her hands begin to tremble. "Barliman, would you take me to your bed?"

"You would... you want to," he stammered, completely flustered. He grabbed a mug, ran a splash of ale into it, took a quick swig and then looked back at her. "Estella, I would be honored to take you to my bed."

He quickly locked up the inn for the night and then too Estella's hand and led her up the private stairway to his quarters. Afraid to damage the dainty frills of her clothing, Barliman sat on the bed and watched as Estella removed her clothes, first exposing her full, furry breasts to him, then sliding her shoes off her hairy feet and finally, pulling her pants and panties down her legs. Barliman kneeled in front of her and ran his hands up the stiff hair on her legs and into the soft curls of her pubic hair.

"Well Barliman now can I watch you?"

He stood up and shyly removed his shirt exposing his large chest and belly. Sitting down he pulled off his shoes and then he stood up and unhooked his pants, letting them fall to the floor. Now he stood naked before her, but the object of Estella's interest was concealed beneath his belly. Kneeling down, she touched the soft flab and immediately her fingers seemed to tingle. Lifting the flab she looked at his cock.

It was the largest cock she had ever seen protruding out nearly two and one half inches. She always told her lovers that size didn't matter, but it was always a lie. Leaning forward and resting his flab on her head, she moved her hands to his cock and rubbed it all over her face. Oh she wanted him, she wanted him inside her now. Moving out from under his stomach she took her hands and simply pushed against him until he fell onto his bed.

While on his back, Barliman scooted back some while Estella climbed up. Standing over him she reached a hand up to her chin, pondering her next move. "Yes, keep him on his back, he'd simply smother me if he was on top," she thought to herself. Stepping one foot over him, she gathered his flab and moved it back, exposing that enormous two and a half inch cock. Holding back his fat, she lowered herself, taking hold of him and guiding the giant head into her sopping wet cunny.

Closing her eyes, she lowered herself onto him, feeling herself being filled like she never had before. When she had taking all of him into her body, she let his stomach flow back onto her lap and immediately understood what all the barmaids were talking about. It suddenly felt like three or four tongue were lapping her clit, sliding in and around her cunny lips and even gently caressing her thighs. When she began moving herself up and down on the enormous cock she squealed out loud with delight. From the start she knew this was the best fuck she'd ever had.

As for Barliman, everything the little Hobbit did to him was sheer ecstasy. He just remained motionless as she showered him in her wet body, covering him in intense pleasure as she moved about. Gandalf's enchantment gave him an incredible stamina and holding power so the intense pleasure could be sustained as long as he needed before he came and so he held off as Estella took her fill of him.

It was a few minutes, but then the squeaking and squeals from Estella intensified until she simply screamed, "Oh I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm..."

At that Barliman let himself release and he came, spurting his human cum into the little Hobbit's body as he felt her cunny squeezing him again and again as if milking the last drops out of him. When Estella climbed off his soft, but still enormous cock she snuggled up beside Barliman whispering, "That was the best I ever had."

Now Barliman had recently heard that a lot from many, many human women, but to hear it now from a Hobbit woman made him realize he was truly happy. He looked her in the eyes and asked, "Will you marry me, Estella."

Her response was immediate, "Yes Barliman, I will marry you." An amazing response since, although times were much more tolerant, a marriage between a human and a Hobbit was unheard of. But they did it anyway and although he did lose some customers, he also gained others.

The Prancing Pony thrives today with wonderful food, excellent ale and happy friendly service. Truth be told, the service is sometimes too happy because it is rumored that when Barliman smiles that one special way, Estella is standing in front of him, completely hidden by the bar sucking his cock like no human woman ever could.

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