Love: Finding the Cost

For those of you who haven't read my mom's' story.... Is that mom's mothers' momes...? Anyway my two moms'.... God and I got an A in English. Anyway, my mother and her lover, who happens to be another woman's, story. It might be a good idea to read it to get some background about my family.

To say we are unique, I would have to question. To say we are open and honest, that I would have to agree with. I would definitely have to say there is no such thing as 'dalliance' in our blood. We're an 'all or nothing' bunch. Yes it seems as long as there is love involved, we are willing to pay the cost.

In a nut shell, my mom went on a cruise that I planned and came home with a woman lover. I never knew my mother even looked at other women that way. She was a straight as straight can be. Or so I thought.

Not only did she have a woman lover, but she was one of those stunning, model perfect, beautiful women; that make the captain of the cheer squad look plain in comparison. Can you say jealous much?

Then my little brother, who was being played as a pawn between these two bitches, meets the clerk at some store... the store they left him at, while they went at each other, screaming like idiots, pulling hair and just making complete asses of themselves. So what does he do? He falls for the older woman behind the counter.

Not that I mind Mellissa, Missy for short. She's great. She's become the big sister I never had. But still it's a lot to wrap your head around, knowing she's almost ten years older than her husband. Yeah they got married, and yeah Tony finished his degree in business, so he could take over Grandpa Harold's businesses, since mom just doesn't have the temperament for it, and Michelle still has her dress shop.

Me... I live in a happy marriage with my lesbian lover and our two kids. I guess that is where I should really start. I mean if you have read my moms' story, you know I reacted like a howling, homophobic, cretin. How did it ever get that way? I often wonder.

I guess it's best to start at the beginning. Hi, I'm Kimberly Meghan Burris-Walters. Damn that's a mouth full. When this all started, I was just Kim Burris. An average eighteen year old daughter of an over worked, stress case, widowed mother; trying to finish high school and go to college.

Yes, I missed my dad too. He was the best of the best. But it had been years since he had died and my mom was still a basket case about it. So, I got this really bright idea to set her up on a singles cruise. It had to make her realized that there was still life out there. Even if she didn't start dating again, it would snap her out of her funk. At least that was the plan.

Grammy said it also might be a good idea to see if they had a group for women only. That way mom wouldn't feel pressured. Well since Grammy was footing the bill, I jumped on the bandwagon. We set it all up, with every extravagance we could think of and then sprung our trap... err surprise.

I never meant for her to find a woman! Oh sure I knew about women having sex with other women. Every girl does. Hell, most of the female coaches I've had in school were lesbians. I never thought mom would fall for one though. But she did and I found out about it on the worst day of my life. Let me see if I can remember it correctly.

I was walking home from school with my best friend since we were in second grade. Two blocks from my house, she tells me that she has feelings for me that she had been hiding for years. If that shock wasn't enough...! She then told me she went out will Billy Parsons, to prove that she wasn't Lesbo; got knocked up, and now wondered if we could run away with the baby and live together since she now knew where her heart truly wanted to be.

I was like... Excuse ME...? WHAT...?

Then, since she felt totally abandoned by me because of my totally stunned response. She ran off crying and refused to answer any of my calls. As soon as I got home, I called our other best friend, Kristy. We tried to contact her over the internet. Well that was in the bad old days, when if you linked to the wrong page... zap goes the computer. I was about ready to pull my hair out.

Then mom walks in with her 'Girlfriend' Michelle. I'm sorry but at that time I was still freaking out about Lisa, the pregnancy and... yeah. So, I blew my mom off, grabbed what I needed and headed back to my room.

Anyway, I was on the phone with someone from the gossip chain... I can't even remember who really, and Tony, my brother, walks in all glassy eyed. Alright, I should have known something was up. Tony was and is mister manners personified. He never opened my door without knocking. Then I heard him say.

"Hey sis... you'll never guess what I just saw."

So yeah, I rolled my eyes and said. "So tell me already... I'm busy. Oh, and by the way, I need you to fix my computer." To be honest I wasn't really listening, but I would let him have his say.

So he says. "I just caught mom kissing some woman in the kitchen." My ears started roaring and picked up the words "girlfriend and this looks serious."

I was like, "WHAT... No F-ing way." My mind was screaming "What the fuck is going on. Is everyone in Kentucky going gay?" I'm sure my tantrum is well documented, so I won't go back over it here. Let just say I really messed up. But, the worst part is that the whole time, I forgot to push the end button on the phone.

That's right... Little Miss Suzy Q. Rottencrotch... heard every word. And of course, being the biggest gossip in the state, by the time I got to school the next Monday, it was all over town that my mom went queer. I felt like everyone was laughing at me.

Then... then, to have Miss Goth, I'm militant gay chick, shove her mountainous leather clad tits under my face, and tell me that she would give me comfort if I needed it. I about blew a gasket. Add to that, Lisa being shipped off because she was caught pregnant and ready to run! I was in a living nightmare. I was just waiting for the mad slasher to come and get me.

So, just to rub salt into my wounds, Tony had tell to me all about how cool Michelle is. Listening to him babble away about how pretty she is and that she's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah...! Hell, I have eyes. I could see she's a complete knock out and mom was totally into her.

If that wasn't humiliation enough, my room is over theirs. There isn't enough insulation in the world to keep the sounds of them making love out of my ears. I tried to pull my pillow over my head. I tried listening to music. I tired ignoring it. Nothing worked. If that wasn't enough, I had to see HER, walking around in nothing but a silk robe. I wanted to scream.

The kicker that topped it all off, one time I wanted to borrow something from my mom.

So, I knocked. No one answered. I tried the door. It was open. So, I went in. The shower was running. No big deal. I walked over to her dresser to get what I was looking for. BAM! There they were making love in the shower. And when I say making love, I mean fully involved, didn't know I was there, totally into each other, going at it.

I must have stood there flatfooted for five minutes, watching them pleasure each other. It wasn't until I heard the sound of mom getting Michelle off, that my feet remembered what they were meant for. Then it hit me.

I was really pissed to realize how turned on I was. I mean my panties were dripping wet. Not moist, not damp, not spotted... I said dripping. I mean Ewe... my mom and her lover, making it in the shower, and I'm dripping...? What the hell was up with that?

Then the dreams came. I dreamed it was me, Michelle was making cum. It was me, with her in the shower, oblivious to the world around us. It was me! I was so jealous I had to hate her... or try and seduce her, and I wasn't gay! I refused to be gay!

This of course led to the fights, name calling, bitching, moaning, groaning, and me being an all around cunt. How they put up with my shit? I'll never know. Some days I wanted them to break up, so life could get back to normal. Other days, I wanted to break them up, so I could be the one moaning under Michelle's attentions. I was one confused mess.

The only thing I had going for me was being accepted to Grammy's sorority. That was my way out of this hell hole. I could look forward to leaving this mess behind me and making a new start. I latched onto that like a lifesaver in the middle of the Arctic Ocean.

Then there was the fire. We were all devastated by the fire. I couldn't be a bitch to them anymore; they were so helpful to Grammy when she needed it the most. So, I had to settle for cold indifference. It was the best I could do. I had to keep at arms distance, from the woman who had turned my world upside down.

The last thing I expected was the trouncing I got from Grammy. I mean she might do it like a velvet steamroller, but when someone climbs up one side, does a jig on your head and stomps down the other, you know you've been read the riot act. By the time she was done slapping me back, I was so hurt, mad, alienated, pissed.... I think you get the idea. I didn't want to have anything to do with any of them. Let them have their stupid lesbian affair, I was going to school and leaving this all behind me like a bad rash.

I felt if I had hurt my mother's feelings, good! She and her lover had made my life a living hell. It served them right. I'd show them. Oh god, how immature I was being. But, in the moment, I did kind of feel justified. When I jumped on that plane, I wasn't ever looking back. I was out of there. I was Gone baby Gone!

When I got to school, I embraced it with arms wide open. I registered, went through Pledge week, Pleab week, Hell week, I did it all with a great big smile plastered on my face. I was free at last! If you have been through college, you know what I'm talking about. You'd also know it's not all parties and fun. If you want to stay in college, you have to study, study and do more studying.

If you don't have the books, you borrow them. If you can't borrow them, you can go to the off campus book store, pay fifty dollars a month and rent their books as long as you don't take them out of the store. If they leave the store, you bought them. Hey it a college town, it was a great way to make extra money. It also led me to Belinda.

What can I say about Belinda? She smiled at me the first time I saw her. I thought, no big deal, she smiled at every one. I later found out that only a very select few people got to see her real smile. I smiled back, of course, looked for the book I needed, and found a secluded corner to study in. I had a Biology paper due and didn't have time for idle chatter.

"Sweetie, were closing in a few minutes." I heard from behind me, sometime later.

"Oh, sorry; I must've lost track of the time." I babbled as I met the prettiest hazel eyes I'd ever seen.

"Dr. Paulson isn't that bad. Just do your best. He has a way of weeding the good ones from the people who taking the class just as a requirement." She said softly as she picked up the books I wasn't reading any more.

"Thanks... I um... better go." I stammered as I gathered up my stuff and tried to bolt for the door.

"No rush... you still have about five minutes... I'm Belinda by the way." She offered her long fingered finely sculpted hand.

"Um, hi... I'm Kim." I felt a jolt when our hands met.

"Is it Kim, or Kimberly? You look more like a Kimberly to me." He voice was like smooth silk.

"Um, well yeah... it's Kimberly... Why, what does a Kim look like?" I asked as I pushed my hair behind my ears.

"You know." She tossed her head, pulling her long red hair back in a pony tail, and acted like she was chewing bubble gum. "Like, Hi... I'm Kim, the head cheer-leader and I don't have a brain cell in my head, but I'm going to marry the football captain and be a middle age drunk as he fucks around on me, like...!" She smiled, her eyes looking totally empty and vacant.

I had to cover my mouth with my hand so I wouldn't spit on her when I laughed. "Oh my god...! I know her...!" I laughed until my sides hurt, trying to keep it quiet.

"Yeah, don't we all. Well nice meeting you Kimberly. I hope to see you again soon." She let her hair back down and walked away, her long flowing dress trailing behind her.

I read the last few pages of the book and got out the door five seconds before the grumpy night manager locked it. In my room, I typed out my paper and hoped for the best, as I set my alarm for seven, giving me four hours of sleep and just enough time to rush to my morning class.

It was a week later, when I had to go back to read up on World History, that Belinda and I met again. Let's be honest here. I had almost completely forgotten our little encounter. She didn't though. As soon as I walked in, she greeted me.

"Hello Kimberly. How did you do on your paper?" She asked with a pretty smile.

"I got a B." I said feeling a little disappointed, as I tried to remember her name. I knew it was something different.

"That's not bad at all. Doctor Paulson doesn't give out that many A's. I think the most I've seen him give out was two in one year." She walked closer to me, ignoring the guy who was drooling over her shoulder.

"What are you in here for today?" She asked motioning me past the counter.

"I have a report on YU dynasty in World History."

"Ahh, Margret Fairchild's favorite torture test. She knows there isn't that much out there and expects five pages of "new" information." She said, making the quote sign.

"What do you suggest Melinda?" I asked, hoping I remembered it correctly.

"Close... better than most. It's Belinda, only eleven letters off." She smiled again, making me blush.

"How could you remember my name? I mean you must get at least a hundred people a day, asking you questions." I had to ask, as drool boy stepped closer.

"Eidetic Memory. Trust me; there are questions I only wish I could forget. With a pretty person like you, it's easy." She flicked her hand at the guy who standing there. "I said it is in the non-fiction section, not down my dress."

I had to smother a laugh as the guy blushed and stomped off. "Another bruised ego I take it?" I asked, as she sighed.

"Goddess in Heaven, can't they ever get the clue." She rubbed her temple and looked over her shoulder. "And it's footballer's night." She sighed "The night all the football players drag their tutors in here so they can keep their eligibility. Here, come with me, I know of somewhere private you can study." She left another guy standing there with his finger raised to ask her a question.

As she led me to the back of the store, she told one of the other employees. "Go take care of the front for a bit. I won't be long." She didn't stop as she pulled out a big key ring and unlocked a door that said Staff Only.

"Are you going to get in trouble for letting me back here?" I asked looking around the room.

"No... This is a private study. We can pick and choose who we let back here. Get comfortable and I'll get the books you'll need to knock Mrs. Fairchild's socks off."

I have to admit, I felt a little bit uncomfortable, but the room was nicely done and had everything you would need for some private study time. I set my stuff down on the oversized desk and fidgeted until Belinda came back.

"Here you go. It has the latest notes from the archeological society that is doing the latest research. Margret hasn't even been able to see it yet." She smiled and patted the book as she set it in front of me.

"Um, why are you helping me like this?" I asked confused.

"Because you're worth it. I knew that from the first time I saw you." She smiled at me and softly touched my shoulder. "Don't worry sweetie, there are no strings attached. I'm just into knowledge. That's why I work here. I like passing it on. Besides, I had all these teachers while I was getting my degree and this is my little revenge for all the stuff they put me and others through." She wiggled her fingers at me and left, softly closing the door.

So, that set my schedule for the rest of the quarter. I guess it was at mid terms that things took the next step. The tests were passed, and in my case with flying colors. And the house was throwing a PARTY!

Now, the last thing I wanted to do was watch my sisters and their "Friends" get drunk, freaky, and stupid all in one weekend. Oh sure, I helped with all the preparations, but I wasn't looking forward to being hit on, beer spilled on, or puked on, in the name of the sisterhood. But, I didn't know what else I could do.

To be honest, I had gotten used to being able to have small quiet chats with Belinda over the past weeks, as she gently guided me to the top of my class. I finally asked her how I could quietly bow out of the festivities.

"Why don't you want to be there?" She asked me seriously.

"I don't want the hassle or the noise. I got all my partying done before I came to school. I don't need to act like a drunken fool to prove my independence. And, the thought of some alcohol fueled incident, just makes me cringe. I'd like to be the one who chooses who I'm giving that too, you know?" I told her honestly.

"Yes, I see. Um... well it is customary to stay for the beginnings of these things. You know playing the proper hostess and all. I mean you are just a freshman." She said thoughtfully. "What time does this thing kick off?"

"At eight... after dinner but before the stores close, so if we forget anything....."

"Yeah, I remember. Well if you get here before closing, I'll let you use the private study. Just wait until the planning committee is drunk and then bow out quietly." Belinda suggested helpfully.

"Really...? Are you sure? You won't get in trouble?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah, it will be cool. I'll see you then." She smiled that special smile, and then left.

Okay for the interest of saving time... I did exactly what she said and spent the night having a great conversation with her about all kinds of different things until we fell asleep on the overstuffed couches. The next morning, well afternoon actually, I went back to the house and threw a total fit. I almost quit school, I was so mad.

Here's what I walked into. Ok, I expected the house to be a mess. I expected that I would be one of the one's doing the most of the cleanup. What I didn't expect was to find some drunken bitch in my bed with some jerk and barf all over my floor.

Now, as we all know, when I throw a fit, I throw it right. I've had practice. I had dude running out of the house with just his boxers and the bitch running to the bathroom in her altogether, as I screamed at them.

This of course woke everyone up, including the very hung over house president. "What the fuck is going on?" She screamed at me.

"I want a lock on my fucking door." I screamed back.

"What the fuck is the problem? You bailed, so someone used your bed, grow the fuck up." She sneered. That was a big mistake.

"My problem...? I'll tell you my fucking problem. Just because I don't want to act like a drunken slut, doesn't mean I want people screwing around and puking all over my room. That's my father's bed. Not some bargain basement hand-me-down.... Do you get it now? My dead father's bed. Even my mother doesn't make love in that bed anymore. What makes you think I want these assholes' doing the nasty IN MY FATHER'S BED?"

"Oh, shit... I didn't know... I um..." She pulled her hair back and tried to think.

"I'm leaving! When I get back, my fucking room better be spotless. If not, I'm going to the Dean. I won't put up with this kind of shit." I slammed out of there and ran back to Belinda's.

When I say I ran, that's exactly what I did. It was only a mile and a half and I was still in great shape. Well physically at least. I was a basket case by the time I pounded on the back door.