tagReviews & EssaysMale Virgins & Other Freaks

Male Virgins & Other Freaks


It is a strange standard that we have developed in this religiously uptight country. A woman who strives for sexual relief, mentions sexual topics (even if only used in a feminist emasculating manner ), or merely considers the act of sex at all before marriage is considered a slut, a whore, no better than she should be. A man or a woman who loves someone of the same sex or wants to be a member of the opposite sex is looked down upon as freakish scum undeserving of life. How does one country so utterly fearful and disdainful of the very concept of sexuality, come up with a belief that the male virgin is an abberration?

It was a pecking order in high school. There were the guys who got laid constantly or at least acted like it. These were the assholes and the jocks and often their brags and boasts were so desperate and descriptive that you began to wonder if they weren’t virgins underneath. I was a member of the wrestling team and thus watched the men parade around with their boasts showing off girlfriends like sacks of meat. They were hailed as heroes, conquering victors, and the ideal that we were supposed to strive for.

Everybody honed their skills of chauvinism trying to become like the guys who seemed to be getting love 24/7. That this occurred is bad in a strictly societal sense, but there was a worse action. There was considerable pressure on those who weren’t getting any that they had to get some by any means or else they were a nothing. No encouragement to have sex with someone you love or are heavily attracted to. No encouragement to woo that woman and insure her happiness and enjoyment as long as your own. Merely the act, quickly and then afterwards frequently.

This is a system of indoctrination into the ideals of the alpha male, that one is to be chauvinistic rather than chivalrous, boorish instead of kind, and promiscuous instead of passionate. The reason that so many decry the prevalence of the male “slut” is because of this system.

The effects of the system was prevalent in the lower reaches of the hierarchy (my friends on the other side). Here were many men of the type alluded to in the fantasies of women. There were the overly-sexed males of far too much fetish and imagination of course, but there were also groups of genuinely chivalrous men. One man was famed for holding the door to his English class every day. Others were heavily emotional. One was a poet. And another was a deeply caring individual who had a doomed four-year attempt to woo the heart of a girl he had a heavy crush on. All of these men were virgins and reflected it.

There was a tension in the group at all times and always an undertone of sadness to many conversations. That they had normal male desires that were being forced dormant was a factor, but a greater factor was the idea that they were being shunned because of their kindness, geniality, or chivalry. One friend, a gamer named Jack, lamented to me during senior year that “If he had been an asshole, he probably could have a dozen girlfriends by now.”

Why this seemed to be true I do not claim to know for certain, but I have a huge hunch (no, not like Igor). In any system of hierarchies where an ideal creates an alpha figure, people are drawn to it. That dating structures are often treated as games of placement rather than actual relationships is another factor, but the central focus is that promiscuous guys are seen as alpha and thus the majority of women followed this trend. Also, compounding this factor and insuring the defeat of the “nice guys” was the fact that assholes are more persistent. A nice guy or a geek will venture once to maybe one or two girls a year at max, whereas an alpha male in hungry desperation to be enough of a “slut” will ask a hundred women at a time until one agrees. Also, they are more willing to resort to underhanded measures to reach their “ideal”. Date rape was common at our high school as was one account of real rape.

That this system propagates in this manner is understandable, but the society at large seems to be encouraging it. I’m not saying that sex is bad and to be avoided like the plague and promiscuous sex doesn’t have its place and oh, yeah praise Jesus or anything like that. What I’m saying is that there should be consistency. If the rest of the society is anti-sexual, why are we encouraging our males to be “sluts” and furthermore why are we trying to make them chauvinistic “sluts”? The whole thing makes no sense. And the more we push this system on the adolescent male, the more nice guy geeks and virgins will wonder if being a promiscuous “slut” is the way they should go as well.

And frankly, we don’t need any more nights in the bar wondering and lamenting “where all the nice guys have gone.”

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