tagHumor & SatireModern Love: Romance Ch. 01

Modern Love: Romance Ch. 01


I used to be an astronaut and there was a time when I could get all the tail I wanted. These days I have to pretend to be a cop and wave around an unloaded gun to get any attention. That, and wear this bushy mustache the broads go crazy for. It's sexy.

No, I'm not a security guard or a rent-a-cop. I am not a private detective and I am not in the business of protecting others for money. What I do I do for free. I do it because I believe in the American Way and I believe that everyone should have the right to do whatever the hell they want in this country. Except, of course, if they are trying to hurt other people or deny others their rights. In those cases, I put on my fake 'stache, grab my three unloaded guns, and hit the road to do my civic duty.

The pussy I get now is not the point but it comes in handy. Like I said, when I was an astronaut I got all I could handle and then some. Most people want to know about looking down on the Earth from space and all that, asking me what it was like to be up there where so few have been. First, it looks exactly like the pictures you've seen taken by astronauts in space. Exactly. Second, there are like hundreds of people who have been up in space and it's really just not that special anymore. It's like over 500 people. Go ahead and look it up. There have even been over 30 monkeys in space. Am I supposed to feel special after 500 people and 30 monkeys have been up there? Please.

Maybe the pussy tide turned when I got out of the program. If you were President of the USA that title goes with you forever. My rank did follow me but I had to start conceptualizing myself as an astronaut in the past tense. For a few years I still got the abundant tail but after a while, it dried up. I still looked good and my dick still did what always did, but it was a new world. One in which the flow of pussy had all but dried up.

Then I got married and the wife popped out a few youngins. That's what I call them – youngins. She think it's cute.

Oh, and then the cop thing. Something was changing inside me and I knew I needed to start doing something to help my community. But I can't do my thing in my community because people know me here. Instead I have to go to other places and pretend to be a cop and help people.

I used to think I might as well just go ahead and be a cop, a real one. Seems like a trouble after you find out what you have to go through to get there and they have all these like age requirements and physical fitness requirements and I didn't have it in me to spend a lot of time jumping through hoops just so I could help people. I'd done that in the astronaut program and that was enough for one life. So I took matters into my own hands like any good American would.

This country is full of guns and it's not hard to get your hands on a few. So I picked up three and they are my constant companions in addition to my can-do attitude and get-'er-done can-do-it-ness.

I used to be nervous about going out on patrol. Now I'm just nervous that the mustache will fall off at the wrong moment. It did fall off when I was fucking this lady's daughter once, after I chased off the evil boyfriend of that lady in [redacted], the boyfriend being one of those lady beaters who just doesn't know when to stop. I guess I was sweating a lot and I think I was nervous because I did not believe her hand-over-heart vows that she was over 18. I first felt it moving a little on the left, just shifting a little bit now and then when I was fucking the girl from behind. You'd probably say "doggy style" but it isn't attractive to compare your fucking activities with those of animals. There is a long history in the English language of comparing ourselves through word choice to animals and believe you me, I am a man fucking a woman and it has nothing to do with dogs. Dogs can't do what I do to a woman – no animal could. I care and I take care of my women. Dogs don't take care of their bitches. Dogs fuck their bitches like they are pieces of meat and I happen to find that disrespectful and that is all I have to say on the matter.

This girl I couldn't believe was 18 – she had these big eyes and they got even bigger when I started ramming her like there was no tomorrow. That's how I take care of my women: I fuck them like there's no tomorrow. Really, anyone could die at any moment. Are you really going to waste your time fucking a woman like there is a tomorrow? You have to get whatever's in your mind and body and heart and dick and balls out right now. You have to live like there is no tomorrow.

Her big eyes got even bigger when I entered her. She was also a bit of a drooler, which I don't mind. It made it convenient when I took myself out of her and entered her mouth in the middle of fucking her like there was no tomorrow. I could tell she had not been fucked like there would be no tomorrow and I could also tell that she liked it. No girl allows herself to drool all over her face and her tits if she is not into how you are fucking her – trust me.

The mom – where was the mom? I don't know, actually. She must have left so we wouldn't be disturbed. Down at the track or something. Local watering hole.

The slobbering thing was not nice to look at but it felt great. I would go from fucking her pussy like there was no tomorrow to fucking her mouth like there was no tomorrow but when I was fucking her mouth, I could feel her breath escape around my cock now and then. And I could feel her moaning on my cock and the warm slickness of her tongue trying to wrap itself around me as I pounded her. I held her head and neck with both hands and made the most of it.

She wasn't too skinny, either. Sometimes with these teens you get the like concentration-camp-survivor look because they get all freaked out about eating because they don't want to be fat or can't accept love from other people or whatever causes that stuff. Whatever. The point is that she was lean but not scary skinny and my avocation definitely paid off that day.

What had happened is that the mom's boyfriend was supposed to be off the premises temporarily due to a conflict with the mom that had been brewing for some weeks. She asked him to leave and he voluntarily went to stay somewhere else for a while but then he came back because he wanted to talk to the woman and she wouldn't answer her phone, so of course he felt like he had to come over because between you and me he didn't seem to get that patience just might be a virtue in that situation. I was at the corner bodega doing what I do best for the citizens of [redacted] and I heard shouting a few doors down. I neutralized and wrapped up the situation there in no time and went outside to see where the argument was coming from. It was pretty obvious, as the woman was trying to push the boyfriend off the front step. She was not making any progress and so I came over and flashed my badge. He responded to that pretty quick-like and I was able to get things under control. He made it clear that he was not going to leave until he had had ample opportunity to talk things over with the woman, and I made it clear that that was not going to happen as long as she was not into the idea and wanted him to leave. That was when I chased him off the block.

When I came back to the house, catching my breath and surreptitiously making sure the mustache was firmly in place, this juicy daughter of hers had come to the open door. She was standing in the doorway behind her mother with the crossed arms, trying to gain control of her emotions and, I guess, heart rate. I relayed to them what I had shouted at the man as I chased him down the street and assured them that I did not believe that he would be coming back any time soon to harass them. The lady expressed relief and asked me if I wanted to come in and have something to drink while I took down the information I would need to take to complete my report. I remembered that I am not a real cop but I did not let on and showed no sign of nerves about the prospect of making a report later.

I followed them into the house and couldn't help but notice the legs on the girl and how her ass filled out her shorts. Or maybe I should say how her shorts advertised a great deal of the girl's fuckability. When we got to sitting down and the woman went to the kitchen to get us drinks, the girl looked me over and smiled at what she saw. I smiled back. At this point in these situations I have not yet assumed that I will fuck the female before I leave the premises. But she had already decided that she would try to fuck me but the look on her face was more like she had decided that one way or another, she would have my cock in her mouth before I left the premises. This all played out with nonverbal cues as I talked with the mother who was in the kitchen getting us drinks. After a few minutes she returned with a tray, carrying iced tea and lemonade in little pitchers and with three glasses. The tray was much nicer than their apartment, which wasn't bad at all, but I did have the thought that the tray might have been stolen. Since I am not a real cop I have the luxury of ignoring such complications – one of the perks of it not being my job. I've sworn no oath, I've signed no contract. I'm just a good American doing what all Americans should do.

We chatted for a while and then I took down all of their information. When I asked the girl her age she told me 18 but then kind of laughed. The mom laughed too and I figured they had some kind of inside joke that I shouldn't bother asking about. If they had an inside joke it wouldn't have made sense to me and I would have felt silly as they laughed about something in which I was unable to find humor because I had not been party to the original joke, its first iteration however long ago that was or might have been.

When I had all of the information down on my steno pad I made ready to leave. The woman asked me to wait just one minute before leaving and she went out the other side of the kitchen. The girl then came over to me and got on her knees in front of me, telling me as she stroked my thighs and looked at my package that her mom was gone so that we could have some space to fuck. At this point in the situation, I definitely know that I am going to fuck the girl before I leave the premises.

She unzipped my pants. Nosing my swelling cock, she started making these moaning noises that I don't often hear teens I fuck make. Kind of barnyardy, desperate moans that first make you think she's putting on a show for you or trying to get herself into the idea of sucking you off or fucking you but at present is not into it. But it wasn't about that. It was just what she did to let me know she was getting herself going. She turned out to be very vocal during the foreplay, including between thrusts when blowing my dick. Yes, she had a lot to say.

I pulled the shoulder straps of her tank top down over her shoulders so I could have unimpeded access to her upper back as she blew me. Even before taking me in her mouth the feel of her upper back muscles working as she rubbed her face against my cock finished getting me hard. She pulled my pants down to my knees so she could reach under me and grab my ass while she blew me – she knew exactly what she was doing. I reached down to touch her breasts and tease her nipples. Because of the angle she was pressed against my arms. Feeling her pressed up against me while she had me in her mouth all the way made it hard not to grab her up to face me and shove her down on my cock. Her tits in my hands were pressing against my inner thighs and that has always been something that gets me going, that makes me unable to sit still for long.

This whole time there was a reasonable amount of saliva coming out her mouth. She didn't start the drooling until I entered her pussy for the first time. Kind of an automatic response like there was now no longer room in her for all that slobber now that her pussy was filled up and getting pumped. Like lube out of the wrong end but like I said, I don't mind because it makes switching between her holes easier on my cock and faster – no waiting for her to summon spit a dozen times to match the lubrication of her slit. After I had to have more of her than her mouth I stood up and took off the rest of my clothes. I picked her up and set her down on the couch on her back. I removed the tank top and short shorts and just gazed at this body that was about to be mine. These girls – they bring everything there is to bring. The lines of their bellies, the tenuous rising and falling of their bellies as they breathe expectantly. Now she had had a taste of my cock and was beginning to feel an ache to have me inside of her. I wasn't ready yet because I was going to explore that body with hands, mouth, and tongue before entering her. Smooth skin, amazing muscle tone. I couldn't get enough of her rocking her hips because she wanted me inside her so bad. She didn't even know she was doing it is how into me she was.

I rubbed my hands all over her front, from her tits to the tips of her fingertips, from her soft belly to the ends of her toes. A finger in her mouth but just for a second. On the way around her hips a brush of two fingers against her lips. She was rocking back and forth now, hoping I'd stick some part of myself inside her pussy and stay there. But I wasn't ready. I wasn't done sampling every inch of this incredibly fuckable body. I kissed her a hundred times everywhere but her mouth and pussy. As I stroked her thighs and ass I breathed in deep her scent, letting the anticipation build to where even I almost couldn't handle it any longer. I've rarely got myself worked up quite that much but it isn't every day when you have an 18-year old goddess lying spread eagle in front of you, whimpering while every inch of her writhes because she needs you to fill her hole so she can finally feel complete.

When I finally did start licking her lips I teased her by edging my tongue between them, making her feel just the beginning me of entering her, just some slight knocking at the door. She kept pressing against my tongue and lips as I worked, the vocal scene really getting going. I asked her what she'd been wasting her time on before she met me and she laughed between gasps, because that was the moment when I decided to slowly enter her pussy with my tongue. She grabbed my head, gripping my hair and pulling me to her. I shoved my tongue into her beautiful cunt again and again, giving her just a bit of me filling her hole. I have always had an amazing tongue, if I may say so. Well, I say so only because I have received praise for it and what I do with it since I got my mouth on my first pussy years ago. What it is is that I have the ability not just to stick my tongue out but also to expand it once it is stuck out. This means that I have total control over how thick my tongue is and after I start fucking a pussy with it I can make it wider. Women love this and if I had not asked these many women to keep the lid on it because of my status as an astronaut, I would by now be one of the most famous men on the planet because of this tongue fucking I can do. The real deal with women is not that they want a long dick but that they want a thick dick.

But this isn't when she started drooling – not with the tongue fucking.

My favorite part of tongue fucking this girl was and will always be holding her waist tight as I thrust inside her while she held on to my head like she was holding on for life itself. She could not get me deep enough in her and I could tell she wasn't going to be able to withhold much more of this incredibly tense anticipation. Her whole body was about to explode, I could tell. I took my tongue out of her pussy and gave her one last lip lick before turning her over on her front. I stroked her back and ass cheeks as I told her what I was going to do her. She told me to do it already. I moved myself slowly up and down her crack, throbbing as I went. She moved against me but I could tell she didn't want to – she wanted me to do all the work now. She told me to fuck her like she'd never been fucked before. I smiled and asked her quietly if she wanted to get fucked like there would be no tomorrow and she screamed/moaned a loud yes. It was then that I slipped the head of my cock into her cunt for the first time.

With just the tip inside her, I refused to move. She was trying not to move into me but couldn't help herself. I told her to wait even though she thought she couldn't. She seemed to emit word-like sounds to the effect "okay." I put a hand on her shoulder and the other on her waist to hold her in place. She literally couldn't help moving her hips to shove back and up into me so I moved my other hand to her other hip and pressed my weight down on her.

She tried to get control of her breathing and started to have some success. I pulled and pushed on her ass cheeks to feel her lips sliding against the rim of my cock. She was an incredible fuck and I wanted to savor every moment, try out every bell and whistle her tight little body had to offer. Her arms were bent with her hands under her shoulders. She tried not to move them, pressing into the couch cushion in an attempt to stabilize herself. I told her to be in the space of tension of wanting to move against me and not do it, that I'd be filling her up in no time and that this tension was good for her. She couldn't speak but nodded slightly, and that's when I slid the rest of the way inside her. She screamed and her back arched from the surprise, her head almost coming back to my chest. I kept my grip on her waist, pressing her pelvis into the couch. She uncurled and as I slowly rammed her she moved her upper body and arms, turning her head now and then, consumed with the feeling of having me completely inside her.

I ground her pussy slowly for a while and then started alternating with a few quick thrusts to gauge her reaction. As I watched the side of her face at this point, I noticed the first of the waves of voluminous slobber coming out of her mouth and pooling on the cushion of the couch. At first I thought my eyes were playing a trick on me but I focused as I fucked her multirhythmically and sure enough, huge gobs of slobber were indeed coming out of her mouth. That's when I started thinking about me finally filling her pussy up must be making the globs come out the other end. If I had not been enjoying fucking and filling her up so much I might have laughed, but fucking this girl was entirely serious and called for all of my attention.

I drew myself out to the point of just having a millimeter of my cock inside her, playing soft at her entrance and feeling the velvety pillows on either side of my hard dick. I could tell I was pumping out precome like crazy, anticipating the intense high I'd get from coming while fucking this amazing girl.

Her pony tail bobbed as she seemed to nod her face down into the cushion muffling her cries of passionate joy. I took a hand from pressing her waist down and grabbed it, pulling her head back. I wanted to hear her scream from pleasure as I fucked her. She told me to go faster and I did because I wanted her to have the most amazing fuck of her entire life. I told her to pull her ass cheeks apart and she did, and I rammed her faster and faster. I lost no intensity, though, so what she was experiencing lead directly to globs of her slobber flying out or her mouth and being launched on the arm of the couch in front of her. The cushion where her head had been was now improbably drenched and, I figured, it could use a break. Slimy ropes of it had slipped off the couch and fallen and pooled on the floor. I resolved to watch my step if I went that direction when I was done with her.

I removed myself from her and turned her over, going back to eat her out for a while. I didn't tongue fuck her this time and I could tell she felt empty without my cock or tongue inside her to fill her up. I licked her pussy and sucked on her clit, which I could tell she'd never experienced before. She was probably used to boys who kissed her a couple of times and then ramrodded her for twelve seconds until they had uncontrollably come. Today I was treating her to something special that women rarely experience and if you think about it, this is really half of the public service I offer communities in which I do not live. Taking down criminals is just part of the story.

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