Mother' Lament

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soncurious
soncurious
131 Followers

                           Mothers' Lament

           You raise your child the best that you can,
           Hoping he's prepared for leaving the den.
           He chooses the military to mature and more,
           So that when he gets out his future will soar.

           Basic training's a challenge he could endure,
           Schooling for a trade has made him more sure.
           You wish him the best and hope he's stationed nearby,
           Hoping with all your heart he stays state side.

           A few years in and everything is going just fine,
           Every so often he'll drop you a line.
           Then the day comes that every mother fears,
           Deployment time is drawing so near.

           They're sending him to the place there is war,
           The terror that grips you cuts right to the core.                              If you could go in his place that's what you would do.
           You wish him your best and with a hug say I love you,  
          
           You'll kiss him and tell him how proud of him you are,
           And your love will be with him no matter how far.
           Into a grown up man your little boy has turned,
           Maturity and responsibility is what he has earned.
        
           You'll hold your breath and count the days,
           Waiting for his return in so many ways.
           And when that time comes you know what you'll do,
           More hugs and kisses and endless I love yous.
            
          
          
          
        
          
          
            

soncurious
soncurious
131 Followers
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Safe_BetSafe_Betover 15 years ago
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Liked the piece. The emotion was there, but it is buried under too many words. You might consider rewriting it and removing any words that aren't ABSOLUTELY needed to get the emotions across. (Believe me - I know this issue. Signed, Queen of Too Damn Many Words) ;)

P.S. I would like to suggest that you get involved with the Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum on Lit's BBS. There are some GREAT poets there that can give you terrific suggestions and assistance. Here's the link: http://forum.literotica.com