My Guide to Sex in a Relationship

***This is more of a guide than a sex story. There is some exciting things but it is not focused on fantasy at all. This is about my life and how I work at making things work for me. I am not a doctor or a counselor; nothing I write is meant to treat or diagnosis anything. I am just a girl with a very little bit of life experience. This is "My Guide to Sex in a Relationship," it works for me and I hope it works for you as well.

Over my five years in university I have learned a lot of things. A lot of things in school of course but even more out of school. I have grown from a timid, skinny, insecure young girl into a sexually confident young woman. I have now found my one true love in a man whom I least expected but am most excited. I fall in love with him over and over each day and am looking forward to our long, happy life together. I had a lot of help along the way to finding him and I learned my lessons well so I am going to share some of those lesson's with you all in hopes that anyone who is willing may learn a little. (And don't worry this doesn't mean my stories are over, I still have some old ones and will be making many new one's :-) )

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These are my personal keys to staying together, staying happy and staying sexually satisfied with one another.

The first thing I would say to anyone male or female is to really get into what you are doing, I mean put yourself mentally into it like it is the one thing you want most. That cum, that orgasm, that sweet sweat dripping off your bodies as you glide, slide and pound into one another. The reason guys like porn so much in my opinion is because the girls are so receptive. They aren't repressed and hiding under the covers with the lights off. They don't lay there quietly in one position expecting the man to get all the work done himself. They love what they are doing or at least act like they do and I have to say that even if you are not physically as into sex as you want to be, acting the part goes a long way into forcing your body to get with the program!

Men are creatures of confidence; if you build him up he will be better for you every time you go to bed. If you break him down you will end up resenting each other and your sex life will fail along with your relationship. Make him feel like he is the king of your world sexually, like he is amazing at the things he does. Let him know about the things you love him to do to you. "Oh my god baby, when you flipped me over and grabbed my hips and rammed into me, that felt amazing." Or "I love the way you eat my pussy, it feels so good when you lightly flick across my clit like that." Not only are you instructing him to get you off but you make him feel as if it was all his doing. One thing I will add to this is that the more you think about how great he is the more he will actually become great both to you and in fact so you are really doing yourself a favor as much as him.

Be vocal, say you like it, say you want more of it and let each other know exactly what it is you do want. I know that there is a great romance for women to want a man to sweep her off her feet and know exactly what buttons to push at exactly what time but the reality is you have to help him find the right buttons before he can call your number. Teach each other how to make love, how to fuck, how to screw and you will learn so much more about one another.

Give your body to the process. This is something I have learned recently that has taken me to new heights I thought I would never climb. Think about it this way, the first time you go for a run you can't go 5K. But as you run more and more and build up your abilities you can run 5K or even more. Sex is the same way. The first time probably sucked or hurt or both, but it sure gets better right? The same should be said about our advanced sex lives, it should get better as we work at it.

Practice makes perfect and practicing by yourself can be the best teacher oftentimes. I'll give a few sexy examples to make this more than just a how to book. I remember the first time I sucked dick. I was no good at it. I couldn't take it very deep, I couldn't suck very hard, I felt clumsy and embarrassed by the fact that I didn't know what I was doing. A few years later I got the bright idea of practicing on one of my dildos. I found one that seemed about the size of my failed attempt and started trying things out.

I parted my lips and slid the toy into my mouth. I rubbed it around to get used to feel of a hard cock touching all over the inside of my mouth. I pushed it to that gag point and pulled back a little, then I pushed it more. My pussy began to involuntarily get wet so I started to rub myself to take my mind off of my gagging. As I slid a finger inside myself I slid the cock deeper into my mouth. Again the gagging so I backed out. I kept doing this in small motions until I felt the toy hit the back of my throat! I started moving it in and out as I pulled my fingers out of my pussy and rubbed my wetness all over my clit. I leaned my head back and pushed the cock down into my throat. Then I pulled it out and then back down again. I was taking it all the way as far as it could go so I grabbed a larger toy and quickly started the process over again. Before I knew it I was sliding a good sized toy dick (about my love's size) all the way down my throat as far as it could go and I was literally fucking my mouth with it! It didn't do anything for me physically but the first time I let a guy fuck my mouth like that it did a great deal for him and I was extremely proud of my abilities in the bed room and a confident lover is a good lover. Now I can lay back on my bed and let him slide deep into my throat and back out at feverish speeds without any problem and he loves it!

I had the same experience with my asshole years ago as well. Anal sex was not the best thing in the world. It honestly hurt me some so I had a fear of it. But one day while in the shower I used a finger up my bum. I let it sit inside me while I felt my ass rim flex and squeeze at the intrusion. Quickly though it relaxed and allowed the penetration. I used another finger with the same result, a little shock and squeeze and then entry granted. Eventually I could easily fit three fingers wide into my ass with no pain at all or four fingers grouped together without the least bit of trouble.

I also had many toys at my disposal and I learned to take them all inside of me. I would lie on my side while I slowly inserted them inside my most tight of holes. Then I would flex my ass on the toy as hard as I could and hold the flex for a while to fully grasp how tight I could get myself (and I can get really fucking tight!). After flexing I would release my muscles and let my rosebud open up to the foreign object inside of her. I would start using the toy in and out of myself speeding up and eventually using enough force that I would squirt my cum all over the place. One thing I love to do is get fucked in doggy-style position and while he is fucking my pussy I get a longer silicone dildo (so I can reach) and fuck my own ass with it as he watches me and fucks me! It makes me and him cum every time.

I have spent so much time training my ass that I can now go out in public with a butt plug in and do all of my daily duties and enjoy every step I take! (I do wear underwear just in case for some reason I was to lose control and it popped out in public, that would be embarrassing to say the least.)

Keep yourself clean! I cannot over state the importance of this. Honestly if you meet the best looking person in your life and they smell like b.o. you will back off. If you proceed with them and their breath is rancid you will shy away more and if they have a crotch that smells like week old meat you will most likely puke on them. Keeping yourself clean is both better for you and your lover or potential lovers. Trimming, shaving, waxing, etc. as well as the normal soap, shampoo and toothpaste are as much a sex toy as a dildo and a strap-on. Without the one you are much less likely to get the other.

Enemas are a vital part of my sex life now. I absolutely love anal sex, I can cum from it as easily as I can flick my clit or rub my g-spot but I have had to learn the skill over the years. One thing that helps tremendously for women is to know that there is no "accident" waiting to happen. Getting a good enema is like washing your pussy well to make sure it is fresh and clean. The cleaner you are the dirtier you are likely to get in bed! Make sure to never use the saline solution that comes from the drug store kits because it will dry you out and also make sure you never use your tap water unless it's filtered. Get distilled water and warm it up in the microwave (but not to hot, you don't want to burn your insides). They sell enema bags at most all drug or grocery stores but I actually prefer to get the douche bags and use them because they hold more liquid (2-4 quarts is my preference). Make sure you use warm water (helps keep cramping at minimum) and make sure to hold the liquid in as long as you can while lying on your back or in the doggy style position. Some people like to add a little bit of soap and others like to add some olive oil or mineral oil to the bag. Coffee, milk, and even wine are common practices for enemas and all have some medical and scientific backing to benefitting health. I prefer warm water only followed by a 4oz shot of water based lube just before penetration. Just get an enema syringe (I believe in America they are called enema bulbs) the ones that look like a baby nose sucker. (I guess you could actually use a nose sucker to get the lube in, that should work just fine). Doing this both cleans me out and lubes me up inside as much as possible and let's face it, the better lubed we are the better the sex feels.

Take time to learn you own body. So many times we are in such a rush to get to the next place in life, school, work, the gym, a meeting or whatever. When it comes to masturbating we normally just skip to the end, get a vibrator on our clit and cum fast so we can get going to that next "thing." (Normally for me it's sleep.) But think of this, how can you instruct or guide a lover to the things you like most or want most at that time if you don't know your own body?

I would never have known that I love to be double penetrated if I hadn't taken the time to use two toys in myself at once. I love my magic wand but I would probably still just turn it on and put it on my clit if I didn't take time to experiment with it. I like it on my asshole while I fuck myself with my long silicone dildo or vibrator (although sometimes both vibrations are to much.) I also like putting the wand on my clit while I ride my suction cup dildo or just lay on my back and fuck my pussy with a toy while I rub my clit with the wand. Or my pump up dildo, I love the full, full feeling I get from it and I also like to get it real big and flec my pussy muscles on it as hard as I can both sucking it into me and pushing it out as well. It trains the muscles and feels wonderful at the same time!

I would have never learned the anal skills I have today if I didn't teach myself the proper way to do it for me. How to enema and lube myself. How to relax for entry, how to take larger object's and flex on them. Vibrators, beads, plugs are all things I use to keep myself ready and able to cum at ease from my ass. Constant use only makes me want it that much more. I can't even shower without sliding a finger or two inside myself!

And my biggest perhaps, I would have never learned to squirt had I not used that g-spot vibrator until I got that feeling. Once I felt like I had to go, (had to go pee is a pretty accurate description although I can now make a very clear distinction in the two feelings) I took the toy out of myself and allowed my muscle's to release rather than the normal holding back I was so used to. I soaked my bed and myself and rocked my own world literally screaming out in ecstasy in the privacy of my own apartment. Now I can cum multiple times before my man is even close, I can get myself so wet that I can take more of a hardcore pounding and I owe it all to taking the time to find out about my own body.

For guys you need to realize (and your women do to) that just because your dick likes to be touched, stroked, grabbed, licked, sucked and fucked DOES NOT mean that is the only thing your body has to offer sexually. You have numerous erotic zones on your body just like women do but for some reason culture has programmed men to think dick and dick only when it comes to male satisfaction. Let your women try new things on your body.

The biggest male "Oh hell no" is of course the ass. Most men jump through the roof if you even mention touching their ass, except for the ones who have been man enough to allow their women to do so. Here is the thing boys, women love asses. We obsess over our own asses, we look at other women's asses, we work out to get a "booty" or to work our booty's off. We love nice asses and especially a nice man's ass! So let her grab it, let her rub it, let her take you into the shower and wash it. Let her kiss it, lick it, stoke your lubed up cock while she eats you and maybe even let her go into you. That's right let her lube her finger, lick your asshole and slide inside of you. Maybe use a vibrator in you? I have a strap-less strap on that inserts in my pussy and goes inside of you and vibrates both of us! The bigger the part that inserts in the women the better to hold onto you're your pc muscles with and I have to say there is something amazingly powerful about using a strap-on as a women. It is simply an awesome point of view and if you have a man who is strong enough in his sexuality to let you go there by all means go for it, you will have fun being in his shoes for a while!

Men have a wonderful gift called the prostate and I promise you I have made my man cum from nothing but massaging him inside of his ass. So keep yourself clean boys and keep yourself open to new things because you just might fall in love with your own body as much as you love ours!

Be spontaneous. Planning things is great, we often times must plan well if we want to succeed. But over-planning only leads to let downs and false hopes. I prefer to prepare for anything and then let whatever happens happen. I have an entire draw full of toys that I can use for whatever situation. I have plugs, pumps, lubes, butterfly's, beads, strap-on's (for her or for him ;)) wands, blindfold's and gag's (new to the collection) candles, music, cuff's and on and on. You name it I probably got something you want. The point is I never know exactly what direction my man will take me or what path I want to travel from time to time. Maybe we fuck in the day at the school and I don't need any of those things. Maybe we get into it on the couch while watching a movie and don't need any toys at all. But maybe we have a couple glasses of wine and want to get lost in a night of fullness and cum. So be prepared but also be up for anything you like because you never know what is right around the corner for you and that can be as exciting as any sex toy.

Have more sex. A lot of people say they have a lot of sex but really don't. Still more people fit sex in when they have "time for it" (weekends or date nights) and don't really give it the time it deserves.

Whatever your sex level is right now I personally challenge you to double it for one month. If you are having sex once a day then go for twice daily and make sure you make it count, don't just go through the motions. Remember to get into it and really let your body go. Not only will your libido increase but you will feel healthier and more excited about life in general (libido is a lot like waking up early or doing cardio, the more you do it the more you want to do it, the more you NEED to do it). Just remember that not only are you going for more sex but you are also making sure it is more "good" sex. If at the end of the month you hated all the great sex you were having then I have no idea what to say to you other than I feel sorry for your partner.

Variety is the spice of life. Once you have done the one month of double the good sex challenge I further challenge you to have another month of equal amounts of sex only never do it the same way two times in a row. Different finishing positions, different locations, different holes, let him cum on you instead of in you, (actually tell him to cum on whatever part of your body you want him on, this is extremely exciting for men to hear and see). Make sure that each sex session you have is both fulfilling for you and your partner but also different every time. Add toys but use a different one (you may need to shop a little for each other ), music, lighting, oils, porno movies, computer clips, stories or whatever else your naughty mind can think of, just make sure you keep things changing and you will thank me for it later. (Or at least your body will!!!)

Adding to the variety rule I further challenge you to make sure you are staying connected at a personal level as well as a sexual one. Many couples drift apart after the "honeymoon phase" simply because things stop being new, they stop being "fun" and therefore you stop having fun with one another. A major component of sex aside from the physical connection is the mental, spiritual and emotional connection. I am not talking one night stand or sex fling "fun" I am talking life changing, "I want to keep doing this forever with just you and me and damn everyone else that looks at us or talks about us" style connection. (Please note that I understand there are a number of people who are not monogamous but live very happy, fulfilling lives together. I, however am not one of those and will never be as I am way to possessive to even dream of such a life style with my life partner but I do not judge or condemn anyone else who is happy with that choice. )

Put as much effort into your life outside of sex together as you put into your sex life together. Often times the men need to work on this more and the women need to work on the sex more but if that doesn't fit you than that's awesome but there is always room for change. Also remember that each of you are responsible for both sex and connection. Just because girls like to talk more and go out more doesn't mean that they get a free pass. Your challenge is to find out the things he really wants to go do and not just the things you want to do and vice versa.

Try setting up dates that are unannounced. Try different restaurants you have never been to or take a longer drive to see a movie at a "new" Cineplex. Go for walks, get partners massages (girls you can book this as well as a guy can). Buy each other inexpensive things just because it makes you think of each other. Stop and kiss each other just because you want to. Hold hands, hug in public, and tell each other I love you out of the blue and mean it! Do not let yourself fall into the "eat, work, tv, sleep" lifestyle that so many couples get comfortable in because sooner or later one of you will start looking for excitement elsewhere. You are each other's best protection from relationship problems.

One of my favorite night's so far with my man has been the night he told me he was coming over to watch a movie. I got all clean shaved, hair washed, used a enema, made sure my place was perfect and when he showed up he bragged my coat and said "let's go." I protested that I wasn't dressed well and he told me not to worry that I looked great the way I was. He took me to an informal but amazing restaurant and got a sample of various foods I don't eat often. He bought wine that we shared. We talked about life, about the future and then out of nowhere he blatantly asked me about my fantasies in a public restaurant!