My Neighbour 'Er Name is Alice.

Terry takes Alice's smalls off the line.

Just a short story to create a giggle or two.

The rain was coming on and I ran out on my zimmer to get my clothes in. I was putting the peg basket away when I noticed that Alice the widow woman next door to me had some out too, so I went across and took hers off the line too. She came out with her washing basket just as I was finished.

'Thank you Terry. You are so good to me.'

'There you are love, when was the last time a guy handled your knickers?'

'You know, Terry! I forget! Not since my Bert was alive, that's for sure. Give you a thrill, did it?'

'Get away with you, you would slap my face if I told you the truth!'

'Don't tell me you fancy an old bat like me?'

'What if I said, yes! You still have a nice ass and a marvellous pair of legs on you.'

'That's a blooming laugh! I have had that many operations, Darling, they maybe have sewn it up!'

'I could always check it out for you, Love.'

'All you want is one of them dirty white macks, because you are getting to be a dirty old man, Terry flipping what's-your-name!'

'You know you love me, really.'

'I know one thing. From now on I'm going to wash me knickers everyday and pray for rain!' She laughed and turned to go into her house. The rain got heavier so I put my zimmer into second gear and zoomed back into my own place.

Later, I sat by my fire and thought back to my Jenny. Been dead five years, now she has. God bless her soul. She was a virgin when I married her. Broke her in on the first night of our honeymoon at Great Yarmouth. The Landlady gave us fits, she did. Jenny was a screamer, every time I made her cum, she would yell out like one of them there banshee things. She was a squirter too. Had to fork out more money to the Landlady to keep us in clean sheets. The Landlady was mortified!

Jen liked reading sexy books and magazines. If it had sex in it, Jen would read it. I didn't grumble about it, because of her reading and her wanting to try out all the things she read about, well, I had great fun, didn't I? Guess we taught ourselves the Kama Sutra, what ever you call it? I don't know. Knowing Jen she could have wrote a better book than that one, in the Queen's English too. I reckon me and my Jen put the word porn into pornography, no kidding, we must have done, you know? Over the years, we did!

Then there was the day when we were up the Flea Market, she lamps this book and barters with the guy for it. She got it for 50 pence. It was full of the dirtiest pictures I had ever seen! Guys fucking women up their asses and guys fucking other guys up you know where. Cock sucking galore being done by guys and gals and guys with other guys. It was wicked!

Jen did most of her reading on the loo or in the bath. Seldom in bed because we were always doing other things in there. Needless to say, true to form she disappeared into the loo as soon as I got her home. All I heard through the door was, 'Oh my God! Is that possible! Oh! Jeez! That one is so big! That guy is loving that cock up his bum, that is for sure! Oh my God!' I was down stairs drinking a pint of best bitter, thinking of the capers we were going to get up to later.'

By this time, with my horny thoughts I was sitting in my chair nursing a dilemma type hard-on. A dilemma because it was a rarity. But, erect, thank you very much. It was then, that Alice came to borrow a cup of sugar!

'Did I do that to you, Terry Watkins?'

I looked up and nearly had a bleeding heart-failure, didn't I? My cock shrivelled up and disappeared back into its hole like a spurned Jack Rabbit!

'That's what you did, Alice! Nearly frightened me to death you did! Why don't you wear a blooming bell around your scrawny neck? Or, try knocking a man's door before you barge in here like you own the place. Is it you I pays me rent to?'

She sat in the chair opposite and started to cackle like an old fish-wife, she did.

'If you want me to do something for you, Terry? You only have to ask.'

'What you? With your gnarled fingers and prune-like pussy? It must have withered and died by now.'

'Would you like to see it?'

Got another shock I did! She lay back and opened her legs to reveal she wasn't wearing any knickers and she put on display for me the perfect pudenda! It was shaved as clean as a whistle and it was the mound of a baby! Honest! I aren't joking! The cleft was slightly apart with pink broccoli oozing from the slit. Guess what? There was a resurrection! He who only hardens occasionally had hardened twice in one day! Thanks to Alice. St Johns Close had become a Wonderland! I mustn't boast about it, they will stop me flipping pension, won't they?

The brazen bitch was laying back caressing it with her fingers. I took my cock in hand and started to man-nip-ulate. Wow! It was nice! By now we were staring at each other and making sweet music, Alice on her Alice-Harp and me on my Terry type flute.

'You want a fuck?' She almost pleaded.

Hastily, at a geriatric speed of light I threw down some cushions and pulled myself up with my zimmer and then got old Alice to her feet and got her to squat her ass on a cushion and to lay back with her head of silver grey hair on the other. She herself pulled up her lambs-wool jumper and her cross- Alice's - Heart bra. Amazingly her tits were quite nice too. She must have starched them before coming over to me. I even undid me own braces and dropped me trousers to the floor together with my y-fronts which by now were more like w-fronts. Who cares? games on! Clutching my faithful zimmer tightly, I lowered myself to the floor and Alice, in that order. Both of them sighed, I don't know if it was passionately or with fatigue. For my ego's sake I hope you vote for passion. God I was thumping! Throbbing! Ready to go.

'You want me to help you? It's gone down again, Terry.'

'Whose damned idea was this anyway? You got a foot-pump, or something? You had better take your teeth out!'

'You will need to come up here, I can't reach it down there.'

'In that case, you will have to send for Pickfords.'(crane hire firm)

'Stop your moaning and get your ass up here.'

'Time I said those very words to the wife, Alice.'

'Oh! No! Not another ass freak! My Bert was like that. I hated it and loved it at the same time, it was weird. When he didn't do it for a while I would get down on my hands and knees and beg for it.'

That's the best position to get it in, Alice.'

'If you want it that way you will have to think up another position, my knees are killing me with arthritis!'

'Will you stop your yapping woman and get your mouth round it. Ouch! Did you take your teeth out?'

'Sorry, I forgot. You will have to keep reminding me. What are we on the floor for?'

'Damned if I can remember. You will have to help me up. Some fool as taken my trousers down.'

Half an hour later when they finally managed to get back to sitting opposite to each other.

'Do you think I have a nice pussy, Terry?'

'Of course you have, Alice! What did you ask a daft fool question like that for?'

'Oh! I just noticed I didn't have my knickers on and just thought I would ask. Shame about your cock though.'

'What's wrong with my cock?'

'Don't know, I seemed to remember they used to be harder and a lot longer!'

'Mine gets that way sometimes. Was, before you came in just now. What did you come in for, Alice.'

'I thought you would like to fuck me.'

'Of course I would like to fuck you. Lets do it on the floor.'

Jack