tagNon-EroticNew Year's Eve Resolutions #02

New Year's Eve Resolutions #02


These are my reluctant New Year's Eve Resolutions. Can't you tell? I'm posting them late.

Normally, I don't make them because I don't keep them and then I feel bad that I failed in my quest to better myself in the New Year. This year is different. This year, I'm motivated. This year, I'm going to do it.

"Hey, Freddie, I heard you were making a list of New Year's Eve Resolutions."

"Yeah, that's right, Vinnie."

"Well, aren't you are little late?"

"You could say that or you could say that I'm early for next year."

"I read your first one about exercising more. I never knew those LaLanne's were into bondage."

"Yeah, well, you never know about some people."

"Boy that Elaine LaLanne must have been a hottie back then because she doesn't look so bad now."

"Vinnie, she's almost 90-years-old."

"Yeah, well, so what's your next one on the list?"

"Anal sex."

"Anal sex?"


"You mean taking it up the ass?"

"Nah, giving it up the ass to a woman."

"What the Hell kind of New Year's Eve resolution is that?"

"Well, I've never had anal sex."

"You never had anal sex? Are you kiddin' me?"

"Nope, never had it."

"You've never been in the joint?"

"Well, not for an extended period of time like you and your friends have, Vinnie."

"When I got out of the big house, Rosie was all dolled up for me, you know." Vinnie stuck his hands in his pockets and at that point, I knew I was in for a long story. "Well, I had been boning a fag up the ass for so long in the joint that it was only natural when I came home that I flipped Rosie over and stuck it up her ass, too. Well, she was so pissed at me. She started accusing me of being a homo, you know. I never done that no more, but sometimes when I'm alone with my thoughts, I think of James and what's he up to these days. He must have been released by now."

"What was he in for?"

"Manslaughter. He killed a guy that didn't know that he was a guy when they were having sexual relations in the back of a car. When the guy reached down to grab his pussy and felt cock, he started beating James."

"Yeah, then what happened?"

"James carried a derringer in his stocking. He pulled it and shot the guy. He claimed self-defense, but he still got 5-7."

Vinnie looked at me with a face full of confusion.

"So how you gonna go about this anal sex thing?"

"I dunno. I was thinking about hookin' up with Melissa."

"Melissa? Why her?"

"She's Greek, isn't she?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, the Greek women take it up the ass, don't they?"

"I don't know about no Greek women taking it up the ass, but if you try sticking your cock up Melissa's ass, she's likely to cut it off."

"Forget that, then."

"What about those Indian squaws?"

"Squaws? You mean, American Indian woman?"

"Yeah, that's what I just said, ain't you listening to me?"

"So what's your point, Vinnie?"

"The Indians are like the Eskimo. They do it bent over in those iggy glos."

"And where do you find an American Indian woman or in your vernacular a squaw who'd be willing to allow me to fuck her anally?"

"What ain't you go no culture, Freddie? I thought you was college educated."

"I am, but forgive my ignorance and enlighten me, my fat Sicilian friend."

"Everyone knows that the casino is run by Indians. Right? We drive down to the Mohegun Sun in Connecticut, get us a room, pickup a couple of those Indian cocktail waitresses, bring them up to the room, and ba da bing ba da bang, we fuck them up the ass." He smiled at me. "In no time, you fulfilled your anal sex New Year's Eve resolution."

"There's only one problem with that, Vinnie."

"And what's that?"

"Those cocktail waitresses aren't real Indians. They only wear Indian costumes."

"Seriously?" He looked at me trying to see if I was pulling his leg. "No kiddin'. Well that explains it."

"Explains what Vinnie?"

"When me and the boys go down there to gamble we talk to them in sign language and they always walk away from us."

"Sign language, Vinnie?"

"Yeah, you know the way that Tonto used to translate for the Lone Ranger whenever he was trying to get his Indian friends from the reservation to help them."

"You do know that Tonto was an actor, right?"

"Yeah, of course, but he was still an Indian. He was an Indian actor."

"Never mind."

Hey, what 'bout paying one of those gypsy women to let you fuck them. They'll do it up the ass."

"No thanks, Vinnie. Have you seen some of those women? I wouldn't even hold their hand."

"What about a hooker?"

"Yeah, well, maybe, I thought about that, but it's got to be the right one."

"Do you want me to see if I can find my buddy, James?"

"No! What the Hell? Gees, Vinnie. I'm not gay."

"I'm not either, but when you're in the joint, any port in a storm, you know."

"Well, it's clear and sunny today and I'm in Boston. I'll see ya, Vinnie."

"Where you going?"

"There's a woman at the library who volunteered to give me anal sex. Maybe, she's still willing to let me fuck her up the ass."

"Who Gayle?"

"Is that her name? Brown hair, glasses, kind of plain looking?"

"Yeah, she looks like a librarian. She'll let anyone fuck her up the ass."

"I don't know, then, maybe, I'll come up with a different New Year's Eve resolution. This anal sex shit is just not for me."

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