- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Not intended, but where I ended
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Click hereWhere has all the poetry fled,
into the past where the past is dead?
or remembered vague and hazy,
a smoky mirage of what was
not forging into what is of what
could be, bring back questing
originality, parsing not passing
but alas I know little enough on
my own so,
I fling a stone of words
into a well and forge
on with the day.
Return later,
stare at a screen to assemble meaning
some leave you breathless in-breathing
wonder how with a similar vocabulary
I could not do the same?
struggle on because,
I am enraptured
by what is captured in the heart
and core of the written,
bitten by desire
to fire the mind
with the glory of words.
- COMMENTS
tazz317over 10 years agothe letters know not where they go as intended, TK U MLJ LV NV
Cleardaynowover 10 years agoYes. Very good indeed. The ideas, feeling and flow.
May I preface my further comments.
'Non erotic poetry' is the most civilised and kindest of hubs on Literotica. Both virtues not to be dismissed - especially kindness. As OldBear has said - criticism is more by omission.
My absolute favourite poet is Philip Larkin. The words and language are normal. The meanings are clear - though one may be troubled through to other meanings and feelings. Oddly, I also very much like TS Eliot. Not the clearest of poets. And I very much like Rudyard Kipling - who is often dismissed as a versifier. Curiously TS Eliot adored him too. Read 'Cold Iron'. Most other poets, including the greats, leave me cold.
I love the ideas and feelings and flow in 'Not intended'.
But.
In places, I am confused whether you are talking of your or their poetry? Are the old poems great or dead? Do my questions matter? Is my confusion intended and part of the poem?
The alliteration and flow work from the start until the last line - which breaks the flow. I think that break of flow on the last line is intended and a good device to emphasis that last phrase. But I find I do not like that last phrase 'glory of words'. It seems easy, banal even & not up to the quality and subtlety of the rest of the poem.
Fine poem.
Hope you are not offended and take my comments as the mark of the high regard I have for your writing.
greenmountaineerover 10 years agoThis is delightful, tod. It had a musical lilt to it, at least to my ear.
GuiltyPleasureover 10 years ago...in the final six lines is well chosen with internal rhymes flowing smoothly. I think this is really good. Five from me.
