Ode to Madame Pandora's Box

To hear this poem,

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Diddum a doo a dum a day
Diddum a doo a dy dum do
Diddum a doo a dum a day
Let us have a peek in Madame Pandora's box I say

Madame Pandora twas the first woman on earth
Not Eve as some may say with mirth
No me laddies she's not Adam's rib
We who wear kilts would never fib

A god gave Madame Pandora a box you see
But said you must not open it, even for me
Everyone wondered what could be in that box
But Madame Pandora played coy, quite the fox

Diddum a doo a dum a day
Diddum a doo a dy dum do
Diddum a doo a dum a day
Let us have a peek in that box if we may

One day Madame Pandora flung open the lid
And looked inside, that lassie did
To behold in awe the gifts inside
The steel handcuffs and a fine whip made of rawhide

Madame Pandora tried out the whip with a sharp crack
On many arses she let it smack
The legend is told of her chains and leather
That lassie don't tickle your fancy with no feather

Diddum a doo a dum a day
Diddum a doo a dy dum do
Diddum a doo a dum a day
What else you suppose might be that box, 'eh?


Into the box Madame Pandora reached once more
And pulled something out wondering what it twas for
She waved that Athame and cast a spell
From that moment on she gave the laddies hell

Madame Pandora mixed up a brew in the cauldron she found
And made the laddies drink it once they were bound
Twas a love potion of herbs and henbane seeds
It made her laddies do great deeds

Diddum a doo a dum a day
Diddum a doo a dy dum do
Diddum a doo a dum a day
Would it help the poor laddies should they pray?

No indeed, nothing with help
Cry and whimper and moan and yelp
Some tell the laddies to get some vervain
Madame Pandora will still drive you insane

There is no cure for this enchanter
Take another sip from Madame Pandora's decanter
And enjoy her love like you would a special flower
This incantrix has you in her power

Diddum a doo a dum a day
Diddum a doo a dy dum do
Diddum a doo a dum a day
They'll be no rest for the poor laddies today

So twas born the legend of Baobban Sith
Some say only a foolish Scottish myth
A fairie who appears as a beautiful lassie clad in green and red
And pleasures the man restrained in her bed

The laddies who survive swear she is both angel and devil
But in her delights they are quick to revel

It all began with that mysterious box and Madame Pandora
And created the femme fatale lore and aura

Diddum a doo a dum a day
Diddum a doo a dy dum a do
Diddum a doo a dum a day
The marvels of the lassie's box are here to stay!