- Erotic Poetry
- Offering
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Click hereOffering herself
to the altar of his desire
is no sacrifice.
She might be disheveled
in morning's mussed hair,
sleepy in cottony innocence,
bed warm and pliant,
yielding.
She might be sleek,
glittering with night eyes,
savvy and preternatural,
painted, fey, vamping.
She offers herself,
and the heart of her flower
flows. The gift of vulnerability
is trust, curling bouquets
of fingers, entwined tendrils,
limbs move, whisper.
- COMMENTS
annaswirlsover 19 years agoI like the first stanza, the idea there. If you agree with the others, I would hope that you either use this stanza elsewhere, or incorporate it's intention, perhaps in the title, or by weaving it through the rest. I don't see any problem with taking a little "harsh" with the tenderness. It is reality.
thermometer does not reflect anything.
they make mirrors for that
hope you have a clean one unpacked :)
PatCarringtonover 19 years agothe advice below seems wise to me / but this is handled with great beauty and care / the opening is much harsher than the rest and something probably needs to be done to soften it / removal is an option /
tarablackwood22over 19 years agoI don't see any line break questions at all, but agree the first stanza is not needed. Really good poetry, Jersey girl.
flyguy69over 19 years agoThe first stanza seems crass in contrast. With it, it is a hot poem, without it, it is scorching.
WickedEveover 19 years agois that first stanza there? Does it serve any purpose? I'd drop it. The rest of the poem is too good for it.
