Once, and Always

John sat on the edge of the bed nervously waiting for the buzz from the door downstairs, the buzz would be his new girlfriend coming up to see him. Although they had been dating for several months now, this was the first "stay-in" date. It was Cathy's idea, over the time they had been seeing each other, their physical contact had advanced slowly and she felt that rather than end up in the back seat of a car, or some strange hotel their first complete sexual experience should be where they both could be comfortable.

That was Cathy's idea, not John's. Since his release John had walked a delicate line as he quashed his natural impulses and tried to experience what others called love. His efforts were reinforced by court ordered visits to his parole officer and to his therapist. They had been amazed by his progress and encouraged him in his return to normal life.

John did not share their enthusiasm as he was constantly reminded of what he was. Why just going though some of the old newspapers he came across the headlines and ensuing editorials; "Rapist Freed on Parole." The editorials showed a flash of outrage with phrases like "...once a rapist, always a rapist." The sad thing about it all was, in spite of the wonderful things his parole officer and therapist said about him, he fully agreed with the editorial.

So now after months of suppressing himself, months of laborious self-control he waited for Cathy to come up to his room and make love with him. It seemed like such an odd concept to him, that she would do that with him, not that he would do it to her. They would do it together. John felt a chill begin to run down his back, but that feeling was interrupted with a loud "Buzz."

He hurried to the intercom, pushed the button and said, "Yes?"

"John, it's me, Cathy."

"Yes, yes, come in."

He then moved to his door, holding it open while he waited for her to ride up on the elevator and then walk down the corridor to his room. They kissed briefly at the door and then John stepped back to let Cathy pass, he followed her into the apartment. As they passed the living room, she stepped to one side while John passed her and walked into the bedroom.

Noticing she didn't follow him he turned and walked to the bedroom door where he could see her still standing in the living room. He tilted his head, wondering, when she said, "I thought we could sit a talk for a few minutes before we get started."

"Talk, yes, okay," John said, walking into the living room and sitting down on the edge of the couch.

Cathy then stepped over and sat down beside him. "I'm glad we decided to do it like this, I mean it's not so rushed, or cramped. We can enjoy it more this way."

"Me too," John agreed. The conversation seemed to last forever as he tried to stay focused, talking about Christmas shopping and vacation plans with her. When the conversation finally wound down John remained on the couch as Cathy stood up and walked into his bedroom.

He remained there until she stuck her head out and said, "Are you going to join me."

"Oh, yes," he replied, jumping up and walking into the bedroom, where she had already removed her blouse. John moved up to her and reached around her to unfasten her bra. Catching his hands, she leaned forward and kissed him.

"Why don't you turn out the light?"

He moved to the switch and turned out the light, then noticed she had moved further into the room and was neatly folding her skirt. She then finished undressing and slipped into his bed, pulling the sheet over her.

Once again following her lead, he pulled off his clothes, tossed them on a chair and then climbed in the bed on the other side. He moved over closer to her, reaching out and clasping one breast. He squeezed it a few times and then moved his hand to between her legs, but before he got there, she turned to him and reached down for his cock.

But no, no, something was wrong. His cock had not responded like it should, it had hardened initially, but now, it just wouldn't get hard.

"What's wrong," Cathy asked.

"I don't know... I mean nothing is wrong."

"Okay, we can keep trying," she said, reaching down and clasping his cock, stroking it lightly. She continued stroking it for some time but to no avail.

In desperation John began kissing Cathy's breasts and then moved down her stomach, but before he could go any further she stopped him. "No, let me..."

"We don't have to do this now John."

"But if you..."

"No, look let's just get dressed and try this another time," Cathy said, moving to the edge of the bed.

"But I can," John pleaded.

Cathy stood up, grabbed her panties and began pulling them on. John climbed out of the bed and walked around to Cathy, who had picked up her bra to put it on. "Cathy I can do this."

"No John, not today. Look let's just go out for a while."

John grabbed the bra from her and tossed it to the ground and when Cathy bent down to pick it up again he grabbed her arm and moved toward the bed.

"Ouch, John, you're hurting me."

He turned her, both hands on her upper arms and he said, "Yes, we will do this now." Pushing her back onto the bed, he reached down, tore off her panties and then worked himself between her legs.

"John no, stop this please. You're hurting me."

She tried to hold him away from him, but he grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the bed. Cathy tried to bring her legs back together, but he leaned on her one thigh as he slid his hips up. He pressed his erect cock up to her, pushing it against her left thigh, then up on her pubic mound. When he finally worked it down to her pussy, he thrust fast and hard, pushing it partway in before her legs stopped fighting him.

Shoving hard, his cock ground into her, all the way to the hilt, when he stopped and made sure he had her well pinned to the bed. He could feel her breath, hot and damp and he noticed tears rolling down her cheeks. Easing his cock out slightly, the pushed it back in, held it there for a moment and then began a rhythmic movement, back and forth.

The friction inside her eased up some as a wetness surrounded his cock. She had stopped fighting him so he could concentrate on moving inside her instead of holding her down. He wet, warmth felt good and he could feel the pleasure building, but he also noticed her breathing faster. Just as he began feeling a pressure building in his balls, she moan, and then pushed up to him.

Thrusting deep, he heard her whimper and then felt her pussy convulsing on his cock. The feeling of her coming excited him more and he let go, driving his cock into her and withdrawing, diving again, withdrawing and then arching his back, he came. He collapsed on top of her, his cock spurting hot burning cum into her bruised pussy. When he finished coming, he rolled over beside her.

He wasn't sure what to do. Always before he'd quickly get dressed, try to wipe off anything he touched and then leave. But this was so different, so odd. He looked over at Cathy, her body was trembling but otherwise she was motionless. Her makeup was smudged and eyeliner streaked across her face. Looking down at her thigh he could see a slight bruise where he leaned into her and he was sure her wrists were bruised too.

He remained beside her for several more minutes as her trembling calmed a bit and she seemed to stop sobbing. Rolling toward her, he got on his side and tried to look down into her eyes. Although the tears had stopped, she continued staring at the ceiling. He leaned toward her ear and whispered, "I love you."

Tears began flowing down her cheeks again.