"Vito, did you see my newspaper?"
"Newspaper? Yeah, I used it for the cat box."
"Cat box? That was today's newspaper. I didn't read it, yet."
"You don't need no stinkin' newspaper, Joey. Listen, c'mon look over my shoulder at my computer screen."
"Don't need no newspaper? How am I supposed to enlighten myself and keep up with current events as they become current?"
"The computer, look at the computer."
"The computer?" Joey looked at the monitor over Vito's shoulder. "What are you doing looking at dirty pictures?"
"No, there's a new online web site that gives you the news and which has everything you need to know and even things, links, which you cannot get with a newspaper. See, look, you click on it with your mouse."
"Mouse? We have a mouse? I thought we weren't supposed to have a mouse with a cat. See, I knew we should have gotten a dog, a Rat Terrier, instead of a cat. They had one at the pet store and I already had already picked out a good name for him, Polo."
"No, not that kind of mouse, you click on the link with the computer mouse."
"Geez, when you say links, I think of the sausage links that mama used to make. Remember?
"Yeah, yeah." Vito returned his attention to what he was doing. "Pollo? You were going to name a dog, Pollo? That means chicken in Italian. What the Hell kind of sissy name is that for a dog? Why would you name your dog chicken?"
"No, Polo with one letter l in the name and not Pollo with two l's in the name. You know, I was naming the dog after that fashion guy, Ralphie Lauren, Polo with the horsie log."
"Fashion guy? What you turning gay on me, now? You wanna name your dog after a gay chicken."
"Hey, don't talk about my dog like that."
"What dog? You don't even have a dog."
"Yeah, but supposin' I was to get that dog, already, he be riddled with insults." Joey watched Vito reading the news. "So, what are you doing, now? Reading those sexy stories on Literotica, again? That Bostonfictionwriter is my favorite writer. He's from the old neighborhood. He writes good."
"Nah, you know the boss don't want us surfing the web for porn. I'm reading the news online like you read a newspaper, like I've been trying to tell ya."
"Oh, yeah? Lemme see."
"I knew you would like this."
"Hey, this is nice. They have different sections, Community, Government and Political, Schools, Sports, Art, History, and Culture. That's me. I'm very cultured. Wait, go to sports. I want to check the scores. I bet on the Sox game, yesterday. Ah, they lost; the bums."
"It's a new age, Joey, the computer age. Nobody reads the newspaper no more. People don't even watch the evening news. They read it on their computer."
"Yeah, but, Vito, I didn't do so good in school. I don't read that good."
"Joey, even you will like this. See? They have pictures."
"Yeah, color pictures, too. Newspapers don't have that. And the big print is big and easier to read. I don't need my reading glasses no more. Already, I am feeling more cultured."
"I knew you would like it."
"So, who runs this thing? Maybe, we can muscle our way in and, you know, make him an offer he can't refuse."
"This thing? The web site is owned and produced by Betty Jones."
"Jones? She doesn't sound Italian."
"She is. Jones is her married name. She's one of us. Her grandfather's name on her mother's side was Angelo and her grandmother on her father's side was Francesca."
"Hey, what's this? You can make a comment?"
"Yeah, but first you have to log in."
"How do I log in?"
"You register first."
"Okay, so register me so that I can make my comment."
"Well, first you need a user name. Do you want to stay consistent and use your nickname?"
"Consistent? What you go to college all of a sudden? Yeah, use my nickname."
"Joey the banger."
"Now, you need to enter your e-mail address, Joeythebanger.com."
"Okay, now what?"
"Well, the computer will automatically send you a password and then you can change it to any password you want."
"963bdf, that's my password? I should play that number tonight."
"Yeah, only temporarily, then once you log in, you can change it to Joey or whatever you want, you know."
"Okay, can I make my comment, now?"
"This here web site is nice. Do I sign my name?"
"If you want?"
"Let me make a comment, too."
"Good job on the web site. The boys love it. And any time you need anything, you let us know."
"Vito, tell her we'll break legs for her if anyone gives her a hard time."
"You can't write that on a web site, Joey. That will incriminate you in a court of law. Don't you know anything?"
"I don't have to know anything anymore. I have this smart web site news web site that will teach me everything that I need to know."
- Add a