tagHumor & SatirePenis Envy

Penis Envy


“Sarah, what do you mean, you have a penis?”

“Just what I said,” I sobbed.

“I know you have a strap-on. I remember vividly when you used it on me while we did phone sex with Sean.”

Shannon and I had become very close since we discovered on the Fourth of July weekend that we lusted after one another. Soon thereafter she shared her boyfriend with me. At least on the phone. She had quickly become my favorite suck buddy.

“I’m not talking about silicone, Shannon. This is hot, hard, throbbing flesh. It shoots real semen when I rub it.”

“As if!”

“Sad but true.” I really started weeping now.

“Have you been doing acid, Sarah?”

“You know I don’t do drugs. At least not voluntarily,” I whispered, remembering the minister who got me divinely intoxicated and then used me as his sexual plaything.

“You actually have a penis, a real one, between your legs?”

“Yes,” I moaned.

“I’m coming right over. I have to see this!”

* * *

Half an hour later Shannon knocked urgently at the door.”

“Let me see! Let me see!” she demanded as soon as I let her in.

“Oh, Shannon, I’m so upset. So embarrassed. What am I going to do?”

“Pee standing up?”

“It’s not funny!” “How about sexual reassignment surgery? They can cut off your dick and make a pussy out of it. So I heard.”

I got hysterical, wailing and shaking uncontrollably. “I’m going to kill myself. I want my pussy back.”

Shannon put her arm around me and wiped the tears from my eyes. “Don’t cry baby,” she murmured consolingly.

And then she kissed me. Really kissed me. French style, probing passionately with her tongue. She fumbled with my blouse with her fingers until she got it unbuttoned and then unfastened my bra. Then her own. Our breasts pressed up against one another’s, nipple to nipple. All the while she nuzzled my neck with her lips and tickled my ears with her tongue.

“Please don’t, Shannon. I’m not sure I’m ready for this. Please stop. Please.”

But she didn’t. No, she began to fondle, kiss and lick my breasts and suck my nipples. Then her hands moved lower. Into my jeans. Down my panties.”

“Oh my God!” she squealed. “Oh my God!”

“I told you so.”

“Does it get hard? It’s soft. But big.”

“It’s not hard now because I just masturbated. I can’t help it. Ever since I woke up this morning with a hard-on I’ve been jerking off. I can’t keep my hands off it. It’s fascinating. Watching it shoot spunk all over the place. Much different than a female orgasm. When I got off as a girl it was more of a total body experience you have to warm up to. With this thing it’s like everything is concentrated right there, where you have your hand.”

“Let’s see if we can get your dick hard, Sarah.” Shannon pulled my jeans down. And then, very slowly, my panties, revealing my new penis. “Oh yeah, it sure looks real.” She put it in it in her mouth and began to suck and slurp on it eagerly. “Oh look! It’s getting bigger!” she exclaimed as she pointed it skywards and licked the underneath from my balls to the tip of my cock, like a lollipop. “How does that feel?” she asked in wonderment.

“Really good. Oh yeah…really good…oh yeah. No wonder guys like this so much.”

Shannon put as much of it in her mouth as she could. “It’s so big,” she marveled as she pulled it out and flicked the tip with her tongue.

“Tilt your head back, Shannon. I told you when we did phone sex with Sean that I would teach you how to deep-throat. Relax your throat. I’ll go slowly until we get past the angle of the dangle and your gag reflex.” I popped it right down her throat. All the way. Her nose nestled in my bush. In and out. In and out. All the way down her throat and then almost all the way out again. Again and again.

Shannon had her hand down her pants as she ministered to my new penis. Pulling me out of her mouth she purred, “I just love your little red patch down here. It looks even better with a big fat dick hanging under it. Well, not exactly hanging right now. Definitely standing at attention.”

“Just suck it, Shannon! Quit yapping. You got it hard. Now make it soft again. Suck my cock. Suck it, baby. Please suck it.”

“Remember when you teased me, Sarah, about my clit being so big? Like a cock? Well, now yours is bigger than mine!” She giggled.

“Shannon, would you please just shut up and suck my cock? Oh my God, it feels like it’s ready to explode. I want to cum in your mouth and all over your face and tits.”



“No. I’ve never been fucked by a chick with a real dick before. I want you to fuck me. I want a buddy fuck. I want your big hard cock inside me. I’m hot, wet, and way beyond ready.”

Shannon led me by the cock to the futon and pulled it down flat. She didn’t want to take her hand off it. Like me. She removed her clothing Mine was already off. She pushed me down gently on my back. “I want the top,” she insisted. “I want to fuck you. With your cock.” She straddled me and quickly slipped it inside her wet and hungry pussy.

“Yeow, Shannon, it feels so good. Your juicy pussy. My cock in it. So warm and soft and squishy inside. No wonder guys like to screw so much.”

“Yeah, really, Sarah. It’s awesome, too, when you have a great pair of tits to play with while you’re getting fucked.”

“Yes, I suppose so. I wish it was you who had the dick, though.”

“Just enjoy your cock, girlfriend. Consider it a blessing.”

“It’s more like a curse. But okay, I’ll try. This fucking with a cock is rather nice. I’ll quit complaining. I do want to cum in your pussy. A new experience for me, ya know? Now I’ll find out how a guy feels when he cums inside me.”

Shannon began to rock on my cock enthusiastically as my pubic bone pressed against her hot button. “Fuck me, Sarah. Oh yeah, girlfriend. Your cock feels so good inside me. Yeah, baby. This is really turning me on. Oh yeah…oh yeah. C’mon, Sarah, fuck me good. Push that big cock in me. Further, baby. Harder. Oh yeah…oh yeah…oh fucking yeah.”

I began to get just as frenzied. “Oh God, Shannon, that feels good. So good. So fucking good.” She had begun to bump and grind, swiveling her hips with my penis deep inside her.

Our moaning and groaning and screaming became unintelligible. When I felt her climax I couldn’t control my cock any longer. It seemed to have a mind of it’s own. It’s different for a girl. You can kind of slow down and delay things if you want. Not with this throbbing monster. Every nerve and sensation in my body seemed to centralize in my penis. And then it exploded inside Shannon as I arched my back and thrust my hips. She pulled me up to her and rubbed the tips of her nipples against mine as she got off again by squeezing her pelvic muscles rhythmically as I continued to fill her up with my semen.

Afterwards we lay in one another’s arms and cuddled as we wound down.


“Yes, Shannon?”

“We didn’t use any protection. Do you think I could get pregnant?”


“Oh, never mind. I think I’m pretty safe right now. But I do wonder what our baby would look like.”

“Yeah, really. I simply can not imagine.”

“So tell me how this happened, Sarah. How did you become a chick with a dick?”

Shannon listened in silent awe as I told her the story. How I had applied for the sports reporter position with a local television station. I was the only female applicant. The station manager interviewed me and asked what I knew about football. I think my answer that you could tell what position a guy played by the size of his penis--linemen are smaller but thicker and backs are thin and long and quarterbacks are long and large--duly impressed him. That and the short mini-skirt and plunging neckline. But he said that the owners of the station, two gay brothers, insisted that a man get the job. The manager tried to explain it away by saying that the owners didn’t want some naïve young woman in the locker room with a bunch of naked guys. What discrimination! He said one look at me and they’d all be walking around with hard-ons.

I suspected that these gay brothers actually were more concerned about getting a blow job from their new employee than exposing some chick to a bunch of horny jocks. Yes, I thought they were really worried about me being the competition. I angrily stormed out of the manager’s office screaming, “God damn it, I wish I had a dick!” And then my fondest wish, at that moment anyway, came true. That morning when I groggily woke and found a hard cock in my hand I first thought I had got trashed, picked somebody up, and couldn’t remember. But I soon realized who the dick belonged to. Woe was me.

“What are you going to do, Sarah?” she asked after I finished. “About your dick.”

“Wear it off?” Now I couldn’t help but laugh myself instead of cry. The situation had become so incredibly absurd.

“Yes, wear it off.” Shannon had been playing with it as we talked. It had begun to get hard again in her hands. As I lay on my back she leaned over and put it in her mouth. “Cum in my mouth, Sarah. I want to taste your semen.”

She built me up to a crescendo with slow soft sucking and then quickened the pace as I thrust my hips and responded more and more urgently.

“Oh God, Shannon. Suck it, baby. Oh yeah…oh yeah…oh my…ohh…ahh.”

“Cum in my mouth, honey,” she paused momentarily to urge. “Shoot a big load down my throat, baby. I want to taste it! Tickle my tonsils with your spunk.”

“Oh my…I…I’m…ohh…ahh…oh yeah…ohh…”

I pulled her by the hair down on me and arched upwards as if I wanted to drill a hole right through her head as I exploded spasmodically and screamed incoherently. Shannon swallowed most of it and then pulled me out and let the rest spurt on her face and breasts as she squeezed my balls gently with one hand and my cock tightly right under the head with the other hand.

As she wiped the cum dribbling from her chin with Kleenex, she laughed and said, “Dang, I thought we’d be having fun with my new toy.”


She got up and fetched it from her purse. “This. The Pearl Panther. Five-speed clitoral vibrations and five-speed rotating G-spot shaped shaft with internal beads. But I like your new toy better, Sarah. I love your cock,” she cooed. “Let’s go shock someone with it.”

“Who? My gynecologist?”

“Don’t they have beauty pageants for transsexuals? Girl, you have to be the world’s most beautiful chick with a dick. Hey, I have to go to work now. Let me do a little research on this matter. What are you going to do?”

“I have to go shopping. For a jock strap and larger underwear.”

* * *

Shannon found out about a convention of she-males in a city a hundred miles away. She persuaded me to go by making me an offer I couldn’t refuse. A diamond necklace a former lover had given her.

We entered the hotel lobby. Jam-packed. “Half these people are wannabe chicks with dicks,” Shannon commented knowingly. “The other half are dudes who already had their dicks whacked off, but not in the normal sense of the concept. You know, mutilation versus masturbation. Sarah, you and I are probably the only real girls in this place.”

“Maybe you, Shannon, but I don’t know about me any more.” I started to sob miserably once more. “The only good thing about this damn dick is that you can take a piss wherever you feel like it. An alley, in a cup while you’re driving. In the sink instead of the toilet if there’s a long line to the rest room.”

Shannon had showed me the advertisement about the she-male convention in the paper. With the room you got a gift bag, spa products, limo service, strawberry and cream Cosmopolitan cocktails, in-room manicures, DVD chick flicks, s’mores, and popcorn. Also an invitation to a pajama party with champagne. For an additional fee makeover consultations with a Neiman Marcus personal shopper could be had. The cost of a room started at $1,500 a night.

“How can these gender challenged persons afford such luxury accommodations?” I inquired of Shannon.

“I dunno. But I bet it has something to do with cock sucking.”

Numerous tables had been set up in the huge lobby. Signs and stacks of literature were prevalent regarding transgender issues. We approached one rather masculine looking person in a too short mini-skirt who had beckoned us. “We don’t see many real pussies at our gatherings,” the person said menacingly, his or her finger pointing. “At least ones who didn’t get their pussies from a doctor. Would you two bitches like me to educate you about our legal efforts to fight restricted access to medical treatment for gender reassignment?”

“No, I think not, asshole,” Shannon snapped. “You are totally rude, dude. Or dudette. Get a haircut and get a real pussy.” She dragged me away roughly. “Forget this place,” she whispered to me. “We are not going to have any fun here. They are all psycho. Let’s go down the road. There is another convention. Some sort of hardware thing. You know, plumbers and such.”

“Whatever, Shannon. This place doesn’t look like much fun to me, either. These ‘girls’ are staring at us like we are lepers. We could get beat up or something. What’s their frigging problem anyway?”

“I don’t think its PMS. Unless that acronym stands for Post Member Syndrome. I mean, I guess you would…uh…even though…uh…you only had it for…miss…your…uh…”

I started to wail and shed crocodile tears again.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Sarah. Hey girlfriend, can I suck your cock and make you feel better?”

I ignored her ignorance all the way to the other hotel. I mean, how would you feel if you woke up one morning in my condition? I just hoped I wouldn’t start acting totally stupid like a dude.

As soon as we got to the other convention I headed for the bar, needing a stiff drink. To take my mind off the stiff something else. We sat on bar stools and ordered shots. Before we could even pay for them two guys did, and drooled on us.

“Are you two working girls?” one asked.

“Actually,” I responded, “we are college students just trying to earn a little spending money during summer break.”

“What do you do special?” he inquired.

“Well,” I replied, “I do some computer stuff. Book editing. File conversions.”

“I had in mind something involving a whip and handcuffs,” he said tentatively. “For about five-hundred dollars an hour.”

“Five-hundred dollars an hour? What, you think we’re hookers?” I snarled.

“I…uh…don’t…uh…know. I mean, there are hookers all over this place. You two are young and gorgeous. I wouldn’t…uh…have thought so, but who knows? Maybe you’d like to get rich quick. What do they call a hooker at a hardware convention?”

“I give up, but don’t bother telling me,” I answered nastily, beginning to get really ticked off.

“A Black & Decker pecker wrecker.” He and his companion guffawed uproariously.

I got up to leave. Shannon, grabbed my arm and whispered in my ear, “Let’s have some fun with these guys.” She had a very mischievous expression on her face.

“Right now I have to pee. Really, really bad,” I moaned, as I squeezed my dick between my thighs. “Excuse us, gentleman, we have to use the restroom,” I said, toning down the sarcasm. “Be right back.”

I paused at the bathroom doors and looked at Shannon. “The girl’s room, silly,” she advised. “You still have tits. I want to hold it while you pee.” We went in a stall and shut the door. I pulled it out and she grabbed it as it streamed urine.

“Ahh,” I groaned. The point and shoot relief was very refreshing. I had learned very quickly that when the time comes to take a pee when you really have to go, nothing beats it. Beating it ain’t bad either.

“I just love your cock, Sarah,” Shannon purred as she stroked it.

“Give it a couple shakes,” I suggested. “To make sure it’s…uh…”

“Hey, I’ve seen guys do this before.” But she didn’t stop. “I never really liked sucking cock until you. I’d never tell a dude that, though. I might not get mine muffed. Especially the swallowing part. Yuk! But your semen tastes good, Sarah. Very good. Kind of a caviar taste, but sweeter. I’m hungry!”

I put it back in my panties. “Don’t be such a slut,” I joked.

We went back to the bar stools. “Hey you guys, did you ever meet a chick with a dick?” Shannon asked.

“We went over to that convention of she-males. Woof, woof. Those ‘ladies’ are dogs. Hairy legs, fake boobs, and Adam’s apples.”

“Yeah, and they are bitchy as hell,” I added.

“Huh? You went there?” he asked.

“Yes, we did,” Shannon replied. “Sarah here has a dick. And I’m her brother.”

“Bullshit!” the other guy said.

“No bullshit. Bet me,” Shannon challenged.

“Okay. Five hundred says Sarah doesn’t have a real dick. No way.”

“It’s a bet!” she exclaimed. “But I don’t have five hundred. All I have is this.” She lifted up her skirt and lowered her panties. “Sorry, no dick for me.”

“I love that little shaved pussy,” the first guy said. “I bet it’s nice and tight.”

“You want some?”


“That’s what you get if you win the bet. We get your five hundred bucks if Sarah has a penis.”

“No way she has a penis.” He put five crisp new one-hundred dollar bills on the bar. “I want some of that cute snatch of yours, little darlin’. No tricks now. This has to be a real dick hanging between her legs.” Shannon nodded.

The other plumbers and hardware types had begun to pay some attention to us. Particularly when Shannon flashed her pussy. They paid even more attention when I stood up, unbuttoned my blouse, and took it off.

“More, more!” one guy yelled.

“Free them puppies!” another urged.

Slowly I reached around and undid the back close and let my bra fall to the floor. The vocal outbursts proliferated. “Nice jugs! Shake those pink chewies! Look at those bazooms! Hey, blue eyes has great big brown eyes!”

Then I tugged and wiggled out of the tight jeans. The plumber types began to crowd around me.

“She does have quite the bulge in her panties,” the one who made the bet observed warily.

“It could be a rag,” his buddy suggested hopefully. “Let’s see what’s in the panties, sweet cheeks.”

I began to lower my panties very, very slowly.

The peanut gallery roared again. “Oh my fucking God! It looks real. Shit, that’s bigger than mine. That’s some salami! Wish I had a one-eyed spit monkey like that. What a wonder wand!”

Shannon reached for the money on the bar. The bettor stopped her. “Just a second, honey. You have to prove it’s real. Let’s see if that fake wang shoots a wad, ‘eh?”

“Hey, bud,” a large bystander in a base cap addressed him aggressively, “the chick proved the other chick has a dick. Pay up.”

“No, no, that’s okay,” Shannon said politely. We can have Sarah here shoot some spunk. Right down my throat. I love sucking her cock. Would you boys like to see Sarah get a blow job?” They all nodded enthusiastically. “How bad would you like to see that big dick of hers in my mouth? How bad would you like to see it cum in my face and all over my tits?” They started to drool. “Let me borrow your hat, dude.” He took it off and gave it to her. She passed it around. “When it’s full of money I get on my knees.”

“Can we see your tits?” one old guy requested. When Shannon nodded he put several more bills in the hat. She pulled her T-shirt up over her head. No bra.

“Nice perkies!” the old dude complimented.

“Do you think they are too small?” she asked.

“No, no, just right. Anything more than a mouthful is a waste.”

“Watch this,” Shannon cooed as she began to play with the tips of her nipples. They got erect quickly.”

“Wow! Can I smoke those little cigars?” the old codger begged.

“Maybe later. I have business to take care of now.” Down on her knees she went. “This is called the butterfly flutter technique,” Shannon advised the spellbound crowd. “I picked up a training manual on fellatio at the she-male convention. I am going to plant my lips firmly around Sarah’s big swollen cock head and gently flick the tip of her cock with the tip of my tongue. I will keep my lips around Sarah’s cock at a depth so that I can continue to touch the tip of her cock with the tip of my tongue. With my lips around her cock shaft I’m going to make an up and down movement with my tongue. I’m going to flutter my tongue up and down on the tip of her cock.”

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