Permission Ch. 01bylakesailer_mi©
I thank Respeito for awesome editing and advice. Also hwwannabe and fire_breeze for helpful suggestions on earlier drafts. This work is copywrite lakesailer_mi.
Kristin lay awake in the dark night, her sex tingling while her husband snored beside her. Their lovemaking earlier had been good. Not great, certainly not bad, and unfortunately, that was the problem. It was good, but she just felt that something was missing. In fact, she sighed, in the dark, she knew what was missing. She hated to admit it, even to herself, and certainly to anyone else, but she needed to be desired, and taken, and wanton, and slutty. The last thought sent shivers up her spine and then back down, causing her sex to ache.
God, she thought, I'm such a slut. She almost hissed the word out of her mouth as the thought made the ache in her crotch nearly unbearable. She had always been good: had saved herself for marriage; had not been a tease; had always dressed modestly, or with just the slightest hint of sexuality. But secretly, in her bedroom at night, Kristin would masturbate to fantasies of being slutty. Of being so desired by men that she could pick and choose and indulge her fantasies at a whim. And what fantasies: being ravished by a strong man who takes her in every position and every hole. Or the one where she ties a man to the bed, fucking his face and then his cock until his grows limp; taking her pleasure from him until she is satisfied. Or better still, being at a crowded dance bar, where men surreptitiously fondled her. Finally catching the one she wanted in the act and taking him to the dark corner of the room, where she let him finger her and fuck her.
Kristin's practiced fingers worked her pussy furiously while her imagination worked overtime until she exploded, barely controlling the waves of pleasure convulsing her body. She purred with relief as she rode the last wave and her hand slid to her side. Her satisfied purrs gave way to an exasperated sigh. What was she going to do? Now that she was married, it was so hard to get fantasy time, and now that she had tasted sex, real sex with a real man, she wanted it even more and her fantasies were even stronger. God, she thought in frustration, why had she not whored around when she was young and gotten it out of her system.
Her attraction to Mark was both physical and mental. While he was not tall, he was powerfully built and more importantly, he was a strong and decisive man. When they were dating, she had fantasized about him taking her, using her, fucking her hard and deep. She had hoped and believed that it would be that way when they were married. But somehow, contrary to everything else in his life, he was timid and reserved in the bedroom. The dominant, take what he wanted, man she saw in public seemed to evaporate somehow when it came to sex.
Kristin was still lying there, sleeplessly despairing her situation about an hour later. Her mind had started down the road of fantasies again and again, and she kept reining it in, worried that if she let go again, her sleeping husband would wake and catch her. He had caught her masturbating once, on their honeymoon. He had gone for a walk, leaving her "napping" in the hotel room. She had been in a state of nearly constant and apparently insatiable arousal since the wedding. Being at a beach resort, with many bathing suit clad men and wearing an amazingly revealing bikini herself had kept her on edge nearly all the time. Mark was willing to have sex once, maybe even twice each day. About 1/10 the number of times she would have chosen. She had lost track of both time and the number climaxes she had achieved during his walk and was surprised and embarrassed when he walked in her. She remembered gasping and trying to make it look like she was just waking. Mark seemed embarrassed too, but he never mentioned it. During their lovemaking that night he had been a little more energetic, she had thought. But she had never been sure.
As she remembered being caught, another fantasy invaded her mind: a lover who demanded that she masturbate while he watched. She imagined lying, her knees spread apart, on a bed, while he sat in a chair, his rigid cock in his hand. In her mind, sometimes it was Mark - she often fantasized about him too - and sometimes it was a friend or neighbor. Most often it was a stranger, a man she had seen on the street, or a workman. She imagined obeying his orders to touch herself, to tease her clit and penetrate her tunnel with one or more fingers. She couldn't really control herself, and hoping maybe she could sleep after, she began to obey the imaginary man's orders, her fingers again finding her wet, swollen sex.
Lost in her mind and body, Kristin did not notice her husband waking and silently watching as she masturbated. She was using two hands, fingers on her clit and others buried in her tunnel when she erupted, biting her lip to suppress the moans she desperately needed to give birth to. And then, he whispered in her ear "come for me, baby." The low, deep whisper surprised her and she just exploded, unable, unwilling to hold back, her orgasm rocked through her body like an earthquake. She was beyond caring about embarrassment or what he would think, her body took over and she let it.
As her breath began to return to normal, Kristin's embarrassment and worry flooded her mind. She stammered "Oh, god, Mark...I'm...I'm sorry to have woken..."
He cut her off before she could finish "shhhhh, baby that was so hot. I've wanted to catch you, to watch you, ever since that first time on our honeymoon." She was stunned. Her mind could not even process what she was hearing. Not only was Mark not angry, but he seemed happy.
"Why?" she asked.
Mark cleared his throat, "Well, I know you do. I've actually kind of caught you a couple of times, I just didn't know what say. K, I just want you to be satisfied. And it's tough for me to say this, but I guess I don't have the overwhelming interest in sex that you seem to. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love having sex with you, but you seem to think about it all the time. I suspected this when we were dating. That under that rather demur front was someone who was very passionate. I had no idea how passionate" he sighed.
Kristin didn't know what to think. "Oh, Mark, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so...so...wanton and slutty." She was a little turned on to say that to him. "I just, I have always fantasized about sex. About being desirable and having ...a man...desire me shamelessly" she decided not to admit to desiring many men, at least not yet.
"Kristin," the tenderness and love in his voice was unmistakable, "I love you and desire you more than any other woman I've ever met or dreamed of. Please don't mistake my low libido for a lack of desire for you. I think it's just that my career is demanding, and I was never the type guy to look at Playboy and ogle women. I guess, I'm just not wired that way. But I really love you, and I want you to be completely satisfied in our marriage. If you need to masturbate, " he paused and his voice was a whisper "or whatever, you should."
Kristin could see his eyes, looking at her in the dark. Her mind was racing: "or whatever?" Did he mean what she hoped? Or was that just a euphemism for masturbate and simply an embarrassed redundancy? Was he hinting at permission for her to explore fantasies with other men? Did he know that was what she craved? Was he giving her permission?
Licking her lips and swallowing hard, Kristin tested the water "Mark, I have..." she paused "these fantasies." Almost gulping she continued "About other ...."
Again, Mark cut her off "shhhhh, I think I know. I don't want the details. Just promise me two things. That you will always come home to me and that you will be careful."
Her stomach flip flopped. She could not believe it. And then worry invaded her mind. She knew this was totally unfair, but the idea of him being with anyone else was so hurtful. She could not give him the same permission. She knew it was selfish but she had to know the rules. If this gave him permission too, she couldn't do it. She took a deep breath "but I can't give you the same permission. I don't want to share you." She bit her lip; her stomach in knots, worried that she could even lose him for this.
"I told you, I love you and desire you more than any other woman, I don't need anything more than you and what we share." She could tell the next part was painful for him. " I can tell that you need something...extra." He sighed. "I've thought about this a long time, and I'm OK, as long as you follow my rules. You always come home to me and you are safe about it." More quietly, "and I don't want the details, or anything."
Kristin and Mark lay in silence for a few moments. And then spoke "I love you so much, more than any other man in the world. I will always come home to you and stay safe." They embraced in the dark and both had soon fallen into slumber.