My inspiration for this spoof (am I giving too much away?) is any one of the excellent nasty stories written by C.D.E. A good example is, "Accidents Will Happen" Read C.D.E. for fun, even though you don't have to have read his stories to enjoy this one (I hope).
* * * * *
We open on a typical scene of newlywed domestic bliss. A well-endowed, thirty-something woman with long dark hair, wearing a sexy nightie and four inch red pumps is resting on one elbow looking down into the eyes of her new husband, a muscular hunk with square jaw and funny blue and red tights. As she whispers words of love into the ear of her life's mate, she has her hand between his legs, working on putting a nice bulge there. Apparently, she wants hubby in a VERY good mood.
In addition to her sexy attire, the woman is wearing a very self-satisfied smirk -- and with good reason. Looking more closely we detect a still small, but unmistakable bulge in her tummy. Like many brides her age, she hadn't wasted any time between walking down the aisle and getting that first bun in the oven. Who knows, might she even have jumped the gun? Only one thing mars this otherwise paradisiacal scene -- the man looking up at the woman does not look nearly so happy as does his newly-pregnant wife.
"Oh, shit, Lois! I love it when you do that to me. You don't know how much I'd like to roll you over and cram it in you right now. It's just so frustrating! Why did you have to be so precipitous?"
"Oh, darling, do you have to keep torturing yourself with that? Lots of men have trouble getting it up on their wedding night."
"I didn't have any trouble getting it up. I was fine until I put it in you. Why did you have to line your pussy with Kryptonite?"
"I'm sorry, dear, but I was just taking precautions. I'd read Larry Nivin and I was afraid of what could happen to my poor little pussy if you came in me full force. I figured the Kryptonite would just make you a little more . . . human."
"Shit, Lois, it doesn't work that way at all. I can . . . er, could . . . control how hard I come, otherwise I would have blasted holes in the walls every time I masturbated."
"I never would have believed that YOU masturbated. O, my darling. How was I to know?"
"Well, you could have *asked* someone -- Battman, for example."
"Darling! How can you suggest that I would discuss something so intimate with another man!"
"Well, there is Wonder Woman or Batgirl."
"And just WHAT are Wonder Woman and Batgirl doing knowing things like THAT about you? You told me that you . . . .
"It's true, Lois, so help me. I was . . . er am . . . a virgin. But they are Justice League of America; they've been briefed."
"Harumpf! I'm beginning to think you're sorry you married me."
"Of course not, Honey. You know I've always wanted to marry you. You just kept turning me down until after that last rescue."
"It's true, My Love. I was such a silly girl to have waited so long for this," Lois said and slightly increased the tempo of her massaging. "It was while I was being held captive by that awful Joker person that I thought, if I were married to you and had you to protect me full time, I wouldn't be suffering the way I was."
"I'm glad you came to that belated conclusion, Lois, but you didn't really seem to be suffering that much when I rescued you. As I recall you were in the middle of your umpteenth orgasm, riding Joker's cock like a bronco. When I flew in, you tried to push me away, screaming, 'Fuck me, you bastard! Yes! Give me more cock, you stallion!'"
"That was what was so awful about it, Sweetie. He had been bombarding me with those terrible Libido-rays for a week. At first it was awful the way I responded to the disgusting advances of him and his henchmen. I just hated the way my pussy got wet every time Joker would fondle my titties or lick my nipples or play with my clit. It was embarrassing the way he made me orgasm over and over again on his fingers until I couldn't stop, begging him to slam me with his repulsive salami. It was mortifying to come like a cheap whore every time he dumped his vile jism in me."
"Then why were you smacking it off your lips?"
"Sweetheart, you have no idea how they had tortured me. There were four of them. They came at me one after the other, fucking me unmercifully for perhaps a half hour at a time. Then, when they'd barely given me five or six good comes, they would loose it, dump their load in me, and leave me to stew. No matter how much I pleaded or insulted their manhood, none of them would ever fuck me more than three or four times a day. Well, you do the math; I was left in torment for over 16 hours a day with no schlong in me. I begged for a dildo or at least for then to uncuff me so I could cram my hands into my hot horny twat to get off, but Joker cruelly refused, claiming I would injure myself."
"It was during those long tortured hours I knew I could never be satisfied by anything less that a Cock of Steel. Lord knows another week of that kind of frustration, the villain might have made me his sex slave."
"Batman told me to be careful of you, that the experience with Joker might have 'turned' you already."
"Don't pay any attention to him, My Pet. He's just jealous because I wouldn't give him a 'Thank you' fuck for helping you rescue me. You know it's only you I love. You were the one I wanted to marry and make a baby with."
"Well it didn't work out. Why did you have to put so MUCH Kryptonite in your pussy?"
"Look, I've said I was sorry, OK?"
"You're sorry but I'll go through life never able to get hard again. And as for getting pregnant. . . ."
"Now don't be that way Honey-poo. We've discussed this several times already. I told you before we married how much I wanted a baby and you promised me I'd be pregnant before the honeymoon was over."
"Well, sure, Lois, but . . . ."
"And after your little accident . . . ."
"And did you have to go down to the bar that very night to pick up that guy . . . What was his name?"
"Kerr, Joe Kerr. And I've explained that, too, Angel. I had our honeymoon planned very carefully to coincide with my most fertile period and I got my gynecologist, Dr. Jekel, to give me those fertility drugs to be on the safe side. All I needed that night was good hard dick in me to pump me full of hot thick baby juice so I'd be well and truly knocked up. I was heartbroken, of course, that you weren't able to give me what I needed, but it only made sense for me to find someone else who could. You have to admit, he did a good job," the woman smiled and patted her expanding belly.
"Lois, how can you expect me to be pleased that my wife is having the triplets of some stranger!"
"Well he's not a stranger to me!"
"Do you have to remind me?! That's another thing. He's already knocked you up. Why do you have to keep going out with him?"
"Some times you surprise me, my dear. Don't you think it would be terrible for our precious child to know he was the result of a sordid one-night stand with a man I picked up in a bar? I'm doing this to establish a permanent bond to the father of our baby. Besides, don't I always let you suck as much of their . . . er, his . . . his cum out of my juicy twat as you want? And don't try to tell me you don't enjoy putting your head between my legs and licking clean my fresh-fucked pussy!"
"Well, yes, but it just kills me to see you dress up in those sexy little mini-skirts and high heels the nights you meet him at the club. And why can't you at least wear panties?"
"Oh, Honey, how inconsiderate of you! Remember, other men can't use X-ray vision to look at my pretty shaved pussy the way you can. When Joe has me out on the dance floor twirling me around so my little skirt flies up, he wants everyone to be able to see my nice round ass and moist pink twat. He loves everyone see how my belly is getting bigger and rounder week by week. You can imagine how proud he is that everyone knows it's his little bastard growing in there. And during slow dances, he likes to pull out his prick and glide around with it in me. Oh, and getting filled with a nice load of cum during a foxtrot is soooo romantic!"
Closing her eyes, the woman drifted off, softly singing to herself:
"Heaven! I'm in heaven. And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak. And I seem to find the happiness I seek, When we're out together dancing... Meat to meat."
Breaking her reverie, she continued, "And when he takes me back to the table with his friends, Joe likes them to be able to finger my sperm-filled snatch without any fabric getting in the way."
"I guess I can understand that, Love, but still, I'm a nervous wreck by the time you get home at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning with all that sperm still running out of your cunt."
"But don't you see, dear, that's just another way I show my love for you. Every man deserves a slutty cheating wife, especially a "super" man like you! From what I've read, it sometimes takes other husbands three or five or even ten years before their wives will do this for them. I've cuckolded *you* from the day we were married. And you know how hard that was for me, being a virgin."
"A virgin? Now, Lois, Angel, I don't want to pry into your life before we were married, but everybody around the paper knew you were having an affair with Jimmy Olsen and fucking Perry on the side!"
"Well, of course, sweetheart, but they don't count. Jimmy meant nothing to me; he was merely the boy-toy I had to used for physical release. Nothing like a couple of good fucks after a hard day at the office to help a career girl relax. Sure beats martinis! And getting a pussy full of nice warm cum at bedtime really helps a girl get her beauty sleep. Of course an early morning drilling from a hard young prick that makes you come like a freight train really puts a spring in a woman's step for a new day. As for Perry, it's just business to let your editor turn you over his desk for a little doggie fuck a couple of times a week. On the other hand, if you mean that exclusive interview at the White House, well, I had to get on the First Lady's good side somehow and you couldn't expect me to turn down the Alpha Male of the United States, could you?"
"So, although my *pussy* wasn't a virgin, My Love, my *heart* was a virgin for you."
"And I do love you for that, My Light, but sometimes I want to fuck you, too!"
"Now, now, honey. You don't need to fuck me to make me happy. Our love is stronger than that. I love the way you can get me off with that amazing mouth of yours. No other man in the universe can move his tongue like a vibrator inside my pussy the way you do. And the way you puff air through your nostrils onto my clit at super speed, why, you drive me crazy. And I know you love the way I help YOU get off." Lois grinned and began working on her husband's crotch in earnest, lapsing into baby talk, knowing how this aroused him. "Just tause 'u have a softie widdle cockie doesn't mean Mommy Wois tan't make u feel weel dod."
"Lois, Lois! Stop! Oh my God, Lois!"
"Oh no. 'Er naughty boy is wetting mommy Wois det him so 'scited he's about to tum."
"'At's awight dawing, wet Mommy pway wid 'er Bid boy, make 'er Bid Boy tum."
"Oh no! Wook at dat! 'E came in 'is pants and made a bid messie. Mommy's widdle boy tan't contwoll himself when Mommy makes 'is fingy feel soooo dood. 'Is tum wons out of 'is widdle cockie and dits 'is pants all wet."
"Oh Lois, I'm so ashamed!"
"Don't wowwy. Just doe to sweep and Mommy Lois will cween up 'er widdle boy."
"No Lois! I don't like the way you always want me to go to sleep after we have . . . after you make me come. It doesn't feel like real sleep. And sometime I dream that you're talking to me, asking me to tell you things that only JLA members are supposed to know."
"Now, now, hush my love. You know when I make you come hard like that with my hand you just get really sleepy. So close you eyes . . . ."
"No, I will not close my eyes. There are still things we need to talk about. Some of your new friends, for example. Take that Selina woman; I don't trust her. I'm sure if you would let me run a check with the JLA database . . . ."
"I will NOT have you insulting and snooping on my friends. Selina is a very nice person. She even loves cats. How can you mistrust a cat woman?"
"What about the other new guy, Le Xluthor? And his mysterious wealth. I think . . . ."
"Entirely too much, Sweetie. You really need to take a little nap and let me make you forget all these silly suspicions."
"Maybe they're not silly . . . UUUuuu"
"Oh, oh. Mommy' boy 'as been wooking at Mommy's titties and dot horny aden, didn't 'e? E's fwustwaited 'cause e needs a dood tum and tan't det 'ard. Bid boy needs Mommy Wois to help him have a nice tum. Un huh. 'E wikes to have Mommy Wois wub 'is widdle fingy. 'Is widdle fingy feels so dood and it makes 'im feel soooo 'waxed. Tum here, put 'u's widdle head on Mommy Wois's bid soft bwests. Mommy's dwosey widdle baby tan suck Mommy's bid ole titties. Dood boy! Sucking Mommy's titties makes 'er baby sooo sweepy. Poor widdle baby tan't teep 'is eyes open any wonger. Mommy Wois is puddin 'er widdle baby to sweep wid a dood tum. 'At's wight. Dood baby . . .Sooo sweepy. Baby wants to tum . . . to sweep. Tum . . . to sweep. Tum . . . ."
Lois heard a slight groan and saw another large wet spot form in the crouch of her husband's blue tights as his head fell limply to one side. Waiting a few seconds, she reached for her cell phone and punched in the numbers.
"He's under, Stud. . . . He'll sing like a canary this time. Yeah, I goaded him into fighting it so he'd go under real deep. He tried his best to resist me, but I 'distracted' him."
. . . .
"Could he what?
. . . .
"Sure, any number of times. There's nothing wrong with his balls; no telling how much they can pump out."
. . . .
"You want to do what?"
. . . .
"You mean we scoop it up and use it to make a whole new crop of little supervillians? 'Poison Sprout,' 'Crime Kitty,' Oh, darling, you're a genius!"
. . . .
"Now get over here, pronto."
. . .
"Don't give me any shit, Joker. Everything *else* about him is still a hunk and you know bedding him always makes me so horny I could fuck a fence post."
. . . .
"Just get your ass over here and bring your fence post, you bastard."
. . . .
Yeah, I love you, too, but what am I going to do until you get here?"
. . . .
"OK, it's better than nothing."
Minutes later our scene of wedded bliss closes with the horny bride still beside her now sleeping husband. "Oh! . . . OH . . . OHHUUUU! . . Yes! YES . . . Ahiiiii!" she screams, her red heels pointed to the ceiling as she vigorously rams a harlequin dildo between her legs.
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