Your warm, soft, hungry lips devouring me.
Your magnificent breasts pressing against my inner thighs. The way your nipples hardened inside my mouth.
Your sexy blonde hair brushing against me as you are moving up and down between my legs.
Your open, willing body, your excitement, your wetness, your wide-spread legs.
My return, which I never in a hundred years would have thought possible.
Your asking for me in your mouth after having been inside you - your wanting, wanting.
There is the seed. There is the essence of what it is that motivates both of us into foolishness. Will something grow from that, or will that diamond-perfect idea be damned for lack of thought?
The taste and feel of you... The taste of you...
Things you want to do and try.
I don't want to try anything. I want to DO. I want to see and feel and taste and fuck and make and force and everything.
Perfectly, I'd have a virtual slave. Not to me, or to my desires and bents, but to IT. Personality is gone. Individuals are gone. I could be anyone, you could be anyone. Nothing matters but IT. "WE" are just convenient and like-thinking spirits made physical and thoughtfully giving ourselves to IT.
IT ALL. The Idea of IT. Where the word No is a foreign language, where there is only experience, tactile and visceral. Nothing is...not allowed. To exist in a world that only exists in the mind and only for itself and when Time and Sense says its over, then its over, but remembered and known as having been enjoyed, and known for having been Experience. Not just in the greater sense of "Never Again" but for Last week and for Five Minutes ago and for Maybe Next Week, if Time and Sense will allow it.
As long as I have been without, the years...Getting older and losing vitality, feeling it, watching it leave and not being able to stop it, becoming Something Else, not me - For that, I want something. If all my limited mind could fathom was some missionary hump in the backseat in a parking lot, I would have (I hope) accomplished that by now.
This is a huge gamble. This is Russian Roulette with all the cylinders full.
You wanted to "know" me. There I am.
I don't want commitment. I don't want affection. I despise sentiment and tenderness. I have all I need in life. This would be something else. This would be nothing and everything at the same time.
Envision a knock at a strange door. You know who is calling. Imagine yourself breathless, saying "Come in," and having everything and nothing flood over you in a weakening rush, confident that the man entering is in the same place as you: in the moment, in the instant, in the Now.
I know this is "heavy." At this point, I don't care. I'm not going to play head games with you, you've risked as much as I have already, even more.
Your first extraordinary letter to me outlined, with bullet points, what you thought and wanted. I agreed then, 100%. And I agree 100% now.
We could have this. We could really have this. And it could be everything and nothing at all, which would be Perfect for both of us.
Think of a place, out of Time and out of Space, where "Yes" is a complete state of mind, where "Yes" is a complete state of being, where "Yes" is the only word needed to describe a universe which does not exist.
If you can think of that place, then all you have to say, ever, is Yes.