- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Pursuing Open Sight
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Click herePursuing Open Sight
Straight down doubt street, going fast.
Blue Betty found flirting with violent fame.
Bought by dirty sky hype;
open door sex fun.
Sold to shady tempting after love;
dark lazy food music.
First forgotten dead-end tart,
asking for dirty bong light glory
underneath the Hollywood sign.
- COMMENTS
Trent_Dutchabout 19 years agoI don't mean to be rude or offensive at all... but I just feel your poem is a little formulaic... as if its been written to some script or plan... written by numbers if you will... using an overly constrictive verbal structure. Perhaps this deserves credit... it shows that you have written this poem with the sound of the words in mind above the actual meaning and effect they have (which may not sound like a compliment, but at least you have held an aspect of language in high regard through the writing). Your use of inter-line rhyme and assonance and alliteration (like street/straight, down/doubt in the first line and fast/fame, sky/hype) work well to an extent, but at parts they restrict the poem. I commend you for writing a piece with such strict limits, and making it as good as it is, but I feel your poem is a little hollow because of the restrictions (or rather I feel the way you have worked within the restrictions has left the poem hollow. Im a big believer in restrictions in poetry. Poetry without restrictions is merely oracular spoutings)... TD
Syndra Lynnabout 19 years agoan amazing flow and feel to it. I really like the way the words feel in my mouth. Good poem!
~Syn
