Quietly Waiting

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bulltlr
bulltlr
8 Followers

Awakened

in the night

I feel you

beside me

hovering

I lay

quietly

waiting

Knowing

if I move

you win

Which one

of us

will give

I feel you shift

you know I am awake

I know you like this game

I lay quietly

waiting

I can feel the heat of your

hand hovering

waiting

You always win

I always give

tonight will be different

I lay quietly

waiting

I feel the wetness seeping

my body and mind slipping

I refuse to bend to my needs

I lay quietly

waiting

Again I feel you shift

lower

I feel your breath

upon my flesh

there you stay

hovering

waiting

My mind says

raise your hips

take his kiss

you know the pleasure

it will bring

Quivering

I lay quietly

waiting

You're shifting

yet again upward

I feel you

lower your body

until skin touches skin

Victory I win

But you just lay

quietly waiting


bulltlr
bulltlr
8 Followers
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  • COMMENTS
5 Comments
jthserrajthserraabout 13 years ago
You are merely telling me what is happening

While you are discussing an image you need to show it not just tell about it. don't just say you feel his breath, show how it feels to you. That is the main difference between poetry and narration. This is better than some of your others but still leans too far towards narration.

donaldedonaldeover 13 years ago
cool poem

was a very nice poem thank you sharing it with us

lostchickenlostchickenover 13 years ago
Can't wait...

this is fantastic Bulltlr - definitely one of my favs. Good luck on the editor, I will be looking out for the edited version earnestly.

bulltlrbulltlrover 13 years agoAuthor
Thank You

Anonymous.... I have found an editor to look at my work so I am hoping to smooth out some of the rough edges!

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago

I love poetry and I do like this. I think it could use some help with the lyrical and timing components but I saw and felt everything you described - so I commend you on that. Not many poems can pull that off, even with all their floweriness.

5 stars!