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Click hereAwakened
in the night
I feel you
beside me
hovering
I lay
quietly
waiting
Knowing
if I move
you win
Which one
of us
will give
I feel you shift
you know I am awake
I know you like this game
I lay quietly
waiting
I can feel the heat of your
hand hovering
waiting
You always win
I always give
tonight will be different
I lay quietly
waiting
I feel the wetness seeping
my body and mind slipping
I refuse to bend to my needs
I lay quietly
waiting
Again I feel you shift
lower
I feel your breath
upon my flesh
there you stay
hovering
waiting
My mind says
raise your hips
take his kiss
you know the pleasure
it will bring
Quivering
I lay quietly
waiting
You're shifting
yet again upward
I feel you
lower your body
until skin touches skin
Victory I win
But you just lay
quietly waiting
While you are discussing an image you need to show it not just tell about it. don't just say you feel his breath, show how it feels to you. That is the main difference between poetry and narration. This is better than some of your others but still leans too far towards narration.
this is fantastic Bulltlr - definitely one of my favs. Good luck on the editor, I will be looking out for the edited version earnestly.
Anonymous.... I have found an editor to look at my work so I am hoping to smooth out some of the rough edges!
I love poetry and I do like this. I think it could use some help with the lyrical and timing components but I saw and felt everything you described - so I commend you on that. Not many poems can pull that off, even with all their floweriness.
5 stars!