- Erotic Poetry
- Rain...
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Click hereRain...
Droplets trickle down,
trickle down her body,
slowly tracing her curves.
Pouring over her,
the icy rivulets harden
her delicate pink rose petals.
The heavy dew dripping,
dripping all over her,
She's so wet.
- COMMENTS
WillowedCabinalmost 13 years agoI like the image you're capturing, but it seems I've used this camera before. Try shaking up your words a bit and playing with different ways to get at this, because right now it's a bit too predictable. And it's hard to be 'subtle and romantic' when you're hitting your sweetie over the head with a cliche.
simply__mealmost 13 years agoDo as you wish. It's your poem. I agree with your right to make it as you wish. This suggestion comes from me, an inexperienced poet. I lend it because I felt using pink rose petals as too common and less direct. Just take it like that, which you have. And, nice to meet you and hope to see more of your stuff.
LipsOfPoisonalmost 13 years agoAuthorFair point, but its supposed to be subtle and romantic, so nipples...too blunt, not what I was going for. However, I do like "cascades", that's nice. But to be honest, I like it as it is. Thank you though. :)
simply__mealmost 13 years agoliking the image, but this could be better. Some of the expressions sound too much like others I have read (rose petals). I say just write nipples if you are going for eroticism.
droplets cascade
cascade down her body
traveling through the crevice of flesh
thirsty nipples peak
as icy rivulets tease
wet
Just my opinion
