tagHumor & SatireRandy Land Ch. 01

Randy Land Ch. 01


It was a beautiful morning, but Sue knew she was in for a cry -- and she hated to cry. Sue had tried everything to quell the apprehension welling inside her. All it had earned her was sleepless nights and sodden fingers. Time was running short, and her apprehension was bubbling over into crisis.

Billy and Sue were eating breakfast in the nook by the window. Billy rejoiced at the sight of flitting birds and drops of dew shimmering on the leaves. Yet Sue was pensive, and ate her food without tasting it. She had graduated this summer and would be leaving for college in a few short weeks. Billy had graduated as well, but would stay in town. He was finally old enough to work at the drugstore. It was the first time in their lives that Sue and Billy would be separated. Sue glanced around the living room, seeing it in a different way. Her eyes fell on a crumpled chipboard box with colorful illustrations of creatures and candy. It had been their favorite game when the twins were little. Sue swallowed the sob which lodged in her chest.

"Hey sis," Billy said cheerfully to his twin, "I know what will perk you up! Let's play in the forest like we used to when we were kids!"

The idea immediately lifted Sue's spirits. It was just what she needed. Sue recalled the adventures they'd had in that forest when they were younger. Mossy rocks had become an army of trolls, and the mud puddles became fearsome beasts. They'd pretended that lemonade poured from the rocks and that there was a cottage made of peanut brittle. Sue had made up an entire royal family and dreamed of castles beyond the horizon floating on clouds of cotton candy. Those had been simpler times.

They packed a picnic lunch and the pair headed for the woods. Billy took Sue's hand and ran down the path. He pointed out places they used to hide, causing Sue to smile at the memories. Eventually the twins came to a quiet corner of the forest. It was sheltered by trees and surrounded by massive boulders covered in thick, luxuriant moss. This place was special to both of them. It had been their hideout and their fortress. The rocks had been their friends; each had names and personalities.

Billy walked up to the tallest, saluted, and barked out "Status report, Sergeant Snoot! How fares the patrol?" Sue erupted in hoots of laughter and she got caught up in the game. She sat near a rotund boulder and stroked it with her palm. "Fluffa, it has been so long... invite the other Fluffy Trolls to join us for tea! We'll serve your favorite -- gingerbread plums!"

Sue grew quiet then, and in a moment she started to cry. Billy sat next to her and put his arms around her shoulders, feeling sobs wrack her body. When her tears had subsided, Billy turned her shoulders and faced her. "What is troubling you, Sue?"

Sue started at the ground, afraid to voice the concerns that clouded her mind. But Billy was her twin brother, and if anyone would understand, he would.

"It's about sex, Billy. I'm leaving for college soon and I'll be on my own. College boys are worldly and cultured and... experienced. I want to fit in and do well. But I hardly know a thing about sex. I'm sure they'll poke fun at me, or... or take advantage of me!" With that Sue began crying again.

Billy examined his sister with a critical eye, seeing her for the first time as a potential suitor might. Sue had always had a face like a cherub, with smiling blue eyes, round cheeks, and delicate blonde brows. But her face had matured in recent years, taking on leaner angles. The delicate upswell of her eyebrows led to a tall brow and a cascade of wavy blond hair that fell past her shoulders. Sue had a slight overbite that had always made her self conscious. Yet her bottom lip, which was trembling now from tears, had filled out around a generous mouth. Sue's chipmunk cheeks had given way to pleasantly high cheekbones which made her look sophisticated and sensual.

Her body had definitely changed as well. Billy usually tried not to dwell on his sister's developed figure, but now he took a long look. Sue's hands were clasped in the lap of her red skirt. A hint of slip peeked out over toned thighs. Graceful calves ran down to a pair of patent leather pumps. White knee socks, supposedly demure, only served to highlight the expanse of leg visible beneath her flared skirt. Sue's white blouse was also meant to be demure, but it was so transparent that Billy could see her bra lines and readily imagine the shape of her proud breasts within the lacy cups. His sister was not overly endowed, but when she moved her breasts swayed enticingly. Billy just knew they would be to die for. All things considered, Sue's attempts at modesty and decorum only served to highlight her simmering sensuality.

Sue had a reason to cry, and Billy could see why she was anxious about the future. He cupped her chin in his hand and looked into her eyes.

"Sue, you have grown into an attractive woman. The boys will be all over you." Sue smiled at him, then frowned, and finally sighed in resignation.

"Billy, what will it be like?"

"What will what be like? You mean, sex?" Sue nodded. "Sis, I don't know. I've gone steady with some girls but we haven't... you know."

This surprised Sue and it was her turn to stare. Billy had always struck her as attractive. His blue eyes were so dark as to be almost brown, and they danced with hidden mirth most of the time. His red-brown hair swooped across his brow in an unruly wave. Billy's ears were a bit large, but then again so were his pinchable cheeks. Billy's bottom lip was always twitching into a smirk, a telltale sign that indicated he was about to spring some joke or game. His frequent outdoor work had toned Billy's arms and chest.

Sue imagined how a girlfriend would view Billy and saw something in him she'd never seen before. What she took for subdued mirth in his eyes, other girls might take as disdain, or ill intent. His apple pie looks belied a streak of something... twisted. Sinister? Violent, even? The contrast between his outward appearance and his devious mind, she reckoned, would be unsettling to other girls.

They sat there a long time in silence, with Billy longing to help Sue, and Sue longing for Billy to help her. Billy couldn't help her, though. In fact, Billy had his own sexual demons to face and was practically on square one with Sue.

Sue rubbed her hand across the mossy boulder next to her and sighed again. "Oh Fluffa," she intoned mournfully, "if only you could help."

To Sue's utter amazement, the boulder sat upright at her words. It shook itself until the ends of its shaggy green hair vibrated. A wide green face with puppy dog eyes yawned at her. Chubby limbs detached themselves from an enormous expanse of belly. The creature regarding her now looked precisely like the Fluffy Trolls she had imagined in her youth. A drooping mustache covered his glum mouth. Rounded horns peeked out of his shaggy emerald hair. Sue looked at Billy and found he was as flabbergasted as she.

"I can help you, Princess Sue! That is, I can show you the way to help yourself."

Sue was beside herself. Had her mind snapped under the anxiety of leaving home for college? Was this a dream? But Billy saw it too. Sue could not comprehend what was taking place, but she instinctively knew that it would be best to play along.

"I said: I can help you, Princess Sue." The troll was looking at her expectantly, and with a trace of concern, as though she were slow.

"Fluffa?" Sue asked incredulously. "Is it really you?"

"Of course! Who else would it be? It has been a long time since we played together in this wood." Fluffa ambled forward and wrapped her in a hug. Sue hugged him back and patted his head, which seemed to please him.

"Prince Billy, the patrol does not fare well. Sergeant Snoot and the other Fluffy Trolls have all faded away. I'm afraid.... I'm afraid I am the last of the Fluffy Trolls." Fluffa let out a long sniffle and a crocodile tear ran down his cheek. "In fact, many changes have scourged this land since you last visited us. But let us not go into that now. Walk with me and I will help you if I can. Perhaps you can help us too."

With that the rotund fellow waddled off into the forest. Billy and Sue looked at each other in wonder then hurried to catch up with Fluffa.

The forest was changing around them. Everything took on an ethereal light, as though the ground itself were faintly glowing. Shapes softened and details faded away. Colors became brighter, more saturated.

Sue realized that Fluffa was talking to Billy. "And that is when we realized that King Candy was missing! Disappeared! It is most distressing. Queen Libertine must be heartbroken!"

Fluffa stopped walking and turned to Sue. "Your problem can be solved here, Princess Sue, although you may need to walk the entire realm to find answers. Surely King Candy can help you. Your need and our need is the same. If you can find King Candy, you will save us and help yourself at the same time. The best place to look is probably The Randy Palace."

Fluffa started walking again and crested a rise in the path. The hill dropped away and before them was a technicolor vision. Orchards brimming with fruit dotted the rolling hills. Bluebirds whistled and swooped above their heads. Far off in the distance, directly in front of them, were the shining ramparts of The Randy Palace.

"There is the palace! Thank you, Fluffa. You are an excellent guide." Sue took Billy's hand and prepared to walk down the hill towards the castle. But Fluffa ran in front of them and barred their way.

"You cannot go that way," Fluffa said.

Sue was surprised. "Why not? There is the castle, just there over the hills. Isn't that the quickest way to go?"

Fluffa sat on the ground and patted the grass next to him. The twins sat down beside him and looked at Fluffa expectantly. He turned his mournful eyes from one to the next and then explained.

"The castle is there, and the direct route is over these foothills. That is the route most people take: the straight path.

"Princess Sue, what if King Candy were before you now and you explained your problem. Could he help you? Perhaps. But he could help you all the more if you had experience. You don't even know what questions to ask. You have only this nameless fear, and sexual curiosity."

Sue blushed and turned her head, but not before Fluffa noticed. "Of course you are curious, Princess Sue. After all, you can only be in this place if you are deeply curious about the world around you. That is why we got along so famously in your youth."

Fluffa stood and the kids rose with him. He patted them each on the shoulder, lovingly. "No, you must not take the straight path if you want to solve your dilemma. Follow me and I will show you another way. But prepare yourself, for Gingerplum Orchard is not the same as it was when last you were here."

Fluffa was right. Gingerplum Orchard had always been serene. Rich green grass had cooled their feet and the jovial gingerbread trees had stooped low so the kids could pluck the choicest gingerplums from their crowns. Fluffy Trolls had tended the trees, collecting succulent purple orbs of fruit into wicker baskets.

The scene before them now could only be described as mayhem. The gingerbread trees were running around, lifting their roots high to step around obstacles as they ran. The trees were being chased by a gaggle of stunted, flaccid gingerbread boys with misshapen heads and portly bellies. These gingerbread abominations were engaged in all sorts of boorish behavior. They were licking everything in sight, humping the trees like dogs, spitting and laughing... one was wiggling his butt high in the air to make the others laugh. Right in the middle of the ruckus was a morbidly obese gingerbread tree with a mussed up crown. Her grotesque mouth, smeared in garish red lipstick, was wide open and yelling.

"Shut up and get washed for lunch. Don't talk back to me! I don't have time to wait for you to play around with gingerplums!"

Sue and Billy looked at each other, horrified. "Who are they, Fluffa?" asked Billy.

Fluffa sighed deeply and said "My boys." Sue stifled a gasp and tried to mask her confusion. She looked at Fluffa, then at the miserable little beasts climbing the gingerbread trees and clamoring for gingerplums, and could not reconcile the two. Fluffa pointed at the squawking hussy who was herding the gingerboys.

Billy caught on. "You... and her?"

"I was lonely, Prince Billy. The other Fluffy Trolls are gone. At least I got some lovely daughters. They are a bit more tolerable. In fact, I'd be honored to introduce you to them."

Fluffa walked them deep into the orchard, far beyond the squalor, until they reached a spot that reminded Sue of the orchard she used to love. It was quiet and calm, with well-tended rows of gingerplum trees. Soon they came to Fluffa's favorite spot. He sat at the base of a tree and plucked a gingerplum out of a basket. He offered plums to the twins, who sat beside him on the ground and ate the delicious fruit. Fluffa called out to his daughters.

"Oh Sugarplum! Oh Sweetlea!"

Timidly came two purplish brown creatures who favored their father. Though smaller in stature and less round, the two had glossy fur and expressive eyes. Their horns were small nubs covered in purple fuzz. The pair plopped down and took plums, watching the twins curiously.

Billy introduced himself. "I am Billy, and this is my sister Sue. We are pleased to meet you."

"Prince Billy, if you please! And Princess Sue." Fluffa was indignant on their behalf. Billy noticed the effect their titles had on the girls. Fluffa's daughters sat up smartly and looked at them with keen interest.

The five of them sat leisurely under the trees in the thick green grass. They ate gingerplums until they were full, and laid on their backs in the grass to watch the sky. Poofy clouds morphed into different shapes above their heads. Sue fell into a trance as she watched the clouds change, and realized that her imagination was crafting tawdry imagery from the shapes. She saw the face of a woman in one cloud. A tiny rift formed and grew into a mouth which opened wide. Another cloud slid into the hole like an enormous cloud cock being sucked off. This scene evaporated and then coalesced into the shape of a standing woman. Another cloud nuzzled at her groin. Then the clouds became two lovers having sex.

Sue was starting to feel sexy when Fluffa tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Princess Sue, but I have an itch just here," he pointed to his back, "and I wonder if you could scratch it for me?"

"Why of course, Fluffa!" Sue reached over and curled her fingers into his luxuriant locks of fur. Coarse, but silky, they yielded pleasantly to her fingertips. She ran her nails over Fluffa's nubby hide. He let out the most undignified sigh imaginable! Sue continued to scratch his back, digging her fingers into his pliable flesh and scraping her nails in furrows. By now, Fluffa was panting hard and rocking around on the grass, tummy down, squealing with delight.

Fluffa rolled over and offered Sue his belly with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. Sue laughed and pounced on Fluffa, raking her fingers across his wide expanse of belly. Fluffa's feet started kicking and his body shuddered with glee.

Sue watched the cuddly beast with amusement. Sugarplum and Sweetlea did too, and became jealous. They pulled Billy to his feet and bounded into the trees, taunting "Scratch us, scratch us, betcha can't catch us!" Billy laughed and chased after the girls. Their squeals faded as the trio ran deep into the orchard.

Sue resumed her onslaught and Fluffa trembled with delight. Her fingertips kneaded and prodded, finding the best places to scratch. She worked her way up Fluffa's neck and clawed gently through the shorter hairs atop his head. As she drew closer to his horns, Fluffa's breath came in gasps, so Sue gripped a horn in her fist. She stroked upward, against the grain of the fuzz, watching rings of white skin appear above her fingers as she displaced the fur. The horn was hard beneath her hand. Fluffa was rigid with sensation, his eyes unfocused as they stared into the sky. Without warning Fluffa uttered a long, shuddering moan and lay still in the grass.

Sue released his horn and sat back on her heels. She felt awkward and wasn't sure why. Fluffa rolled onto his side and looked at her. He noted her discomfort and handed her a juicy plum.

"I love gingerplums, don't you?" Sue nodded in answer. "But not just for how they taste. I love to pluck them from the trees. It is so rewarding to feel them tug against the tree, then pop just so into my hand. I love to squeeze a ripe plum in my fingers."

Sue had an unseemly light in her eyes and a delicate flush across her cheeks. Fluffa leaned in close to her and whispered "If I may say so, Princess Sue, your plums have ripened quite nicely since the last time we played together."

Sue followed Fluffa's eyes to her chest. He was staring at her bosom with great curiosity and longing.

"Fluffa!" Sue exclaimed with indignation.

"Princess Sue, you made me feel most exquisite just now. Has anyone ever petted you?"

Sue cast her eyes to the ground and said no.

"Won't you let me pet you, Princess Sue? I promise to be gentle."

A flush spread across Sue's face but she untucked the white blouse from her waistband and unbuttoned it. She tossed the garment into the grass and unhooked her bra. When she tossed it aside as well Fluffa's eyes widened. Her unfettered breasts swayed before his eyes. Hypnotized, Fluffa reached out and hefted one pliable swell in the palm of his hand. His enormous thumb grazed the tip of her nipple. The silky hairs caused it to stiffen. Fluffa brought his giant eye right up to her breast and watched her rosy nipple expand with the delicate flicks of his fingers. Then he cupped her entire tit and squeezed, testing it for ripeness as he might a gingerplum. Fluffa tugged on her tit, then gripped the other one and tugged it too. He thumbed her areolae, moving his thumbs in opposing circles across the sensitive flesh and feeling the pert nubs roll beneath the pads of his thumb tips.

Sue hardly dared to breathe. Fluffa palmed her breasts and massaged downward in circles, fluffing her body with his furry hands. He gripped her ribcage and rubbed up and down her torso as though he was drying her off. His large fingers fanned across her back and kneaded her.

"Why don't you lay back, Princess Sue, so I might pet you properly?" Fluffa coaxed her back into the grass. She crushed a silhouette into the blades and sank deep, coming to rest on a bed of soft loam. Fluffa skimmed his hands along the tips of the grass, and when they skimmed over her body Sue felt his silky fur kiss her skin. It felt wonderful and Sue let a sigh escape her lips. Fluffa caressed her belly and wormed a fingertip into her waistband. It wouldn't fit so Fluffa kneaded Sue's feet instead.

She relaxed completely. Fluffa massaged her left calf with his shaggy paws, then her right, moving ever upward. When Fluffa crested her knees he brought his palms together in a prayerful pose and used the wedge of his hands to coax Sue's knees apart. This silken intrusion felt fantastic along the skin of her inner thighs, but overly intimate. Sue tried to clamp her knees together. Fluffa continued his inexorable climb upward and Sue relaxed again. Fluffa extended his index finger and pushed it between the upmost cleft of her thighs until it came to rest on her panties.

Fluffa's fingertip dwarfed the rounded triangle of wet cotton. He rubbed his finger around the damp mound, eliciting cries from Sue. Fluffa found this part of her body curious. It felt like a bruise on a gingerplum, yielding and squishy, yet firm nevertheless.

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