Revenge of the Nerd Ch. 19

We compromised on the togetherness - he didn't stay over every night.

It turned out to be helpful because it gave me time to think about what I was going to do for Chanukah presents for Jeff's family.

My family was easy: spend some money on things they could have bought for themselves.

But after seeing how excited Jeff was at the tickets for the "Fifths" concert, I really wanted to get his family gifts based on what interested them, not how much money I could spend without feeling any discomfort.

I had much more fun than ever getting gifts. The only possible downside was how upset I would feel if they weren't thrilled with my choices.

I got in more and better quality studying than I ever had before. Jeff wouldn't hear of going out for some fun during finals despite the fact that he didn't seem to be working very hard himself. He actually read a few novels instead of devoting all of his time to his courses.

I thought it was rude, almost flaunting in my face how easy it was for him. But he was available whenever I needed any help so I let him off the hook.

During breaks I tried to pump him for information about his family.

"Are there any utensils Sam has always craved and not been able to get? Any cookbooks he's missing?"

"Doing a report?" he asked.

"Smartass. I'm just trying to get to know your family better. I think Sam's a dear. I'd love to get him something he'd really appreciate. Does he have any hobbies?"

"As a matter of fact he's an American History buff. His focus is the southwest, especially the migration and settlement of the west."

"Is that where your mom got it from?"

"Uh huh. But she didn't focus on the southwest."

"What about Harri, how did they meet?"

"They ought to tell you that. They met in college under pretty unusual circumstances."

His look told me it was quite a story.

"Oh, no. You can't do that to me. You don't tell me there is a wonderful story and refuse to tell it."

"I can't. I don't want to spoil it for them," he said.

"I'll show surprise, amusement, whatever the situation calls for. They'll never know you said a thing."

"No can do."

I pounced. I grabbed him from behind and moved my hands up to his armpits.

"You better hope you're not ticklish."

"No! Please, I can't say anything," Jeff implored.

I flexed my fingers just a bit and his body jolted like he was having a seizure.

"Stop, stop! I'll tell you. But you can't let them know I did. You play really unfair."

"They'll never know. And, yes, I do play unfair. I'm used to getting my way."

"Not by physical force."

I had the feeling he didn't like being whipped by a girl. If it had been just a question of strength, I wouldn't have stood a chance.

"Stop stalling. Get on with it, Mr. Ticklish," I said.

"Harri was an artistic soul from the time she was a little girl. She painted, did charcoal drawings, worked with clay, leaves, chocolate, anything that was available she tried.

"So she was an art major at college. Sam was kind of a hunk. Not a body-builder hunk, but trim, good looking."

"I can still see that. He's a major cutie."

"Sam didn't have enough academic interest in high school to get a scholarship and his family didn't have a lot of money so he had to work to get through.

"Well, it seems that one of the better paying jobs at the school, and one for which you really didn't have to have any skills …"

When the pause became unacceptably long, I intervened.

"Don't make me suffer. What did he do?"

"You deserve to suffer for tickling me," he said.

I stuck out my tongue.

"He signed up to model for a life drawing class."

I was a little slow on the uptake, but not that slow.

"So the first time she saw him, she really saw him?" I laughed.

"Oh, much worse than that. He saw her. He was interested; he thought she was really hot."

He waited to see if I could fill in the story, but I wasn't there yet.

"He's sitting there, the nude model for this class, he sees this incredibly hot girl, and he starts to get aroused."

Thank God I didn't have anything in my mouth; I would have sprayed it with the explosive laugh that burst out of me. I finally settled down a bit.

"Oh, my God, that must have been hilarious and so embarrassing."

Jeff looked upwards and shook his head a bit.

"Sam realized what was happening and, quick thinker that he was, he started coughing. He doubled over coughing to cover it up."

I couldn't control the laughter at that mental picture. I damn near peed myself.

"He rushed off, managing only to get out 'drink' before he ran. He grabbed some water, eased back on the coughing and tried to imagine William Howard Taft, all 300 pounds of him, naked. That solved his immediate problem.

"When he came back, he avoided looking at her or anyone else for that matter and made it through the class.

"She was waiting outside. She was impressed with him, and don't say it, that was not what impressed her. It was his looks and his quick thinking. She asked him out and they've pretty much been together since then."

"Ooooh." It sounded almost like a moan.

"She picked up his historical interest in the southwest and they wound up in a commune in Arizona after they graduated. Sam learned to cook authentic, old-west meals and Harri got interested in jewelry. Then came Mom."

"That's so romantic. What are you going to tell our grandchildren? That you tutored me and I dumped you or that you didn't take any crap from me and I humped you?

"Don't give me that look, I'm not lobbying for anything, it's just hypothetical. After hearing Sam and Harri's story, how could I not think of it?"

"You have a very sassy sense of humor, my tormentor," he said.

"Oh, yeah? Take this."

I had him on his back as I moved up on top of him. I attacked his mouth with mine. His romantic tale had aroused me and I knew a very good way to take care of that.

He pulled his mouth away briefly.

"I suppose you mean to have your way with me, you cad-ette."

"I do."

"Then have at it."

I did.