Rule of Thumb


"Not at all!" he laughed, "I wouldn't have missed that for any price! Anyway... if I hadn't helped myself to so much of that wine, I'd probably be able to drive home, so I've only got myself to blame for that, haven't I? The only thing I'm not looking forward to is trying to get a taxi dressed like this!"

So many things in life can be traced to a single moment, can't they? I mean, if I'd just laughed at what he said; then that, probably, would have been the end of it. Instead of which, without even thinking about what I was saying, I told him:

"Well... if it bothers you... my place is just around the corner," and then, realising how that sounded, hurriedly added, "I mean... if you just want somewhere to get changed... I wasn't meaning...." And then I stopped, because I realised I was in a hole and further digging wasn't going to help.

"It's okay, Patsy," he smiled, "message received... loud and clear. I can come to your place in order to get changed as long as I promise to behave myself. You have my promise... and I really appreciate it."

When he'd partly stood up to greet my arrival at the table, I hadn't realised how tall he actually was but, now that he stood up properly, I guessed him to be about six-foot or so -- quite impressive when you're only five-three yourself -- but no one seemed to take any notice of us as we made our way to the exit.

Orazio was there, of course, to bid us goodnight and it surprised me that he remembered my name as he said; "Goodnight, Miss Patsy;" and surprised me even more when he smiled and said; "Goodnight, Mr Alexander." I gave my companion a questioning look and, once we'd stepped outside, he said;

"Yes... Orazio knows all about it. One of the other blokes had to do this one a couple of months ago and it nearly turned nasty. It was Kevin... I don't know if you noticed him... he was the small, dark-haired bloke?" I shook my head and he went on; "Anyway... he made a much better job of looking like a female than I did. It certainly fooled Orazio because he seated him next to four lads who were a bit the worse for wear and they started trying to hit on him. We had to explain it and we also had to clear it with Orazio before we booked our meal tonight. That's why he put our gang next to our table. Oh, and by the way, Alexander is my name... I normally answer to Alec... Sandy is...."

"For when you go out dressed as a woman?" I asked with a smile and he rolled his eyes.

We went to his car (a Jaguar S-type saloon that seemed in very good condition) where he grabbed a small bag from the boot and we began the short walk to my flat. The only thing in my head was the worry about whether or not I'd left it tidy, but that thought was interrupted by the honking of a car that drove past, followed by some wolf-whistles and a couple of bawdy shouts. We nearly doubled up with laughing -- and it didn't help when I told him that the whistles probably weren't aimed at me.

We were still giggling when we reached the front door of the block of flats and had to unclasp arms so I could retrieve my keys -- which came as something of a surprise because I couldn't even recall linking up.

"Don't mind the state of the place," I declared as we stepped inside and switched the lights on. Yes, yes I know, every woman says that to visitors -- even if she's just spent hours trying to make it all perfect - but it was justified in this case. The living room was an absolute tip; about a third of a pizza that I'd had the night before was still lying in its carton on the arm of the couch, the scatter cushions were -- well -- scattered! The armchair was covered with a pile of DVDs (mainly old Westerns) and there was a load of student essays cluttering up the coffee table while they waited to be marked.

I quickly turned around, hoping he hadn't seen the mess and, not for the first time that night, he made me gasp. Now that he'd removed the wig to reveal a thatch of dark brown hair and I could see him properly, I suddenly became aware that I was alone, in my flat, with an extremely good-looking and well-built man that I'd only met a few hours earlier. I also realised that my first impression of him being young hadn't been entirely accurate -- it seemed likely that he was close to my own age.

And he really was handsome. Even the remains of the make-up couldn't hide the fact that he was a male, and I think I was probably just gazing at him because he smiled and said; "It's probably best if I get changed in the bathroom?"

"What? Oh... yes... yes, of course," I replied trying to snap out of my daze, "It's through here..." and, without thinking about it, led him into the bedroom. Not just alone in the flat, I thought, but alone in my bloody bedroom! What the hell was I doing? "It's that door over there," I added a bit lamely, as I remembered throwing my discarded underwear at the laundry basket earlier, but not being certain that my aim had been true.

"Okay... no problem," he said brightly, and then, "Errm... could you possibly just give me a hand with this zip on the back of the dress? It doesn't belong to me and I don't want to damage it."

With a hand that was trembling, I reached up to the fastener and managed to begin drawing it down -- but only for a moment or two before it suddenly jammed. I think I managed to say 'Damn!' rather than anything worse and, when he asked, I explained what had happened.

"Wonderful!" he laughed, "I'm stuck inside a dress for the rest of my life! And women complain that men are clumsy when it comes to undressing them!"

"Listen, pal," I retorted, trying to suppress a giggle, "unfastening someone else's dress is not exactly something I do every day, y'know!" As I spoke, the zip suddenly came free and I pulled it all the way down to his hips. I couldn't help noticing that his back, as well as being quite hairy, was firmly muscled. He wasn't very broad, but it seemed obvious that he exercised and kept in good shape. Feeling wicked; I took hold of a single hair and tugged it.

"Ow! That hurt!" he said as he spun around to face me, just as the unfastened dress fell off his shoulders and dropped to the floor. He was smiling, though, so I said:

"I bet you're going to need with help with the bra as well, aren't you?" I saw the smile disappear from his face as he realised I was telling the truth. Most men struggle to undo bras when their partner's wearing one -- the idea of trying to reach behind and unhook their own would definitely be a step too far!

He nodded his agreement and went to turn away again but, before he could, I stepped in close and put my arms around him saying; "No... stand still... I'll do it this way."

When I said he wasn't very broad, I certainly didn't mean to imply that he was skinny, because he definitely wasn't. Therefore, I had to get very close for my arms to reach around to the bra fastening (not a bad excuse, that, is it?), and when I did he gave a deep sigh and said;

"I promised I'd behave myself."

"I know," I breathed, "but I didn't... did I?" Then I tilted my head up and he took the hint.

His lips met mine -- the first real kiss I'd had for so many months -- and I felt my head spin. It was delicate; it was gentle, and it completely took my breath away. I felt the bra come loose and I slid it down his arms (it was one of those inflatable ones that costume shops hire out) and, as we broke from that first kiss, I said; "I've never undressed someone in female clothing before."

"Can I show you how I do it?" he whispered, putting his arms gently around me and meeting no resistance as he began to slide the zip down on my dress. Surprising me somewhat, he didn't have any trouble undoing my bra either, but I wasn't concentrating on that too much because, by that time the gentle, exploratory kisses had been replaced by far more eager and enthusiastic ones. In fact, I can hardly remember the rest of our clothing being removed; only that we were still standing beside my bed and we were both naked just a few minutes later.

The warmth of his body pressed to mine, the gentle strength of his arms and the sweetness of his kiss made me forget almost everything. My own flesh was responding to each kiss and each touch of his hands so unreservedly that I honestly think I would have been prepared to do anything he asked of me at that moment. I'd started off so completely in control, but that had disappeared as Alec took over with subtle persuasiveness and guided everything that we were doing.

"Can you wait just a moment?" he asked, "there's something I need to do."

I could only nod, not having the slightest idea what he meant, as he drew away from me. He knelt down and opened the bag of his clothes, delved inside it and pulled out his wallet. Then, opening it, he withdrew a slim packet. "I'm sorry... I didn't know if...."

"You're right... thank you," I said as I recognised the condom pack. It was something that hadn't even occurred to me. I hadn't used them for many years -- I'd been on the pill throughout my marriage but I'd been taking a rest from it for some time and apart from that, of course, as we were strangers, it was definitely the right thing to do. I was grateful, I appreciated his thoughtfulness, and I reached down to run my fingers through his hair waiting for him to stand up again.

Instead, though, he remained kneeling. His hands reached around to give a gentle massage to the calves of my legs and he began to kiss my knees. That was something that no one had ever done before and, even though it felt a little strange at first, it was strange in a nice way. It became even nicer when his hands gradually moved higher and his fingertips were teasing the backs of my thighs -- in fact it was wonderful. And as his hands moved, so did his lips, gently brushing against the inside of my thighs and making my legs shake with excitement until, very carefully, he eased me back and gently let me down to sit on the edge of the bed.

I went to move further onto it, but his hands held me where I was and slowly eased my legs further apart. His tongue started to lick softly higher on my thighs and I suddenly realised that I'd been holding my breath, not daring to move as his intention became clear. I wasn't sure about it -- it just seemed so incredibly intimate when we hardly knew one another, and yet there was nothing I could do to resist.

The teasing was almost painful as his lips and tongue explored, slowly and carefully, around the flesh between my thighs until, when I was nearly ready to scream, his tongue finally lapped softly across my labia and made my whole body vibrate helplessly. Seconds later he was pressing his lips to me and I sobbed out loud with the thrill of it and began to buck wildly and helplessly in response. And it was only a few more seconds before the sudden, wonderful explosion of senses made me yell out loud as a glorious, mind-numbing climax wracked my body. I lost all sense of time and space -- all awareness of where or who I was, or what I was doing. If the world had ended at that moment, I would have known nothing about it.

I opened my eyes wide, not even aware that I'd closed them, and Alec was poised above me. His face had a sweet smile on it as he looked down at me and I smiled in return. I could feel his hand between my legs, guiding his stiffness toward me, and I tried to relax -- but my treacherous body shuddered helplessly at the first contact and made him miss his mark. But his second attempt was perfect. I felt the soft, firm glans push its way carefully inside me -- felt it stretch my eagerly waiting entrance -- and then the corona spread me even wider. Gradually, and very slowly, he pressed himself further inside me, all the time watching my face for my reaction, until I couldn't stand it any longer. I tightened my arms around him, raised my legs to hook my heels behind his knees and lifted my head to kiss him fiercely. It was all that was needed for him to finally push all the way inside me and, even though I was enjoying the kiss, even mixed with the taste of my juices, I had to break it off to gasp out loud as he seemed to completely fill me.

It had been the best part of a year; that was the thought that raced through my mind as some kind of explanation for the way it felt, for the way my insides seemed to be so wonderfully stretched and expanded by him. And then the gentle thrusting began and I almost wept from the sheer happiness that the feeling of it gave to me. I hugged him; I virtually crushed him! I kissed any part of his face and neck that my desperate lips could reach and then, despite being so thoroughly filled, I began to match his thrusts with my own. It wasn't a conscious decision -- it was one that my body made for me without even bothering to let my mind know what it was doing and then, just a few moments after that, I was being thrown into the storm-tossed sea of another incredible orgasm. I could feel my juices flowing from me, knew that my back was arched to an almost painful degree and heard my desperate wails of glorious release -- but I was helpless to do anything about it.

Somewhere, deep inside my body, I realised that his pounding had stopped, and been replaced by an amazing twitching -- a swelling and subsidence -- as his own climax powered millions of seeds to their latex-enclosed finale.

Even when his spasms had long subsided, when my own gasping and groaning had ceased and my body returned to its supine position, I held onto him. We kissed -- and then we kissed again -- and then again, many times before, at long last, he carefully eased away and we lay quietly, side by side.

After a moment or two, he raised himself up on one elbow, looked into my eyes and said:

"That was the most intense feeling I can ever remember having. It almost scared me, Patsy."

I smiled, and watched his hand reach out to enclose one of my fairly small breasts in what seemed a tender and loving gesture.

"There isn't a great deal there," I smiled, "maybe I should get one of those blow-up bras like you were wearing?"

"Please don't say things like that, Patsy," he frowned, "You're beautiful as you are... no, don't argue! You are... and you don't need anything to enhance that beauty, believe me."

"Ah... but you haven't seen me without make-up!" I teased.

"Actually... you haven't seen me without it, either!" he said and it set us both off laughing until he recovered enough to become serious again. "I don't want to push too hard... please tell me if you're not happy with the idea... but I think I'd really like to see you like that... first thing tomorrow morning?"

"That sounds like a very good idea to me," I whispered, almost choking up at the realisation that he didn't want to just hurry away.

"Won't your neighbours be scandalised, though?" he smiled.

"Well," I said thoughtfully, "If they saw me arrive home with a 'woman' ...and they've heard the noise we've just been making... I'd say it was a bit late to be worrying about that, wouldn't you?"

"I need to get rid of something," he said, directing his eyes down to where the condom was now clinging on for dear life to his slackening form, "But I've still got one left in my wallet."

"Save it for the morning, Romeo!" I told him, grinning. "It's been a long time since I did anything of this kind and I'm feeling exhausted."

"Okay... so we'll sleep. But I have to warn you... you're going to need your rest! As soon as you're awake...."

"I'll probably be diving into the bathroom...."

"And as soon as you come out... I'll be ready and waiting."

"And then?" I asked.

"Oh... well... if you've got nothing planned... I thought we might get something to eat. Then we could take a drive over to my place and we can really get to know one another."

"Mmm... sounds good," I said, then, "don't be too long... I haven't been cuddled to sleep for a very long time."

So, you may well ask, what about the 'rule of thumb?' Well, the truth is that I came to have plenty of opportunities to test it, but Alec never did (at least in my hearing) boast about the dimensions of his 'equipment.'

Besides which, of course, the real question has to be -- how can you possibly gauge such wonderful delights in linear measurements? However many inches there were, there were certainly enough of them for me!

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