Secret Formula for Marital Blissbymintabal3239©
"Your husband's eyes light up when we mention your name, Subbu" said the lady, "you have to tell me what you do to make him love you so much."
"Do they, Kiran madam?" Subbu was immensely pleased to hear that.
"They do without any doubt. How do you manage that?"
The questioner was in her early forties. Though plainly dressed, she had the bearing of a person with considerable means. Appearances in this case did not belie; her husband was the owner of two of the largest cotton mills in Mumbai. The scene was the drawing room of the lady's bungalow. Subbu's husband was assistant manager in the mill. It is not usual for mill owner's wives to be interested in the brightness level of the eyes of their assistant managers, nor is it a common practice for their wives to sit in the drawing room of the owner's house on terms of equality. But assistant manager Raman's duties were mostly to attend to the various needs of the owner's household. He was so popular with members of the family that he held the brevet rank of a close relation. He was in a way closer than close relatives, for he being a Tamilian he did not know Gujarathi, and they could speak freely in his presence with no chance of family secrets leaking out.
Subbu arrived in Mumbai four years ago as a nineteen-year-old fresh bride. She was a surprise. Her husband had the deportment and bearing to move in elite circles with ease, but his wife was straight from the village. She, with training, learnt the use of the spoon; the fork however still remained a mystery. She was so unselfconscious and genial that the owner's wife took a liking to her. Her English, spoken with Tamil syntax, was fun to hear, but her attempt to speak Gujarathi made even the stoniest of faces to break into a smile. On occasional afternoons when she was free the mill owner's wife invited Subbu to her home to prepare South Indian savories, which Subbu did expertly. It was in one of these sessions that the tendency for the assistant manager's eyes to light up when someone mentioned his wife's name became the topic of discussion.
This was not an easy question to answer. Subbu stared knowing not what to say.
"Subbu, I have to explain; I have been too abrupt. My husband and I are drifting apart. This is sad but it is so. He is a lonely man. He has lately taken to drinking more than is good for him. A man with a wife and child has no business to be lonely. Subbu, I want you to change that. You have to tell me what I should do."
"I would be most happy to help you madam, but I am so inexperienced that it is funny that you should ask me."
"I feel you have the secret formula to keep husbands happy. You tell me what you do and I will do the same. I have been thinking about it for some time now. I have framed some questions to ask you. You have to answer that. It is as simple as that."
"Yes madam. But I must tell you that you are putting me a very embarrassing position."
"No, Subbu. For the moment you are not the assistant manager's wife. You are my teacher and I am your pupil. Now tell me what is the most important duty of a wife to her husband?"
Pat came the reply.
"Satisfy his sexual needs." Subbu said it with such a serious face that the lady laughed.
"You have to explain."
"We can allow cooks to prepare food for husbands, and friends to provide companionship, but sex is our monopoly. It is similar to the mother's duty of feeding her baby. It is her exclusive duty. And attending to the sexual needs of the husband has to be done with the same devotion and love that mothers show to their babies."
"Mothering a baby and cuddling a husband, are they the same?"
"Cuddling the husband is more onerous madam. Babies can have milk from the bottle, but husbands who want to be respectable citizens can have sex only from their wives. That puts a great responsibility on the wife.
"You mean putting him off by pretending headaches is no good."
"No Kiran madam. Would a mother say she has backache and allow her hungry baby to cry? We are in it for joy as much as he. We have to get into it in that spirit. You have to be at it at all times he is at home.
"Having sex at all times of the day could be difficult Subbu."
"Not having sex all the time," said Subbu and laughed. "Getting him and yourself into a mood for eventual sex is a full time job. Anything that spoils the mood one should avoid. The job has to start in the morning. When I bring him bed coffee I kiss him."
"No problem that, I have done that at one time. I can restart, though that would puzzle him. What next?"
"Not just a kiss madam. You have to say tender things, and he will do things to you, and you have to do things to him."
"What is this doing things?"
"Feeling the body madam."
"Oh! You allow him?"
"No madam, I invite him. I offer him."
"Hmmm, and he offers you."
"If not I take it. It is mine by right."
"One thing may lead to another, won't it."
"It can, and is there a more wonderful way of starting the day madam?"
"Indeed. Subbu, you are taking me to places where the air is very rarified. Next."
"Before he goes to office he must see me without clothes on at least once." The lady collapsed laughing, but Subbu was serious. She appeared to disapprove of the other's levity on a topic that demanded reverence, and that made it even funnier; Kiran continued to laugh.
"Before you go any further tell me who taught you all this."
"It is the mother's duty to tell the daughter about sex.
"Then I'll have to tell Sushma? I'd die rather than speak to her about these things. Did not your mother feel extremely embarrassed?"
"Probably not madam. In villages we are a lot more free about sex then in the city."
"The idea I suppose of showing your bare body is to fix your image in his mind to the exclusion of others."
"Mother did not explain the reasons, but that is possibly what is intended."
"How do you manage to show him your bare body every morning?"
"Easy madam. One day I will ask him to bring the towel to the bathroom; another day I will come out of the bathroom to wipe and dress, and so on. But in my house there are not half a dozen maids to disturb me, of course."
"Maids can be a nuisance, but we can always ask them to keep away. What next."
"You must know what type your husband belongs to."
"Type? A, B, AB and O?"
"Sorry madam, not the blood type."
"Good, bad and ugly?"
"That's for the police. Type was the wrong word to use. I should have said preferences. Does he want his wife to be clean shaven, or natural, or is being either way OK with him."
"Oh! Shaven," Kiran said and again collapsed in laughter. But teacher felt that the time has come for a gentle reprimand.
"Sorry madam, but this is not a topic one should laugh about."
"Sorry miss. I'll make a note of it. Is it that important?"
"My mother says that it is a very important detail."
"So some men you say prefer it smooth, some want it luxuriant, and for some either is all right. I do not want to differ from your mother, but I am skeptical of it being very important. In your experience was it important?"
Subbu became glassy eyed at the recollection. "Madam, I'd rather not tell," she said bashfully.
"But you must Subbu. You are the teacher. You have to clear the pupil's doubts."
Subbu blushed profusely. She waited to store up sufficient courage to speak.
"He rubbed his cheeks on it," she said hurriedly. "Sorry madam, I feel uncomfortable talking this way to you. I have taken you at your word that you are my pupil. I hope I do not exceed my limits."
"Subbu as far as this sex thing is concerned you are my guru. If you want a cane to correct your pupil I can provide you one." Subbu found this so funny that he laughed out loud.
"That won't be necessary."
"So he likes it smooth?"
"As smooth as glass globes." Subbu giggled.
"Won't his scruffy cheeks hurt you?"
"He shaves on those days."
"How does he know that it is that day?"
"I place his shaving kit prominently in the bath room."
The lady looked at Subbu in open admiration.
"Subbu, you and your mother must write a book."
"I'll tell my mother. She would be thrilled to hear that."
"So every night you have it."
"This idea that sex is for night must go." Subbu's tone was severe. "Men like to have it in daylight. Whenever possible have it in daytime, and in night have the lights on. Men like to have the lights on. Every day the wife must find out if her man is in a mood for it, and if he is, she must participate with enthusiasm even if she is not fully for it."
"So lesson one is to diagnose his preference and give it to him in quantity."
"Sorry madam, in quality too."
"When are you teaching me that? In lesson two?"
"Yes madam. I would be talking about foreplay. But don't you feel that before we go to that you should try out what we have discussed."
"You mean I must pass the practical exam before entering the second semester."
"You are putting it in a very funny way Kiran madam. Yes, if you agree."
"What the guru says the disciple follows implicitly."
* * *
About two weeks after the conversation recorded in the previous section a gala function was taking place in one of the very special halls in Mumbai. Many multimillionaire mill owners graced the function, and their wives provided glitter to the occasion. A raised section of the platform was for the VIPs, and Kiran was bustling about. Raman was there of course. His duty was to see that the elite among the guests were comfortable. Subbu was at floor level along with the lesser lights. In her traditional Conjeevaram sari she was a stand out.
Then something unusual happened that got the women on the floor befuddled. Kiran, one of the biggest of the big ladies, literally came down to move on terms of familiarity with a mere assistant manager's wife. Kiran must have espied Subbu in the crowd for she made straight for her. She pulled her to one side and said something to her in a conspiratorial whisper. They both laughed. The befuddlement of the women on the floor of the hall would have been total if they had heard the conversation between the two. This was what they spoke:
"Subbu I am excited."
"You mean our plan is working?"
"Your plan Subbu, don't mistake that. It's working wonders. I am in the thick of a second honeymoon. I'll tell you all tomorrow."
"Thanks, but about his preference, I suspect he wants it natural"
"Why do you say that, madam?"
"He did not comment, but what he did the next evening is significant. He presented me with a big bottle of hair growth lotion!"