tagHumor & SatireSnow White

Snow White


In the ancient kingdom of Nevar, there was a grand estate that was so old the young folk said the country was built around it. For centuries, the house was a welcoming inn for traveling adventurers, desperate lovers fleeing with their forbidden love, and magicians who entertained the guests with their amazing manipulations of light and sound. There were gardens to be lost in, vineyards for the finest wines and animals of every exotic species wandered where they will. Within, every room had a fire place and deep set windows with beautiful views of both the sunrise and sunset. It was a sanctuary for some and a play world for others for the owners of the estate were a generous and caring family that passed on from parent to child the importance of sharing their blessings. The house was blessed indeed for all those who visited were able to take some of the magic with them to spread around the world.

But even the moon has a dark side and tragedy eventually struck the happy hearth of the mansion. The young mother and wife, who was the darling rose of the estate, died while giving birth to her first born. The joy of the arrival of the beautiful babe and the pain of the bereavement tore the young lord's mind apart. His days were spent wondering in the woods and staring into the pond. The dances and games dwindled in time and the affairs of the inn went to less polite entertainments. The distraught father did not notice the trollops and gamblers that now infested his home. In time, an avarice, greedy woman came into control of the estate and turned it into a house of ill repute.

Although it's fame did not fall, it's name did. It was now known as a haven of sex and lust. Sailors and middle aged business men came from miles around to sample the thighs and cleavage of the nubile young vixens that punched their tickets all night and all day too. But the new proprietor was by no means a sexist traditionalist without an eye for a new market. Scores of pretty boys and brigades of strapping young men with sinewy limbs provided service for those willing to pay the price. The rooms were all turned into bedrooms with the plushest of pillows and there were enough mirrors installed to reflect the moon full scale. The cleaning crew never bothered with the 'do not enter' signs and the pools had to be sanitized every morning.

The young lord never noticed the changes to his home. The only thing he ever cared about was the new born girl who was quickly growing without a mother to love her. He would comb her black hair and hold her tiny hands which trembled ever so slightly. But even the joy that she gave him was not enough to salve the wound in his heart. As the years passed, he grew weaker and weaker. The new madam of the castle knew that the little girl was important to him, so one night she promised to the sickening lord that she would always take care of the raven eyed child with the alabaster skin. When the child was no more than five, she lost her other parent and the world turned grey.

The ice madam was a calculating, stoic woman and maybe even a witch. She kept Snow White with her and made sure that she was well fed and had her own room. And all growing up she witnessed the adulterations and perversions of people from all over the world. But she saw it all with blank staring eyes without a blush at every extreme fetish. In all this world of desire and satiation, she kept her tastes simple, she didn't even like candy very much. The years passed and she grew into a beautiful young woman. Her lily white skin made the snow look dull and faded. Her hair was such a deep, rich black that it's marvel was only matched by her midnight rich eyes. Her form was the perfect balance between grace and strength and she moved with the lithe grace of cat. Her exquisite beauty had caught the eye of many of the roving patrons of the degenerate brothel but she shunned their stare. She moved like a ghost amongst the stone staircases and wandered the halls in the wee hours of the morn when all were passed out. But the constant inquires about who she was and how much she cost eventually began to whet the greed of the Madam of the establishment. When she approached Snow White about adding her assets to the market, she received only a glare for response. But her figure and face became the most coveted object in the mansion for everyone knows that what you can't have is the most desirable.

Finally, some fat, old lord offered the Dame a price she couldn't refuse and the key was given to Snow White's room and a guarantee that no one would come running if cries were heard coming from the old turret where she locked herself away. The whole brothel held it's breadth in anticipation and several of the old wenches cried at the thought of the injury. The pig of a man drank heavily and spoke gruffly of the pleasures he would partake in that night. Several of the guests smiled to each other as they thought of the future sweets they would take as soon as the cake had been cut. The lord finally threw down his goblet and staggered his way to the staircase. Everyone watched as he pulled himself up the banister and trudge down the hall way.

There was a click of the key, the creak of the door and then a bang as it slammed shut. For a moment there was silence and then a terrible scream. A crash and shattering followed by pleas for mercy and then several loud thumps came from Snow White's section of the old stone house. Those who knew the girl felt their hearts rend and after a moment's hesitation, a number of the harlots and gigolos ran up the stairs. Their jobs and even their hides were not worth the desecration of someone as pure as Snow White. But as they reach the door, it flew open and the old geezer came tearing out, blood streaming down his forehead. He broke past the rescuers who had to catch Snow White as she chased after him with a table leg in her hands. His yelling could be heard all the way to the madam's chambers. The servants and dancers all disappeared and Snow sauntered her way about the building with the table leg over her shoulder. All thoughts of ravishing her fell from the minds of the horny patrons.

In fact, business suffered it's own bruises and bumps that night. The Madam was less than pleased and confronted Snow White in the morning. She told the raven haired girl that if she didn't start earning her keep in the house that she would have to leave. Snow quickly brought up the fact that the house was hers by birthright and that the Madam was the guest here. The Grand Dame spun on her heels at that and stormed out of the hall.

It was bad enough that she couldn't cash in on Snow's beauty but now that she was driving away the customers, something had to be done. The latest threat over who owned the establishment was too much. A scheme twisted it's way into her mind and an evil idea stained her brain. A fat, old merchant could not break her spirit or lift her skirts but a soldier of fortune could handle the task. Through connections that she kept in the underworld of vice and crime, she heard of a man who would and could do anything for a price. When she tried to find out his name, she soon discovered that he had none, nor was he formally known as something else. He was a mercenary who killed with the same expression as reading a book. She offered a huge sum for a most sinister request. Take the girl into the woods and dash her spirit on the ground. Ravish her pride and bruise her innocent skin. And then toss her body to the sex elves that live deep in the wood. When they had trained her in the arts of pleasing the body, she would be brought back to be the main course of the brothel's menu.

The man with no name went straight to the task. He twisted her arms about till she couldn't move and threw her over his shoulder. No one could stop the soldier as he strode out, tied her on his horse and rushed off into the woods. When they were miles from the estate, in lands that Snow White had never entered, he stopped the horse and pulled her off. As he untied her hands, she tried to strike him but he warded off her blow with bored ease. He gripped her wrists and pushed her against a tree. She struggled for a while and then stopped, just looking into his face. Something was strange, something was missing, the man with no name thought. She was not screaming or crying. This peculiarity made him notice her for the first time. She had eyes that were so black that it's depth could not be fathomed and her skin was so soft like the underwing of a dove. As he was pressed against her, he felt a body, warm and heaving with breadth. She was full like an ice cream cone overstuffed, dripping vanilla down it's sides. For a flash, he wanted her, not frightened and pained but on top, pressing down. But then he remembered who he was and came to a clear realization who she really was. Snow White could see the change in his eyes and was frightened no longer. There were no words passed between them till he mounted his steed and then she thanked him. She never knew how nice it was to be out of that house in which she had known only misery.

She looked about at the darkening forest that surrounded her. She had no cloak, no provisions and no idea where to go. She signed a breadth that she had held since she had been born and started to wander, following the hopping frogs and erratic trails of the awakening bats.

It was a quaint little house the way that Indian elephants have quaint little ears. It was shaped like a mushroom and had holiday decorations that were left up all year round. There was a jack-o-lantern with a candle always burning and the Christmas lights that were strung along the roof trim constantly changed the color of the tiles so that you were never too sure what shade the tiles were. There were cutouts of easter bunnies and thanksgiving turkeys in the windows. Pink flamingos and little garden gnomes littered the yard.

Snow White was so intrigued by the array of junk that she was lost in reminiscing a childhood that she never had. But the baying of wolves in the distance made her remember why she had come to this house in the first place. It is when she had to bend down to knock that she first noticed how small the door was. It was painted all green and had a phallic door knocker that she was too shy to touch so she just rapped on the wood with her clenched fist. She immediately heard a rustle inside and in a window nearby, the curtains parted and she could barely make out a little head and two, bright and shiny eyes. She heard some whispering and then another tiny window showed another head with pointed ears. She called out and introduced herself.

This produced another flurry of activity and then several more heads appeared in windows that seemed to just grow out of the strange house. Snow White pleaded, demanded, hammered and hollered but the odd, shiny eyes just watched in fascination. Finally, as the night was drawing in on her, she just shoved on the little door and it gave way. All was darkness inside. She couldn't just walk in as the door was much too low. So she dropped down on her hands and knees and tried to wiggle her way inside. There was a great commotion and she saw one of the little men slip outside. There was just one candle burning but it showed a room that was much bigger on the inside than on the out. But her attention was held by six peculiar, little men that were harbored inside. They looked like men but only much smaller. Their expressions were first of fright which was obvious due to her imposing size but it soon changed to fits of glee when they realized that she was stuck. She pushed with her knees and pulled with her hands but only wedged herself deeper. By now the elves were rolling with laughter. Apparently, there were other means for them to come and go but she was not so lucky.

She was about to ask for help when she felt a sharp pinch on her buttocks. She let out a high yelp and banged her head on the ceiling. This only added fuel to the little men's mirth. But when she felt tiny hands place themselves on her rump a second time, she shoved with all of her might and penetrated the small enclosure.

Once inside she saw the most remarkable sight. Six little men were joined by another as they stood, gawking at her just as she looked at them. But surely she could not have appeared as odd. They were about the height of her chest and of slender build. Their child like faces were framed by tussled locks which barely hid pointed ears that protruded like horns out of the sides of their heads. They whispered to each other, covering their mouths with slender, delicate hands and giggled like kids. Some just nodded, others looked her up and down as if judging a sculpture and one even leaned over to give her a sniff. But Snow was never scared about being stuck in this round house with seven strange men. They had a look about them, though it did not suggest innocence, it was apparent that they were friendly.

"Who are you?" she asked finally. They all answered at once so that she could not discern a single name but they sounded like verbs. "Wait," she said, pointing to an elf that had full, moist lips like a skinned plum, "what is your name?"

"Kisses," he said with a pout and came up close to her face. "And who might you be, cherry mouth?" he asked.

Somehow, she wasn't offended by his forwardness and responded, "My name is Snow White." She turned around, asking each elf their name and had to respond each time to the same question as to who she was as if her name may be different for every one of them. The one called Caresses, took her hand ever so lightly when they introduced and Strokes ran his fingers along her arm. Suckles left a lingering kiss on her hand and Squeeze gave her a warm, welcoming hug. There was one elf who appeared darker than the others but it was hard to tell because he was always in the shadows. He said he was named Fornicate but he had several nicknames that she could choose from or devise her own. By this time, Snow noticed that there were only six elves and that one must have slipped away but just as she realized who, she felt a sharp pain in the behind again.

"Hi! My name is Pinch," he said with devilish glee.

"Well, hello! My name is Snow White," she said as she tweaked his cheek.

She was welcomed right away into the happy little home and after applying a little creamy substance that was in jars and tubes all around, she found that she could slip in and out of the house with ease. It was a truly magical place and the atmosphere was always the most poetic. When it was a starry night, it was as if the tiny stars were screaming in brilliant, silent flashes. Summer afternoons lasted forever with shadows crawling over the fields and hills. Every morning was spring and the evenings were perfect Indian summers.

Snow White found herself in another house of sex but this was vastly different. Her old home was a world of groping, leering decrepitude with lust intermingled with greed. But here, the elves brought home woodland nymphs who were simply bouncing with anticipation. Occasionally, a nervous human girl or an bold, older woman would be escorted in by one of the elves. Snow watched in fascination the unveiling of clothes, the detail and attention to every inch of exposed skin and the burning, driving strength of the little elves. They played with the women's bodies the way fish move through water and they slid over their flesh like birds soaring on the wind. A subtle but rich fragrance waft in the air on slow mornings as the lovers lay entangled amongst each other, fingers and mouths playing with whatever skin was available. Sitting up on her bed, Snow watched and learned. This was so different from the sex that she had see growing up. Those people were so busy trying to get something to please themselves, these lovers found joy in giving pleasure to others.

The elves never approached Snow White but occasionally, they would invite her over with a glance. The elves knew that to feel the real pleasure, to experience the true ecstasy, the water must flow from deep inside of her to carry her over to the world of licks, scratches and penetration. Unfortunately, Pinches didn't quite see it this way and Snow had to constantly keep looking around behind her.

Back at the brothel, business was on the upswing. More and more customers came to sample the wares that the Madam provided for every perversion and fetish. No request was refused and nothing was forbidden. People from far away lands came to devour the fruits of the mansion. Connoisseurs waited for the latest product and new pleasures had to be invented every week. The most bizarre proposals became a challenge for the Madam to match. Finally, a simple request came that stumped her. A group of very wealthy aristocrats pooled their money together and made an obvious if not difficult bid. They wished to have the most beautiful girl in the world. By this time, the dame had no concerns over convincing any girl to work for her but the whole question rested on who that might be. Wizards were consulted, sacrifices to oracles were made and witches were bribed with baby fat but to no avail. There were too many personal tastes and secretly the Madam thought that she was the most beautiful of all and didn't want to be proven wrong. The whole estate was perplexed with the question and the days that passed only fueled the interest. Weary from the quest, the Madam locked herself in her chamber and paced the room. What is beauty and who could it be? How can she score that fat wad of cash? She found herself looking in the mirror and wondering why she couldn't be the one. As she looked at her image, she realized that she was just looking at a mirror.

Strangely, she asked aloud, "Hey, mirror, so like, whose the babieus maximus? I mean, the sexiest, hottest, ripest piece of lust muffin on the whole, friggin' planet?"

The mirror's surface began to ripple as when a pebble is tossed in water and when it settled, she saw the image of Snow White, sitting in a woodland cottage, surrounded by dreamy eyed, naked elves, stroking a wild cat in her lap.

Of course, she thought. She had forgotten the troublesome vixen who she had sent away for training. She now must be ripe for service and at the perfect time, too. She sent an envoy to summon Snow White back to the estate to apply her new found skills to the group of generous perverts. The banquet hall was set and announcement went out. The long search was over and everyone was excited about finding who was the most beautiful girl in the world, especially the customers who were footing the bill. Thus, you can image the disappointment when all but one of the messengers return and even he was limping from a broken shaft protruding out of his buttocks. Apparently, little had changed in Snow's demeanor and attitude. Foiled again and with worse consequences, the Dame didn't care for the money anymore. It was personal vengeance that plotted her next scheme.

The patrons only asked for a girl, not her services or even her consciousness. She realized that delivering a dead body would be a little to squeamish for these wealthy johns but a sleeping one may do. Again, the sorcerers, shamen and alchemists were charged with a concoction that would put the fiery temper of a young woman away for ever. But no potion, pill or brew had the lasting or power sufficient to sedate the heiress to the mansion. Finally, the Madam plucked an apple from her own garden and slept with it every night, whispering spells and incantation into it's skin. The apple became a rosy red and the shine was bright enough to dazzle the eyes. She dipped it in sugar and let the bees drip honey all over the over ripe fruit. When it was ready, she placed it in her deepest pocket and headed off.

She wrapped herself in cloaks and pulled the hood well over to close her eyes. She did not want anyone to see her leave the estate so that word would not reach the young harlot-to-be before she arrived. As she left the lands, she became wearier sooner than she thought she would. Her breadth turned to wheezes and she found the use of a staff necessary to continue on the journey. But it was when she reached out to pick up a stick for walking, she noticed the age spots on her hands. The weariness of the past few days must have taken it's toll on her complexion she thought. As soon as Snow was asleep, her skin and mind would clear. But the further she went, the more wrinkled and aged her hand appeared. She did her best to ignore this but when she had to stop near a pond to rest her legs, she took a peek into the water. What she saw there almost caused her to shout out in horror. She saw an old woman, a crone well past her prime and looking like a rotting, old log slowly turning into dirt. The hours that she had been away from the castle had put decades onto her lifespan. The wizen Dame knew that she had to deliver the poison and return to the manor as soon as possible.

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