- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Suburban Predators
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Click herebut far more cheaply.
These beings,
these creatures,
are mercenaries seeking payment in the carnal.
Under the candlelight,
see their struggling.
These darting morays of desire,
twisting and devouring;
these are the true supplicants of the feed!
Their unpleasant lusts are like datura to the reasoning mind;
they seek the filthy, fleshy lucre,
in things as sickening as rancid cream.
This is their depraved pay off for playing good,
looking normal,
like a zebra in its stripes.
This is the ultimate cat and mousy game,
for they stalk the corn,
they scare the rabbits,
intent on doing evil things to little creatures,
but often end up buggering themselves instead.
They live by this sword and die by the angry crowd.
- COMMENTS
jthserraabout 14 years agoI was a bit uncomfortable with the centered text, I felt it initially gave it a light and airy feel instead of the forboding of the text (unless that discomfort was intended). I agree with Eve that a bit of trimming would increase the power of the lines...
"Under the candlelight,
see their struggling.
These darting morays of desire,
twisting and devouring;
these are the true supplicants of the feed!
Their unpleasant lusts are like datura to the reasoning mind;
they seek the filthy, fleshy lucre,
in things as sickening as rancid cream."
consider:
"Under the candlelight,
see their struggle.
These darting morays of desire,
twist and devour;
true supplicants of the feed!
Their unpleasant lusts like datura to the reasoned mind;
they seek the filthy, fleshy lucre,
in things as sick as rancid cream."
By dropping the ...ing endings you make the poem that much more in the moment, more urgent.
Powerful stuff. Well done.
jth
WickedEveabout 14 years agoVery, very interesting. Lots of good stuff in this poem, vrosej10.
You may want to get rid of a few "ing" words.
Under the candlelight,
see their struggle.
These darting morays of desire,
twist and devour.
