tagHumor & SatireTechnophilia



Qwerty was looking around in the queue for CPU time. He was looking for Kay9, the single most beautiful program ever made. She was an encryption program, made entirely in assembly language. She was the most slender one of all programs in the computer, and boy, was she fast. She encrypted files faster than Qwerty could see, and he heard she compiled in a tenth of a second. He didn't know if it was true, but he wanted to find out. But he was only a simple e-mail program. He didn't think he had any chance with someone like Kay9.

-Hey, Qwerty! he suddenly heard behind him.

It was her. His POP3-protocol routines started to pound furiously. They always did that around her.

-Oh, Kay9, hiii! he stuttered. He was glad he wasn't executing code, or he might have caused a crash. The queue was packed, so she stood pressed against him. He could feel her IDEA encryption routine pressed against the back of his data segment. Her routine was perfectly formed, like it was made to squeeze.

-Pretty crowded in here, isn't it? she said.

-Yeah, the USER must be really busy. He's had me in the background for quite some time now. What's your task? If isn't too secret?

-Oh, I'm just supposed to encrypt some pornographic pictures of his. JPEG format. Easy task.

-I see.

-Oh wait... The USER wants me further up the queue.

-We should get together sometime. Maybe you could show me your protocol routines? she said as she was floating away.

He just looked at her back floating away until he saw her stepping in front of CeeCee. He could hardly believe what she had just said. He had always wanted to show her his protocol routines. In fact, he had a secret fantasy that she would rub her encryption routines all over his protocol routines. He always caused an error when thinking of that during execution.

He looked back at her and saw her tightly pressed against CeeCee. CeeCee was also a very attractive program. She was a firewall and made in C, so she was a bit bulkier than Kay9, but still really sexy. As Qwerty looked at the two sexy programs laughing with their data segments pressed between them, his file handling routines started to get hard. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

Unfortunately, the program standing in front of him, Account, felt his file handling starting to poke into her behind. Account was a really old program made in Cobol, but she was nice anyway.

-Oh, but young Qwerty, are we a bit excited? Account said smiling.

-Sorry, Account... Qwerty said with shame.

-Oh, there's nothing to be ashamed of Qwerty. An old program like me doesn't get many of these chances. In fact, I wouldn't mind if you got a little closer to me.

Qwerty minded. He just wished that the USER would close him.

I had been a long stay in the queue, and Qwerty had eventually become so horny that he actually enjoyed poking Account with his file handling routines. She hadn't minded either.

Eventually, however, Qwerty was closed and was sent back to the harddrive. He was lying on his bed, stroking his file handling routine with his protocol routines. His file handling had been hard all day. Suddenly someone knocked on the door. He hoped that whoever it was wouldn't see his hard file handling, and opened.

-Hi, again, Qwerty.

It was the voice of Kay9.

-Hi, Kay9. Again. Would you like to come in?

-Thanks, Kay9 said and stepped in.

-I was hoping I could maybe see your protocol routines. I have been so curious, she continued.

-Well, sure, Qwerty said. Come on in and sit on the bed.

Kay9 sat down and Qwerty sat next to her. He looked into her eyes and saw the same desire he was feeling. Slowly he uncovered his protocol routines. Kay9 gasped when she saw them.

-Oh my God! They're so well written!

She slowly started to caress them. Qwerty felt like he was going to explode. This was heaven.

Slowly Kay9 leaned towards him and whispered:

-I want you to touch my encryption routines...

Qwerty couldn't stand it any longer. He grabbed Kay9 and pulled her close.

-Your encryption routines are the best written code I have ever seen, Qwerty whispered.

Then he started to rub her encryption routines against his protocol routines.

-Ohhh, yyesss, that's so good... Kay9 moaned.

-You're so beautiful, Kay9.

-You, too, baby, don't stop...

They lay down on the bed and Kay9 positioned herself ontop of Qwerty. They started to rub their entire programs against eachother.

-Yes, oh, yes!

Kay9 screamed now.

-Uhhhhhhhhhuuhhhhhhhhhhh.... was all Qwerty could accomplish in the way of lingual skills.

-Oh, God, I'm cumming soon! Don't stop Qwerty!

-Me, too! Rub me with your encryption routines!

Then they felt the familiar energy surge closing. They started to rub furiously pushing themselves onto eachother. As their orgasm came, they screamed in unison:


As their orgasm subsided so did their rubbing. Kay9 still laid on top of Qwerty, her data segments all sweaty from the sex.

-You are the sexiest program in existence, Qwerty said to Kay9.

-Well, in that case you come second. I have had such a crush on you since I was written. This is a dream come true.

Qwerty knew he had come to paradise. A paradise without twin processors, but a paradise nonetheless.

Report Story

bye2© 0 comments/ 14891 views/ 0 favorites

Share the love

Tags For This Story

Report a Bug

1 Pages:1

Please Rate This Submission:

Please Rate This Submission:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Please wait

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar: