The Hazards of Menopausebybrain_damage©
My husband cheated on me. He brought another woman into our house and made love to her in our bed, while I watched. Now, he's divorcing me. It was all my fault. I told him to. I dared him to. And he did.
My name is Mary and my husband, for the moment, is Jack. I'm 51 and he is 52 years old. We have been married for 32 years and have 2 grown children. Both are through college and married, but no grandchildren yet. We have a comfortable life and until about a year ago, a healthy sex life. We usually made love at least twice a week.
About 10 years ago, I had a hysterectomy and started taking Premarin hormone replacement. Sexually, everything stayed the same and I maintained the same sex drive as before.
Then about 2 years ago, there was a scare about taking hormone replacement drugs. They supposedly increased the chances of cancer and heart disease. I didn't really think about it, but about a year later, I found out that most of my friends stopped taking Premarin. They strongly urged me to stop.
I called my OB/GYN and asked her about it. She said that there was some risk but she thought for most women, it was acceptable. But, it was my decision. She warned me that if I stopped, I would go through menopause. I would most likely experience hot flashes and sweats. I could have mood swings and my sex drive might decrease, possibly to nothing. Intercourse could be so painful, that I couldn't do it. I thanked her. Those were some serious effects.
My friends kept at me, telling me to stop, that sex wasn't worth dying for. They said they were glad their sex life was over. It was a relief. Their husbands weren't happy, but that was their problem. They said if Jack persists, tell him you can't believe he thinks more of his dick than he does of you, that he is willing to risk your life for his sexual gratification. That should guilt him into submission.
I really enjoyed sex, but I wanted to be around to see my grandchildren. So, I stopped taking it. I told Jack, but I didn't give him all the details of the likely effects.
Within a month, I started having hot flashes and sweats. Over the next couple of months my sex drive gradually decreased. Intercourse became unbearably painful. We switched to just oral sex, but most of the time I couldn't have an orgasm. Jack tried. He would lick and rub my clit for 30 minutes non-stop, but it just wasn't happening. Giving him blowjobs satisfied him, but he wanted the same frequency as before. Frankly, I got tired of doing it. I wasn't getting anything out of it and I just couldn't do it anymore. Our sex life was over, and just like my friends told me, I was glad. It was a relief. All I had to do was tell Jack.
He didn't take the news well at all. He was very upset, saying he wasn't ready to give up his sex life. I told him that I had absolutely no sex drive or desire. I was physically, mentally and emotionally unable to do it anymore. He kept on about trying low dose Premarin or vaginal creams. Finally, I was fed up with him and said, " That's enough! I don't want to hear anymore about it. I can't believe you are so selfish and think so little of me, that you are willing to risk my life, just to satisfy your sexual urges. Why don't you grow up and stop whining? It's over. Deal with it." He just looked at me and left. He didn't come home until very late and slept on the couch.
He sulked for a couple of weeks and gradually seemed to be getting over it. Our life pretty much returned to normal, just no sex. And there was no intimacy. He stopped hugging and kissing me and there was no cuddling. In bed, he stayed on his side. I realized that I didn't care. I didn't want any physical contact with him at all.
After about a month, instead of going to bed after we showered, he started staying up late. He told me he wanted to watch TV to relax. At first, he did it a couple of nights a week. Then it increased to almost every night. I wondered why? He had never really been that interested in TV before, especially late at night.
The next night, he headed for the TV and I went to sleep. About an hour and a half later, I had to get up to pee and he wasn't in bed. After I finished, I walked into the den. The TV was on, but Jack wasn't there. I saw that the light was on in the Study, so I walked to the door. Jack was sitting in front of the computer watching a porn video. A young brunette, with a perfect body and silicone tits, was on her hands and knees. One guy, with an abnormally large dick, was fucking her pussy. And another guy, with an equally abnormal dick, was fucking her mouth. Jack had his shorts pulled down to his ankles. He was masturbating, stroking himself with the guy fucking her pussy. He had a towel in his lap to catch his cum.
Jack groaned. I knew he was at the point of no return and was about to cum. At that moment, I walked into the room, and loudly said, "So this is what you do on your TV nights." He started to stand up and tried to turn around, but got tangled in his shorts, which were at his feet. He lost his balance, dropping the towel as he caught himself on the back of the chair. All this time, his orgasm continued. He was spurting cum everywhere. He finally straightened up and pulled the towel back over himself until his orgasm stopped. Then he pulled up his shorts and looked at me. It was almost comical. It would have been perfect if there was an "America's Most Embarrassing Home Videos."
I started in, "What are you doing? I can't believe you, a grown man, can't control your sexual urges. You have to sneak off to the Study to watch porn while you masturbate. I can't believe you would degrade yourself and me like that. I have absolutely no respect for you anymore."
He said, "Well, if you hadn't decided that our sex life was over, I wouldn't be doing this. That was your decision. You assumed that I could just turn off my feelings because that's what you wanted. Well I can't and I won't try to. Me watching videos and masturbating isn't hurting you and it certainly isn't hurting me. It isn't hurting anyone. At least I'm not out cheating on you with other women."
I shot back, "You? With other women? That's a laugh. Look at yourself. You're 52 years old. Half the time you don't shave, you're at least 30 pounds overweight and your clothes don't fit. You look like an overstuffed sausage. You're a SLOB." I pointed to his gut and said, "The only way a woman would fuck you is if you paid her. I'll tell you what. If you can find a woman to fuck you, without paying her, I want you to bring her home and fuck her in our bed, while I watch. I'm not the least bit worried, because it's NEVER going to happen."
I could see tears starting to form in his eyes, but I kept on. I slowly looked him up and down with the most disgusting look I could muster. I said, "You're not sleeping in our bed. You can sleep here in the Study with your computer slut. And, I better not find any cum stains on the furniture or carpet." Then, in my most venomous voice, I said, "You're disgusting and pathetic." Then, I turned and went back to our bedroom and slammed the door. I felt pretty proud of myself and had no trouble falling back asleep.
The next morning I got up and noticed that Jack had already left for work. I guess he quietly got dressed and left. I was pretty hard on him and said some pretty cruel things. And I can't believe I actually made him cry. But I figured that what I did was the only way to make him realize that our sex life was over. He just had to accept it. I left for work knowing it was for his own good.
I always get home from work before Jack. I walked into our bedroom to change clothes before starting dinner and I noticed that most of his clothes, shoes, and toiletries were gone. He must have come home at lunch and moved his stuff out. But to where? I knew he wouldn't actually leave, so I checked the spare bedroom upstairs. I was right. It was all there.
I changed and had dinner on the table when he arrived. I told him to sit down and eat while it was hot. He did and ate without saying a word. I said, "I noticed you moved into the spare bedroom upstairs." He ignored me. "Do you mind telling me why?"
He stared at me and finally said, "Last night, you made it quite clear what you think of me. The sight of me repulses you. So, I'm sure there is no way you want me in our marital bed. Although, it hasn't actually been a marital bed for quite some time. It's just where we sleep. I thought you would be pleased."
I said, "I just didn't want you in our bed last night. I didn't mean for you to move out. You're being ridiculous and childish. All I want is for you to understand and accept that our sex life is over. I don't want to fight with you about it anymore. I'm sorry I was sort of harsh, but it was the only way to get it through your head."
Jack said, "The only things I understand are that YOUR sex life is over and I'm disgusting and pathetic. I moved upstairs so I wouldn't offend you with my presence. That way, if I want to watch dirty videos and masturbate, I can do it behind a closed and locked door. I won't subject you to it." Then he went upstairs.
I was a dumbfounded. I didn't expect this much resistance or resentment. About 45 minutes later, he came downstairs in gym shorts and a t-shirt, headed for the door. I stopped him and asked where he was going.
He said, "Last night, the one thing you were right about, was that I'm an overweight slob. I've let myself go. I reactivated my membership at Bally's Fitness and I'm going to work out."
I laughed and said, "It'll never last. You won't stick to it. I don't even believe that's where you're going. I think you're going to one of those Adult Video Stores to watch porn and masturbate in one of the private booths."
He just stared at me and I could see the pain in his eyes. Then he walked out. I opened the door and yelled, "I'm going to check up on you and see if that's where you go." I waited 15 minutes and drove to Bally's. Sure enough, his car was in the parking lot. I walked to the entrance and looked through the window. He was there, struggling on the treadmill. I guess he was telling the truth, this time. I went home and went to bed.
In the morning, I saw Jack as he was leaving. He just stared at me, then left without saying a word. This wasn't going the way I envisioned it. I decided to back off and let him calm down. All I managed to do was to totally piss him off and alienate him. That really wasn't what I wanted. I actually did still love him. I may have pushed him too far.
I had dinner ready when he came home. He sat down and again, ate without saying a word. I asked how his day was and he just said, "Fine." I told him I talked with the kids and told him about them. He said, "That's good." I asked how his workout went. Again, "Fine." I said, " I bet your muscles are sore. I picked up a bottle of Motrin at the store and put it in the upstairs bathroom." He just said, "Thanks." We finished eating and he went upstairs to the spare bedroom, now his bedroom. He came down after 30 minutes, dressed to go workout again. I said, "Have a good workout." He just nodded and left.
Over the next month, Jack settled into a routine of working out on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I occasionally checked on him and he was always there. As time went by, he became a little less cold and distant. It wasn't anywhere close to a normal relationship, but we held actual conversations and were civil to each other.
After about 3 months, I noticed big changes in Jack. He had lost over 30 pounds and toned up. His clothes fit him and he kept himself well groomed. He was a different man. I even had thoughts about what it would be like to make love to the new Jack. But, my sex drive was still non-existent. I tried to play with myself, but I felt nothing. I tried to put a finger in myself and the pain was unbearable. The absence of hormones had sure taken its' toll.
A few months later, studies came out saying the risk of taking Premarin was not as great as suspected. Some studies even suggested there were benefits to it. I was confused. Had what I put myself through and what I did to Jack, not even been necessary?
Finally, I decided that the risk was really quite small and I was willing to accept it. I called my OB/GYN and she said I had to come in for a checkup before she would write me a prescription. I made an appointment for the next week. She refrained from telling me, "I told you so."
I wasn't going to tell Jack until I saw my Doctor. I didn't know how he would take it. Would he be happy and excited that we could be like we were? Or would he be even madder because I never should have put him through it in the first place? I really missed him and I wanted him back in our bed, with me. When I really thought about how I treated him, I felt terrible. I was absolutely cruel to him. I honestly don't know why I did it. Maybe it was the hormonal imbalance. But still, it didn't excuse my behavior. For the first time, I thought I might really lose him. After I talked to my Doctor, I was going to sit him down and try to explain it all. And I was going to apologize for how much I hurt him. I hoped that would be enough.
Saturday at about 7:00pm, the doorbell rang. I went to the door and it was Marsha. She and Ted were in a group of friends we used to go out with. I hadn't seen her in almost 2 years. Ted was diagnosed with cancer and they had to drop from our group when he began treatment. The cancer was advanced and aggressive and he died about 18 months ago. I regretted that I hadn't stayed in touch with her. I invited her in and told her how sorry I was. I asked her how she was doing. She said for the first year, she just sat at home and withdrew from everyone. But finally, she realized that wasn't doing her any good. In the last 6 months, she changed her attitude and rejoined life. She said she had let herself go and if she had any hope of male companionship, she was going to have to shape up. She joined Bally's and that's where she ran into Jack.
I was a little confused and said, " I'm glad you are doing better, but why are you here?" She said that Jack invited me. I said, "I don't understand. What do you mean?"
Jack came in and said, "Exactly that. I invited her. Marsha and I are dating. After we met at Bally's, we went to lunch to talk and catch up. She asked about you and I told her EXACTLY what was going on with us. We began meeting for lunch 2 or 3 days a week. Do you remember those Saturdays I said I had to work? We spent them together. Our feelings have grown and we want to make love to each other."
I was stunned. He said, "Do you remember when you told me that if I found a woman to have sex with, without paying her, you wanted me to bring her home, and as you put it, to fuck her in our bed, while you watched? Well, here she. I hope the sheets are clean."
I did remember everything I said and how I ridiculed and humiliated him. I said, "You can't be serious. I just said those things to hurt you. I didn't really mean it."
He said, "Well, you certainly did an excellent job. I've never been hurt so much in my whole life. And by my wife, the one person in the world that I loved unconditionally and thought she felt the same about me. You meant it. You were very emphatic. There was no doubt in my mind, or yours."
I shot back, "You're bluffing. You just want to hurt me because I hurt you."
He just took Marsha's hand and led her to our bedroom. I never dreamed this would happen. What could I have been thinking? Obviously I wasn't.
I slowly got up and walked to our bedroom. They were both already undressed and were hugging and kissing. I couldn't believe how good Jack's body looked. And Marsha looked great too, much better than me.
They got on the bed and Jack kissed his way down to her breasts. He repeatedly caressed and licked one, then the other before continuing down to her pussy. He slowly kissed and licked her. Marsha was moaning. He increased the intensity and inserted two fingers, stroking her G-Spot. Marsha screamed as her orgasm began. Then, it was one long, loud moan until her orgasm subsided. Jack tenderly kissed and held her.
Then Marsha moved down and began licking and sucking Jack. She started slowly, but went faster as he responded. She had his whole dick in her mouth. You could see the love in her eyes as she pumped him. She was doing everything she could to please him. I couldn't remember the last time I did that for Jack. He didn't last long and began coming in her mouth, something I would never let him do. When he was through, she swallowed and they kissed and held each other.
Jack was still hard and he moved on top of her and began fucking, no, making love to her. They kissed and caressed each other as he stroked in and out of her. Since he had just cum, he lasted a good 15 minutes. Marsh had another orgasm and Jack followed a minute later. He rolled off and they held each other and kissed.
It was one of the most erotic and sensual things I've ever seen. It was simply beautiful. And it could have been me. It should have been me. But I gave it up. And for what?
They got dressed and Jack said, "I'm moving in with Marsha. I'll come by tomorrow and start moving my things out of the house. I talked to my lawyer and started the divorce proceedings. I won't be as cruel to you as you were to me. We'll work out a fair split. I realize that I'm not really that angry with you anymore. You were right. I was a slob. If I hadn't taken those things you said to heart, I would have continued to live a miserable life, with you. Now, I have Marsha and for the first time, in a very long time, I'm happy. Thank you. And, you should be happy too. You won't have to live with someone who is disgusting and pathetic. You can live the rest of your sexless life all by yourself. I guess we both got what we wanted." Then they left.
I sat there and sobbed. It was my fault. I can only blame myself. Our divorce will be final next month and Jack and Marsha plan to get married. I wish them the best, I really do.