The Letter, a Renegotiation of LovebySusanJillParker©
She should have left well enough alone. Never realizing how good she had it, a bitchy, spoiled wife wants more and gets less.
My Dearest Isaac,
With you always so busy, instead of talking to you in person, which is what I'd prefer to do, I'm writing this letter to you because we see one another so infrequently lately. Moreover, with so much to discuss and with you so very tired all the time, falling asleep in your chair and not even listening to me, by the time you finally arrive home, I forget all that I wanted to tell you. This way, putting my thoughts to paper not only relieves them from my mind but also allows you to read them at your leisure. Thusly, writing to you seemed the best way to explain my request for the need to renegotiate our pre-nuptial agreement.
Why we even still have a pre-nuptial agreement is absurd, Isaac, after all we've been through. When we were married nine years ago in Hava Temple, I was young, naive, innocent, and blinded by love. Moreover, proof that money means nothing to me, you didn't have the fame and the fortune that you have now. Still, I married you anyway, knowing you were a good man and eventually would be a good provider.
The pre-nuptial agreement drawn up before we were married, generous to me then, at the time, is no longer adequate now. Since we will soon be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary, if you'd insist on keeping the agreement intact, then I'd like to discuss the possibility of making changes to a few line items in our pre-nuptial marriage agreement. Nothing big, hardly worth mentioning, but the changes will allow us to live a happier married life for the rest of our lives, until death do us part.
You work so hard, my poor, dear husband, and your dedication to having a successful career is the reason for our wealth and our good life. Thank you for giving me such comforting security. How so proud I am that my husband is the most prestigious neurosurgeon on the East Coast, perhaps in the country. A pride to the Jewish community, Mother and Father are very pleased with our match. Their son-in-law, the famous doctor, is all they talk about to their friends during the social hour at the synagogue and in their retirement community in Boca Raton, Florida.
"Our son-in-law, Isaac, the brilliant doctor, blah, blah, blah...," they say. Oh, they do so love to brag about you to anyone and everyone who will listen.
I'm hoping that the suggested changes spelled out in this letter won't create a need for you to work even more hours than you already do. Must you work every weekend and holiday, except, of course, for the Jewish holidays? Just once, Isaac, my beloved, I'd love for you to sit down to dinner at a decent hour to dine, instead of flopping in front of the television and having your meal there. Just once, I'd love to go out with you to dinner, to a movie, and/or for dancing. Just once, I wish you weren't so dog tired all the time. I'd love to have an intimate time in bed in the way that we used to do, when we were first married.
I realize it may seem unnecessary to you, frivolously silly and, perhaps, wasteful, but the first thing I'd like to discuss in our pre-nuptial agreement is our redecorating budget. Our home is a direct reflection on your professional success. Conceived at a time when you weren't earning as much and we were entertaining much less, we have a need to showcase our home in the way that you market and highlight your medical skills. I'd like to change the house redecoration clause from redecorating the house every twenty years to every five years, with a clause that every Spring and Fall, we buy a few timely, yet, elegant and stately pieces, antiques perhaps, switching out the old with the new. Coming home in the dark and leaving in the dark, you may not have noticed the horrible shambles our home has fallen in because of the long hours that you spend at the hospital, but it is embarrassing to have a home that has furnishings below the furnishings of others, especially those, who have less fame and fortune than we do.
In addition to the new redecoration clause, now that our family has grown, we need a new construction clause and a corresponding construction budget. Fully aware how much you love this house and with no intention of moving, the addition of a construction clause would give us the dream house that we both will enjoy for the rest of our lives. With 12 rooms, 6 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms, what was once a large house, when we were first married and when it was just the two of us, has now become so very cramped.
We should consider an addition to our home because the kids are almost teenagers. We need a media room, so that our children can entertain their friends and have overnight sleepovers, as well. We could hire Mel and Shava's architect, Harvey Goldstein, to draw up a little something up for us to see? He did Miriam and Hiram's house, too. Don't you just love Shava's new master bedroom suite? Grand enough to die for, opulently luxurious, it's so divine. While we're adding the media room, we could add a closet extension in our bedroom and maybe a spa tub in the master bathroom? My back has been bothering me lately and the tub would most likely fix that. Lastly, I'd like to expand the garage from a two car garage to a four car garage.
Hardly worth mentioning, but our jewelry addendum needs a little tweaking too. Everyone has already seen and commented on my jewelry. There have been so many more social occasions to attend lately and I can't imagine that you'd want your wife to appear at more than one fundraiser wearing the same accessories, now would you? Thinking more about you than about me, sweetheart, how would having me wear the same old jewelry reflect on your prestigious position in the community and within the medical society? Easy enough to correct that, I'm thinking we could triple the amount stipulated in our wedding prenuptial for my jewelry budget. I had no idea, when we signed the prenuptial paperwork, that our marriage would include so much entertaining and required attendance at dozens of social engagements.
Now that I have your focused attention, by the way, as for my personal allowance, really Isaac, we spoke about that last year and you wouldn't budge an inch. With everything costing more, the food, the utilities, gas for my Mercedes, even the housekeeper, the cook and the gardener are looking for raises. I'm just glad that I pay them from the household fund rather than from my personal allowance. I think that doubling my personal allowance may sound unrealistically extravagant now but not so much in a year or two from now. You should hear the amount of allowances Beverly, Judy, and Sheila enjoys.
Two thousand dollars a month for this and for that hardly covers my hair, nails, dry cleaning, make-up, and clothing expenses. How in the world am I suppose to cover country club lunches and gifts for my friends with that meager personal allowance? I feel like such a peasant when I'm out with the girls. With my eye to my budgetary restraints, I can't even order what I'd like from the menu because I don't want to cut into the money that I need for clothes and shoes. Doubling or tripling the amount you give me would show my friends how you never want me to go without and how much you love me.
While we're having this renegotiation, Isaac, how about looking into buying me a new car too? My Mercedes is five years old and it's a disgrace. Of course I wouldn't want anything like that but Saul bought Andrea a new Bentley and you know how much they cost. You're the best at what you do and your wife is driving around in such an old, nasty car. I know it's a very expensive model, but five years really dates a vehicle and makes us look like we're having financial difficulties. Oh, my God, when pulling up to the valet parking, what must people think of us and of me?
Of course, this brings us to the part where you'd like to know about the changes in our agreement that would effect and benefit you. Of course, you get some goodies, too. I'd never propose something so one-sided. I'd like to see you buy some new things, too, such as new clothes, golf clubs, and a golf cart. Also, your Lexus is a year older than my Mercedes. We both need new cars.
A given, of course, I'll continue accompanying you to any and all medical conventions you want me to attend. I'll make sure that you and the children are well fed, clothed appropriately and, hiring the best tutors, are educated. I'll also make sure the children attend the right parties and participate in those gatherings that will help them later in life.
As far as our bedroom activities are concerned, I'm willing to renegotiate those, too. Never one much into sex, I realize you have your sexual needs. So long as you go along with all of my other changes to the prenuptial agreement, I will allow you to have sex with me once a week instead of twice a month, as has been our previous agreement. Also, so long as we don't do anything sexual, we can cuddle with one another twice a week instead of once a week, and I will let you pick out the lingerie you'd like me wear, when we're together as husband and wife.
Now, you must agree, this is a huge change in our sexual arrangements and I'm willing to renegotiate even more, if there's something else you'd like to change. I know oral sex is an important issue and you've never been happy with my blowjobs. Instead of cumming in my hand or on my breasts, you can cum in my mouth, so long as I can spit out all that you ejaculate. Now, if you agree to the changes in our prenuptial agreement, as a special bonus surprise for you, I will try swallowing, but I can't guarantee that I won't gag and spit. Of course, as always, the barbaric act of anal sex is still out of the question, as is spanking, sex with other people, dirty talking in bed, and/or flashing my lingerie and/or naked body to others. My parents raised a good Jewish girl and not a whore.
I will also finally agree to let you decide where we vacation each year. Even though I know my choice and accommodations would be superior to your choice, I'm willing to make this concession and not complain about the choice and accommodations you make, so long as it's not camping somewhere out in a forest. I prefer room service to bugs. Any other trips we take during the course of the year would, with me arranging the first class flights and making the hotel accommodations, of course, will be of my choosing.
Please respond to my requests before our tenth anniversary next week. I'd like to have the details worked out before we go to the attorney's office for the annual CPA's review and audit. Time is money when we meet with Ezra Nussbaum, and if we have an agreement before the meeting, we'll save money on renegotiating ourselves, rather than with him being the third party. Do you see how thrifty and careful I am with your money? Besides, the money we save on the lawyer can be used to buy art, especially that painting that I've been coveting at the Cohn Museum of Modern Art.
Your loving wife,
My Dearest Esther,
Where do I begin to address your request for renegotiation? Hmm... let me think for a millisecond. Nah, I just can't go along with any of your requests at this time. Sorry.
I'm dragging myself around in a body that feels like a man twice my age because I work like a dog to meet your material and social demands. Pray tell, why aren't you satisfied with our beautiful home that you must redecorate it every five years? Leave our children alone. Instead of enlisting them and using them as your social standing tool to ingratiate yourself with people, who obviously don't even like you, please stop. Even though your car is barely five years old, may I remind you that I bought you the top of the line Mercedes model, one that cost more than twice the amount of any other Mercedes? With me paying for all the household expenses, your allowance is more than adequate to take care of your personal needs. If you want and need more money, I suggest you get a job like everyone else and earn it.
Would I like to improve our home? Nope. Would I like to sell more of my soul and spirit to give you more money and possessions? Nope. Would I like to have more conjugal rights to your cold, skinny body? Are you kidding me? Absolutely not! I can barely tolerate your sudden migraine headaches now.
You are cold, uncaring, greedy, ruthless, critical, and, frankly, an impossible to live with bitch. Nothing that I do for you is never good enough. Worse than even your mother, you are an impossible woman to please. Emasculating me with your endless demands, you make me feel as if I've been castrated and am only good to serve you as a money-making machine.
What you don't know, my dear, is that the thought of having sexual relations with you or cuddling up next to you in bed is repulsive to me. I'd rather work 18 hours a day than to be home and in bed with you. You make me feel so used and abused, when you could care less about having sex with me and about how I feel. I've only tolerated having sex with you so that you wouldn't discover what has really been going on in my life.
I no longer want you, Esther. I don't love you anymore, Esther. Now just smoky embers, the flame of desire for you slowly extinguished with your demands from me. The only bond that we still have is the beautiful children you gave me. If it wasn't for them, you would have been gone from my life a long time ago.
I have a wonderful woman in my life now, someone who treats me with a caring and loving heart. She makes me laugh and is generous of spirit, mind, and body. She asks me for nothing and appreciates everything she is given. She is the one that I should have married, instead of you. She is the one that I should have in my life, instead of you. She is the one that I want. I don't want you Esther.
So telling that you don't know and never picked up a phone to find out, but I haven't been at work every evening, every holiday, and every weekend. Many times I've been in her bed being held in her arms and thanking God for giving me such a wonderful woman in my life. She is your polar opposite. She is my true love. Forgive me for repeating myself, but I need for you to understand. I don't love you anymore, Esther.
Yes, Esther, I would like to meet with you next Thursday, preferably the day of our tenth wedding anniversary at Ezra Nussbaum's office for a different kind of meeting. The only negotiations that we will need to discuss are those relating to our divorce. It would be beneficial for you to get your own attorney by then, because I've already secured Ezra as my divorce attorney. A conflict of interest, he cannot represent you too.
My only regret is for our beautiful children and the pain they will surely suffer. I hope that we can remain civil and present a united front for them. They will need us to be strong, helpful, and loving.
The day our divorce is final, I will feel a tremendous weight has been lifted from me. My only regret is that I didn't have the courage to end this Hell of a marriage several years ago. Please, Esther, if ever you find another husband to love, be kinder and more loving towards him. It will improve your own spirit and soul and his life will be better than mine has been with you.
Your soon to be former husband,
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