tagHumor & SatireThe Penis Impoundment Program

The Penis Impoundment Program


"I still can't believe it." Jack said, "There we were, laying side by side on the bed and I had all her clothes off. Man I was kissing and rubbing just about everything that woman had. Talk about hot, she was so hot that I couldn't even touch the skin around her crotch without her having a spasm and almost going into a mini orgasm. She was begging between every other moan for me to let her have it."

Percy was listing with rapt attention as Jack told the story, but his thirst was building. "Wait a minute Jack, let me get some more beer," he said as he jumped up and hurried over to the bar. When Percy came back to the table he passed a can over to Jack and popped the tab on his own. "OK, go ahead," he said.

"As I was saying," Jack continued, " her body was quivering all over and I finally decided she couldn't stand it any longer without going numb on me. You know how some women are, if you tease it to long, they can't let go when the time comes. So I was finally going to do my thing and be her shining knight on a white horse. I rolled over and got up on my knees between her legs. Shee-ittt man, you could feel the heat coming from her twat like a little electric heater. Then it happened. . . My damn prick fell off." Jack continued.

"There I was, kneeling right there between her legs fixing to give her the million dollar screw and that stupid prick just fell off. There it was, just laying on the bed with the head of it laying up against her twat."

"'Don't tease,' she almost screamed when she felt it press against her, 'push it in now.' Then Shelly noticed I was still sitting back on my heels, not even close to her. Then she raised up and saw it laying there."

"'You dirty SCPI son of a bitch,' Shelly screamed at me, 'you're one of those SCPI bastards aren't you?' Man I still don't know where that woman had that knife hidden. You see, she was strip stark naked. Anyway, there I was, kneeling between her legs and she started swinging that big knife at me. I jumped back and clear off the bed just in time. Then she was crawling out of the bed, still screaming, "I'll make a twat for you, you son of a bitch. Then you won't be a damn SCPI anymore."

"Well shit Jack, you can't really blame her for being pissed off. I mean after all, it must have been a pretty bad disappointment for her, being all hot and everything. I'll bet you were wearing that big ol' 10 inch electronic porno star model, weren't you?" Percy ask.

"Don't be stupid Percy, what else would you use when you're trying to work a love scam on a woman. Damn I just wish that ol' chicken shit judge Gaberdinna had been there. As mad as Shelly was, I'll bet she would have cut that sonna bitches prick off and gave him 6 months probation."

"Shit Jack, you've only got a few weeks left on your sentence. Then your 6 month probation will be over and you can get your own pecker back again. Why in the world are you taking a chance on losing it for a whole year. You know it's going to happen sooner or later if you continue trying to pull a sex scam on those old women, especially with a stuck on artificial prick? You know how easy they can be spotted, if anybody looks even halfway close. Besides, that stickum ain't that good either, as you already noticed."

"In the first place, Shelly ain't no old woman, she's only 43. In the second place, I got to eat till I can start earning again. Third, when I work on them, they don't take time to look at it, and besides the older ones are the ones who have all the money."

"Maybe so," Percy said, "but with all this bad shit they got now, like the "Sex Crimes Penis Impoundment" program for repeat offenders, you can leave me out. Mine ain't no "Porno" model, but I like my li'l ol' pecker to much to have the probation department remove it and freeze it into a prickcicle for 6 months while I have to squat to pee."

"Yeah, it does take the fun out of it when you don't feel anything at all. I still don't understand how they can just can just take a man's prick away from him like that, do you?

"Sure it started back in 2009 after that new anti-rejection transplant drug was perfected and the doctors could reattaching limbs without problems. By then jail space was scarce and it cost so much to house a prisoner, that they were looking for any other way. For any crime where a man's pecker might be involved, it was way cheaper to cut his pecker off and keep it in a freezer for the length of his sentence, instead of keeping the man."

Yeah, but it was just a simple con game. You know, hell you used to do it too. Find an older woman that doesn't get romance in her life anymore and cover her up with it for a little while. She'll get to liking it so much she don't think she can live without it, then you start popping her with the sad stories. She'll give you anything for love when she wouldn't give you a dime if you were just hungry..

"Hell," Percy shot back, " it's not just for real sexual crimes any more like rape, or screwing an underage prostitute. They've got so bad now I even know this guy who got caught while he was burglarizing a house. They gave him 30 days probation for the burglary and then confiscated his pecker 6 months cause he accidentally pissed on the toilet seat while he was robbing the house. Now that's pretty chicken shit, but the judge was a woman and I guess she wanted to teach him how it is to have to sit on a wet toilet seat to take a leak."

"Oh well Percy, I've still got to make a living, drop by the apartment tomorrow and I'll spring for the beers."

"You're not really going to try and sweep another old woman off her feet this soon are you?"

"Yep, like I said, I still gotta make a living. But don't worry, there's more then one way to skin a cat. See ya."

"Damn Sophia, you are one hot woman." Jack said while switching between nipples. He had her laid back on the couch and was kneeling beside it. He had her blouse open, the bra unhooked and pushed up as he tormented each nipple in turn. She couldn't see him well enough to know if he was playing her or not. The only dim light in the room seeped in from a lamp on side table in the hall. Jack preferred it that way. As he often said, "All cats look gray in the dark."

"I know I'm an old woman and if I'm sexy, it's only because you make me feel that way." She said, as he started leaving hot mouth trails down her body while he worked her panties off with his right hand. He had the panties off by the time he reached the scar in the hairline from her last tummy tuck.

"Oh Jack, you are getting to close. You know I can't stand it if you go any further down." She said as she raised her right knee off the bed a few inches. Jack slipped his left hand under the knee and raised her leg straight up. Then he took a deep breath and plunged his face into the newly exposed steamy hot depths.

Her leg came back down with the foot behind his head so he couldn't get away when his tongue found the magic button and began a serious campaign to get her off as soon as possible.

"Oh baby," she said, as she started coming back down from the orgasmic plateau, "I've got to have you inside me now."

"I'm sorry Sophia, but as bad as I'm hurting I can't do it tonight. Can I get a rain check?"

"What do you mean, no?" She snapped.

"I wasn't going to tell you. I didn't want you to know what a stupid thing I did. I was riding my bike, A car almost hit me and I ran into the curb to avoid the car. I guess it saved my life, but it threw me off the seat onto the bar and it seriously injured my balls. The doctor said with the proper course of treatments I'd be back to normal in a week or ten days. Otherwise I couldn't have sex for at least six weeks without doing permanent damage. I'm so sorry to disappoint you, but with everything that's happened lately, the apartment catching on fire and my car getting stolen and everything, I just didn't have the five thousand dollars it takes for the special treatments. Anyway, the pain is better and I didn't want to disappoint you completely tonight so I thought I could still do something without putting a strain on the old jewels that would show my love."

"Aw baby, you wait right here. I can't just let you suffer."

"Jack, I can't believe you pulled it off. Not what are you going to do after a week or so and you are going to be required to perform for Sophia again?"

"No problem, Percy old buddy, in eight days my six month term is up and my old prick gets reattached."

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