- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Sea
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Click hereBetween us I drew
A line on the shore
But you are the sea
Your waves laughingly erased my efforts
Obliterating those boundaries
Destroying my resolve
Your smile, your eyes
Infiltrating the cracks of my shell.
- COMMENTS
Anonymousalmost 19 years agonice start but,,IMHO it needs a last line ..something like "forever I orbit around your shore...to give it more impact...just a thought..bluerains
angelicminxalmost 19 years agoI don't know what. Beautiful sentiment, the emotions come through quite well, but it just needs...more. Kisses! ~Minx
Reltnealmost 19 years agoBut nicely done. The first stanza is very good, but the sudden intrusion of the unexpected "shell" in the final line of the poem weakens it for me. Perhaps another stanza is needed in the middle to set up what you are that has a metaphoric shell?
