tagCelebrities & Fan FictionThe Spy Who Shagged Fat Bastard

The Spy Who Shagged Fat Bastard


Felicity Shagwell could hardly believe what she was doing. She knew being an undercover officer for the C.I.A. often meant undertaking dangerous missions but surely this was beyond the call of duty. It had been a bad day for her, she'd thrown herself at Austin and he'd rejected her and then Basil had told her she had to do EVERYTHING possible in order to get the information out of rogue piper Fat Bastard as to the whereabouts of Dr. Evil's secret base.

Despite, his grotesque appearance Fat Bastard seemed to think he was God's gift to women, so Felicity had no trouble in seducing him; no other woman would touch him with a barge pole and very few men could resist the charms of the fit, blonde secret agent. She'd tracked him down to the local KFC, no surprise there, and sat opposite him. She'd worn her all-in-one red and yellow knitted dress, which stopped scandalously high up her thighs and allowed plenty of space up top to show off her impressive cleavage. Fat Bastard never questioned why this beauty wanted to sit with him; he just let her flirt with him while he guzzled his way through 4 family bargain buckets. Only God knew why he thought he was so sexy if this was his idea of a romantic date. Anyway, all Felicity's attempts (both subtle and blatant) to get the whereabouts of Dr. Evil's hideout met with failure. Fat Bastard was either a genius or a complete idiot not to at least suspect Felicity's intentions. Felicity guessed it was the latter. Finally, with Basil's instructions fresh in her memory, she resigned herself that she would have to go much, much further with Fat Bastard to get the necessary information.

That was how she found her self in her current predicament. She was lying in the dark (she'd insisted the lights be turned off) on the huge bed in Fat Bastard's squalid apartment. She'd already discarded her dress and was now wearing just a shiny silver bra and a small pair of matching panties. The door to the bedroom opened and large, black shadow filled the doorway.

"Ahm dead sexy me!" spat Fat Bastard in his harsh Scottish accent while munching on a large hunk of meat. "Hey baby, you wanna bite of ma hotdog?"

"Come on big boy." Spoke Felicity softly, the lack of light hid the disgust on her face, "Make kitty purr!" Fat Bastard slammed the door shut behind him and waddled over to the bed, throwing his food away as he did so. There was a lot of that, food discarded in the corner along with numerous empty pizza boxes and the like. The room wasn't completely dark; there was that bluish hue that seems to exist in darkened rooms. If the lights had been on, she surely would have been physically ill at the sight of Fat Bastard's grotesque body but the dim radiance set her mind at ease slightly and made her impending ordeal seem almost bearable.

"C'mon honey," shouted Bastard, towering over Felicity wearing nothing but a pair of grubby white underpants that seemed to get disappear somewhere under his many folds of flab. "Unleash the beast! Gwarhahaha!" Cringing slightly in the dark, Felicity reached down and tugged on the hem of Bastards shorts. They weren't budging so Felicity gave them an almighty yank. She opened her mouth in disbelief; it was now obvious why Fat Bastard thought so much of himself! The largest cock she'd ever seen, and she'd seen quite a few, stood proudly to attention before her. It had to be at least 10 inches long; from what she'd heard from several groupies Austin was only about 8! Only, that was a joke; everyone knew Austin was a sex machine but apparently even he couldn't compare in size to this big Scottish monster.

"Oh Baby!" exclaimed Felicity. She was only half acting now, temporarily distracted by the size of Bastard's gigantic cock. Almost unconsciously she wrapped one of her soft hands around his chunky shaft. Thoughts of how disgusting this man was left her mind completely, she didn't have to look at his face or body to appreciate the wonder of the organ before her.

"Ah Yeah!" grunted Bastard, "Big, Sexy man!" Fat Bastard made no attempt to join Felicity on the bed. He just stood at her side enjoying her touch as she ran her fingers up and down the entire length of his veiny shaft. In order to get better purchase on Bastard's throbbing dong, Felicity had shifted her body so she was sat on her knees on the bed, directly level with Bastard's one-eyed monster. "Oh lassie, that's some nice hooters ya got there." He reached down and began to grope Felicity's breast through her bra as best he could. His disgusting touch snapped her back to reality. Really, she was transfixed by the sex organ of arguably the most disgusting man on the planet, what was she thinking?! It was a lovely specimen of manhood though… She backed off slightly. "Don't tease now lassie." Said Bastard, grabbing her shoulder. Taking his cock in his chubby fingers he guided it underneath the centre of Felicity's bra and through the valley of her cleavage. Remembering her job ('do EVERYTHING possible to discover where Dr. Evil is') she played along with Bastard. Felicity pushed her massive orbs together and created a tight seal around Bastard's dick.

"Yeah baby!" she encouraged, not sure herself whether she was revolted or not. Fat Bastard began to pump his hips, causing his rock-hard tool to plunge between the snug fit of Felicity's wondrous baps. Felicity looked down and saw the head of Bastard's stiff pole bobbing up between her tits. She hated to admit it, but she was kind of enjoying the feeling of the long, throbbing shaft against her breasts; it was just a pity it belonged to such an ugly man. Bastard started to move his hands towards her and Felicity took the opportunity.

"Aye. Oh. Yes." Murmured Fat Bastard as his hands replaced Felicity's, he didn't miss a stroke though and continued to fuck her tits. Felicity reached round and undid her bra; it fell forward and Felicity threw it on the floor. "Lovely, lass, lovely!" Bastard squeezed her tits even harder and increased the pace of his thrusting. He started running his obese thumbs over her sensitive nipples, while continuing to grope and molest the rest of her succulent tit-flesh with his palms.

"Mmmm…" moaned Felicity. She was shocked with herself; she was actually enjoying this ogres touch! If she thought hard enough, it didn't have to be Fat Bastard playing with her tits, it could be anyone, it could be Austin.

"Och, YES! Ya wee gal! YESS!" Suddenly, Fat Bastard came without releasing his hold her breasts. Felicity's chin was quickly coated his hot, thick cream and the subsequent shots ran like milk down her neck and over her mountainous spheres. All the time, Fat Bastard's erratic humping and spasming cock sent waves through her quivering tit-flesh. Being drowned in this man's warm seed convinced Felicity that things couldn't get much worse and it gave her a new resolve to extract the necessary information from him.

She managed to pull away from Fat Bastard and swiftly engulfed the first few inches of his impressive cock in her mouth, sucking it clean, before pulling it out again just as quickly. "Oh, ya-ran eager one!" exclaimed Bastard. He was right; she just had to have this monster organ fucking her hard but before that could happen she had to get him hard again. Pumping one hand up and down his thick root, Felicity began to moan around Fat Bastard's half limp cock. Tickling his large, hairy balls with the other hand, Felicity took little time in getting Bastard's cock back to attention. Although she didn't want to risk Fat Bastard cumming again, Felicity just couldn't resist. Taking her hands and placing them on his thighs she attempted to pack as much cock down her throat as she could. She'd always considered herself good at giving head but it was going to be difficult to swallow all of Fat Bastard's impressive length. She closed her eyes and started to harshly slam her head forward, desperate to stuff this large cock entirely into her mouth. Somehow she managed it; the feeling of hot cock meat inside her gullet was accompanied by the slapping of Bastard's nuts against her chin. Before she could congratulate herself however:

"Yeah, I'm gonna cum!" gasped Fat Bastard. This wasn't what Felicity wanted at all; if he came again he might not manage a third time and she was desperate to have him relentlessly hammer her eager cunt with his massive rod. She pulled herself off his dick quickly. An angry Fat Bastard snatched at her head to get her to resume but Felicity easily evaded him. She lay back on the bed, cum getting sticky on her body. She slowly began to run it into her nipples, moaning lightly as she did so.

"Ya cannae tease like that ya wee little bitch. Ya gonna get a good hard fuckin'" said Bastard. Felicity just nodded timidly. "Ya want that? Ya want ma cock inside ye?" She nodded again; if that's what it took to find Dr. Evil then that's what it took! To her horror, Felicity realised that Fat Bastard intended to fuck her in the missionary position. Not only did this mean she'd have to look at his face but she probably couldn't wrap her legs around his immense waist and she'd likely be crushed to death in the process! Thinking quickly, she got on all fours and shuffled backwards, grinding her ass, still covered by the silver briefs, into Fat Bastard's crotch.

"Shag me doggy style, big boy!" laughed Felicity, she could hardly believe what she was saying but nonetheless, saying it she was. "Stick that big, juicy cock inside me stud." She turned her head to look at him and a few drops of cum dripped off her chin.

"Horny little devil, aren't ye?" smiled Bastard. "Ye all wanna fuck the big man!" He grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him before cupping her vagina with one large hand. In spite of herself, Felicity had become quite aroused and damp, which was just as well, she'd need all the lubrication she could to accommodate Bastard's huge fuckbeast. Swiftly, he ripped down her panties and Felicity kicked them off. She felt him running his rigid, meaty cock over her smooth ass cheeks and looked forward to the fucking she was about to get.

"OH GOD!" squealed Felicity as Fat Bastard buried his entire length up her dripping snatch. "IT'S SO BIG! YES!" This was no act now, Felicity loved how he filled her like no man had before, violating her tight little pussy with strong, grunting strokes. "OH GOD, HARDER!" She demanded, "FASTER! OH FUCK YES!"

"Ya like that, ya slutty little American?" panted Bastard; despite his obesity he seemed to have no trouble giving Felicity a good, long workout here.

"UN, UN, UGH! OH GOD YES! IT FEELS SO GOOD! DON'T STOP!" She was actually cumming now; wave after wave of orgasmic bliss washed over her as the overweight Scot pounded her from behind. Bastard gripped her hips harder and started banging the blonde agent with greater force. "UUUHHHNNNNN!" Felicity whimpered. "YES! YES! YES! FUCK YESSSSS!"

As she started to come down from her orgasm, Bastard obviously became fatigued, although his wild fucking of Felicity's velvety twat rarely slowed. Suddenly, he pulled his cock out of her pussy and turned the fair-haired babe onto her back. Clutching his long, hard member in one hand he began to jerk off. Without thinking, Felicity sat up and tried to catch what Bastard was milking into her face.

"Aye, drink it all down like the whore ye are!" He seemed to have gallons of buttery jizz, this surprised Felicity considering he'd come just minutes earlier. Wads of sticky manfat landed in her hair, on her face and on her tits but Felicity attempted to catch each and every drop in her mouth.

"Uuuhhhhhh…" groaned Fat Bastard as he sprayed his gooey load over the athletic, young girl. That little session had obviously tired Fat Bastard out and he collapsed slowly onto the bed, causing it to creak loudly under his weight. Felicity had to be on her toes to move out of the way quickly. In a state of post-orgasmic bliss herself, Felicity drifted off to sleep.

"Shit!" thought Felicity some time later, waking up suddenly as the Scot snored loudly beside her. "I never found out where Dr. Evil is hiding!" She pondered for a moment, realising that now she would have to rely entirely on the tracking device she was going to plant on him.

"You could have just done that in the first place." A part of her mind suggested.

"Wouldn't have been half the fun!" replied another. Felicity smiled and went back to sleep, naked and covered in jizz but more than happy with her days work.

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