I remember lying in that hospital bed right after the operation, looking up at the ceiling and just thinking. Feeling as though a crocodile had just gone down on me, I was too nervous even to shift my position for fear of intense agony. Dr. Pitchett had been in only once since I had woken up, to explain a few things to me with the help of his beautiful Thai assistant. I might have been shaken, scared, lost in pain, perhaps regret... but I wasn't. I was at peace, triumphant, having overcome the final obstacle.
The next few months were difficult. Everything was still very tender and getting the stitches out was NOT a very pleasant experience. I still felt like I ought to have hired Steve Irwin to find and hunt down whatever cunnilingus-crazed, many-toothed monster was visiting me nightly- but this was all to be expected. I took the pain killers, I dilated myself, I kept everything clean, I didn't smoke, I went by the book. This was the new me, who I had been all along inside, and I wanted it to be done right. I was proud.
Time passed and I became more and more comfortable with my new "hardware". My correct hardware, rather. I had nothing more than a birth defect that had to be corrected by some hormone therapy and surgery. Birth defects were corrected all the time, how was I any different? I began to explore a bit more, touching, feeling, experimenting. I was still pretty numb for several months. I would have brief periods of panic where I thought I might not ever get full feeling down there, but as I explored more, continued to touch, to test, feeling came back gradually. I became addicted to trying to nurse more sensation back into my body, frequently touching myself whenever I had a moment or so alone, just to test the feeling.
I remember the first time it happened... I was on a bus ride from New York City down to Washington, D.C. to visit my old home. Too long, too boring. The damned old bus vibrated something horrible on the highway and my Game Boy and few books had failed me for entertainment so far. I sat with my head resting on the window, bumping against it occasionally as we roared on down I-95. The vibration of my seat had been annoying earlier as I tried to concentrate, but now, with my mind wandering, it became a different kind of distraction.
I found it feeling kind of good, actually. A pleasant humming underneath my seat. I tilted my hips back, spread my legs a little and felt the thrumming against my ass. I almost giggled at myself for being so silly, and straightened back up... but my brain was already working at a more carnal level. I rolled my hips forward a little, the point of my crotch connecting with the vibrating seat came closer to my clit, and so the vibrations became stronger. Mmmmnn... that felt good. I casually knocked my book to the floor and bent doubled over down to reach for it, rolling my hips even more. The seat thrummed underneath me, I could feel the pulses of each tiny bump, coursing up through my body like so many ripples on a pond. Leaning back and closing my eyes, I began to fantasize... a warm, hard cock pressing against my opening, demanding entrance.
My legs spread subconsciously out over the seat as I did, freeing my pussy from the resistance of my thighs closed around it. Blood rushed rapidly between my legs as the vibrations now pulsed through me freely, uninhibited. I let out a tiny little gasp, and feigned sleep as my neighbor turned to see what the noise was. In my mind I was on hands and knees, spreading myself for my unseen lover. I felt the head of his cock sliding through my outer lips, pushing through them, glistening with my moisture. The vibrations continued, pulsing. Thrumming. I felt it now pressing against me again... slipping forward, spreading me apart, open. The tip of it popped inside and with a groan of pure lust I pushed back against that delicious, throbbing cock. I myself was throbbing, aching to touch myself, loving the pure sensation coursing through me as the vibrating seat did its work. I couldn't take it anymore.
I "sleepily" grabbed for the cheap blankets they give you on long bus rides, and covered myself up. The second my crotch was out of sight I made quite a fuss of "getting comfortable" wherein I managed to hike my skirt up, raise my hips in the air slightly, and tug my panties down just enough. I sat back down, the fuzzy fabric of the seat now against my bare ass. I know I couldn't have been able to restrain a grin as I moved my hand closer to my pulsing clit and hungry little pussy. I knew what it was going to feel like, knew what was coming as my hand inched closer- but I just turned my head against the window and smiled, loving the anticipation. I could hear the sound of my fantasy-lover's cock sinking in, spearing through my creamy hole in slow motion. My fingertips grazed ever so softly against my clit and my hips jumped slightly, but I faked a cough and continued. I could feel my puffy lips, swollen with arousal, soft and wet, rolling underneath my fingertips as my fingers pushed their way through them, running up and down my slit. I began pushing back to meet my lover's thrusts, finding a rhythm... my fingers teasing, dipping into my hole just a little, then pulling back out. I wanted to feel a cock inside me, to feel its heat, the combination of hard erection and soft skin moving through my pussy. My head drooped to the side as I begining to feel a powerful tension build up deep within my cunt, tingles were shooting through my body and my hips undulated against my probing fingers on their own accord.
I hazarded a quick glance around the bus, most of the passengers were sleeping, and my neighbor was deeply engrossed in a book. I ached to see my fingers moving in and out of me, but couldn't risk it. My mind was running wildly as I heard the sound of flesh slapping against flesh, the deep guttural grunts and moans of me and my phantom lover as he pounded into me. A little moan came out of my open mouth, I felt a surge building up- something I had not felt since before the operation. It was different this time, I felt as though every muscle in my abdomen was tightening up for my imminent release.
My fingers plunged in and out of my hole rapidly, I could hear the sound of them squishing in and out of me, my heart beating fast. My neighbor glanced over at me, curious, and this time my eyes met his. I stared at him, mouth slightly agape as orgasm washed over me. It felt like a massive wave of pleasure crashing over my whole body and I shuddered, never breaking eye contact with this stranger, ragged breaths escaping my lips. He watched me with a slightly incredulous look, watched climax take me. I watched him, helpless, as wave after crashing wave pulsed through my body, felt my pussy walls contracting and spasming around my fingers. When finally my orgasm subsided, I looked away sheepishly, murmuring a very quiet "Sorry..." and went back to looking out of the window. The man didn't say a thing, just went back to his book.
Back in my home town, a few weeks later, I was going to be facing some old friends for the first time since the operation. I was excited, but a little nervous too. Most people reacted predictably- they tried to appear supportive and open-minded, but I could always sense a little awkwardness. One of the most relieving parts of my return was when I met my friend Seth. Seth and I had been friends since I was 11 and he was 9. We had played with Legos together, weekends of Nintendo and Commadore 64 games. As time went on it became larger social gatherings at times, with beer and pot, but we still had our time together, with video games and sodas, weekends spent just hanging out and having fun. We'd share nearly everything. I remember when I told him about losing my virginity... my "other" virginity. It was with a girl he introduced me to, and he gleefully chided me about every detail of it. I remember laughing uncontrollably when over AIM he told me a girl had "sucked his log" and my watching Chinese friend asked "What's he mean by 'log'?" And finally, hearing about his first time with a girlfriend named Kirby. We were the kind of friends who could pick up right where we left of, no matter how much time had passed in between.
We arranged for me to stay at his place for 5 days while his room mate was out of town vacationing with family. I showed up much the same as I had done in the past. I had my laptop, a few changes of clothes- skirts and tank tops this time, instead of the jeans and T-shirts of before. When the door opened, he greeted me with a nonchalant smile and brief hug- still a 'man hug' as we would call them, one arm around the shoulder and a brisk pat on the back. He was a bit gentler now, and didn't react negatively to me at all.
"Boobs are bigger now... guess you got everything sorted out down below?" he said casually.
"Yep. All up and running, I suppose. So... Smash Brothers?" I asked, unable to restrain a broad smile as I mentioned our favorite game. It was like old times, we easily got into our old patterns, ordered a pizza, playfully expressed our deepest loathing of one another whenever we lost a game. Only the occasional "It's funny hearing your voice higher than mine" or "Don't make me punch you in the boob" worked its way in, but it was all in good fun. He was cool, casual. He was Seth, the same friend I had always known, and I was still the same friend he had always known, just in a different body. The right body. Two empty pizza boxes, several cokes, and a joint for him and cigarette for me later, we were vegging out on the couch, all Nintendo'd out.
"So whats it, uh... how did things turn out down there?" he asked, a little awkwardness there but mostly just friendly curiosity.
"Well, I've pretty much healed up by now and it's all working just fine." I answered, unsure of how far to go with details.
"So have you... you know, done it yet?" He asked, grinning stupidly at me. I threw a pillow at him.
"Nooooo, not yet. It's not like I just would run off and jump in the sack with the first person I met to give it a test-drive or anything." I said, smartly ducking the retaliatory pillow-throw.
"Alright so, but like- you weren't gay before, right? I mean, you never wanted to have sex with a guy as a guy, or at least that's what you told me." He said, obviously struggling a little to wrap his brain around the concept.
"Well, right... I dunno, it's weird. I guess I sorta knew when a guy was hot, and sometimes I thought about guys- but with me being a girl... but I didn't want to have sex, no. Now, though, it's like... I can be me, and I still like girls a lot," (smacked him solidly in the face with the pillow as he raised his eyebrows twice with a "hubba hubba, lesbians!") "...buuuut I think I'd like to at least try it with a guy, you know... I kinda like them more now. Besides, how many people can say they've had sex from both sides?"
"Showoff..." he said, smirking. "So like... how does, er... what does it... does it look normal? Like any regular girl's?" He asked very awkwardly, scratching behind his ear and turning his head to the side.
"Well... from looking at the outside not even a gynecologist could tell the difference." I said truthfully, focusing a bit more on him at this point, watching his body language and reactions. "Do... uh... I mean, I could show you... if you wanted. You know, purely for scientific reasons." I offered. I had no second agenda, I was being honest, I simply guessed he was very curious. I guessed right.
"Er, okay then. I mean I wasn't gonna ask, but I am pretty curious." He said, sitting up now and crossing the room to sit on the couch with me. We were very quiet and avoided eye contact as I pulled my skirt up to my waist.
"No spazzing out or anything, okay?" I demanded. After getting his "okay" I planted my feet on the floor and lifted my hips, sliding my panties down slowly, nervously half-covering myself at first. I settled back down, and pulled them to my knees. I nervously glanced up at Seth, biting my lip with a slightly worried expression. He was looking down with a kind of slight frown.
"Well... from this angle..." he trailed off, and I followed his eyes. You really couldn't see much, with my legs held together at the knees by my panties and the shadow cast by my thighs.
"Oh, right..." I said, and kicked my shoes off, then slid my panties down over one foot so my legs were now free. I lifted them back onto the couch and turned to face Seth, drawing my feet in close and letting my knees sink down out on either side, spreading my thighs wide open and exposing myself, getting a good angle with the light.
"Ahhh..." he said, leaning in and inspecting me, still maintaining a very casual attitude and relaxed body language. He was determined not to make me uncomfortable, a noble act considering I was sitting here with my legs spread wide showing off my pussy rather bluntly. "Not bad... seriously though, that's a good job. It really does look completely normal."
I felt warm and happy, glad he was so accepting, and casually curious. As he studied me a little closer, I felt a slight tingle running through my body, converging between my legs. It was a rather sexual position to be in, and his face was close. My breathing was a little shallow, and I shifted again, lifting a leg up to rest on the back of the couch, and I slowly reached down and spread my outer lips, exposing my clit.
"And that there is the um, crowning achievement." I announced, smiling sheepishly.
"Nice, nice." He said, looking at me in my ridiculous pose, but determinedly keeping a straight face and looking closely to study every detail. He finally took a deep breath and leaned back on the couch. "So like, it all works really good then? I mean... have you cum yet?"
"Yeah... actually, only for the first time a few days ago, coming down here to visit you guys." I said, thinking briefly back to my experience on the bus. I lowered my leg from the back of the couch and rested it out in front of me, my thighs drawing together again, but my bare legs still exposed. I was too lazy to put everything back on, and Seth and I were just so.. comfortable with one another it didn't seem to matter.
"Ah, sweet. So was it good?" He was still so cool and casual, just being the same Seth I knew so well.
"Well duh, it's not like it's gonna feel bad." I responded, chuckling a little.
"Heh, right. So it's working out for you then, cool. Boobs are looking a lot fuller now, I like 'em." he said, his eyes traveling over my body in a very passive, friendly way. "So when do you think you'll finally have sex? You know, with a guy?"
"Well... I suppose whenever I stop being too chicken to date one. You know how it is, like... I'm still used to women, and I guess I'm a little afraid a guy will find out and freak out on me." I said, trying to think what on earth it would be like to get intimate with a man in actuality, not just in my fantasy world.
"Yeah that would totally suck. You should probably wait then, till you're sure you're with a guy who'll understand or be cool about it." He was so earnest, for all his goofy joking around and crude remarks, when it came down to the wire he was an awesome guy.
"But I mean, it sucks you know... trying to find someone like that. I've only had like... 2 little romantic flings with girls since I had my operation, and they didn't last or get too far. I just haven't worked out how to like, date a guy. I could only imagine dating someone like, exactly like me, so that I'd know how to make it not awkward. Someone who could joke about it, you know?" I kicked my panties dangling from my foot off to the side and shifted my weight again so my ass wouldn't go numb, inadvertently exposing a little more of my bared pussy, but only a little.
"Yeah... kinda like us. It's almost creepy how alike we are, even now one of us is a girl!" he laughed at his own joke, turning sideways on the couch so that we were now facing each other.
There was a bit of a pause, and really without thinking about it much before I said it, I kind of blurted out an idea right as it popped into my head.
"Well I mean... we ARE alike... I don't want to creep you out or anything, but if I was going to have sex with a guy for the first time, I'd totally it rather be with you than some random guy I wasn't sure about." I didn't really think of all the implications of what I was saying, it just came out. Seth studied me a bit, a thoughtful expression on his face.
"Well, like... I mean, if you really had a strong need to experiment with it... I wouldn't want you to end up with some jackass who would make you feel like shit. I... er, well I guess I'm saying if you need to have sex with a guy, but want to do it with someone you trust, I could er..." his voice trailed off again. The moment was terribly awkward.
"Right." I paused, chewing my bottom lip and considering the situation. "Do... I mean, we could, er... If it wouldn't make you uncomfortable, and if you want to..." I struggled, feeling very stupid and sure that I was not doing a very good job of asking this, so I just came right out with it. "Do you wanna have sex?"
"Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. As long as it's what you really want, and you're okay with it." he said earnestly, really meaning everything. "I mean, don't get me wrong, it wouldn't be just because YOU want it, like... well... I'm a guy, I mean... I'm not gonna lie and say I don't want to try it with you."
"Okay..." I said very quietly, and looked Seth in the eyes. He met my gaze, and we just watched each other for a while, two old best friends, one male, one now female- just having consented to sex. As that thought passed through my mind, I felt blood rushing between my legs, little tingles rippled through me and the hairs on my neck prickled slightly. "Let's go to the bed, I suppose."
Seth followed, and we didn't share any words as we made it to his bedroom. I sat down on the bed, my skirt covering me up, but panties still left behind in the living room. He sat down next to me and stretched out, trying to seem casual but obviously every bit as trepidatious as me.
"How should we start? I'm uh... well, I dunno." he asked meekly, at a loss for words apparently. I scooted a bit closer to him, and took his hand in mine. Feeling stupid, I lifted it to my chest and placed it on my boob, giving an encouraging squeeze.
"Well there's always this approach." I offered. I could tell I found a good way to break the ice- he grinned broadly, and lifted his other hand to my free breast, giving each a gentle squeeze. He started massaging them softly as he spoke.
"You know I kinda wanted to try this. They feel awesome, too. Glad you decided to keep 'em natural." he said, grinning. It felt really nice, actually. I had always thought girls just let guys play with their boobs because guys love them so much, but I was discovering there was more to it than that. I felt my nipples stiffen under his fingertips.
"Mmmnn, you know, now I get what the big deal with boobs is, from both sides. Here, hang on a sec." I said, lifting my arms up over my head. Following my lead, Seth lifted my shirt up and off my body, tossing it to the side. He looked at me, now only wearing a skirt and bra.
"Pasty white as ever." He said, grinning. I punched him on the arm.
"Lean back, noob." I said as he fumbled with the clasp on my bra. He complied, propping some pillows up against the headboard of the bed to lean against. I reached behind my back and undid my bra, letting my breasts swing free. They weren't large... but a nice, solid B cup. I was rather proud of them. I straddled Seth's waist and sat facing him.
"Here, now try." I said, offering both exposed breasts to his hands again, pulling my hair to the side to get it out of the way. His hands were surprisingly smooth. They slid slowly up my stomach and lightly across the soft skin of my breasts, caressing gently. He was rather good at this, I thought to myself. His fingers slid on either side of my nipples and gently pinched together, rolling them to hardened little nubs. I let out a gentle moan.