Unconditional Love Ch. 11byWhiskeyIsGood©
I woke the next day after telling my parents about Alison, to find that Alison was no longer lying beside me; where she had gone, I had no idea. At first' I thought nothing of it and proceeded to roll out of bed and walk towards the bathroom.
While doing my business, emptying my bladder I assumed she may' have gone out into the yard to smoke a cigarette or something. Upon coming out of the bathroom I looked outside to find that she was not out there though; my second thought was more logical. Perhaps she had gone to the store to buy breakfast; I reached for my cell phone to find out. After several rings, I was' switched to the voicemail.
I tried again and received the same results, a third time proved to be' no different.
I sighed and' set the phone down and started getting ready to take a shower when I found a note sitting on my desk. I picked it up and started to read it,
"Mike; I have a lot on my mind that I can't get into. I am really' sorry...I be coming back. I know this is sudden and your' probably really' confused. I would not blame you if you hated me, but I'm' afraid I have to end this relationship. It's' too difficult to explain; I want you to do me a favor if you can. I want you to forget about me. Go live a life with Jamie, make her happy like' you made me happy, get married to her and start a family with her. I want you to do everything with her that you would not be able to do with me.
I am really' sorry,
I love you."
I was in shock and yes, I was very confused as I crumpled up the paper and again reached for the phone. I started calling her repeatedly and after the fifth time she shut her phone off; I growled in anger and threw the cell phone across the room. I began to panic, pacing back and forth and sweating as an anxiety attack began to set in and everything went out of control.
Alison had left me, and I did not even understand why...what had I done?
And' what the' hell did she mean she wanted me to start a life with Jamie? I picked up the phone and dialed my best friend, not because Alison had asked me to though because I needed her comfort.
My cell phone rang, vibrating on the nightstand. I picked it up and was surprised to see that the caller ID said it was Mike. How convenient considering I was going to call him in a few minutes.
It was him' sure enough, but I was surprised to find that he sounded very upset. Something was wrong I could hear it in his voice; he sounded like he was about to cry and I knew Mike was not the crying type of person.
"Mike? What's the matter?"
"It's Alison...she left me,"
I was shocked, and instinctively my hand moved over my chest as I swore I could feel my best friends' pain over the phone. I knew how much he loved her, I had seen it; it had caused me pain to see him share that love with her instead of me but I never wanted this. I never would have wished for them to break up because I knew how happy she made him and that was all I cared about,
"Why; why would she do something like that?"
He choked on his tears over the phone and I waited a few seconds for his reply.
"I don't know," he said. "I woke up...and she was gone. There was a note and it said she was leaving me and she couldn't' explain why. I've been calling her all morning, she wouldn't answer and I think she shut her phone off all together now."
This was horrible,
"Jamie...I need you,"
I sighed running a hand through my blonde hair. I wanted to see him today anyway, I had to tell him the news; it was important that he know. I didn't' want to tell him like this though in the middle of something this traumatizing to him. How was I going to even' begin to lean into that subject when he was this devastated over Alison?
I could not just leave him hanging though he needed me to be there for him. When everything settled down, then I would tell him what was going on with me and who knows; maybe it would make him feel a little better.
"I'll be right there," I said before hanging up.
I grabbed a few things I would need such as my purse and apartment keys before rushing out the door to go straight to his house.
I couldn't' believe I had just left like that, what was I thinking?
He'd' been calling me all morning and I had been ignoring every single phone call with no intentions of calling back. I even deleted his voicemail without listening to it and shut my phone off after that; I was such a bitch. How could I do this to him knowing how much he loved me so much?
Still, I knew in' my heart I was not good enough for him,
This was something that had been on my mind for quite some time and it could no' longer be controlled. I felt like Mike needed a real girl, a girl with a vagina who could provide him a child where I could not. He would make a great father I was sure of that; me though, I would never have the chance to have a kid of my own. That was a painful thought to say the least. Plus' I had seen the way he was with Jamie that night that we all hooked up; I knew what it meant to both of them and I couldn't come between that.
Sure, it had been arousing to watch but I knew the whole time how great' it felt to him to fuck her and I had known for a long time that Jamie had feelings for him. She had been ignoring them though for his sake because she knew he was happy with me, and she only wanted him to be happy.
She was a good friend, and if he did as I asked then she would make an incredible wife as well and a great mother.
I just felt like I was pulling him down; at least I could hope he would not end up hating me for this. Not that I would blame him,
I got back to my apartment and immediately started packing all of my belongings, prepared to leave as soon as possible. I heard the door open and shut in the living room and Christy humming happily as she made her way down the hallway towards my bedroom.
She walked in and froze as she saw me shoving clothes into a suitcase with a duffle bag sitting beside it on the bed. I looked at her and she looked at me, and I knew she knew exactly what was going on but did not understand why it was happening.
"What's wrong," she asked.
"I have to leave; I'm sorry, but I have to."
She walked over to me as I continued shoving things into the suitcase and sat down on the foot of my bed staring up at me with sadness in her eyes.
"Allie, honey; talk to me. I'm' your friend, I will listen. Whatever is wrong we can get-"
"Get through it right? No, we can't, I'm not good enough for him,"
"For Mike; what happened did you guy's breakup?"
"I dumped him this morning."
Now she seemed really' shocked as she jumped off the foot of the bed and' grabbed me by the shoulders shaking me angrily.
"Are you fucking crazy? Why would you do something like that?"
"Because I don't deserve him,"
I pushed her away and zippered the suitcase before collapsing onto my bed and burying my face in the pillow, staining it with my tears. She dropped down beside me pulling me into her arms and holding me close to her. I was in the arms of my best friend; I was being a bitch to everyone including her and she was still trying to help me. She didn't' even understand what was going on in my fucked up head,
"I can't get pregnant,"
I blurted it out, no use in holding it in when she knows something is wrong.
"Is that what this is about; are you serious?"
"Yes. I don't deserve Mike because I can't give him what a real woman can,"
She sighed and continued to hold me as I start to sob into the pillow. She gently ran a hand through my' hair trying to calm me down, but we both knew it wasn't' working. I was just to upset, to angry at myself; I never wanted the SRS surgery that most girls like me would get.
That's' why I remained non-op because I knew surgery would give me a fake vagina and a fake vagina was not good enough for me.
After a few minutes, I pulled myself out of her arms and sat up, getting out of bed and grabbing my bags. I had to go now; I had already checked the times for the next flight to where I was headed and if I wanted to make it in time' I had to get moving.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm catching a flight to LA; it's far away. Far enough for me to forget about' Mike,"
I walked towards the door and stopped as I reached for the knob, then looked back' at Christy who had tears in her eyes now; I was even hurting her as much as I was probably hurting Mike. She was my best friend after all,
"Christy, I'm sorry; I hope you can forgive me."
With that said, I was out the door and on my way to the airport to leave this shithole city and start a whole' new life away from my past. I hated my past with such a passion; all I wanted was to start over again. That's' exactly what I was going to do,
Jamie showed up about half an hour later; like the good friend that she always was. I knew I could rely on her just like the good old days, I let her in the back door and the first thing she did was' put her arms around me and pull me into a tight hug.
I hugged her back, trying hard not to cry as she rubbed my back in a comforting manner. She sat down on the edge of the bed and I sighed,
"Let me see the note," she said softly.
I handed it to her and she read through' it for a few seconds before sitting it down and shaking her head in disbelief. Not even' she could understand what was going on in Alison's mind right now or why she had done any of this.
"Do you know where she went?"
"I have no idea; I can't even get her to pick up the phone."
"Do you want to go look for her?"
"I have no idea where to look; it's pointless."
My voice was filled with so much despair it even shocked myself' as much as it shocked Jamie. She hugged me again and I sunk into her warm embrace, still fighting the urge to cry. I had figured it out, why Alison had left and why she had said those things in that note; she was not a genetic girl and she could not get pregnant because of that.
It was something that obviously was really' bothering her and that was why she had taken off like this without considering how I felt about her.
Was it worth it, I wondered, for her to just' leave like this?
If she wanted kids, we could have settled down and adopted; sure, it might not be the same but it would have been something. We still could have had a family, she didn't' have to just leave like this and here I was sitting around wondering where the' hell she had even gone and if she was safe.
Jamie sighed next to me and I glanced over at her. I could see' in her eye's something was troubling her as well.
"We need to find her," she said straight to my face. "It's important,"
"I want to," I replied. "But I have no clue where to look."
She stood up and grabbed me by the hand pulling me off the bed and staring deep into my eyes.
"We have to look okay; because...you two need to be together. It's very important to me that you guys stay happy and don't break up."
I was a little confused now; why was she so determined to save my relationship with Alison? Sure, as a friend, I would expect that of her but she was full of such passion about it that I was a little surprised.
Especially considering the fact that she had feelings for me herself, and after reading the note and seeing that Alison wanted me to be with her didn't' she want, to act on her feelings now that she had permission?
"Why is it so important to you?"
"Because," she said softly. I could tell she was struggling with something, to form words and get it out and it was really bothering her.
"Because I...I'm pregnant."
There it was; the one thing I had been expecting to hear since we got back from the shore but I had tried not to think about. Considering we had used no protection, I had assumed it might happen but I had tried to keep an open mind that it also might not happen.
"Yes, seriously; I wouldn't like about this. I can't do it alone either, I'm going to need help and I know if the three of us raise this child together he or she is going to grow up to be a great person."
I sighed, pulling away from her and glaring out the window into the sky. I couldn't' believe what I was hearing; I was going to be a father. My best friend was pregnant with my child, and I was going to be a father and I found that my anxiety was rising rapidly now; I was in a deep state of shock.
On top of that, instead of wanting to be together she wanted me to go find Alison and get back with her.
Why would we need her though; Jamie was my best friend. I loved her like' a best friend would, and we were going to have a child together, we didn't need Alison to make sure that he or she grew up right. We could be great parents together, and giving our child a happy life with two parents that were married was one' step that would ensure that child would grow up properly.
"We don't need her," I blurted out, trying to forget about my broken heart.
"We don't need Alison; Jamie, you and me we can raise this child by ourselves the way it's supposed to happen. It's not Alison's so why the hell would we need her involved."
She looked at me confused and shocked by what I was saying to her,
"Besides, this is what she wanted us to do right; so let's do it,"
I was' shocked by what Mike was saying, that he wanted to forget about Alison and start a relationship with me and raise our child together. This was or should have been a dream come true; after all this time of struggling with my feelings for him, I had the opportunity to have him at long' last.
I was so happy I could just imagine our life together,
We could get married, save up enough money to buy a house in a couple of years; live in an apartment in the mean time. All of our friends would be happy for us to I was sure. Things would be perfect,
At the same time though, it didn't' feel right for some reason. A reason I could not quite understand since I had spent so long wanting to be with him, why the' hell would I feel wrong about it now that I had the chance. He was right to, this was what Alison wanted, she said it in the note; she wanted us to be together.
She wanted us to get married and have a family together, though I'm sure she'd' had no idea I was already pregnant with his child when she wrote that note.
It just didn't' feel right to me though, Before I could say a word though, Mike grabbed me and' the next thing I knew he was kissing me on the lips. He slid his tongue into my mouth and I reacted by doing the same as we kissed passionately.
I almost forgot about how wrong it felt, consumed in the passion but it did not last long before I was' reminded of my thoughts. I broke the kiss and smiled at him, tears forming in my eyes but I fought them away. I knew this wasn't' right and now, I knew why. Because Mike was lying to himself in so many ways,
You have no idea how badly it hurt to say those words,
"We can't do it," I repeated.
"What? Why not; of course we can, we-"
"No Mike think' about it, we can't do this. You know it,"
He sighed and got off the bed pacing back and forth across the room in frustration.
"Because we both know you'd' be lying to yourself. You would be unhappy for the rest of your life, pretending that your' not but deep down inside we would both know it's' not true. You love Alison, you always have, you always will and you cannot run from that kind of love trust me I know."
I didn't' want to get married to him and ten or fifteen years from now have him completely miserable, hating himself and missing her, wondering where she went or what happened to her. I would be wondering the same things and it would bother me as well, because I knew how much he meant to her.
He was in good' hands with Alison but if that was' taken away he would fall to pieces and I could not bear to watch that happen. I didn't' want our child growing up known his or her father was miserable either, it would not have a good effect on them to know that kind of weight was on his shoulders.
"Mike, I want you to call Christy and ask her if she's heard from Alison. Okay?"
"I...I can't though I mean...I want to. What about us though, our child; what about-"
"We can work it out; we'll get through it one way or another, I promise."
He sighed, and after a few moments' trying to push his anxiety down he reached for his cell phone and dialed Christy's phone number. I relaxed just slightly, trying to ignore the ache in my chest; it wasn't' easy doing this, giving this up so easily after wanting it for so very long.
I had to remind myself it was the right thing to do though; we could still raise a child together. We did not have to be in a relationship to do it, the child would be well, loved and treated like' royalty and I knew Alison would make a perfect addition to that as well.
The phone rang four times and after the forth ring, I heard a clicking sound. I was expecting a voicemail to pick up but I sighed in relief when I heard Christy's voice on the other end of the phone.
"Christy, it's Mike; have you seen Allie?"
She sighed on the phone, "Yes I did; she left about an hour ago though,"
"Do you know where she went?"
"Your' going to try and fix this right if I tell you you'll fix things? Because the two of you are great, together and I don't' want to see that fall apart. You need each other,"
I sighed and sat down next to Jamie still holding the phone, wiping a tear away.
"Yes, I'm going to fix it; if she will let me." A few moments of silence went by and she cleared her throat,
"She went to the airport; she's going to LA. Her flight leaves in an hour so you will have to hurry up if your' going to catch her in time."
"Thanks Christy, I appreciate it,"
I hung up the phone and looked over at Jamie. I wasn't' sure what to say really or even what to do; I only had an hour to get to the airport and if I did not make it in time then I was as good as screwed. I could not afford a plane ticket to follow' after her and even if I could I would be searching through all of LA for her when I got there.
"She's at the airport," I said. "Catching a flight to Las Angeles in an hour,"
"We need to get moving then," Jamie insisted.
"C'mon, let's go!"
We made it only because Jamie drove so damn fast, had it not been for that there was no way we would have gotten there in time. We both ran into the building once she found a parking spot, hoping security would not assume thanks to her speed that we were up to something we were not. It was 2:45, which meant we had fifteen minutes left before her flight left,
Looking around frantically, I spotted the sign that had her flight scheduled on it; gate B was where we had to go. I grabbed Jamie by the arm and pulled her in that direction as we continued running as fast as we could move.
Here I stood in line to board my plane; they had announced that it was boarding about two minutes ago so I was on the move now getting ready to leave. I could still barely believe I was doing this, taking off like this but I had to do what I had to do; I did not want to slow Mike down in life with my problems.
I was getting closer to the gate now and' was reaching for my ticket so the woman at the door could scan it when I heard someone calling my name.
After the second time, I turned around to see who it was and was surprised to see Mike and Jamie running towards the line. What the' hell were the thinking I wondered,
"Alison, wait!" Mike yelled. I stepped out of line as he rushed towards me and when he reached me, he flung his arms around me picking me up off the floor and spinning me around before sitting me back on my feet.