I was raised by my mother in a very disciplined household in Scotland in the U.K., and as far back as I can remember being spanked was quite common. As a result I think that played a big part in my 'development' by being too strict, as I became very shy and introverted, and believe I developed a high pain threshold as a result.
There were times when I would do things deliberately in anger that would result in my being punished and sent to my room. I was never made to feel adequate, in fact the opposite is true as I was expected to be a 'high achiever,' so no matter what I did I was never made to feel good enough.
Because of my restrictions at home, I felt I was a bit of a loner in some ways, but others seemed to like me never the less, particularly the teachers as I was considered a model pupil. Other ladies liked me, or at least felt sorry for me because on my situation.
Emma was a spinster, a friend of mothers who often baby sat me over the years, she was the closest person outside our family who knew how I was treated and the restrictions that were placed on me at home. I felt I could trust her, I could tell her my woes and she would keep whatever I told her to herself, she was a great comfort to me growing up.
By the time I was 19 I was away from home at university and it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, I was away from mothers direct dominance so felt free to do what I wanted, as well as wearing more 'grown up' clothes, mainly garters and stockings and shoes with high heels.
My shyness was a bit of an embarrassment at first, finally having the freedom to make my own decisions, go where I wanted and do whatever I wanted now I was away from mothers clutches.
I got to know other students and soon made some friends to hang out with, one in particular was another student named Jennifer, who I got on very well with.
She introduced herself to me, "hi I'm Jennifer whats your name?" "Rosalyn" I replied, (I had always been called that by mother and teachers), "What do we call you?" she asked, "Rose or Rosie", suddenly it felt like I could call myself what I wanted and smiling at her said something like, "whatever fits" at this she just laughed.
On Friday and Saturday nights it was common practice to go to a pub for a few drinks, then head to a dance hall for the rest of the evening.
One evening in the pub a couple of men started to talk to us offering to buy us drinks. As we chatted I found out they were in their final year at University, and although they were in their 20's they seemed to be that much more mature, but in the pub it didn't seem to matter. The four of us left the pub and went to the local dance hall together
I loved it, the place was packed and for the slow dances they dimmed the lights and lots of couples danced really slow tight together sometimes smooching each other. (Not really dancing more like 'shuffling' round the floor).
Derek, the man I was with asked me to dance, I declined the fast dances but tried the slow ones. It was embarrassing for me as I didn't know the steps but managed to stumble round somehow. Derek was quite patient with me trying to show me some steps but the hall was so crowded there wasn't much room.
Jennifer noticed how awkward I was and realized my problem, "you can't dance" she said, as if it was incredible that at my age I had never learned to dance, I didn't say anything I was so embarrassed. Over the following weekend she taught me some of the basic steps for the more common dances that would make dancing more enjoyable and I soon got the hang of it.
Dancing cheek to cheek for the slow dances was very popular and I loved it, with Derek as we became more familiar with each other and dancing the 'slow dances' like that he'd press his torso against me and I'd feel his cock hard against me.
I found this to be arousing, then later when he walked me home we would stop in a doorway to neck and his hands would be under my coat and wandering over my tits and arse, and each time getting bolder and bolder. I liked it and would let him go further and further until he soon had his hand under my blouse to free up and play with my tits.
I loved it, I would get so randy and would sort of 'grind' myself against him feeling his hardness through our clothes. I felt his excitement too, and when I was randy like that it took quite the effort on my part to finally break it off and say 'no'.
I would be breathing heavy and would take a few minutes to calm down then we would continue home. In bed I would masturbate like hell thinking about it and came to realize it couldn't go on, I wanted it and was weakening, but I was scared of pregnancy.
One night in the movies, Derek and I had our coats over our laps and holding hands and I was leaning my head against his shoulder when he let go my hand for a moment. From his movements I thought he was 'adjusting' himself as men would on occasion, then settling down he took hold of my hand again and brought it towards his middle.
I felt it on warm flesh, I realized he had undone his trousers and taken out his cock and was now pressing my hand against his naked flesh. He had a good grip on my hand and wouldn't let go although I did pull back till it was resting on my thigh again. I felt panicky and glanced around thinking that people would be aware of what had happened, fortunately there was no one sitting next to us and in the dark other lovers were either kissing or watching the movie.
Just knowing he was exposed like that under his coat bothered me, still I didn't move and soon he was creeping my hand back over to touch it, I knew I didn't want to say no, so my resistance was weak as he placed my hand over his cock again and pressing my hand against his flesh, I touched it with my fingers. Finally I took hold of it and I liked the feel of it, warm yet so soft and rigid, and kind of just played with it and soon I felt his hot spunk spurt all over my wrist and hand. This was the first time I felt a Male's 'manhood' and just the touching it had me hot and bothered, I was so thrilled I was almost creaming in my knickers.
Each date after that night we would end up necking and his hands would wander and I got to enjoy his playing with my tits and rubbing his hands over my body, and he'd expose himself and get me to take hold of it and learned to give him a wank. He was getting more amorous or I should say we both were, and soon he was rubbing me under my skirt but through my knickers and I was enjoying it, and started to open my legs wide to accommodate his searching fingers. I don't know why but for some reason as much as I felt I was ready I still held off.
I was weakening, it was magnifying in my mind and one night when we were necking in a doorway I actually start lifting my leg to let him have a good feel of my pussy, and he started pushing his fingers under the elastic at the leg to feel my wetness. There we were, with me playing with his cock and he fingering my pussy and begging to let him fuck me, it got to be too much but there was still that fear of pregnancy. I felt it couldn't go on like this and whispered to him, "you got a rubber" or words to that effect.
We stopped what we were doing as he took a packet out of his pocket and opened it and removed the rubber and I watched as he rolled it down over his cock. I was ready, geez I was ready and holding my skirt up he pushed my knickers down below my knees and brought his cock to my pussy, she was so wet I thought there would be no trouble and felt the head at the entrance he shoved it in me.
I felt a sharp pain at first as he broke my hymen, then he started fucking me, the pain distracted me from what pleasure I might have felt, he suddenly stopped moving and I felt him 'pulse', that's the only way I can describe it, and realizing he was cumming. He slipped out of me and took the rubber off and let it fall to the ground, I was sore and felt disappointed, I felt angry and cheated, it was not at all what I had expected.
We shagged as often as possible after that, and it did get better as I learned to wait till I felt ready and actually started to enjoy the feeling of his cock in me. It was straight shagging, I liked the feeling and would get quite high from it but seldom had an orgasm, the downer was he would cum too quick for me and after a shag he would not only get slack, but wanted to wait having a cigarette for a while until he could get hard again instead of cuddling. Usually I'd keep fingering his cock until he did get hard again and found most times he would cum long before I was ready for my orgasm.