University Life - First Ch. 16

Exams had started and Kainene was half-crazed with exam stress. She had done two of her modules and she thought they had gone reasonably okay. However, her last two papers were on the same day which was the next day. She had never had two papers on the same day so she was understandably going mental.

At the moment, she was pulling an all-nighter in the basement of the French building on Woodland Road. She had not been there for the past two days as she had spent those days in the 24 hour computer room, but now it was incredibly full with everyone trying for last minute cramming so she had moved back to her favourite study room.

She chugged down her Red bull and noticed, with a wry smile on her face, the four cans lined up on her table. And to think first year did not count -- what was she going to do during her second year exams?

She paused the song she was listening to on her IPod and took out her headphones. She stood up to stretch and jumped with a little squeak as she heard the door above her open.

It was two a.m. and she suddenly realised she was the only person in a building at such a late hour. What was she going to use to defend herself against any mad rapist?

It did not occur to her, in her fright, to wonder why a rapist would know the code to the basement.

She heard footsteps as the person walked downstairs and her eyes widened as the main door to the room opened.

'Oh my God, thank God it's you.' Kainene gasped as she held a hand to her rapidly beating heart.

Rufus looked at her slightly puzzled. He had not expected her to be so relieved to see him.

'Oh, I didn't think you'd be so happy to see me.' He said.

Kainene shook her head as she fell back down unto her seat, 'Better you than a rapist, innit?'

Rufus smiled at that, then he saw that her smile was fading and her eyes going cautious. 'Erm, how's studies going?'

Kainene replied with a, 'And how did you know I was down here anyway?'

Rufus looked surprised at the reply to his question, 'Oh, err Viola told me.'

Right. She was going to slaughter Viola the moment she laid her eyes on her.

As she studied him, she realised that he looked incredibly tired. And stunning. His eyes had dark shadows under it, and his hair looked like he had almost pulled them out of their roots. But he still looked smouldering. His jumper hugged his broad shoulders and his jeans hung on his lean hips. She suddenly remembered how she had looked when she left her room for the basement, and on recalling how shabbily she had dressed, she groaned inwardly. She was definitely worse looking than then, she was sure. Her jumper hung down one skinny shoulder and her clavicle looked very pronounced. Oh God and her tattered jeans had been held together by a dead belt which did not really stop it from nearly falling off her skinny hips. And her hair! It had not been near a brush in days and looked like a snarling monster.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

'Right. Okay, well...how have exams been going for you then?' Kainene asked, trying to tame her hair, but to no avail.

Rufus shrugged, 'Well, alright I guess. It's finished now anyway. I finished mine today.'

Kainene smiled, 'Well guess you economists are lucky, innit. I finish tomorrow and I've got two exams as well.'

Rufus smiled sympathetically, 'That sucks.'

'I know.'

Both of them stared at each other awkwardly.

'Well, I've got to go back to studying now so...' Kainene said, pointing to her books rather stupidly.

Rufus nodded quickly. 'Yeah sure. Definitely. I understand. I'll just let you go now, then.'

Kainene nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat as he turned and closed the door behind him.

She turned and sat down with a sad sigh, then her heart rate sped back up as she heard a hurried clatter of footsteps as he ran back down and dragged the door open.

Rufus stared at her with his eyes wide and his hair grabbed in his hands, 'I'm not gonna let you go now actually. I mean, I came here to talk to you, and I can't just leave without doing so.'

Kainene just stared at him, her eyes widened as well.

He continued, 'I should never have ended stuff like that. I was being such an idiot. I still am an idiot. I mean, I don't care if you've got issues and whatever. Warts and all, I don't think I can be without you. I love you, Kainene Nwodo. I'm in love with you and I've been so miserable without you. My exams weren't good, they were shit. I could not concentrate 'cuz all I could think about was you and how I left you back in your room and I felt like such a....villain for leaving you like that. And I promise I'll make it up to you, I swear. Just forgive me, I beg of you.'

Kainene stared at him as he made his impassioned plea. She did not think her heart could race faster than it was already racing but it seemed her thoughts were wrong.

She said quietly, 'I guess I accept your apology. I mean, you were a bit of a shit to me that night. Not even letting me explain anything. It's like you were on a righteous mission or something. And, yeah I am silly with the whole my life is worse than yours and Minty's and Viola and Lornes, but I'm really trying to work on the whole issue. I mean, I talk how I normally talk and just be myself and don't care what anyone thinks about me anymore. Because this is who I am and I guess I should be comfortable with it no matter where I find myself. And I should definitely thank you for bringing my stupidity to my knowledge so bluntly and painfully but I don't think you had to break up with me to tell me about my faults. I mean, if you were a cow and an idiot I wouldn't have broken up with you to tell you about it. But I guess that's just the way you saw you'd get through to me, and guess what? You did. So thanks.'

Rufus looked at her bleakly, 'So that's it then? You're just going to throw away what we had 'cuz I acted like a right idiot?'

Kainene shrugged feigning nonchalance, 'This was all your doing, Rufus. So really, what did you expect?'

Then she jumped to her feet as she broke down and cried out, tears that she could not contain pouring down her cheeks, 'What did you fucking expect? You broke my heart Rufus. You fucking ripped it out and did the tango on it. And I waited for you, waited for you to come back to me. I begged you and you did not listen to me. And now you expect me to just forgive you like that? To just open my arms wide and hurl myself into you with gratitude that you've finally had time to think and you'll now take my 'warts and all'? Who the fuck do you think you are, a fucking god? It took you almost a term to decide on whether I was worth your effort or time. I gave up my virginity to you. In this fucking time and age when eleven year olds are doing it, I waited and gave it to you and you fucked me not considering then that I had an inferiority complex. I was already sad and upset over the whole Minty issue and you didn't even consider my feelings but just ripped into me. And now you want forgiveness. Just like that.'

She abruptly stopped and tried to run her fingers through her hair but the snarls and tangled bits stopped her and she growled in frustration. The she sniffed loudly and wiped her eyes.

She had asked herself a thousand times what she would do when Rufus came back and now that it had happened, she had just gone with her heart. Now she probably looked and sounded like a harpy. She dragged the sleeve of her jumper to her face so that she could wipe her eyes and nose.

Rufus stared at her, his heart breaking as her words pierced him painfully. She looked so vulnerable, all skinny and teary, and he just wanted to gather her up and cuddle her close to him. He had fucked up, oh how he'd fucked up majorly but he needed to be back with her. Viola had torn into him so viciously and he had been startled as he could not believe Luke's younger sister could be filled with such vitriol. Apparently Kainene had been like the living dead...and so had he. Viola had asked him why he was being so pigheaded when the two of them, him and Kainene were clearly suffering for it.

Now, he wished he had spoken to Kainene immediately he realised how stupid he had been. And this had been the moment he stepped out of her flat after their row. But he had been too proud to go back in and apologise for being a prize bull and he had waited...and waited...and now it seemed it was too late.

'Kainene, I...' He started but she cut him off.

'What prompted you to suddenly talk to me? To suddenly realise how dumb you'd been?'

Rufus answered softly, 'Viola did. I mean, I'd thought about it and agonized for weeks but pride and stupidity and just...fucking being a retard stopped me from contacting you. Then Viola ripped me a new one and I asked where you studied and she told me here. And I came here two days ago but you weren't here. I waited for two hours and then I did the same again last night. Tonight when I saw you walk in here I nearly fainted where I was. I got scared all of a sudden. Then I just thought...I might as well do it and...here I am.'

Kainene forced herself to refrain from going all mushy upon hearing that he had been here two nights in a row. Then she could not help but smile as she thought about Viola yelling at him. Viola who could not yell at a fly to save her life.

'So if I hadn't been here tonight then?'

Rufus shrugged, 'I'd probably have been here every night till term was over then. I mean, I'd have rung you but I was positive you'd have put the phone down. And coward that I am, I didn't wanna go to your flat 'cuz Lorna or even Mykelos would have ripped me another one...this time physical so...'

Kainene began to grin then quickly caught herself.

Rufus stared at her as she looked at her books, then at her watch.

She sighed then said, 'I really can't think straight now. The fact remains you took your time to come here. Viola, of all people had to push you into doing this and I wish you had used your own initiative to do so. I can't...think about this right now. I've got two of my hardest modules tomorrow...well today actually and I have to concentrate on that without any added stress. I can't think about your need for absolution right now. You claim you love me, but you needed to be prompted into contacting me again. I just can't deal with all this.'

Rufus nodded, almost resignedly, then asked in a voice barely above a whisper, 'I understand. It's just...do you mean you can't deal with this now, or you can't deal with this ever?'

Kainene shrugged with her eyes cast down, 'I don't know Rufus. I just don't know if us together is a good idea. I need to think.'

Rufus swallowed and clenched his jaw, forcing himself from breaking down, 'Yes. I completely understand. Of course, you need to think about...well I'll leave it to you then, shall I? And good luck with your exams tomo...today. I know you can do it, you're a lucky swot.' He gave a sharp bark of laughter at this. Then he nodded again, shortly, and turned to walk out.

As he opened the door, Kainene shook her head with a strained expression as if she were battling silently with herself and called out, 'Then again better late than never, innit?'

Rufus turned around, his heart in his mouth and could not help the harsh sob that came out of his mouth as he saw Kainene's tentative smile.

Rufus gasped as he tried to talk and ended with a croak, 'Do you mean...'

'What do you think, you big eejit?' She replied chuckling, albeit tiredly. 'I am stressed out alright, but did you really think I wouldn't take you back? I adore you, you silly plonker. I'm just so angry you took your fucking time to see sense. Had to make you sweat a bit, didn't I?'

Rufus rushed to her and squeezed tightly in a massive hug.

Kainene groaned laughingly as he rained kisses all over her face and muttered apology after apology.

'It's okay, honestly. You have to let go, Rufus you're hurting me.'

Rufus stopped immediately and released her, although his hand still roamed over her body. Her hair, her cheeks, her shoulders.

'Bloody hell, Nens. You've always been slim but you're like an Olsen twin now.'

Kainene gasped and shoved him playfully, 'None of your cheek, Mister!'

Rufus grasped her puny fist and raised it to his lips, kissing her softly. 'I'll never leave you again. Not ever.'

'Even if I...oooh I dunno, throw all your clothes in the river and set your house on fire?' Kainene asked, her eyes twinkling playfully.

Rufus grinned back, 'That's a bit extreme but,' He moved closer and tilted her head up, 'I still wouldn't leave you.'

Kainene's eyes fluttered shut as Rufus planted his familiar drugging kiss on her upturned lips.