When Ronnie Met Xena Ch. 01

I'm not a prude. I don't think there's anything wrong with sex... between two normal people that is. I'm not normal. I really wanted my relationship with John to work, and it did for a time. But there's only so long an ordinary guy will put up with a girl who's always refusing to have sex with him. I wanted to have sex with him, I really did, but I was just too scared of what he'd think when he saw me naked – when he saw my dick. So he broke up with me and he told all his friends I'm a prude. Arsehole.

What I am is a hermaphrodite – an extremely lucky one too I may add, with fully functional male and female genitalia (though my doctor's told me I'm sterile), and quite nice genitalia too if I do say so myself. My pussy's tight and deep, and my penis, sticking out between the top of my labia where my clit would otherwise be, is longer than most other dicks I've ever seen. I've only seen a few outside of porn, but they've all been around six inches, while mine's a solid eight. Some people might call me blessed, but I find it a curse. Sure, my junk's fun to play with by myself every now and then, but that's it. I'm never going to be able to fully open up to anyone and be intimate with another soul because of my condition. That really, really sucks. At least I've got friends, so I'm not completely alone.

There's my best friend now, waving to me from the back of the theatre before our lecture starts. Oh, I should probably tell you a bit more about myself first. My name's Ronnie (short for Veronica. My parents always call me Ron, but I prefer Ronnie) and I'm 21 years old, close to halfway through the third year of my media studies course at uni. I'm 5'8", I have long, flame-red hair, accompanying green eyes, and a pretty decent figure with some lovely C-cup boobs to top it off. I must have a pretty good metabolism because I don't really work on my figure at all. So I'm a pretty good package to look at... with clothes on at least. Although due to my cock, I've had to moderate my wardrobe rather substantially. I always wear baggy pants or long skirts with tight underwear, but I relax on top to balance it out, with tight tank tops or form-fitting shirts. I certainly get the looks while walking around campus, but rumours like John's get around and the looks have noticeably diminished over the years.

I started hanging out with Ruby about halfway through last year. She'd always been pleasant to me throughout the first year and a half of our course but it wasn't until she was walking to a class one day and overheard me sobbing in a secluded area behind one of the tech buildings after my last bad breakup that we started talking to one another. She cheered me up and made me come out partying with her that night to take my mind off Richard. I was woken up the next day by Kara, my old roommate, at about 4:00 in the afternoon, to find Ruby still passed out on top of me and the both of us lying in a congealed puddle of my vomit. We've been best friends ever since. She's about 5'6", with a boyish, short-cropped mess of jet-black hair and piercing grey eyes. She's also got a hell of a figure, and she actually works on it, unlike me, and it shows. She always wears extraordinarily revealing outfits (weather permitting), and today it looks one of her standards: long, black leather boots, denim underwear that she insists on calling shorts that show off her lean legs, firm, round butt and flared hips, and a cut-off heavy metal t-shirt revealing her taught, flat stomach and barely containing her large chest. Top it off with a mess of bracelets, a couple of nose piercings and a lot of mascara and that's my pal, Ruby (she's even got a tattoo of a black stallion on her arse she once showed me, and she says she's got more).

She must have spotted that I was upset as soon as I entered the lecture theatre, 'cause a look of concern instantly came over her face. I climbed up the stairs to sit down next to her and she turned to me and asked, "Ronnie, what's wrong?"

"John broke up with me."

"Aww, I'm sorry, bay-bay." She'd started calling me that after she'd heard the term on an episode of one of her favourite shows, Todd & the Book of Pure Evil. It usually meant she had something fun in mind whenever she said it. "But you know what? Fuck that guy. He's obviously got something fucked in his head for not wanting a fox like you, and you don't want to be sad about breaking up with a mental case, right?"

I gave her a small laugh and said, "Yeah, well, it wasn't really his fault."

"What the fuck do you mean it wasn't his fault? If he broke up with you he's clearly got a fault somewhere."

"I just wasn't prepared to... you know." I looked around to make sure there wasn't anyone right behind us.

"What? Fuck him? Like Richard? Come on, I know you said you're still a virgin and everything, but you're not holding out for marriage or any crap like that so what's the problem?"

"You know I said it's complicated. I just want to be really sure about the person before I go all the way."

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe it's 'cause you don't actually like dick? You know, I heard that Dick actually has quite a nice dick. I think you might have missed out there."

"Jeez, say it a little louder why don't you." I brought my voice down and told her, "No, I like dick, at least I do when I see it on the internet..."

"So what? You don't like guys? You know, the more you talk about it, the more it sounds like I should introduce you to Xena."

"No, that's not it – and I still can't believe you've got a lezzo friend called Xena, it's such a cliché – it's just that guys always seem to leave before I feel ready to give myself to them."

"Gobbies. That's your answer."

"What are you talking about? And keep it down, you're embarrassing me."

Ruby continued on as unashamedly as she always does, "You need to blow them more. When's the last time you actually pulled some guy's cock out of his pants and shoved that bad boy down your throat? You need to stop looking at dicks online and give more head. That'll keep the guys around for as long as you want, even if they're not getting to plug your twat."

I noticed a couple of people a couple rows away glance over at us and blushed. I reprimanded her in a hushed tone, "God, Ruby, people are staring. I don't know about that idea though. It's been so long since I blew a guy I'd probably just scare them off with my crappy technique or something. I only ever did it a couple times at high school, and that was ages ago."

"Guys don't care about crappy technique. As long as their dick's in your mouth they're happy!"

"Yeah, but..."

"You just need to practise. I know some guys who'd be eager to oblige. I sucked one of 'em off just a couple nights ago actually. God, his cum tastes good, and he shot such a huge load in my mouth that I couldn't even swallow it all and I choked and got jizz all over my tits." Quite a few people turned around at that remark. I just sank lower in my seat and turned as red as my hair.

"Okay, okay, just keep it down, everybody's looking at us."

"So what?" Ruby locked eyes with a rather lanky, pimple-faced guy a couple rows down and then drooled a large gobbet of spit onto her right nipple, which she then started to rub sensually into her breast through her t-shirt. She blew the guy a kiss and mouthed, 'let's fuck', to him.

Before this could go on too much longer I reached across her chest to still her hand, cupping her tit in the process. "Could you please stop it?" I asked her, with an embarrassed smile on my face, admittedly amused by her lurid antics.

"You want some too, bay-bay? Plenty to go around," Ruby said, as she shook her spectacular chest from side to side.

"Ladies!" Uh-oh. Hank, our lecturer, had spotted us. "We're currently discussing Backdraft by Ron Howard, not Backdoor by Ron Jeremy. I know that might be a little confusing for you, but do you think you could pay a bit more attention so you don't make the mistake again?" That got a laugh from the theatre, and got us to settle back in our seats, both a little embarrassed this time.

After Hank had gotten back into the lecture, Ruby said to me, finally in more of a subdued tone, "In all seriousness, I still think you should find somebody with a dick, put it in your mouth, and don't stop sucking until they propose to you."

"Okay... I guess it kind of makes sense... Well, it's not such a bad idea I suppose. I don't have to have sex with him and he still gets his rocks off, well, that is if my technique isn't so bad he gets bored and falls asleep first."

"Good god, girl, it's not rocket science. But if you're really so worried about it, I can call up the gang tonight and we'll..."

"No, no, don't do that. Going out dancing and grinding my butt against random guys in nightclubs is one thing, but I don't think I'm ready to start having orgies just yet, thank you very much. Besides, I only just broke up with John today and I don't even really feel like going out tonight to be honest."

"Alright, bay-bay, we'll drown you in delicious cock some other time," Ruby said, with a teasing look in her eyes. "You should still at least study blowjobs or something. You like looking at porn, so why don't you just spend all night tonight turning your eyes square watching gigs and gigs of babes like us shovelling enough pork down their throats to feed the Chinese army? Maybe you'll pick up a few pointers here and there. I'm sure your roommate, Jess, won't mind."

"Heh, maybe you're right. And Jess is sleeping over at one of her friend's places tonight, so I'll have the dorm room to myself."

"Perfect! And I know I'm right. AND it's Friday tomorrow! Let's go out tomorrow night and try and find you someone to test out what you learn tonight on."

"I don't know if that'll happen, but I'm up for going out tomorrow at least."

"Awesome. It's a date then."

----------------------------------------------------

Ruby and I finished our classes for the day and said our goodbyes, with her making me promise I'd spend the evening watching porn (I know, I know, tough promise to make). I got back home, unlocked the door and entered to an empty dorm room. After putting down my bags and getting myself tidied up I went straight to Jess's computer. Oh yeah, a quick history lesson about Jess first...

Nearly two months ago, my old roomie, Kara, ended up moving out of the dorm and in with her boyfriend. I was sad to see her go, as she was an excellent roommate and a pretty good friend. Very soon after, Jess moved in. Jess is pretty cool I suppose, but I haven't really gotten to spend much time with her yet because she's always going out partying or hanging with friends or doing God knows what... She usually gets back in the wee hours of the morning when I'm asleep and crashes until 15 minutes before her first class, which she's always late for because she spends about 10 minutes in the shower first. From what little time I've spent with her, I've gotten the impression that she's a bit of a hornbag, often telling me about her latest sexual conquest (I think she'd get on well with Ruby). Most importantly though for our roomie relationship, she's very generous, and promotes a 'what's mine is yours' policy. So she's working out well so far...

Anyway, Jess's computer is faster than mine, so I'm sure she won't mind me borrowing it for the night. I didn't have any studying or projects that needed doing right away, so I fired up the search engine and typed in 'blowjobs'. I have to admit, talking about it all day with Ruby had gotten me pretty horny by this point, so I figured I ought'a watch some porn and beat off tonight before bed anyway otherwise I'd be tossing and turning all night. I scrolled down until I found a thumbnail that looked promising and opened up the video site.

I sat there mesmerised for an hour or two, slowly stroking my cock and dipping the occasional finger or two into my damp pussy. I usually stick to pretty standard missionary-type porn: girl gets naked, gives the guy a quick handy or a quick suck and then gets fucked in her pussy until they cum. The end. But tonight I was making an effort to focus on the blowjobs, and I've got to say, I was finding some pretty saucy stuff. Girls deepthroating guys and leaving slimy ropes of saliva dripping down the guy's balls, girls getting shot in the face after a good facefuck with thick coatings of sperm, two girls sharing a cock at the same time and then swapping the man's load back and forth in sensual, slimy kisses before swallowing all that delicious-looking sperm right down their throats. Holy Hell, watching those scenes was hot, and so unlike the kind of softer porn I'd previously only ever exposed myself to. In fact, looking down at my own cock, with a shiny bead of pre peeking up at me from the very tip of my knob, I was beginning to wish there was someone around to give a blowjob like one of those to me. But alas, there was no-one here but me... A really naughty idea suddenly struck me and I typed 'self-sucking' into the search engine. Immediately I was struck by the words 'auto-fellatio', and images of flexible men sucking on their own dicks, as well as dozens of cartoon images of girls with monstrous cocks of their own swallowing themselves with ease and shooting bucketloads of cum all over their faces and tits. This I had to explore some more...

A half-hour later I was fully up to speed on the Japanese futa fetish, and hornier than ever. How I had never heard of this before I have no idea, but fuck was it hot. Seeing girls with big cocks just like me stroking themselves and sucking on their own dicks made up my mind. I had to try that myself. After all, if I practised sucking cock on myself that'd be such a better way of finding out what worked and what didn't. That, and my throbbing rod was aching by this point. Honestly, I had to have release. I had to put my cock in my mouth and suck on it until I came. Just like in those videos, I had to shoot this load of cum building up inside of me all over a pretty girl's face and down her throat, and that pretty girl was going to be me.

I stood up and stripped completely naked, my bare flesh already slick with sweat in anticipation, then jumped in the shower to prepare myself for my upcoming session of debauchery. As the hot water caressed my body I took the soap and began to lather my tingling body. It seemed my hands had developed a mind of their own because they started rubbing my swollen tits before I could even think about what I was doing. I squeezed my nipples and rubbed my soft curves until I could feel something warm and slick start to run down my thighs. I lowered my hands, gently guiding them over my trembling stomach, until one soapy hand was wrapped around my throbbing dick and the other was softly nestled in my weeping pussy, and I started pumping. Slowly at first, but the excitement was unbearable and I began to get faster and faster, two fingers dripping with water, soap and pussy juice slamming in and out of my cunt and my other hand squeezing my fiery hot cock and pumping small spurts of precum out of its engorged purple head.

With more restraint than I ever thought I'd be able to muster, I stopped what I was doing and rinsed off the soap suds before turning off the water. My cock was angry and I could feel my testicles pulsing, full to bursting point behind my dripping labia, but I didn't want to waste all that precious cum by shooting it down the drain. I wanted to shoot it all into my mouth and let it slide down my throat.

The thought of swallowing the gigantic load of creamy, white cum I had stored up was enough to spur me to dry myself in a fury, wiping up my sopping wet pussy in the process. When I was satisfied I dashed over to my bed and sat on the edge, just staring at the glorious eight inches of throbbing, veiny cock I had sticking right up out of my lap. "Was I really going to go through with this?" I thought, but once again my hands told me exactly what the answer to that question was as they wrapped themselves around my hot shaft.

I started wanking myself off again with both hands, but slowly, just enough to keep my cock hard and the desire to blow foremost in my mind. I bent over, puckering out my lips as though I were leaning in for a kiss and stretched as far as I could go, until my trembling lips brushed the sensitive flesh of my swollen cock's head, and to my dismay realised that's as far as I could go.

I leant over until my back hurt and eagerly lapped at my dick with my tongue, but try as I might I couldn't fit it into my mouth. What was wrong? I couldn't stop now, I had to try something else. Another position maybe? Or more stimulation?

Suddenly I remembered that Jess has a dildo somewhere, which I've heard her use in the night sometimes when she thinks I'm asleep, and I ran over to her drawers, my rigid cock slapping me in the stomach with every bounce, leaving small splashes of pre on my skin. In the very bottom one I hit paydirt: dildos and vibrators galore. Jeez, I knew she was kinky, but there were enough toys in here to fuel an orgy. I pulled out a large, brightly coloured dildo (what's mine is yours, right, Jess?) and ran back over to the bed. When I got there I saw I had left a large wet patch of gooey pussy juice on my sheets. I went to sit down again, but before I could, I was struck by the musky aroma of that glorious liquid. I knelt down in front of the bed and brought my face in close to the moist spot, just taking in the intoxicating scent and staring at its glistening surface. My lips parted and in a flash I had my mouth buried in the sheets, just lapping up my sweet essence. Why had I never tried tasting myself before? My god, my juices tasted delicious, like slightly salty honey.

I sucked on the sheets until every last drop of that sweet nectar I could get out of it was drained and stood up, licking my lips and absentmindedly fingering myself. With my other hand I placed the dildo upright in the wet patch and sat down again. The thought of using lube was laughable at that point; the dildo slid straight into my cunt with practically no resistance at all I was so wet. As my bum touched the wet sheets, I stifled a scream as the dildo nearly brought me to orgasm right there. That large rubber shaft stretched out my vagina and filled it completely. Once I had lowered myself onto it entirely, there was nowhere left for it to go but to push into my cervix.

My dick was solid as a rock at that point, and was so engorged I'd swear it had grown another inch. As a result of my near vaginal orgasm there was now a steady trickle of precum oozing out of the tip of it. "Well, it's now or never," I said to myself, and I leant over again, this time easily brushing my lips against my throbbing knob. I pushed myself further, my tongue darting out and lubing up my slick knob, tasting the delicious precum as I went, and eagerly guiding it into my mouth as I descended. I still needed to get further! I bent my legs underneath me, taking care not to dislodge the dildo from my pussy and while kneeling down like this I wrapped my arms underneath my thighs, pulling myself down onto my cock. This was it! My face was so close I thought I was going to get burnt from all the heat radiating off my beautiful, swollen dick. I carefully took my right hand and gripped the base of my shaft and then started rubbing my knob all over my face, loving the feel of it as it brushed over my cheeks, passed underneath my nose, pressed against my eyelids and rubbed my forehead. Right, enough foreplay: time to do this.

I put my arm back underneath me, gripping my other wrist to get more force and put my lips just over the tip of my penis, lubing it up with my tongue as I did so. Then with one final push I pushed my head down, taking my cock into my mouth.