Why I Can't Wear Shorts

It was a beautiful summer day. The sun was out and shining. The sky was blue, without a cloud to be seen. It was in the high 80s.

George decided it would be a great time for a pool party and barbeque with a few of his close friends.

He'd just moved into a flat with Kim, his girlfriend of several years. Getting her to move in with him was not easy. She was a conservative girl, raised in a traditional Catholic family and taught that sex was a taboo topic, to be shared only with your spouse or your doctor.

George did not remember her ever swearing or even using a foul word. Kim would blush intensely if the topic of sex even came up in conversation. But with persistence and constant asking, George had convinced that that moving in with him was the right thing to do. They were even having sex now, maybe once or twice a week.

But it was as if God had blessed Kim for her modesty in personality, by giving her physical assets that were rather immodest. She was on the shorter side, about 5 foot 2 inches. But she was all woman. She had big ripe heaving breasts, which on her little frame, looked almost outlandish. She was more than "top heavy". She was "top off-balanced".

George and Kim's best friends were Jenny and Rick, a couple that George had known since High School. They fell in love as high school sweethearts. Rick was a boisterous x-football player, with a barreling chest and a square jaw. Jenny was cheerleader, with classic looks. Indeed, Jenny still looked the part. Blonde hair, blue eyes, an athletic slim body. Jenny brought her friend Carine from work, a dark haired girl with a reputation for talking dirty. George had once heard that she got into three-way phone sex session with her boss and his wife, and got a promotion out of it. Of course, that was a bit of a rumor.

Finally, George invited his childhood friend Josh. They had met in the sixth grade. Josh was a quite a nerd back then, and he hadn't really changed. They lived on the same block when they were young. Josh was still socially uncomfortable, and George liked to invite him to parties every once in awhile to be nice.

Physically, Josh wasn't little; he wasn't a sniveling dork or nerd. But he was awkwardly tall, almost six feet in height and very lanky. He was half Irish, so he had very pale white skin and freckles. He was also half Asian, so Josh's hair was darker and he could never really grow a beard. The combination did not turn out so well.

Everyone had arrived, except Josh. George had hotdogs and burgers sizzling on the barbeque. The stereo was blaring eighties glam music. Motley Crue. White Snake. They were lounging on lawn chairs by the pool. The girls had bathing suits on, and the guys had shorts and t-shirts. They had gone through a twelve pack of beers, and were quite buzzed.

"So where's your main man Josh?" Rick asked.

"Oh. Josh. Um, I don't know. He should be here." George said.

"Dude, your main man should here," Rick laughed. "I love his coke bottle glasses."

"He can't see anything, he's been that way since we were kids. He also has some problem with his back. Not the healthiest guy. He's never had a girlfriend. Or maybe he had one, but she had to go to the hospital, some medical problem, and he never had a girl after that. I can't remember her name." George said.

"Poor guy," Kim said, "I like Josh. He is very nice guy."

"But Dude, he is such a dork." Rick laughed.

"Don't be mean!" Jenny punched Rick.

"Ow! You hurt me," Rick Joked, "You really hurt me," he feigned.

"Of all the guys I could get, I'm with meathead. Remember I can hurt you in more ways than one." She grabbed for his crotch, but Rick closed his legs and moved to the side.

"Missed me!"

"Whoa, settle down guys, looks like you guys have had a lot to drink." George said.

"Here's to beer!" Rick laughed, downing his beer, and tossing the bottle into a trashcan. Jenny shook her head, laughing.

"I have to agree with you," Carine said, "I've only met Josh once at the mall and I thought he was a huge dork. I mean, what's up with the super baggy pants, and shirt? He's like a want-to-be-rap-star or something. Someone should tell him he's not a gangster rapper."

"That's his style." George said. "You know I've never seen him wear anything but baggy pants. He never wears shorts. Ever since sixth grade, he's always worn pants. I asked him about it, and he said, with this really quiet voice, 'I can't wear shorts.' I mean one time in college we went to Daytona Beach for Spring break. I invited him to come along, you know, just to be nice. It was 90 degrees, and he wore pants the entire time."

"Dude, the guy probably has a small dick!" Rick laughed. "Can't wear shorts or it'll show."

Kim and Jenny shook their heads. "You guys are mean." Kim said.

Carine piped up, a mischievous look on her face, "This is supposed to be a pool party. Let's trick him into wearing swim shorts and into going swimming with us."

"Sweet, dude, now that's an idea with potential for fun," Rick said.

"How are we going to do that?" George asked.

Carine again got a sly look on her face. "How about this? We spill something on his pants, like beer. And then George, you can offer him something to change into, like pants. But when he goes to change, we take his pants, and give him shorts. George, what's the shortest shorts you have?"

"That would be funny," George said, "But he won't fall for it."

"Guys, you are so mean. George, you won't let them do that!" Kim yelled. Inside though, she giggled at the thought of a grown man embarrassed by wearing little shorts.

"Don't worry honey, he might not even come today."

Ding-dong. The doorbell rang.

"Speak of the devil." Carine smiled.

"I'll be right back." George got up, and went into the house to let Josh in. They came back to the pool deck where everyone was sitting.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Rick whispered to Jenny.

Josh was in a sorry state. His loose clothes were covered with mud and dirt, and he had a strawberry bruise on his elbow. There was a small tear at the bottom of his baggy pants. He looked like he was about to cry. His skinny white arms looked pathetic.

"What happened," Kim said sympathetically, a look of concern on her face. She got up and offered him a towel, which he took. Josh and Kim smiled at each other.

Josh continued: "I fell. I was riding my three-speed over here. Sniff. I was riding along," he whined, "not minding anyone's business, and these butt holes in this red SUV came by. They threw a water balloon at me. And it hit me in the head, and I fell on the side of the road, into a puddle with mud. And it ruined my pants."

"Oh, poor guy!" Kim said.

"That was you, dude!" Rick exclaimed. Suddenly Rick started laughing uncontrollably.

Rick explained that about an hour before, he and Jenny were speeding down highway 44 heading to George's. Rick saw a biker with a ridiculous jacket on, and had thrown a water balloon at him for fun. Rick was the kind of guy who carried spare water balloons and even a confetti spray in his SUV to play pranks.

Josh's eyes teared up.

"Man, I really nailed you. Sorry bout that dude." Rick said, smirking.

"That wasn't nice," Kim glared at Rick.

"Look, Josh, why don't you get washed up," George offered, "I'll go get some band aids or something. I also have a change of clothes for you. You can take a shower if you want."

"Ok." Josh said, resigned. He turned and went into the house.

"Now's our chance. I want your tiniest shorts. George. I'm going to steal his clothes." Carine giggled. She and Rick smiled and laughed.

"You guys!" Kim yelled. "George!"

"Honey, they're just having fun." George laughed, getting into the fun.

Kim sat back, crossed her arms and sulked. "It's not right."

They heard the shower start. Carine and Rick crept into the house, and pulled out a pair of George's running shorts. The shorts were bright yellow and flimsy and extremely short, and were meant to be worn only with lycra shorts underneath.

Carine went to the bathroom, and used a pen to pop the lock open. Carine saw Josh's Jeans, shirt, and underwear on the toilet seat. She quickly grabbed them, and put the red shorts in their place. She also took Josh's glasses and the towels from the bathroom.

Carine and Rick came out to the pool deck triumphant.

"Look what we got," Carine said, dancing and laughing. She grabbed a beer and drank half of it in one gulp.

"Slow down Carine," Kim said.

"And look at this," Carine laughed, "He wears tighty whities. And they have his name written on the back of the strap. 'Josh O'Toole'. Toole! Haha." Everyone laughed, except Kim.

Kim felt bad, and looked down. But something caught her eye. The tighty whities had a huge hold on the right side, and they were all stretched out.

Jenny noticed the hole: "God, can't the guy afford new underwear."

Suddenly, they heard a scream.

"Guys! Guys! George! George!!! Where's my pants? Where's my shirt!! . . .Guys! Where's my glasses? Who took my glasses?"

They all laughed, except Kim.

Carine yelled back, "I left you some shorts, Josh boy, why don't you come out and take a swim with us."

"My pants! Where are my pants!"

"Come one Joshie boy, come out!"

Josh's head poked out of the house, looking onto the pool deck. He had a worried look on his face. "Give me back my pants!"

"No way," Carine said, "Come out and show us what you got, and I might consider it."

Kim covered her eyes, she was so embarrassed and felt very sorry for Josh.

"No way!" Josh said.

Carine got up, and snuck over to the doorway where Josh was.

"Just come out," she said, "we won't bite. At least not hard."

"If I come out, will you give me my pants? I also need my glasses, I can't see."

"Sure, I'll give you your pants if you come out. Why not?"

"Ok." Josh came out, with the shorts on, holding the bath mat in front of his crotch. He was skinnier than they thought. His chest was weak and scrawny looking. He had a ridiculous looking farmer's tan. His face and arms were red, but his body was totally white and pale. Josh had his sneakers on with white socks, which made him look even more outlandish.

"Here they are," Carine laughed, waving Josh's pants and shirt. She teased him and then threw his pants and shirt into the pool.

Josh jumped after them. As he did, Rick grabbed the bath mat and snapped it away. Josh tried to stop him but couldn't. There he was, scrawny white boy with a little pair of red running shorts on. He stood there, embarrassed, his face bright red.

They laughed, and laughed. But the laughing started to die down. And then silence. No one said a thing.

"What.... what.. how... oh my God . .. what is that?" Kim asked, confused, pointing to Josh's leg. She looked at Jenny, whose jaw was wide open. She looked at George and Rick, who were dumbfounded.

Hanging from the right side of Josh's shorts was a large fat appendage, dark flesh in color, clinging to his right leg. It was almost half as thick as his skinny leg, and nearly a foot long. Despite its length it looked shriveled from its full potential, and there were folds of skin up and down its shaft.

"Holy fuckin' donkey schlong," Carine exclaimed, dropping her beer bottle. It clanked on the ground. "You really live up to the name ‘O'Toole'."

Coming out of the left side of the red running shorts, was the bottom large sack, swollen, a large nut sack. There was a large pulsing vein on the sack. Kim felt faint. Kim thought the vein was pulsing in the same rhythm as her heart. Bump bump. Bump bump. Bump bump.

"Darn it. This is why I can't wear shorts." Josh sighed.

"Where did you get that?," Kim said, her eyes fixed on Josh's penis. "That is the largest prick I have ever seen..."

George turned and looked with disbelief at his girlfriend. Never had he heard Kim talk like this. Indeed, Kim was taken aback at her own words.

"Prick," Carine said, her mouth still open, now watering, "that's not a prick, that's a cock."

"Whatever, it is, it's something." Kim muttered.

"Where were you hiding that," Jenny said.

All this attention made Josh a bit horny, and his member lurched for a second, as blood pump in. It bounced up, and came down with a flesh on flesh thud against his leg. The girls gasped.

George was dumbfounded, here he was with his girlfriend and his good friends, all staring at dorky Josh's penis.

Carine took over: "Now, I know why you don't wear shorts. Why don't you come over here big boy?"

Josh paused.

"Come over here, now."

Josh hobbled toward Carine, his massive appendage slowly filling up with blood.

"Have you ever seen something this size?" Carine asked. "Jenny? Kim?" Both of the girls shook their heads.

"How big is it?" Jenny asked Josh.

"I dunno. I've never measured or anything. No girl has ever wanted to touch it. I had a girlfriend once, but when I showed it to her, she fainted, and hit her head bad. She never wanted to see me again."

"Really?" Kim asked. "If I was your girlfriend, I would touch your giant penis."

George was in shock.

"You would?" Josh asked.

"Yeah," Kim shrugged, "I mean isn't that what girlfriends do? I touch George's peepee all the time. Though it's no where near this size."

"Honey!" George exclaimed.

"Why don't we take off your shorts, so we can get a full view." Carine suggested with a nasty smile on her face. The rest of the girls nodded in agreement.

Even Rick was impressed, saying "Dude, if you got it, flaunt it."

Josh started to pull the red shorts down. They came down over his large penis, the head of it struggling free like a snake freeing itself from captivity. As he pulled the shorts to his knees, his penis bounced out, swaying to and fro. Just as he got the red shorts to his ankles, Carine rushed up and pushed Josh into the pool. As he fell, his cock seemed suspended in air, a large phallus flying through space. His whole body fell into the pool with a splash; his cock followed, creating a splash of its own.

The girls busted out laughing, as did Rick. Josh struggled in the water, until he popped through the surface.

"What was that for?!" He said.

"That's for having a donkey schlong." Carine laughed.

"And look, the head, his cockhead is floating to the surface," Kim exclaimed. Sure enough, the head of Josh's cock, floated up and broke the surface. "It's like a massive submarine surfacing!" Kim marveled.

"Enough of this," George demanded, "This is mean. Josh, put your clothes on."

"George, please don't be mad because Josh is -- well, special and much larger than you." Kim said.

"No, this is stopping right now," George said.

"Don't tell us what to do," Carine snapped. "For all we know, you and Rick have small peckers, and don't want to be embarrassed."

Rick piped up, "I'm no where near as large as Josh. But, brother I ain't small."

"That's true," Jenny sighed. "They say the smaller the brain, the bigger the dick. Go ahead, Rick, show them. We're among friends."

Rick shrugged, and dropped his shorts. His penis was a bit above average, maybe 4 inches flaccid – probably 7 or 8 inches hard.

By this time, however, Josh had gotten out of the pool, completely naked, except for his white basketball shoes. His fat cock was semi-hard, and pointing out but weighed down like an overweight banana. Next to Josh, Rick looked somewhat small.

The girls were mesmerized.

"I don't understand," Kim said, looking down.

"What?" Carine asked.

"Look at them." Kim said.

"Yeah, donkey schlong Josh and donkey brain Rick." Jenny piped in, as she and Carine started laughing.

Kim turned to George, "But you're so much, well, smaller. You told me you were large."

Everyone looked at George.

"I'm decent sized." George said.

"Prove it." Carine said.

"Yeah prove it," Jenny said.

Even Rick stated, "Hey I'm naked, you should be too. Show the girlies what you got. Go ahead and frighten them."

Everyone joined the chorus – come on, take it off!

George looked around. He took off his shirt very slowly. He took off his shorts, then his boxers.

His penis stuck straight out. Like a Vienna sausage out of a can. His balls were normal sized, but that made his penis look even smaller.

"Jeeze, Kim, he is small. Quite a little dick." Jenny said. Everyone paused.

Kim said, "Well, maybe we should measure them. Maybe it's an optical illusion. You know, things look bigger on Josh, cause he's a skinnier lankier guy. George is a bit overweight so things must look smaller on him. We should measure."

The girls all nodded their heads.

George could not believe this. His girlfriend and her friends were about to measure his penis, and compare it to Josh's elephant dong. He was speechless. Before he could say anything, Kim was on her knees with a ruler next to Josh's Phallus.

"Can you hold this thing up while I measure," Kim asked. Carine obliged and lifted Josh's cock to about a 45-degree angle. Kim pushed the ruler onto it.

"Oh my god -- 11 inches, soft." Kim said.

Jenny yelled over, she had a ruler next to Rick, who was smiling, with a look that said, this is actually kind of fun.

"4 and a half inches soft. Not bad Rick boy." Jenny said.

"You should actually call it 4.8 inches." Rick added.

"Now it's little, I mean now it's George's turn." Kim said. She walked over to him, secretly hoping he would be at least as large as Rick. She pushed the ruler into his stomach to get the best measurement.

"That can't be right." Kim said, looking at the ruler, and had a confused look on her face. She thought her boyfriend's penis could not be that small.

Carine and Jenny walked over.

"Oh the ruler is right, alright," Carine said, "One and a half inches. Pretty pathetic."

"Now wait a minute," Kim thought aloud, "maybe smaller penises get more out of being hard. I mean George may be smaller when soft, but maybe he grows more when he's hard. And maybe Josh doesn't grow at all."

The girls looked at each other and smiled.

Jenny ran over to Rick and started to massage his cock.

Carine ran over to Josh and touched his massive dong.

Kim looked at George, then looked at Carine jacking Josh's cock, then at George.

"Honey, George, do you mind if I help Carine. I might never get to touch something like this again. And you can, you know, do it yourself," Kim said. Without letting George have time to object, Kim walked over to Josh and put her hand on his shaft.

George started to touch himself. He was immediately hard.

Rick was easily aroused as well, and became quickly engorged.

Josh's cock also grew, but more slowly, more ominously. Carine and Kim each had a hand on the phallus, and were pumping it slowly, squeezing. Neither could get their full hand around it. Both of them were looking right at the cock, almost with love. Carine and Kim had their other hands on each of Josh's massive balls. Kim's hand was massaging the right testicle, like one of those rubber stress balls, only larger and more malleable. Carine was doing the same with the left testicle.

Josh's cock grew and grew like a flesh-colored party balloon -- it was shocking in length and size. The girls all looked at each other, smiling, almost nervously.

George could feel his testicles tightening into his body as he stroked himself. There was an involuntary contraction. And another. No I shouldn't, not yet, he thought. He closed his eyes.

Meanwhile, Carine and Kim had started to pump faster and faster on Josh's cock. They kept a steady rhythm on it. It was solid, like a might oak. Carine and Kim also squeezed harder on his large grapefruit-like balls.

"I love your donkey dong, Josh!" Carine encouraged him.

"Yes, I do to." Kim said.

George opened his eyes. He could not stand it. Here were two gorgeous women, one of them his sweetheart girlfriend, jerking their hands up and down on a foot and half of schlong meat. He felt a contraction, another.